Need advice on leaving a job gracefully

[Copper]

I work at a small company which puts out a trade magazine. Four people work there in total: me, my boss, his wife, and our editor on the west coast. My job title is production manager, though my duties involve far more than what the job description entails--for example we're working on a new Drupal site which basically means I have to learn PHP coding the hard way and find new ways of using css and html. On the fly. Other duties included installing new programs and figuring out how to use them (usually with little or no information beforehand) and then basically hoping nothing goes wrong.

Last March I caught the flu around the time the March Issue was supposed to go to press. I got the issue done working at home (while having a temperature of 103). I spent the rest of the week recovering, but then ended up in the hospital with a diagnosis of Pericarditis. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's when the membrane around your heart swells up and obstructs blood flow--basically all the fun of a having a heart attack without having to get heart disease. I took two weeks to recover (doctors were recommending a month off) and went right back to work despite being on blood thinners and blood pressure meds.

I guess that was the universe's way of getting me to think: was this job really worth busting my ass over?

Consider the following problems:

Our office is a grand total of 600 square feet, yet no one communicates face to face unless there's a big problem. Everything is done through email. I've had weekends torpedoed because one of my bosses needed a project done--usually something that takes three to four hours. The problem? I wouldn't know about it until Friday afternoon. At 4 pm. And it has to be done by Monday Morning because of a promise to a client. All this with no prior warning.

Last year, I had to go to Europe for a family emergency. Suddenly, I got email after email of projects that just HAD to be finished before I left, so I basically ended up working up until I left for the airport. The problem? When I got back two weeks later, I found those oh-so-important projects were in the same state as I had left them, which tells me they really could have waited until I got back.

I had to set up a system using Adobe InDesign and InCopy. The problem? While the editor on the west coast and I made the effort to learn the program, my bosses refuse to learn it even at a basic level, necessitating that I have to rework their documents. (A sad but hilarious example of this was when my boss's wife told me to take the commas out of an event program flyer that she had just been editing a scant ten minutes before sending it to me.)

The last straw was this latest issue, where I didn't get the layout (yanno, the thing I need to look at so I know where everything goes) until Friday afternoon at (you guessed it!) 4pm. Oh, and it absolutely HAD to be done by Monday because they were going to an AICP show on Tuesday in New York City. Which meant another weekend went down the tubes with no prior warning.

After that, I decided that it wasn't worth it. I've been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder, and there's no way I'm going to fix myself working in this environment. I've decided on going back to school and finishing up my degree this fall, and in the meantime I'll be looking for a new job.

The thing I'm not so sure about is how to go about telling them that this is probably going to be my last year here, and that they're going to have to find someone (or two) to take my place.

I know I'm going to get the usual arguments from them about how the Economy's Bad, What Am I Going To Do Afterwards, and How Can I Leave Them In A Lurch. Honestly, I feel a bit bad about this decision, but I have to get better. Any of you have ideas of how I can ease myself out?

Thanks for letting me rant.

[zemo]

Isn't that incredibly easy? If they even refuse to have personal contact unless it's an emergency, just send them an e-mail. If they want to do their business that way, let them have it.

[Matt Doc Martin]

Isn't that incredibly easy? If they even refuse to have personal contact unless it's an emergency, just send them an e-mail. If they want to do their business that way, let them have it.

This.

[bert]

I would send them an email, explaining that although you love the work, and you both enjoy and get great satisfaction from your job (may or may not be true, but the graceful thing to do is to phrase it this way). . . .you simply feel that it is time to move on, and that you are planning on leaving your position at the end of the year.

I would also make a point to explain to them that you feel you need to be in an environment where there is more planning put in place -- that although for someone younger, the "seat of our pants" thrill of putting things together last minute, might be there - but for you, you need to have a responsibility that offers a bit more stability and allows you to plan for downtime (and offer up the 4pm Friday requests as an example here).

a GOOD boss, will be willing to work with you, ask you to please reconsider leaving, and put a plan into place for a deadline (say 4PM Thursday for anything needed by Monday?).

maybe that will be enough to convince you to stay?

but either way, don't feel guilty, you need to do it for your mental health.

good luck!

[JBK405]

I'll support that, but I will say to make sure it's far enough in advance for them to begin looking for a replacement (I'm one for courtesy and covering all the bases). It sounds like you really should leave this job, and that you don't owe them more of your life, so go do what you have to do.

