Inspired by this week's Jenkins Column...Dating Hell!

[Brad N.]

So this week's Flogging a Dead Horse column was hilarious as always. Read it here...http://www.newsarama.com/general/Flo...logging20.html

Now then, here's my thought. Feel free to share your dating horror stories (I'm sure most of us have one). I'll get the ball rolling:


So I turned 21 in July of 1997 and this little story begins a few months later in October. Now, for those who don't live in Minnesota October is a notoriously wishy washy month here. One year we get a massive snowstorm and freezing temps all month, still others (lately, thank you global warming) it's lovely until mid November. In 1997 it was kind of up and down and the night this story takes place it was probably around 40 degrees. So I'm at my local nightclub drinking it up with my pals and I run into this girl I went to high school with. I had the hots for her then but was too chickenshit to say anything. She didn't quite look as hot as her high school days, but who does, right? So she says hi to me and asks me to have a drink. We get to talking and my best friend sits to chat with her best friend. After hours of heavy alcohol consumption the girl is of course getting better looking and everything she's saying I agree with.

By closing time we are ushered out the door together and my buddy is making out with her friend. My buddy is the most sober of the bunch and at this point the girl and her friend inform us they don't have a car here so they need a ride home. Okay, fine. So we get some gas and start out and the girl says "Hey, you guys want to go skinny dipping?" Now, I've always been a more reserved fellow and never even thought of doing something like this before, but thanks to booze I was happy to do it. So the four of us drive down to the lake and start getting undressed. The girl and I are already in the water as I see my buddy staring at his date's ginormous granny panties. We're talking bloomers, kids. My buddy instantly starts to walk back to the car. After a few minutes we all pile our soaking wet asses into his car and head back to my house for some reason.

Almost immediately the girl drags me to my bed and about 15 feet away from the other two begins to tear my clothes off and we start to go at it. I never saw my buddy leave, but soon the girl he was with until the bloomers moment comes over and whispers in my girl's ear. At this point I'm starting to sober up a little, not a lot, just enough to say no to what was asked next. My girl says "My friend thinks you're hot and wants to join in." I swear to God folks, I'm not making that up. That was my one and only time in my life I ever had the chance at a threesome...and I said no. In my head it was because I too saw the huge panties, and now saw just how hideous she was up close (probably why my buddy left) but I told them "Nah, baby, I'm only into you."

So her friend leaves and I guess catches a cab home or walks or something, I don't really know. Needless to say about five minutes later the two of us pass out and I wake up around five in the morning wondering what the fuck happened the night before. A real coyote ugly moment. This girl wasn't hideous, but certainly didn't want her in my bed anymore. So I wake her ass up, and tell her I had to catch a bus (I didn't have a car either then) to my mom's house for a wedding.

Yes. I kicked her out of my house at 5:00 AM in wet clothes in October and made her walk home nearly 3 miles...barefoot! It turns out she left her shoes at the lake the night before. Yes folks, that was my biggest asshole male moment. What's worse is a couple weeks later I ran into her at the bar again and she was on my jock TEN TIMES harder. Seriously, for our ten minutes of pleasure you'd think I was Don fucking Juan or something the way she was acting. I spent the next several months avoiding her like the plague every time I wanted a beer at my favorite spot until I finally got a job as a bouncer there...and had her 86'd. God, was I a dick.

[Ben]

That doesn't count as a date.

[Brad N.]

That doesn't count as a date.

You are correct, Ben. Allow me to modify. Post your date/one night stand from hell stories!

[Paul Jenkins]

At this point I'm starting to sober up a little, not a lot, just enough to say no to what was asked next. My girl says "My friend thinks you're hot and wants to join in." I swear to God folks, I'm not making that up. That was my one and only time in my life I ever had the chance at a threesome...and I said no.

What, are you fucking crazy? Shame on you!

[Blandy vs Terrorism]

What, are you fucking crazy? Shame on you!

Welcome to the board!

Stay away from Cathy.

[Brad N.]

What, are you fucking crazy? Shame on you!

Two words, Paul...granny panties.

By the way, it's good to see you. Hands down one of my favorite writers in the industry and I'm anxiously awaiting Frontline, man. Cheers! Oh, and a big belated congrats to you and the Mrs. on the birth of your son. I've got a 2 1/2 year old boy who rus my house, you've got a lot of fun ahead of you.

[The Roman Candle]

This should be bumped, because it's awesome.