The One Post a Day Thread

[TIP]

A Tale from the TIP Archives:

Jim the Sicilian: Wheeler Dealer

My father retired many years ago and now spends some of his quality time working part-time at a local watering hole.

This is a job he takes very seriously.

SO seriously, in fact, that when he caught wind that a local Asian restaurant was doing some remodeling, he leapt (well...maybe more of a skip...I've never seen Jim get airborne under his own power) at the opportunity of acquiring some of the fixtures that were to be replaced.

Specifically...the urinals (I wish I was kidding).

That's right. Used urinals.

Why?

To replace the urinals at the watering hole he works at.

I've seen the pissers at this bar...there is nothing wrong with them that some Ajax, a large scouring pad, a fellow with keen janitorial skills, and a free afternoon couldn't fix.

However, mia padre didn't think that the folk at the restaurant would up and let him have the second-hand tinklers if they knew that his intentions were to have them transplanted to a bar's head...so he made up a cover story.

Which is the following:

My father told them that he wanted to take the urinals home and use them as planters in his backyard.

(pause)

As he told me this tale, my dear, dear dad threw me a wink and said, "'Dis way they'll never get suspicious."

Right.

T

[TIP]

From today's Pioneer Press:

Tainted: To the individual(s) who caused the African Grey Parrot to be removed from the HarMar Pet Store because they repeatedly accused the owner of abusing/mistreating the bird and would not accept the explanation that Smoky was under a vet's care. The vet has tried hormone treatments and dietary changes on the bird, but Smoky continues to periodically pull out his breast feathers for unknown reasons. You have caused my feathered friend to be taken from me and the many people who regularly stopped to see him. While you are to be commended for caring about him, it angers me that your tirades caused the bird to be removed.

If Smoky misses his visitors as much as we miss him, you have also done him a great disservice, for he now spends the day at home, alone.

http://www.twincities.com/mld/twinci...s/14069564.htm

[SimiBoyz]

BUBBLES THE NINJA : BUBBLES' IN TRUBBLE - PART 7

Previously:-

Quote:
Originally Posted by Perfect Despair
Bubbles is in trouble


Trying to figure this mystery out, Bubbles tried contacting his superhero friends but nobody was available or talking to him . He then turned to Downtown Hash Brown for help and they ended up getting drunk when Bubbles gets a voicemail from Batman saying that all his resources are available to him to help him figure this mystery out. Bubbles has forgotten all about this the next day and goes about his day as normal, saving a cat from a tree, a little boy's balloon, and a little girl's coat, giving out his phone number every time. Switching his phone on later that day he finds out he has 4 voicmail messages. He decides not to listen to them straight away as he was feeling ill.

Now:-

Bubbles awakens still feeling the steadily fading symptoms of the illness he's been suffering from over the weekend. A mild stomach cramp hits him though it's no longer painful. He still has a slightly runny nose and the sore throat that won't seem to go away. Despite not feeling too good, he's not tired or has a headache and manages to get up earlier than he has in a couple of weeks so he has plenty of time to check up on his e-mails and stuff. He decides now is a good time to listen to the voicemails,


0-V-O-I-C-E-M-A-I-L
dial....
dial....
click....

Bubbles presses 1..

Voicemail: Old Lady:

...1st new message.....Ummm.....Hi. This is Edith. You err...you saved my cat from the tree the other day. Well I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since, the graceful way you moved, the control you had with your sword and the way you held it, standing proud with confidence, you were amazing. Anyway, I've got a float at the upcoming Love Parade in Germany, I'll be mixing it up on the lead float with Carl Cox, I can get you a ride on the float if you'd like to join me. So, yeah, stop by sometime, you know where I live, maybe we can have some fun together?......click

Bubbles The Ninja:

..........

Voicemail: Little Boy:

....next new message....Are you really santa clause? Why were you wearing blue? I think it's cool. It looks better than that rubbish red one you used to wear......click....

Bubbles The Ninja:

............

Voicemail: Salesman:

....next new message....Hello Mr......Ninja?....Is it Mr Ninja? Or Mr Bubbles?.....Anyway, this is Mr Frost from Swrods U Like, I've noticed that you haven't used us for nearly 12 months now for your regular sword treatments. I was just wondering if there was some reason for this and what we could do to tempt you back. I can offer you several exclusive discounts on everything from engraving, sharpening, attachments, polishing, metalic paint jobs, leather trims, sat nav, and we now even offer In Sword Entertainment systems. So if you're interested, just give me a call and we'll work out some special deals for you.....click....

