"Nice guys" of okcupid

[ZimMan2]

What's wrong with a fedora. I'm balding and don't support any particular sports team so I often wear a fedora/straw cowboy hat

Hipsters adopted the fedora and ruined it for those of us who like them for real. Now people see a fedora and think "hipster," and that sucks.

[stevapalooza]

One thing's for sure, these guys are definitely horrible salesmen. They're using their inability to get women to sleep with them as part of their sales pitch to try and get women to sleep with them. It's like trying to get a job by advertising how many people don't want to hire you.

However, just to play devil's advocate, doesn't this kinda fall under the heading of cyberbullying? I mean these guys are pathetic and clueless, but since when does that make it okay to publicly shame someone? Hiding behind the feminist angle of "exposing misogynists" strikes me as a bit of a cop out. This is not about social justice. This is about pointing and laughing at dumb people. At it's core it just feels kinda mean.

[zemo]

One thing's for sure, these guys are definitely horrible salesmen. They're using their inability to get women to sleep with them as part of their sales pitch to try and get women to sleep with them. It's like trying to get a job by advertising how many people don't want to hire you.

However, just to play devil's advocate, doesn't this kinda fall under the heading of cyberbullying? I mean these guys are pathetic and clueless, but since when does that make it okay to publicly shame someone? Hiding behind the feminist angle of "exposing misogynists" strikes me as a bit of a cop out. This is not about social justice. This is about pointing and laughing at people.

It's about pointing and laughing at horrible people, though. I believe the whole of reality tv is based on this concept. Again, it's not that this site makes fun of people that just innocently made some kind of mistake. They actively posted on a public profile that they are nice guys, and at the same time posted proof that they are quite obviously not. I'd argue that validates a certain degree of ridicule. Basically, if you want to be horrible on the Internet, don't complain about people making fun of you.

[C.B. Nerdlinger]

Good thing I wear a hamburg!

[SidekicksRevenge]

Hipsters adopted the fedora and ruined it for those of us who like them for real. Now people see a fedora and think "hipster," and that sucks.

Ska bands ruined fedoras long before hipsters found their way in.

[J.R. LeMar]

I gotta go with zemo on this. If that tumblr is "cyberbullying" than so where the Rick Olney thread (which I was an active participant in) and, even more so, the J-Bolt thread on this forum and YABS before that. @ least the tumblr is directed @ general group, as opposed to just focusing on one single person like the threads were. @ most I could argue that maybe the tumblr should black-out their faces, or @ least put a bar over their eyes, but it's not posting the names or links to their profiles, and it's what these men chose to make publicly available in order evaluated by potential mates. So all's fair, I say.

I also agree with stevapalooza about the analogy about looking for a job. Taking out the issue of friendzoning and whatnot, why put such a negative trait front and center like that? "Hey, my life sucks, wanna date me?"

I'd also say that Patrick Gerard has a point about those phrases being over-used sometimes but, really, as the saying goings "stereotypes exist for a reason." And all these guys seems to fit that stereotype. I read through the whole site, so far, and you can see the same phrases being used repeatedly by different me. "I'm ALWAYS getting friendzoned." "Women ALWAYS overlook me to go for jerks." "I'm ALWAYS getting rejected because I'm too nice." "EVERY women I've ever had a crush on has put me in the friend-zone." I've known guys like this, and there's a certain level of narcissism involved to have something like this supposedly happening to you constantly and assume that problem has to be that something is wrong with everyone else. I also know women who fit what I consider to be the female equivalent of the "(too) nice guy." That's the woman who is rude, and conceited and therefor assumes that the reason she can't get a man is men are too "intimidated" by her personality, because she's so "strong and independent." No, it can't possibly be because she's a b***, she's perfect, it's just that ALL the men are scared of her. In both cases I say, guess what, maybe it's YOU?

[stevapalooza]

A lot of these guys are just hateable bitter dicks. But some of them just seem like sad sacks who aren't self-aware enough to fix or even understand their problems. Those are the ones I kinda feel bad laughing at.

[J.R. LeMar]

But some of them just seem like sad sacks who aren't self-aware enough to fix or even understand their problems.

Part of me wishes I could ask follow-up questions to some of the answers they gave. Like I'd ask the guys who think women should be obligated to shave their legs, what other things they think women are obligated to do regarding their physical appearance, and if there are any obligations for me, too? And for the guys who answered yes, I'd want to know exactly what times to do think women are obligated to have sex with them. And I'd like a description of the circumstances when a woman means YES, even though she says NO? I'd also be curious exactly what being "head of the household" means to the men who said that the man should be it.

[zemo]

Part of me wishes I could ask follow-up questions to some of the answers they gave. Like I'd ask the guys who think women should be obligated to shave their legs, what other things they think women are obligated to do regarding their physical appearance, and if there are any obligations for me, too? And for the guys who answered yes, I'd want to know exactly what times to do think women are obligated to have sex with them. And I'd like a description of the circumstances when a woman means YES, even though she says NO? I'd also be curious exactly what being "head of the household" means to the men who said that the man should be it.

In principle, those are guys with very old ideas of how women should behave, which is very well portrayed by many of them pointing out that they are gentlemen again and again (using the term itself). And within those ideas, showing a woman any kindness at all would be a huge plus. Like in the very olden times, when a man of a certain social level DIDN'T have a mistress, he was the epitome of a good husband. Problem is, those old ideas only belong in old times.

I have no problem ridiculing racists and homophobes for their outdated and harmful ideas, these guys don't get a pass either. And unlike Fisher, they're first offenders, so I don't even pitty them (yet).

[Patrick Gerard]

Hipsters adopted the fedora and ruined it for those of us who like them for real. Now people see a fedora and think "hipster," and that sucks.

I don't get what's wrong with hipsters or why they deserve scorn either.