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Thread: Share Your Best Roommate Horror Stories

  1. #21
    Made Kensington's Avatar
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    Re: Share Your Best Roommate Horror Stories

    Actual Conversation:

    ROOMMATE: If you only had three days to live, what would you do?

    ME: (annoyed because I suspect the setup for an unwanted motivational lecture) Probably nothing much different. Why, what would you do?

    ROOMMATE: I'd kill a bunch of people and rape a bunch of women.

    ME:

    He wasn't kidding.
    Last edited by Kensington; 10-13-2006 at 12:29 PM.

  2. #22
    GODFATHER Evan the Shaggy's Avatar
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    Re: Share Your Best Roommate Horror Stories

    Oh gather round children, because I have stories for you.

    Freshman year of college. My roommate masterbates to the final horrific scene of Requiem for a Dream....while me and two of my friends are IN THE ROOM! With God as my witness, that experience is burned into the back of my head. I could never forget that even through hypnotic therapy.

    After college, I lived with a few other people, some I knew and some I didn't while I waited for a few of my friends to move out of their parents' place to get a cool apartment, which I'm currently at right now. Unfortunately, the people I didn't know creeped me out and at worst, made me want to bash their heads in with a tire iron.

    First there was Dudeman. Dudeman was a mechanic who was dirty as fuck, never did laundry, and had no common decency for anyone or anything. He was pissing everyone off in the house, but he was a cool dude to talk to and I got along with him until I ran into him one night near the fridge. He was drinking my milk. That's not a problem for me, except for the fact that he was drinking it right out of the fucking carton. Which also means that he had been doing that shit the entire time he had been living there since I never saw him buy groceries. I told him how disgusting that was and did he honestly need someone telling him that that wasn't cool or acceptable?

    Next, and thank God I only had to tolerate this one for about two weeks, there was the Fat Goth Chick. To fill Dudeman's place, the couple who owned the house, who were cool as hell and I still talk with all the time now that they live in Florida, rented out the apartment to a 38 year old fat woman who was also a goth named something along the lines of Ambrosia. It was such a weird name, you know she just changed her name to that considering she was whiter than I was. Now FGC, for short, was worse than Dudeman. I didn't think this possible but she really really was. She brought with her the most annoying fucking dog in the world and decided to put her cat's litter box right in the bathroom that we all shared. The dog, who was one of those frizzy puffy little dogs who never shut up. Barked constantly, at everything and everyone.

    Worst of all, FGC talked with her animals CONSTANTLY. Not just like, "Oh you're a good boy", but had full blown conversations with them as if they were responding to what she was saying. A couple of other good nuggets that she said from time to time included, "I wish they would just have another Katrina happen so everyone would shut up about the first one." "Where's all the dicks at?" "I need some cock" "I wish I could marry my dog."

    Guess which phrases she said at really inappropriate times...ALL OF THEM! Not to mention the fact that she walked around the house with her bathrobe open....with nothing underneath it. Thank Christ I was gone for every single time she did that, but I heard accounts and I knew I had to get the fuck out before she raped me. I seriously locked my door at night, terrified that she would barge in.

    Christ, I need a drink.

  3. #23
    Made MattJohnson's Avatar
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    Re: Share Your Best Roommate Horror Stories

    My roommate last year did a lot of coke and jumped out of our third floor window one night.

  4. #24
    Consiliere Gavin's Avatar
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    Re: Share Your Best Roommate Horror Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by Kensington
    Actual Conversation:

    ROOMMATE: If you only had three days to live, what would you do?

    ME: (annoyed because I suspect the setup for an unwanted motivational lecture) Probably nothing much different. Why, what would you do?

    ROOMMATE: I'd kill a bunch of people and rape a bunch of women.

    ME:

    He wasn't kidding.
    That's insane.

  5. #25
    GODFATHER Greenville 90210's Avatar
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    Re: Share Your Best Roommate Horror Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by JoeE
    My roommate my junior year came in at 3AM sloshed one night, stripped bare naked, and pissed on my rug. That rug really tied the room together.
    Guy or girl?









    No, really...

  6. #26
    The Midday Toker DAVE's Avatar
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    Re: Share Your Best Roommate Horror Stories

    Ok, call me Jack Tripper, because I live with two girls. The Jessicas. One Jessica is sorta new, and the other Jessica I've lived with the entire time (Old Jessica)
    Old Jessica and I had a former roommate before Second Jessica moved in. The former roommate is known as Bitchface McGee.
    So Bitchface McGee would bascially start fights in btween everyone. She's go to one person and say the other is talking shit about them, then go the other person and say the same. This we could live with, because we figured it out pretty quick.
    After awhile though Bitchface McGee stopped paying for things. This ofcourse was a problem.
    My girlfriend lives in the City and I tend to stay at her place a lot. I soon started realizing that I'd come home and brand new bottles of shampoo and conditioner were empty. I also realized that BFMcGee's empty shampoo bottle had been laying empty for a few weeks. It didn't take Batman to figure out this mystery (and he gets pissed if you call him for shampoo. Rich dick.) So, the next time I went to stay at my girl's, I turned all my shampoos and whatnot facing backwards. It just so happened that the day I came home, she was in the shower. As soon as she got out of the bathroom, I went in to look at my hair care products. Sure enough, they're all facing in different directions, and they're the only bottles tat are wet in the shower. I've caught her soapy handed. So I very nicely knock on her door and say "Hey, I know you're tight for cash now, I jsut wanna tell you that if in a pinch if you need to use some of my shampoo and stuff, that's cool, but you have to get some of your own eventually and stop using mine all the time please." Which I thought was pretty reasonable.
    Moments later she comes storming into my room, screaming about what an asshole I am and the only reason she was using my stuff was to get back at me for not thanking her for cleaning the common room. The common room that we all use, because it's a,uh,common room.
    A couple of weeks later she moved in with her boyfriend that she had met a few days earlier on the internet. I wish them all the luck.
    Honestly this was just the tip of the ice burg, she was horrible everyday.


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  7. #27
    Made Kensington's Avatar
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    Re: Share Your Best Roommate Horror Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by Gavin
    That's insane.
    No, no. See, he only had three days left, and he wanted to get the rapes and murders in before he ran out of time.

    (still gives me the heebie jeebies)

  8. #28
    GODFATHER Greenville 90210's Avatar
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    Re: Share Your Best Roommate Horror Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Beranek
    My worst roommate ever was this dopehead....he told me he was gonna go take the rent money in...and I use to have a lot of cash from delivering pizzas...so I gave him my share in cash...and it turns out..."rent" was actually his weekly weed fix so he didn't use the cash for rent...and we almost got evicted. Kid was nuts. He failed out of school and drove a bus with an audio tape of the movie Scarface playing all the time....and every now and then...this one-armed chick would come over and bang him. Those were strange times. Kid would write on the walls with detergent and constantly have a blacklite on trying to paint in his "other world".
    Dude smokes weed and acts like that? That's fucking sad.

  9. #29
    A Real Mensch Jew Mafia's Avatar
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    Re: Share Your Best Roommate Horror Stories

    i lived with a girl whose last name was Stalker. Not that I need to say anymore really, but when she finally moved out, she emailed me threats that she was having a "hit" put out on me.

  10. #30
    Consiliere Gavin's Avatar
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    Re: Share Your Best Roommate Horror Stories

    Quote Originally Posted by Kensington
    No, no. See, he only had three days left, and he wanted to get the rapes and murders in before he ran out of time.

    (still gives me the heebie jeebies)
    That's even freakier.

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