Bubbles The Ninja:

Hmmmm, this suede trim is starting to look a bit faded, I could do with change, and I could do with a new sat nav too.......

Voicemail: Batman:

Bubbles! You've got to help me. I've been pinned down by a giant robot in Wilthorpe Park. I've tried everything and he just keeps coming. I don't know how much longer I can hold him off. Come quick.....click...

Bubbles immediately springs into action and runs out of his secret hideout and jumps onto the Bubble Bike.

He takes out his sword and places the handle of the sword into a holder on the front of the bike, the sword sticking out the front of the bike as a deadly spear. When locked into place a small screen on the sword handle lights up. Some writing appears on the screen.

"Transferring user information"

Then a screen on the bikes dashboard lights up and says

"Information uploading...... Awaiting input"

Bubble Bike:

Morning Bubbles, where can I take you today?

Bubbles The Ninja:

Wilthorpe Park.

Bubble Bike:

Wilthorpe Park confirmed. Route preference?

Bubbles The Ninja:

A.S.A.P. Turbos enabled.

Bubble Bike:

After Stopping At Pub confirmed. Order sent. Turbos engaged in 3...2...1...Engaged.

The bike screams off weaving in and out of traffic, heading it's way to the nearest pub on the way to the park. Bubbles just holding on as the bike does all the driving. It comes to a stop at the Pub.


Bubbles jumps off.

Bubble Bike:

Parking mode?

Bubbles The Ninja:

Anti theft mode 3.

Bubble Bike:

Hologram enabled. Security mode activated.

Bubbles runs into the pub. He leans against the bar drinking his pint. When he's finished he runs back out to his bike.

Bubbles The Ninja:

Security disengage, authorisation Red 13.

Bubble Bike:

Security removed. Hologram disabled.

Bubbles jumps on the bike.

Bubbles The Ninja:

Journey resume.

Bubble Bike:

Acknowledged.

The bike sets off for Wilthorpe Park, Bubbles hoping he's not too late. As he approaches, the robot comes into view.

The battle still rages on.



To Be Continued....

Can Bubbles stop the robot?
Will Bubbles get the leather trim?
When will we learn the secret of this mystery?
Will he go to the Love Parade?
Will his stomach cramps have gone by tomorrow?

[TIP]

One of Saint Paul's "Eccentric Collectors"

http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/14087198.htm

An excerpt:

By 10 p.m., about two dozen people were there, most of them long familiar with the upstairs room dedicated to America's 20th president, James Garfield, and with the room across the hall honoring Hawkins' peculiar-yet-unwavering commitment to major league baseball.

T

[Artie Pink]

NO MORE HEROES!

ACT ONE: Lo! There shall be a gathering!
(for Mike)

SCENE: A base on Titania, Uranus' largest moon.




ACTION: A shimmering figure appears in a blue teleportation beam.




NAMOR: By Neptune's Trident!!



ANT-MAN: Guys, look! It's Namor!




SHE-HULK: Subby! Good to see you, big guy!




HERCULES: Zounds! Truly, thou dost add mightily to our assemblage!




NAMOR: What... what transpires here? Moments ago, I was in the Mediterannean Sea, heading home to Atlantis...




BEAST: Settle down, Namor. We all know what you're going through.


NAMOR: Unhand me, monster! I am a Prince of the Realm! I demand to know why I have been brought here!



WARLOCK: The Universe is cold and dark with mysteries such as these. Even now, I sense Lord Order and Master Chaos laughing at our raggle-taggle group--




WAR MACHINE: Oh, here we go...




HAVOK: Put a sock in it, Warlock!!





NAMOR: Who has done this? Who has gathered us here? And to what purpose?




BEAST: Tell me, Namor - have you... noticed anything different, in the past several weeks?



NAMOR: Well, I.... no, it is nothing...




BEAST: Namor, please. Anything you say might help us solve this predicament.



NAMOR: Lately, I have been... 'depressed', you surface dwellers would call it. I haven't had an ongoing series in some time, you know how it is...




