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Oh gather round children, because I have stories for you.
Freshman year of college. My roommate masterbates to the final horrific scene of Requiem for a Dream....while me and two of my friends are IN THE ROOM! With God as my witness, that experience is burned into the back of my head. I could never forget that even through hypnotic therapy.
After college, I lived with a few other people, some I knew and some I didn't while I waited for a few of my friends to move out of their parents' place to get a cool apartment, which I'm currently at right now. Unfortunately, the people I didn't know creeped me out and at worst, made me want to bash their heads in with a tire iron.
First there was Dudeman. Dudeman was a mechanic who was dirty as fuck, never did laundry, and had no common decency for anyone or anything. He was pissing everyone off in the house, but he was a cool dude to talk to and I got along with him until I ran into him one night near the fridge. He was drinking my milk. That's not a problem for me, except for the fact that he was drinking it right out of the fucking carton. Which also means that he had been doing that shit the entire time he had been living there since I never saw him buy groceries. I told him how disgusting that was and did he honestly need someone telling him that that wasn't cool or acceptable?
Next, and thank God I only had to tolerate this one for about two weeks, there was the Fat Goth Chick. To fill Dudeman's place, the couple who owned the house, who were cool as hell and I still talk with all the time now that they live in Florida, rented out the apartment to a 38 year old fat woman who was also a goth named something along the lines of Ambrosia. It was such a weird name, you know she just changed her name to that considering she was whiter than I was. Now FGC, for short, was worse than Dudeman. I didn't think this possible but she really really was. She brought with her the most annoying fucking dog in the world and decided to put her cat's litter box right in the bathroom that we all shared. The dog, who was one of those frizzy puffy little dogs who never shut up. Barked constantly, at everything and everyone.
Worst of all, FGC talked with her animals CONSTANTLY. Not just like, "Oh you're a good boy", but had full blown conversations with them as if they were responding to what she was saying. A couple of other good nuggets that she said from time to time included, "I wish they would just have another Katrina happen so everyone would shut up about the first one." "Where's all the dicks at?" "I need some cock" "I wish I could marry my dog."
Guess which phrases she said at really inappropriate times...ALL OF THEM! Not to mention the fact that she walked around the house with her bathrobe open....with nothing underneath it. Thank Christ I was gone for every single time she did that, but I heard accounts and I knew I had to get the fuck out before she raped me. I seriously locked my door at night, terrified that she would barge in.
Christ, I need a drink.
Originally Posted by Kensington
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