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Thread: Life lessons. Or things the X-box 360 has taught me.

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  1. #1
    Hard Boiled noble's Avatar
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    Life lessons. Or things the X-box 360 has taught me.

    The french are evil. If you wander into a french speaking game of burnout revenge, they will all gang up on you, take you out 1560 thousand times during the race, and then squeal and giggle at you in their weird bird sounding language.

    Apparently 3/4's of online players only know two words. Fuck, and Fag.

    In the world of Elder Scrolls, punching a castle baronness in the face might seem like a funny idea at the time, but it really makes the 400 guards around you a tad, ummm, violent.

    On the other hand punching wildlife in the teeth never, NEVER gets old. You think it would but nope, still funny.

    If you see a glowing rock with strange ruins carved in it...Don't touch it! Or else you'll get spanked. And by spanked I mean your hand will turn into Saurons and that doesn't stand out at all at tea parties.

    I had no idea swamp trolls looked like orangoutans. I was thinking they'd be more...trolly. Shreck is full of shit.

    Jumping off the side of a mountian...will kill you to death.

    Also nodding off on the couch at 2 in the morning while trying to open chests on the side of a very steep cliff will give you a fatal case of the not breathings as well.

    Geometry wars, epilepsy inducer, nerve wracker, leftover from a seventies disco ball, greatest idea ever, or all of the above?

    If someone told me that a game about a frog puking up colored balls to stop an incan idol from eating his lunch would be fun, I would have kicked them in the dingly bits. However I would have been in the wrong. Zuma is not only an insane concept, it's very addictive.

    Girls watching the slow motion face rearranging, bone atomizer on Fight Night Round 3 can sometimes decide they need to show you what they had for lunch. While I too am a fan of the chinese cuisine, not so much that I need to see it on my carpet.

    If you beat up on the womens and eat people's ears the world will erase you from existence.

    The Strogg = the Borg. Oh and if you're standing on or around a jump platform, do NOT set a grenade down. It will only shoot into your face at 500 bazillion miles an hour.

    A Strogg trooper bursting through the wall can and will make you shit your pants.

    Quake apparently isn't a California faultline simulator, no matter what you might think.

    I understand the need to have violent spooky ass psychic flashes, but is it absolutely necessary to wait until the most tense, spooky part of the level to do it? They should have taught that at that fancy FBI school, mister profiler!

    For some reason dead bird skelektons are a great collectible in the world of Condemned. I keep them next to my doillie of the world collection. Skelektons is tm and copyright me.

    Crack heads and hobos are crazy. Anyone that comes busting through a wall just to throw an easy boy office chair at your face? Crazy.

    The germans are rabbits. I don't care how many I shoot in the face, there's always thirty thousand of them waiting around the next corner.

    Oh and I can't say Call of Duty without giggling. It sounds like you have to urgently go boom boom. Number one I order you to take a number two!

    Duty.

    Hee!

    I'm off to go become a house flower again. I'll see you all after my ass has set up roots.
    Last edited by noble; 04-09-2006 at 07:11 AM.

  2. #2
    Gunsel
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    Re: Life lessons. Or things the X-box 360 has taught me.

    Good list.

    I remember that the most important thing I ever learned from the SNES (from A link to the Past) was that if you stab a chicken with your sword about 20 times in a row other chickens will come flying at you and kick your ass.

  3. #3
    Hard Boiled noble's Avatar
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    Re: Life lessons. Or things the X-box 360 has taught me.

    Ah yes.

    Stabbing chickens in the taint, or turning them into a feathered football will indeed unleash the hounds of hell on your green leotard wearing ass.

    Nothing says hell on earth like a pack of pissed off chickens, that just happen to be beak level with your crotch.

  4. #4
    Hard Boiled noble's Avatar
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    Re: Life lessons. Or things the X-box 360 has taught me.

    Lesson # 517.

    Don't resist arrest by punching the officer in the throat.

    Bad things happen.

  5. #5
    GODFATHER YouStayClassy's Avatar
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    Re: Life lessons. Or things the X-box 360 has taught me.

    Quote Originally Posted by noble

    Girls watching the slow motion face rearranging, bone atomizer on Fight Night Round 3 can sometimes decide they need to show you what they had for lunch. While I too am a fan of the chinese cuisine, not so much that I need to see it on my carpet.
    As badly as I want Oblivion, I almost think I want Fight Night more just for this very feature. It's so hypnotizing in a beautifully violent way.
    "Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth."

  6. #6
    Hard Boiled noble's Avatar
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    Re: Life lessons. Or things the X-box 360 has taught me.

    Quote Originally Posted by YouStayClassy
    As badly as I want Oblivion, I almost think I want Fight Night more just for this very feature. It's so hypnotizing in a beautifully violent way.
    It's not for the faint of heart.

    The blood spewing, and the bonecrunching sounds are pretty extreme on the slow mo mashings.

  7. #7
    Banned Angel of Distraction's Avatar
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    Re: Life lessons. Or things the X-box 360 has taught me.

    Quote Originally Posted by noble
    It's not for the faint of heart.

    The blood spewing, and the bonecrunching sounds are pretty extreme on the slow mo mashings.
    [out of left field] Speaking of which, do you know any good colorists looking to get in on a project? [/out of left field]

  8. #8
    Banned Angel of Distraction's Avatar
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    Re: Life lessons. Or things the X-box 360 has taught me.

    That list made me laugh and cry, but mostly laugh.

  9. #9

    Re: Life lessons. Or things the X-box 360 has taught me.

    Geometry Wars is a tool of Satan. I couldn't stop playing for days until I reached the 1 million mark. I finally convinced myself I just didn't have the reflexes to do better than that anymore. It was either that or lose my jbo and never stop playing

  10. #10
    Hard Boiled noble's Avatar
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    Re: Life lessons. Or things the X-box 360 has taught me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Brad P
    Geometry Wars is a tool of Satan. I couldn't stop playing for days until I reached the 1 million mark. I finally convinced myself I just didn't have the reflexes to do better than that anymore. It was either that or lose my jbo and never stop playing
    1 million

    I can't get over 200,000 yet

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