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Thread: "Nice guys" of okcupid

  1. #1

    "Nice guys" of okcupid

    What it says on the can: http://niceguysofokc.tumblr.com/

    I believe there's really no reason to dive further in why this whole "nice guy" thing is a fallacy. The only thing left to do is laugh. And point. A lot.

  2. #2

    Re: "Nice guys" of okcupid

    I find the word "friend zone" has been co-opted, both by douchebags and by the people who want to out douchebags.

    Which I think is frustrating, because it's a useful term. Not for something women do but for something guys do to themselves by not being clear about what they want.

    The problem started when people started verbing it and attributing it as an action that women take. (ie. "She friend zoned me!")

    Whereas I think "in the friend zone" is an accurate description for where a lot of guys have been.

    I also kinda hate the demonization of the phrase "nice guy." Again, it started with a lot of douchey guys spoiling the phrase, so I'm not blaming the women who have taken this up.

    I think there are a lot of genuine "nice guys" out there. I think the "friend zone" is a place people wind up.

    But the douchiest examples dominate and so, once again, the douchebags get all the attention in the world, this time by taking the one positive label that bland guys had and perverting it into a passive aggressive, domineering thing.

    And this turned "nice guy bashing" into the third wave feminist reinvention of "All the good ones are taken." And that's where the whole thing takes a cruel turn. Because it's just another flavor of jerk coloring everyone's perception of shy, awkward people, this time by stealing their schtick.

    I think of a genuine "nice guy" as being some mix of the typical Jimmy Stewart, Adam Sandler, and Will Smith character onscreen. The naive beta male with a conscience and some accidental/incidental wit mixed in.

    But the whole term has been spoiled by self-pitying frat boys and people who look down on a lack of assertiveness.

    But I can see a difference between guys who are genuinely not assertive by disposition and guys who passively aggressively use a lack of assertiveness to try to warp zone past working on themselves as human beings and guilt people into fueling their narcissism. And it rankles me seeing the two conflated.

  3. #3

    Re: "Nice guys" of okcupid

    Also, I don't think of myself as particularly "nice" but I do agree with whoever called this blog cyber-bullying. Now, about a third of the people being bullied here strike me as potentially abusive or potential rapists. But there's got to be a better way to handle that.

    Also, wow, there's a lot of fedora hate in here.

  4. #4

    Re: "Nice guys" of okcupid

    Quote Originally Posted by Patrick Gerard View Post
    Also, I don't think of myself as particularly "nice" but I do agree with whoever called this blog cyber-bullying. Now, about a third of the people being bullied here strike me as potentially abusive or potential rapists. But there's got to be a better way to handle that.

    Also, wow, there's a lot of fedora hate in here.
    If you don't punch Nazis on weekends while saving relics then you have no business wearing a fedora!

    And I am not so sure this is cyber-bullying, otherwise I wouldn't have linked this here. Otherwise our Rick Olney or Jim Fisher threads would qualify as well. If you sign up on a public dating site and then state how you hate women (or something comparable) then a certain degree of ridicule is to be expected. It's not like the girl with Down syndrome that got cut out of a video on youtube by some hideous 4chan troll with the caption "I can count to potato".

  5. #5
    Trouble Boy J.R. LeMar's Avatar
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    Re: "Nice guys" of okcupid

    Quote Originally Posted by zemo View Post
    I believe there's really no reason to dive further in why this whole "nice guy" thing is a fallacy. The only thing left to do is laugh. And point. A lot.
    Agreed, the "nice guy/friendzone" thing has been discussed here before and it became clear that the guys who fall into this category will not have their minds changed, so that's pointless. As for the tumblr, I love it, I've been reading through it and it's hilarious. The mix of entitlement and being clueless is astounding.


    And you gotta love this one...


  6. #6

    Re: "Nice guys" of okcupid

    Quote Originally Posted by J.R. LeMar View Post
    And you gotta love this one...

    I actually love the question because "How dare you not posting equal-opportunity ridicule on your topical blog!" It's called "Nice GUYS of okcupid", damnit! Though I will admit the fedora hate deviates a bit, yet I can not bring myself to criticise.

  7. #7
    Trouble Boy J.R. LeMar's Avatar
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    Re: "Nice guys" of okcupid

    Quote Originally Posted by zemo View Post
    Though I will admit the fedora hate deviates a bit, yet I can not bring myself to criticise.
    Then don't look @ this one: http://fedorasofokc.tumblr.com/

  8. #8

    Re: "Nice guys" of okcupid

    Quote Originally Posted by J.R. LeMar View Post
    Then don't look @ this one: http://fedorasofokc.tumblr.com/
    The sad thing is, I believe there are a few pictures of me with a fedora out there!

  9. #9
    Right Guy The Beast Of Yucca Flats's Avatar
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    Re: "Nice guys" of okcupid

    Man, is this ever a time-sponge.
    http://twitter.com/#!/CreepingBeast

    '"Kirby got a shitty contract too, so get over it' isn't a great tagline."
    -Ed Brubaker

  10. #10
    Gunsel saintsaucey's Avatar
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    Re: "Nice guys" of okcupid

    What's wrong with a fedora. I'm balding and don't support any particular sports team so I often wear a fedora/straw cowboy hat
    Hate me all you want, 95 % of the time I'm write.

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