Some pencils

[Balthazar]

Okay, after 34 years on this planet, I finally sat down and actually finished one whole page of sequntial art. Never done it before and I know I ain't no great artist, but I loved every minute of it and it forced me to think and try different things.

Let me know what you think.

[St Omo]

First off, I think this is an incredibly cool start for a story. The first panel caught my attention and I like that. I think there's two schools of thought as far as what to do with stories: grab the reader by the collar and punch them in the face right off the bat or soft jab to the abdomen a few times, work them over, then kick them in the head when they're finally down at the end. Personally, I like both, but based on what I've been reading these days, more along the lines of the second school, this is something fresh and different.

This page, stylistically, feels like the spirit of Alex Maleev jumped into your hand. And while some might argue it really doesn't look like Alex drew it, to me, it feels like he influenced it; it has similar pacing, emphasis and point of view. This is important. It's the difference between influence and outright theft. A lot of very talented artists can't seem to differentiate the two. I'm pleased to see that you can.

My only gripe, and really, I suffer from the very same ailment, is it looks to me like you let the crispness of the art starts to suffer as you progress through the page. Panel five doesn't look as careful and precise as panel one. Also, the story seems a bit more stiff in the last panel. What I mean by that is the characters seems less natural or comfortable in their setting. They may be feeling uncomfortable, but in the context of the story, the way you present them, they should look like they belong there. I think finishing a page without rushing or cutting corners in some fashion is difficult for those not used to working with sequentials. Hell, sometimes it's difficult not to do it with a single panel. But practice and figuring out your comfort zone through said practice is the best way to overcome it.

It always comes down to just doing it. There's no substitute.

Overall, I think it's a strong start. Keep it up.

[Sir Erudite Gav]

First off, I think this is an incredibly cool start for a story. The first panel caught my attention and I like that. I think there's two schools of thought as far as what to do with stories: grab the reader by the collar and punch them in the face right off the bat or soft jab to the abdomen a few times, work them over, then kick them in the head when they're finally down at the end. Personally, I like both, but based on what I've been reading these days, more along the lines of the second school, this is something fresh and different.

This page, stylistically, feels like the spirit of Alex Maleev jumped into your hand. And while some might argue it really doesn't look like Alex drew it, to me, it feels like he influenced it; it has similar pacing, emphasis and point of view. This is important. It's the difference between influence and outright theft. A lot of very talented artists can't seem to differentiate the two. I'm pleased to see that you can.

My only gripe, and really, I suffer from the very same ailment, is it looks to me like you let the crispness of the art starts to suffer as you progress through the page. Panel five doesn't look as careful and precise as panel one. Also, the story seems a bit more stiff in the last panel. What I mean by that is the characters seems less natural or comfortable in their setting. They may be feeling uncomfortable, but in the context of the story, the way you present them, they should look like they belong there. I think finishing a page without rushing or cutting corners in some fashion is difficult for those not used to working with sequentials. Hell, sometimes it's difficult not to do it with a single panel. But practice and figuring out your comfort zone through said practice is the best way to overcome it.

It always comes down to just doing it. There's no substitute.

Overall, I think it's a strong start. Keep it up.

Hey there! Where the hell have you been?

[St Omo]

Hey there! Where the hell have you been?

Ireland.

[Sir Erudite Gav]

Ireland.

[Balthazar]

First off, I think this is an incredibly cool start for a story. The first panel caught my attention and I like that. I think there's two schools of thought as far as what to do with stories: grab the reader by the collar and punch them in the face right off the bat or soft jab to the abdomen a few times, work them over, then kick them in the head when they're finally down at the end. Personally, I like both, but based on what I've been reading these days, more along the lines of the second school, this is something fresh and different.

This page, stylistically, feels like the spirit of Alex Maleev jumped into your hand. And while some might argue it really doesn't look like Alex drew it, to me, it feels like he influenced it; it has similar pacing, emphasis and point of view. This is important. It's the difference between influence and outright theft. A lot of very talented artists can't seem to differentiate the two. I'm pleased to see that you can.

My only gripe, and really, I suffer from the very same ailment, is it looks to me like you let the crispness of the art starts to suffer as you progress through the page. Panel five doesn't look as careful and precise as panel one. Also, the story seems a bit more stiff in the last panel. What I mean by that is the characters seems less natural or comfortable in their setting. They may be feeling uncomfortable, but in the context of the story, the way you present them, they should look like they belong there. I think finishing a page without rushing or cutting corners in some fashion is difficult for those not used to working with sequentials. Hell, sometimes it's difficult not to do it with a single panel. But practice and figuring out your comfort zone through said practice is the best way to overcome it.

It always comes down to just doing it. There's no substitute.

Overall, I think it's a strong start. Keep it up.

TDM,

Thanks very much for taking the time. I really appreciate the constructive criticism. As far as comparing it to Maleev, well, I would be honorded to think my stuff has any connection to his. Honestly I can't say I was thinking of his stuff at all when I drew it, but I am a fan so maybe somewhere it creeped in.

The last panel was a real bitch fr me. The writer wanted to see a view from within the trees, but with a person in the foreground and the three people in the background being the actuall protagonists of the panel. I probably rushed it a bit simply because I wanted to get it finished after racking my brain as to how to lay it out.

Thanks again for the feedback.

[St Omo]

TDM,

Thanks very much for taking the time. I really appreciate the constructive criticism. As far as comparing it to Maleev, well, I would be honorded to think my stuff has any connection to his. Honestly I can't say I was thinking of his stuff at all when I drew it, but I am a fan so maybe somewhere it creeped in.

The last panel was a real bitch fr me. The writer wanted to see a view from within the trees, but with a person in the foreground and the three people in the background being the actuall protagonists of the panel. I probably rushed it a bit simply because I wanted to get it finished after racking my brain as to how to lay it out.

Thanks again for the feedback.

You're welcome.

[Balthazar]

Okay, I re-did the first page. I think it's much better, but let me know what you think.

[Oeming]

Nice page!
One big thing is off- your perspective is good, but remember the "horizon line" is where your eye is on the page.
Now look at the Yeild sign- its below your eye line- that means that sign is like 4fet tall It shoudl be above the horizon line

I like the use of blacks, with the right inker, this stuff could work. dont be affraid to fill up your backgrounds more though, make up for your rawness with enviournment
M!

[Balthazar]

Nice page!
One big thing is off- your perspective is good, but remember the "horizon line" is where your eye is on the page.
Now look at the Yeild sign- its below your eye line- that means that sign is like 4fet tall It shoudl be above the horizon line

I like the use of blacks, with the right inker, this stuff could work. dont be affraid to fill up your backgrounds more though, make up for your rawness with enviournment
M!

Thanks alot Mike. So very cool of you to take the time. Just for that, I'm gonna go pick up a couple more issues of Red Sonja! Thanks agian.