Jim the Sicilian: Wheeler Dealer
My father retired many years ago and now spends some of his quality time working part-time at a local watering hole.
This is a job he takes very seriously.
SO seriously, in fact, that when he caught wind that a local Asian restaurant was doing some remodeling, he leapt (well...maybe more of a skip...I've never seen Jim get airborne under his own power) at the opportunity of acquiring some of the fixtures that were to be replaced.
Specifically...the urinals (I wish I was kidding).
That's right. Used urinals.
To replace the urinals at the watering hole he works at.
I've seen the pissers at this bar...there is nothing wrong with them that some Ajax, a large scouring pad, a fellow with keen janitorial skills, and a free afternoon couldn't fix.
However, mia padre didn't think that the folk at the restaurant would up and let him have the second-hand tinklers if they knew that his intentions were to have them transplanted to a bar's head...so he made up a cover story.
Which is the following:
My father told them that he wanted to take the urinals home and use them as planters in his backyard.
As he told me this tale, my dear, dear dad threw me a wink and said, "'Dis way they'll never get suspicious."