BEAST: Yes, yes. Writers just don't know how to utilize you, right? All of us have that in common.



NAMOR: Yes! Even Aquaman, he's got a damned TELEVISION series in development--




JACK OF HEARTS: Psshht. At the WB!


NAMOR: EVEN SO! Sometimes, I feel like just hanging up my shorts, and living a mundane, ordinary life...






ALL: **gasp**



NAMOR: And... and that's not all...




BEAST: Let me guess: you've had the sense that someone has been... monitoring your every move. Asking questions about you, perhaps cataloguing your abilities.






NAMOR: How did you--?



SHE-HULK: It's the same for all of us. ALL OF US!






NAMOR: But... but who? And why?





BEAST: Tell me, Namor - with your enhanced Atlantean senses, did you ever get an impression of who was following you?



NAMOR: Just --



BEAST: Yes?



NAMOR: Just that whoever it was... he had an abnormally large head. Like a tennis racket...


CONTINUED!!!

[TIP]

Uatu Wept!!!

BWAH-HA-HA !!!

T

[SimiBoyz]

BUBBLES THE NINJA : BUBBLES' IN TRUBBLE - PART 8

Previously:-

Bubbles is in trouble

In his quest to find out the reason behind this, Bubbles tried contacting his superhero friends to no avail. Turning to Downtown Hash Brown for help, he got drunk and got a voicmail off of Batman saying he'd help. He couldn't remember in the morning and went about his day as normal helping people. He got more voicemails, including another one from Batman saying he needed Bubbles help defeating a giant robot. Bubbles went to his aid A.S.A.P. (After Stopping At Pub).

Now:-

Bubbles has arrived at Wilthorpe Park where the giant robot is still attacking.



Bubbles The Ninja:

I'd better find Batman quick. Bike, scan the immediate area, locate Batman.

Bubbles Bike:

....
....
Scan complete.
Batman located 120 meters due east north east.
5 meters above ground.

Bubbles The Ninja:

Transfer to remote command. Release sword.

Bubbles collects the sword and runs off towards Batman. Batman's up a tree.

Bubbles jumps up and joins him.

Bubbles The Ninja:

What can you tell me?

Batman:

Good to see you Bubbles. I've managed to disable its infa-red vision so it's having trouble finding me when I go into hiding so I'm safe for a while but it's movement sensors are very finely tuned, it will find me soon. I also haven't been able to find a weak spot yet and my weapons haven't been able to pierce its outer shell.

Bubbles The Ninja:

Alright. Lets see what I can do then. Bike, scan the robot and give me a report.

Bubbles Bike:

...
...
Scan complete. Outer shell is made of a very tough metal / ceramic alloy protecting delicate systems. Power source located in the lower torso.

Bubbles The Ninja:

Okay, I'll go and take care of Robot. I'll sneak up and strip it's outer shell, you follow through and disable the power source.

Batman:

How will you sneak up on it? It detects the slightest movement.

Bubbles The Ninja:

It never saw me get here did it?

Batman:

.....no.....

Bubbles The Ninja:

Nobody ever sees a ninja till it's too late. You may have skills Bats, but you're no nijna. I could be stood next to you in plain sight and you wouldn't see me if I didn't want you to.

Bubbles leaps from tree to tree running, through bushes, darting around till he's at the the feet of the robot. Readying his sword he leaps at the robot's lower torso and runs straight up the front of the robot, inserting his sword and dragging it all the way up the robots front as he goes and leaps off the top of the robots head, twisting in the air to repeat the reverse down the back of the robot creatnig a long cut all the way up, over and down the robot. Landing on his feet and immediately backflipping away from the robot before it has time to react, the robots outer shell falls away from it. The robot turns around to track the ninja but he's gone. Batman's now leaping his way towards the robot and swings up to, places a bomb in its lower torso, and leaps away. There's an explosion a few seconds later and the robot falls.

Batman's standing looking at the now de-activated robot when out of nowhere Bubbles is suddenly standing next to him.

Bubbles The Ninja:

Sorry I couldn't have got here sooner, he's certainly created a mess around here.

Batman:

I'm gald you could turn up at all, I wasn't sure how much longer I could have avoided it.......Say, that's one mean lokoing sword there, and the way it just sliced through the robots shell.....amazing.

