What do you do?
(Some of you may remember) I met a girl on New Year's eve last year. We became (over the next few months) best friends. Real best friends. We went out almost every day. We talked on the phone when we didn't see each other in person. She was my best friend. I was hers.
After 4 months we started dating. Things moved too fast and in the wrong direction. I fell in love with her, but while she said she loved me, she wasn't "in love" with me. It ended five or so months ago.
I was (again, as some of you may remember) completely devistated. She (I still feel) was the love of my life. And yes I know how that sounds. But I am 29 years old, was married for 7 years ... I do know what real love is.
In the last five months I felt like I moved on somewhat. I dated others, and in fact had a date tonight with a girl I like. But none of these girls I've dated have made me feel even one tenth of the way I felt about her. Not even close.
After 5 months of "space" she called me tonight out of the blue. She said she had a nightmare about running into me. She said it felt like the longer she waited to call me the harder it would be to do it. She said she had wanted to call me for a while now. She said she has finally gotten her shit together and she is for the first time in a long time happy.
She wants to try and be friends again. I told her I didn't know. I told her I am still in love with her and that I probably always would be. That I didn't know if I could handle going back to just friends.
She made a point of not talking about getting back together. I made a point of saying a few times that I knew she didn't want to (and she niether confirmed or denied it).
I have no idea. Honest to god, no idea, how I will react to seeing her. I do know that there is a 99.999% chance that I will just have my heart ripped out again if we do meet again.
I need some advise. I honestly don't have a clue what to do here. If I meet her and try to be friends it will just crush my heart. If I don't I will have really lost my best friend forever and regret not finding out for the rest of my life.
I swear to god just thinking about it is making me shake ...