Bisexuality, male acceptance and identity

[Impulse]

OK, I posted this over at YABS/CBR not too long ago but since it came up in another thread and Gail asked, I'm reposting it here, albeit slightly expanded.

Original post text:

"Who here is bisexual? It seems many people are comfortable being 'out' as gay, yet bisexuals are much less inclined to talk about their orientation - particularly bi men. I fall into that category, by the way, so I like to think I'm at least a bit more open about that sort of stuff than most other bi males!

So, anyone else "go both ways", to coin a cliché?"

So, to expand - as a bi male myself, I know it's frustrating to be told that bisexuality <or sometimes, just male bisexuality> doesn't exist and that you're either just in stages of coming out, in denial, greedy, whatever. It was also something I struggled with a LOT when I was younger. I had a terrible childhood as it was, so doubts over my sexuality were an extra load to deal with.

It wasn't until I was in my early- to mid-twenties that I did anything with another guy beyond kissing, and I thought for a while I might in fact be gay, but the attraction to girls never diminished as I became more acknowledging of liking guys. I'd kind of bought into the "bisexuality is a myth" meme myself, but now it really is the best and most appropriate label I would use to describe myself <although I try not to use any label unless I'm forced to, anyway>. I'm not gay. I'm not straight. I'm bi, and that is something different, though something rarely acknowledged by others, particularly the mainstream media.

And that's part of my 'academic' interest in human sexuality. It fascinates me that most people insist on a black or white, gay or straight delineation of human sexuality, and that goes for men or women. Bi women in media are rarely more than titilation for straight male viewers - the fantasy being that she'll bring another girl to bed for her boyfriend, which overlooks any actual emotional impetus of being a bi woman - while bi men are rarely seen at all. If they are, they're either one note jokes that no-one seems to be able to write, fall into the default presentation of campy, queeny gay men, or are quickly ignored so as to not threaten the straight male viewers' own fragile heterosexuality with thoughts that they, too, might be attracted to another guy.

Obviously, I'm getting slightly hyperbolic in that last paragraph towards the end, but that is often how it seems to come across. So, as a matter of interest, who else here is bisexual? Whether you are or not, what are your thoughts on bisexuality, as distinct from homosexuality? Thoughts on the matter in general?

Discuss!

[The Unholy Dragon]

There was a while when I thought I might be. I appreciate attractive qualities in men, have made out with some, and wouldn't even be opposed to being in certain sexual situations with certain men.

But.

I'm primarily attracted to women. More than that, even, I don't see myself ever actively seeking out a gay relationship be it sexual or emotional. And that's where I place the distinction. I'm all for non-heteronormative behavior and experimentation, and I'm definitely not textbook straight, but I don't self-identify as bisexual because I'd never actually desire to be with a man in any serious capacity.

My girlfriend, on the other hand, is very distinctly bisexual. Being raised in a highly liberal environment by a single mother, I'm a male pro-queer, non-heteronormative, feminist...thing. I'll say this, life is never dull in terms of hot button issues for me and mine.

[DarkKnightJared]

I am a bisexual male, so, of course, I don't believe it exists. :P

Seriously, I am. I haven't really had any experience with it, but it does point that way, from what I think and feel. I guess you could say I'm "bi-curious," but I could never get that term--I mean, when a straight guy is a virgin and has never been with a woman, we don't call him "hetero-curious," do we?

So yeah--I totally get you, and I would like there to be progress on that front during my lifetime.

[t.c.johnson]

I am the opposite. I don't believe that being straight or gay really exists...everybody is varying degrees of bi even if most people are at the far end of the scale.

I always say that I have never met a man I found attractive enough that I would want to kiss, but can't say there isn't one out there.

[DarkKnightJared]

I am the opposite. I don't believe that being straight or gay really exists...everybody is varying degrees of bi even if most people are at the far end of the scale.

I always say that I have never met a man I found attractive enough that I would want to kiss, but can't say there isn't one out there.

Yeah--I don't really want to do the arguments of "everyone's bi," mostly because I don't really want to presume, and it would be bad form to shit on someone else's sexual orientation to stop them from shitting on my own.

I will say, though, that I wonder if there were less religious and societal pressure about who we choose to bang, if there would be more people who just naturally shack up with either gender throughout their lives.

[c. page]

the way i look at it is that life is hard enough as it is, and you should find happiness wherever you can. anytime two people find love, i think it's a great thing.

[zemo]

Only thing I don't get about men having sex with men is...men are ugly! Why, oh why?! D:

Yes, I am a man myself. We are SO ugly. Seriously.

[ReverendDodd]

I'm as straight as it gets, but I will get the occasional ironic man-crush and be unable to shake it.

*sigh* Joel McHale, you dreamy bastard...

[ZimMan2]

I'm straight and in fact have a bit of an unsatisfyable fascination with women that some may mistake for an unhealthy obession. Or vice-versa, I can never really tell.

But if you "smash that way," as the Hulk says, it's all cool. Personally, I can't really see being attracted to another man, but then again, I can't see believing that God is a bearded dude in a robe who hangs out in the clouds. It's all a matter of perspective, I suppose. You go ahead and stick with yours, and I'll stick with mine.

"Pretty women.... fascinating.... pretty women...."

On a slightly more serious note, do bi guys ever lord over thier straight friends the fact that they can pretty much jack off to anything? That seems like something worth some bragging rights.

[DarkKnightJared]

I'm straight and in fact have a bit of an unsatisfyable fascination with women that some may mistake for an unhealthy obession. Or vice-versa, I can never really tell.

But if you "smash that way," as the Hulk says, it's all cool. Personally, I can't really see being attracted to another man, but then again, I can't see believing that God is a bearded dude in a robe who hangs out in the clouds. It's all a matter of perspective, I suppose. You go ahead and stick with yours, and I'll stick with mine.

"Pretty women.... fascinating.... pretty women...."

On a slightly more serious note, do bi guys ever lord over thier straight friends the fact that they can pretty much jack off to anything? That seems like something worth some bragging rights.

I think that would depend on one's definition of ANYTHING.