Bubbles The Ninja:

Yeah, pretty sweet aint it. Custom made ninja special. Made from a Vibradamantium alloy, it will cut through anything. intergrated sat nav and telecommunications, suede trim, 1 micron triple serated edge, internal light source for light saber effect, custom paint job on the handle and etching on the blade - 1 bubble for every kill, bike link up, splits into 4 seperate swords if required.......Bike, lock in and return......So Bats, where you off to? Lift anywhere?

Batman:

Not really doing anything at the minute, could do with just chilling out for a while. Fancy a coffee or something?

Bubbles The Ninja:

Why not?

Bubbles puts the sword on the front of the bike and sets off with Batman on the back to Bubbles hideout. As they get towards the door, Bubbles pulls out his sword and sticks it into a slot, twists it, and the door opens. They go in and bubbles makes some coffee for them both and they both sit down.

Batman:

So, you have any luck with that problem I've heard you've had?

Bubbles The Ninja:

Nah, come up with nothing so far.

Batman:

You haven't? Why didn't you ring me back? Didn't you get my message?

Bubbles The Ninja:

What message?.....wait.....hold on....that was it, I knew there was something I'd forgot. You left me a message a few days ago didn't you? I forgot all about it. What did you say anyway?

Batman:

If you want to give me all you've got relating to your problem, I'll feed it into my computers and see if we can solve it for you. You know i've got the worlds most sophisticated computers and sattelites. I've even programmed some nifty AI into some of them.

Bubbles The Ninja:

AI? In a computer? You sure thats wise? Haven't you watched robot films before? Seen films like I, Robot or read Astonishing X-men? All it takes is the computer to interpret your instructions differently and all hell breaks loose.

Batman:

Ahhh, we'll be alright.

Bubbles The Ninja:

If you say so......anyway, a couple of wekends ago, PD said she was angry with me and i'm in trouble. I've been trying to find out why with no success. I'll just go and get the files.

Bubbles gets up and comes back with a mini disc and gives it to Batman. He inserts it into his portable drive.

Batman:

I'm just uploading the details now. We'll find out why you're in trouble with her very any minute....

To Be Continued

Will the Bat computer solve this mystery?
What will happen with Batman's sattelites?
Can we really be at the end of this adventure?
Or will this keep going on forever?
What the chuff is Vibradamantium?

[Cth]

[SimiBoyz]

Please note that the conclusion reached by the Bat computer in no way reflects the actual reasons behind the inspiration for the story. Thank you, and now on to.......

BUBBLES THE NINJA : BUBBLES' IN TRUBBLE - THE FINALE

Previously:-

Bubbles is in trouble

After failng to get any help from his superhero friends, he got severely drunk with Downtown Hash Brown while trying to figure out why he's in trouble. Batman offered help but Bubbles had forgotten all about it in the morning and went about his day as usual. He later got a message that Batman was in trouble and needed Bubbles help in stopping a giant robot. Bubbles turned up and together with Batmen, they both defeated the robot then went back to Bubbles' for a coffee where Bubbles gave Batman his files and Batman fed the information into the computer where it is analysing it and we are now expecting to find the results any minute now....

Now:-

Bubbles takes a drink of his coffee.

Bubbles The Ninja:

So, it'll really only take a minute then?

Batman:

For something as simple as this, it shouldn't take any longer. One of the questions it's taken the longest to compute is 7 hours and that was trying to figure out why Joss Whedon and friends keep getting shit on by the networks. There is one question however that it hasn't been able to answer yet and that's figuring out how J-Lo keeps getting work Asking it why PD is angry with you should be easy.

Bubbles The Ninja:

Excellent. So, what's your plan for the weekend then?

Batman:

You know how it's St. Patricks Day on Friday?

Bubbles The Ninja:

Yeah, I'm going to have a little Gavering in town as usual. Maybe wear my green ninja suit in honour.

Batman:

Green?

Bubbles The Ninja:

Yeah, got one made specially for Paddy's day. Wanna see it?

Batman:

Yeah.

Bubbles leaves and gets changed.......5 minutes later.

Bubbles The Ninja:

Like it?

Batman:

That's pretty cool. Might have to get me a green Batsuit.

Bubbles The Ninja:

Any results yet anyway?

Batman:

Not yet. Should be any second now.

