Hang in there, Cassandra.
My mother died (of brain and lung cancer) in late September of 2007, and that first Christmas was a tough one, despite my family (my sister, dad and me) being fairly pragmatic about things in general. Which is to say there's not a lot of moaning about things beyond our control.
But I put together a video that the three of us watched in my parents' house (which my dad sold as quickly as he could because he couldn't handle being there alone), and we had one night where we cried and talked about her, and that was good.
I don't think any of that helps you, but you'll figure out how best to deal with it, thought strong moments and weak ones.