Dear Idiot...

[Dan Slott]

Here's the deal...
When you're a "pro" in the industry, you're EXPECTED to act professionally. You're expected to be above it all, to let things slide, and to allow some fans to get away with being... well... @$$holes. But every now and then one of them is behaving like such a COMPLETE TOOL that I feel the need to write a strongly worded post... And those posts usually start with the words:

Dear Idiot...

Whenever I take the effort to write a "Dear Idiot" post, by the time I get to the end I usually laugh it off and toss the darn thing into trash. Well, today's a first...

Because the idiot-in-question has been SO HISTORICALLY STUPID that I can't bring myself to delete my response. So here goes... My first EVER "Dear Idiot" post that's actually making it onto the internet.

It goes out to "tikkiparadise" one of the staunchest detractors of the current SHE-HULK book. A poster here at Jinxworld forwarded me a recent post of his from a certain li'l Yahoo group. Here's an excerpt from one of his regular diatribes:

"Given the way Slott was crowing about how well "She-Hulk" was doing
in sales and how solid the book was, and how it had 'made it' and
was safe and sound, I have to wonder just how much of what he said
was true. It sounded a bit like somone whistling through the
graveyard to me."

"Those who recieve Diamond's "Previews" at their comics shop, do me a
favor. Pick up the July 2006 issue and turn to page 16. Take a
look at the April 2006 top 100 comics. Does it reflect that
Slott's "She-Hulk" is selling like hotcakes as described? Does it
even appear that the book did well that month? Did "She-Hulk"
outsell Aquaman: Sword of Atlantis? Did Slott's "She-Hulk" do
better than Firestorm: The Nuclear Man #24? Did sales on
Slott's "She-Hulk" come anywhere *near* the sales on Ms. Marvel #2?

The answer is no. In fact, Slott's "She-Hulk" did not even make the
top 100 list at all for April. How's that for a book that's "doing
so well" and "safely out of danger?" I can't spin the same BS that
Slott can and blind you with a snowstorm of double-talk, I can only
point out solid evidence that you can readily find at your disposal
at any comics shop anywhere. I suppose that's why I'm the nobody
and Slott's the darling of the fan boards. But take a look for
yourself, sometime, and see what the actual solicits show versus
what Slott usually tries to spin. You might be amazed at the
yawning chasm of difference between the two. Most people here have
been immunized to Slott's infection of BS, so it's probably not news
here, but I have to wonder what the talking heads at some of the
other boards would do if confronted with facts instead of fantasy.
Diamond has no bias. They show what sold well and what didn't.
Simple as that. Or could it be possible that Slott would try to
attack them as he does anyone who criticizes his interpretation
of "She-Hulk?" Wouldn't that be amusing to see?

As they say on Dragnet: "Just the facts, maam."

SJ"

Ahem...

Dear Idiot,
You got me. SHE-HULK didn't place in April's Top 100. Or even in the Top 300. Maybe that's because SHE-HULK didn't come out in April.

However, when issues #7 and #8 DOUBLE-SHIPPED in May they both sold better than FIRESTORM: THE NUCLEAR MAN. And #8 (the Civil War cross-over issue) outsold MS. MARVEL. (That's not really fair with the CW bump and all-- but it's fun to say anyway).

Tossing out the CW tie-in issue, the regular issues are tracking higher than their counterparts from the PREVIOUS volume of SHE-HULK. So Marvel's relaunch plan was successful after all. The current TPB has (like all previous SHE-HULK TPBs) placed in the TOP 20. And that would be according to Diamond... idiot.

[Dusty]

I needed a good laugh. Thanks, Dan! Oh, by the way, She-Hulk #9 was absolutely gut busting hysterics, and I hope it continues outselling Ms. Marvel.

[Dingo]

That post was fairly eloquent given how, there is no nice way to say this, completely stupid it is.

Eloquent and stupid are rarely seen together.

When I see a venomous post without structure, grammar or even an attempt at spelling that contains obvious factual error, it is easy to dismiss as having originated from a simpleton. When I see an eloquent and well structured post that has either no thought put behind it, or far more likely, malicious intent by ignoring facts (no She-Hulk that month), I just get annoyed.

So congratulations to tikkiparadise, you win the innaugural Dingo "Tool of the Month" award. I suspect it will be the only accolade you will ever see. Cherish it.

[Patrick King]

Dear Idiot,
You got me. SHE-HULK didn't place in April's Top 100. Or even in the Top 300. Maybe that's because SHE-HULK didn't come out in April.

One word:

PWNED!!!!

[Miss Kitty Fantastico]

I hear the Civil War miniseries didn't sell at all in April, either. Man, Marvel must be really tanking at the moment, huh?

Of course, the guy who told me that went on to explain that "Bizarro am using bizarro logic for interpret of stats..."

[el_abuelo]

Wow, that guy's misuse of stats is really similar to some of our 3erd world dictators...

Keep up the wondeful work Dan!

[Angel of Distraction]

Perhaps if Tikkiparadise beleives you are not living up to quality expectations on She-Hulk, a better use of his time would be to get out there and submit his own pitch. I don't care for the direction of most capes comics at the moment, so I decided to co-write one that does a lot of left field things with the concept. Then again, this Tikki fellow seems much more like someone who can talk pretty, but prefers to set back and let others do the work.

I was just re-reading Busiek's Conan, and he seems like the type of action-less person that character would love. Since he already lives in a fantasy world, let's give him to Conan.

[Elijya]

:::clap clap clap:::

[hulkfan]

Here's tikkiparadise's response when he noticed his error:


"Actually, just to clarify: She-Hulk #7 didn't appear on the top 100
list for April because there WAS no She-Hulk comic that month. It
missed the deadline and didn't show up until the following month
(where it actually did make the list, along with the regular issue
for May, #8, which did make the deadline).

I don't regularly read comics I don't like (such as She-McBeal) when
they first hit the shelves and didn't realize She-Mcbeal was late,
therefore, I goofed. I admit it. I yell it from the rooftops. I
was wrong! My ego can take the hit. I don't need to confuse people
with elaborate "voodoo economics" style rationalizations until their
eyes glaze over on why I am completely right when I'm obviously
wrong. I don't need to talk down to them at message boards or have
them demonized for whatever I can pull out of their closets in order
to distract people from the fact that I am wrong. I don't need to
throw a tantrum like a spoiled rotten 4-year-old with a load in his
diaper and storm off the site when I make a mistake. Yes, folks, a
certain "professional" writer is a breed apart from your average
lowly fan-fic poster and pervy scribe.

Anyway, looks like She-McBeal is popular with some and, again, DID
make the top 100 list in the following Previews (though when the new
Spider-Woman monthly comes out its going to be ALL OVER for She-
McBeal! Gonna shut that crap down for good when people see what
they could have been getting). So hooray for crap. She-Crap sold
well and is better than a Hattori Hanzo sword at a Texas flea
market. Go crap, go.

We cool?

SJ"

[Olivier E.]

he's spending a lot of time for something he ain't interested in