Bat Computer:

............

Batman:

yeah, any second now.

Bat Computer:

............

Batman:

...........

Bubbles The Ninja:

..........

Bat Computer:

..........

Bubbles The Ninja:

So, you were saying. Plans for the weekend?

Batman:

Well, Max Lord has invited me around for dinner on Saturday. He's interested in starting up his own company building satellites so wants to talk to me about them seeing as I have a few myself. What about yourself?

Bubbles The Ninja:

Only going out Friday. Just going to chill at home over the weekend. Though I'll be popping out to the comic shop sometime Saturday. She-Hulk's asked me to go pick up the latest comics as she can't make it this weekend and she needs to keep the law firm's reference material up to date.

Batman:

Sounds good.

.....Later.....

Bubbles and Batman are sat watching the TV. The adverts are on.

TV:

T-mobile. The flexible tarriff for your flexible life.
..............................

Walkers. Add a touch of Asian to your life.
..............................

Coming soon to a TV screen near you, the return of Mulder and Scully in X-Files - Agents Under Fire. An all new story arc scripted by Mark Gosling. Don't miss out, it's going to be the hit of the season.

..............................

Welcome to the latest episode of Big Brother. There's been lots of excitement in the house today. Mark wore something green and Paul moved from his room to make a sandwich. Shiela had a bad hair day and Ruth hid Mary's make up. All this action and more coming up......

Bubbles The Ninja & Batman:

Arrrgggghhhhhh.....

Batman:

QUICK! TURN IT OFF!

Bubbles grabs his sword leans forward and presses the off button on the front of the TV.

Bubbles The Ninja:

Phew!

........later......

Bat Computer:

...........


Bubbles The Ninja:

*sigh*

.......Later......

Bubbles is in the bathroom having a shave. He's using his sword to shave with.

.......Later........

Bubbles is in the Kitchen making some sandwiches. He's slicing the cheese with his sword.

Bubbles The Ninja (shouting):

What else do you want on your sandwich?

Batman (shouting):

Some strawberry jam if you've got it.

Bubbles The Ninja (shouting):

Ohhh. Good choice. Coming right up.

Bubbles returns shortly with the sandwiches.

Bat Computer:

........

Bubbles The Ninja:

Still nothing huh?

Batman:

Not yet. I don't get it. this should be easy to work out.

.......Later.......

Batman:

Hold on, I've got something coming in on the Bat Computer.

Bat Computer:

..........
..........
....Analysis complete. Based on the information supplied there is no possible reason. The information supplied may be incomplete or the question asked missing something in some way......

Batman:

Huh, well. You sure you've not missed anything out? It's not getting any results.

Bubbles The Ninja:

No, that's everything.

Batman:

Well lets re-phrase the question then. Instead of asking why she's angry with you, lets ask why you were in trouble.

Batman enters the information into the Bat Computer.

Bat Computer:

.....information re-processed with alternate criteria.....Results found....

Batman:

...mmmm.....I see...

Bubbles, You sure she was angry with you?

Bubbles The Ninja:

Yeah. She said so.

Batman:

Are you sure? Who did she say it to exactly?

Bubbles The Ninja:

No one in particular really. There were a few people around, JABSEN, Taxman, Howlett, Giannini, maybe a few others.

Batman:

But you weren't there. Where were you? What were you doing at that time?

Bubbles The Ninja:

I'd just have got home around that time and sat down to watch the boxing while I finished my kebab and more or less fell asleep straight away.

Batman:

I see. Did you fall asleep holding your kebab by any chance?

Bubbles The Ninja:

Ummmm.....yeah, I did.

Batman:

And what did PD say at this same time?

Bubbles The Ninja:

....Bubbles is in trou......ble......Ahhh. I see now. She wasn't angry at me, she was mad that nobody was doing anything to save me from potential spillage.....

Bat Computer:

.....analysis complete. The reason why J-Lo keeps getting work is......

....To Be Continued.

How can it be continued if this is the finale?
Will we ever find out why J-Lo keeps getting work?
Will Batman ever get his St Patricks Day Bat Suit?
Will we see any more of Bubbles The Ninja?
When will we see the X-Files series?

[TIP]

Failed Puppeteer turns to Robbery?
http://www.local6.com/news/8010329/detail.html

T