When the Ex Girlfriend Calls ...

[Rod Nunley]

What do you do?

(Some of you may remember) I met a girl on New Year's eve last year. We became (over the next few months) best friends. Real best friends. We went out almost every day. We talked on the phone when we didn't see each other in person. She was my best friend. I was hers.

After 4 months we started dating. Things moved too fast and in the wrong direction. I fell in love with her, but while she said she loved me, she wasn't "in love" with me. It ended five or so months ago.

I was (again, as some of you may remember) completely devistated. She (I still feel) was the love of my life. And yes I know how that sounds. But I am 29 years old, was married for 7 years ... I do know what real love is.

Anyway.

In the last five months I felt like I moved on somewhat. I dated others, and in fact had a date tonight with a girl I like. But none of these girls I've dated have made me feel even one tenth of the way I felt about her. Not even close.

After 5 months of "space" she called me tonight out of the blue. She said she had a nightmare about running into me. She said it felt like the longer she waited to call me the harder it would be to do it. She said she had wanted to call me for a while now. She said she has finally gotten her shit together and she is for the first time in a long time happy.

She wants to try and be friends again. I told her I didn't know. I told her I am still in love with her and that I probably always would be. That I didn't know if I could handle going back to just friends.

She made a point of not talking about getting back together. I made a point of saying a few times that I knew she didn't want to (and she niether confirmed or denied it).

I have no idea. Honest to god, no idea, how I will react to seeing her. I do know that there is a 99.999% chance that I will just have my heart ripped out again if we do meet again.

I need some advise. I honestly don't have a clue what to do here. If I meet her and try to be friends it will just crush my heart. If I don't I will have really lost my best friend forever and regret not finding out for the rest of my life.

I swear to god just thinking about it is making me shake ...

Anyone?

[Beep Beep!]

See her, but tell her you are looking for partner. And if she isn't the one, then tell her you are investing your efforts elsewhere and do it.

[Craig C]

I agree with BeepBeep see her, but just remember that you are remembering her from before don't be surprised if you find you have different feelings toward her.

[Rod Nunley]

I agree with BeepBeep see her, but just remember that you are remembering her from before don't be surprised if you find you have different feelings toward her.

That's kind of what I'm thinking. I kind of lean twards meeting her in the hope that I will feel different after seeing her again. The only problem with that is it could totally backfire and I could feel stronger than I did ...

[batmanbooyah]

gotta move on dude. or find another chick. either/or. its hard to like someone like that, but a lot of it is emotions, and not facts. you have an emotion that she's the love of your life, not the fact that she is. it'd be a fact if she felt the same way, but it isn't. move on. i'd say don't see her, but you will. when you do, tell her whats on your mind, so when she rejects you, it hits home and stays there.


not trying to be a dick, you're a very nice guy from what i've read. just telling you the truth. you're bottling shit up, and it ain't good.

[Rod Nunley]

gotta move on dude. or find another chick. either/or. its hard to like someone like that, but a lot of it is emotions, and not facts. you have an emotion that she's the love of your life, not the fact that she is. it'd be a fact if she felt the same way, but it isn't. move on. i'd say don't see her, but you will. when you do, tell her whats on your mind, so when she rejects you, it hits home and stays there.


not trying to be a dick, you're a very nice guy from what i've read. just telling you the truth. you're bottling shit up, and it ain't good.

Not disagreeing but here are a couple of additional points.

A: I don't think the feelings have to be returned for them to be genine. I know she's not in love with me but it doesn't effect th way I feel for her.

B: She is aware of how I feel for her. I have made it pretty clear that I am still inlove with her and that's the reason I told her I'm not sure if we can be friends.

C: (this is more a question) How do you make love a fact? I don't get that part of your statement.

[batmanbooyah]

Not disagreeing but here are a couple of additional points.

A: I don't think the feelings have to be returned for them to be genine. I know she's not in love with me but it doesn't effect th way I feel for her.

B: She is aware of how I feel for her. I have made it pretty clear that I am still inlove with her and that's the reason I told her I'm not sure if we can be friends.

C: (this is more a question) How do you make love a fact? I don't get that part of your statement.

feel free to disagree, agree, whatever. it's your thread, speak your mind


a: it doesn't effect the way you feel for her, that's true. but if effects the way you feel, period. that ache in your chest is not something that's good.

b: but she still wants to meet up with you?

c: just my way of speaking/thinking. i view love as something mutual. if the other person doesn't feel the same way, i view it as an infatuation. thats just my opinion.

[Rod Nunley]

feel free to disagree, agree, whatever. it's your thread, speak your mind


a: it doesn't effect the way you feel for her, that's true. but if effects the way you feel, period. that ache in your chest is not something that's good.

b: but she still wants to meet up with you?

c: just my way of speaking/thinking. i view love as something mutual. if the other person doesn't feel the same way, i view it as an infatuation. thats just my opinion.

b: Yeah. I have no idea what to think of that either. Maybe she just wants to ignore that part of what I told her. Maybe she is thinking the same about me? I don't know...

c: Ah. I see what you're saying. But I use the example of children. A baby can't return your love. Hell, for all you know your dog isn't either ... but it doesn't change the way you feel about them.

[Rod Nunley]

a: it doesn't effect the way you feel for her, that's true. but if effects the way you feel, period. that ache in your chest is not something that's good.

I know. I have been a mess all night as it is. We were talking about taking a couple of days to think about it. I am so messed up right now.

She said she missed me and I am her best friend and that she is sorry she hurt me. I told her basiclly the same thing.

Our relationship was messed up because we moved to fast and were never on the same emotional page.

[Rod Nunley]

I wrote her this tonight after I had a chance to process her call:

"And I know that things didn't work out the way either of us wanted them to. I know now that I deserve someone who felt about me the way I think I will always feel about you. I understand now that I can't settle for anything less. And it breaks my heart every day that it can't be with you. But as much as I will always miss being the man in your life, it's not that I think of most often."

"I miss my best friend. And both the biggest regret and fear in my life that I may have lost her forever."