[EmarAndZeb]

Can you believe there's not a Youtube clip of that Simpsons scene where Homer is all "I said I quit, Monty!" and then he plays Mr. Burns's head like a bongo and literally sets a bridge on fire as he drives away from the plant?

[FanboyStranger]

From a practical standpoint, I'd recommend that you put off quitting until you're firmly committed to going back to school and/or have acquired some other means of income. If you're starting treatment for anxiety, it's not a good start to develop anxiety over how you're going to pay for it. (I've actually been there.)

Beyond that, leave in a professional manner. Give your employer a reasonable amount of notice (generally 2 weeks), and while remaining resolute in your decision to leave, don't be afraid to give them help and guidance in how they should fill your position. I would expect them to try to offer you some enticements to get you to stay, but unless they change your opinion about the job, politely refuse them. Also, there may be some anger, especially in a smaller company, but do your best to rise above it. Remember that this person will probably be called for a recommendation in the future, and you want to leave on the best terms possible.

On the anxiety front, I think it's useful to point out that certain jobs fit hand in glove with depression. Things with constantly looming deadlines, expectations for doing the work beyond the job requirements, and generally pressure-filled environments actually synch up quite well with anxiety, and when that's gone, you may find yourself "missing" some of that pressure. I know that before I really came to terms with my anxiety the days when I didn't have much to do were far worse than the days when I was extremely busy. Crazy as it may seem, those environments scratch a certain itch.

[MacQuarrie]

Okay, I love the smell of bridge smoke, so I'm probably the wrong guy to ask.

First, as was said above, remember the First Rule of Wing-Walking: Never let go of what you have until you have hold of something else. It's a long way down. Get your work/school plans settled.

Beyond that, let's look at this: "...this is probably going to be my last year here..." Excuse me? Professional protocol demands two weeks notice. Not this year. Two weeks. Make up your mind what you're going to do, take the steps to make it happen, and tell them you are leaving on Date X, two weeks from the moment you tell them. When they start to argue, hold up your hand and tell them "I am not asking your permission, I am announcing my intentions." Or "I am not asking for your advice, I am telling you what my plans are." Repeat as necessary.

But if it were me, based on the treatment you describe, they don't deserve any notice at all. Quietly clean out your desk little by little, taking personal items home one by one, so it's not noticeable. Finally, on the day you have chosen, simply go to lunch and don't come back. When they call to ask you where the hell you went, tell them you don't work there any longer and to please mail your final check.

Unless you want to go out in style, in which case, hop up on the desk and sing "Take This Job and Shove It," Bruce Springsteen's "Independence Day" or Meat Loaf's "Bat Out of Hell." Then fart in their general direction (or at least moon them) and depart.

[Copper]

Unless you want to go out in style, in which case, hop up on the desk and sing "Take This Job and Shove It," Bruce Springsteen's "Independence Day" or Meat Loaf's "Bat Out of Hell." Then fart in their general direction (or at least moon them) and depart.

This had me cracking up.

The school plans are already in place--I just have to confirm my transcripts got there. Wierd as it seems, this is the first time I've actually considered quitting a job--all the other times I went down with the sinking ship so to speak.
Thanks for everyone's advice though--I wasn't sure about an exit strategy.

[CutterMike]

While I agree with Mr. Mac that you only OWE them two weeks' notice, if it were me, I would do the following:

1 -- On the day that the magazine goes to press (This is a monthly, yes...?), I would tender my resignation, effective the date that the NEXT issue goes to press. If they get their thumbs out of their asses and don't dither around, that gives them *JU-U-U-U-U-UST* enough time to find your replacement and throw him/her into the swamp at the beginning of the following cycle.

2 -- If they DON'T manage to find someone by the beginning of the next cycle, inform them at that point (but NOT before) that you are available to stay on one (and ONLY one) more month AS A CONTRACTOR, your hourly contract rate is $(your hourly rate as an employee x 3) and you will bill for ALL hours worked.

Be polite and professional but firm: If you stay on, you are only doing so as a TEMPORARY measure to help them out of a problem that is NOT of your making and you expect to be compensated on your terms for that. If they take that hook, let us know and we'll go into what you do then.