Need to vent -- Why I hate my neighbors.

[Rafiennes]

Long story that I’m gonna try and make short.
(names been replaced to protect the not so innocent)

• We own a condo. There’s a condo below us that is being rented to this couple.
• They have a baby (7 moths old or something)
• We have a 3 year old.
• When they moved in, we got along quite well.
• Baby was born, and we totally have done everything to respect them in the first few months of parenthood.
• The term ‘quiet feet’ has been said to my son so much that I’m worried he may think it’s part of his name.
• About two months ago, we noticed them coming up more and more and asking us to be quiet – not that we have raging parties: we don’t wear shoes in the house, when they put up a sign that their baby is sleeping – we do our best to keep our son quiet, etc.
• About a month ago, they seemed to be getting testier with us – and their facebook status updates seemed to be thinly veiled issues they had with us (why does it feel like the ceilings always going to cave in? someone woke my baby up again – so pissed)
• About two weeks ago, the wife (who was sick) encountered my son in the hallway while my wife was coming down the stairs. She put her hands on my son and said to him in a cold voice “Was that you running around upstairs?” And my son, always cheerful, smiled and said yes. My wife comes around the corner to see this and the woman gets up and goes in to her house, slamming the door shut. My wife regrets not saying anything about my son being talked to this way.
• The next day, my son is with the nanny, my wife works from home in silence. The nanny drops off my son, my wife (whose head is swimming with work issues and the hectic breeze that blows in when my son comes home) is confronted by the woman who says, in a totally snide way “Thank you SO much for being quiet today so I could get some sleep.” My wife, once again in shock, says nothing and the woman turns away and slams the door (they’re BIG door slammers by the by)
• About 20 minutes later, they un-friend us on Facebook.
• The next day, I’m coming home with my son and the woman stops me on the stairs to give us back our house key. Before I can say thanks, she’s slammed her way back in to her house.
• I call her name, she comes out and this is pretty much most of the dialogue that happens.

ME: So, is there any chance that the four of us are gonna sit down and talk about what’s going on so we can figure a way to work this out?
HER: No, I don’t think so. Stan and I just feel that we’ve been disrespected enough and taken advantage of enough that there’s no point to it.
ME: Ok…I’m not quite sure how we’ve taken advantage of you, but the disrespect part…you know me and my wife, you know the kind of people we are. We would never go out of our way to ‘disrespect’ someone. It’s just no who we are.
HER: Your wife came into my house the other day and put her finger in my baby’s mouth – yes I know it’s supposed to soothe the baby, but she didn’t wash her hands or anything. What am I supposed to say to her?

BULLSHIT ALARM!!!!
#1 – We know this woman is Germ-crazy. We wouldn’t even think of getting near her kid without washing our hands and in particular, my wife ALWAYS washes her hands when handling a baby. Always.

ME: Gotta be honest with you, I wasn’t there, but it doesn’t sound like something my wife would do without washing her hands.
HER; Well, you guys have known that we’ve all been sick down here and we’ve asked you to please be quiet so Baby Michael can get sleep and you guys seemed to ignore that.
ME: Tory, you can’t honestly think that we DON’T try to stay on top of it? I mean, the sign that your baby is sleeping is up a lot so we try our best to be quiet.
HER: (shrugs) I don’t know what to tell you. But we know when it’s Hulk time or superhero time down here. Your son is loud all the time. And we’ve been sick all week and you knew that.
ME: That’s just not true. We say ‘quiet feet’ to him more times than I care to remember. And if you think that we’re not doing our part to keep things quiet, I’ll let you know that just last week, when my son was at daycare, he was playing and then took a baby doll, put it down in the crib and told everyone to be quiet because Baby Michael was sleeping. At daycare.
(I have this actually documented by the woman from the daycare – she wrote it down cause she thought it was interesting he’d do that)
HER: (long pause) Well…that’s great.

Here is where I should have said to her “That’s not great you fucking, delusional witch! He’s at daycare! Not at home! He should be having fun!” But she has this uncanny ability to leave you speechless.

ME: Wow…okay.
HER: And you’ve been downstairs in the basement working and you’ve even said to me, after hearing your son run around ‘My god, how can you guys live with that racket?” That’s YOUR quote.
(bet she’d been waiting to use that old chestnut)
ME: Tory, yes I’ve said that, but you know what? He’s three years old. And sometimes, he wants to play. And if the sign is down, I’m gonna let him play. I’m not gonan deny my kid his childhood. Why would I do that.
HER: I grew up in an apartment and my mom always told me, ‘Be quiet! No running in the house!” And it worked.
ME: Right, and that was what your mother did. But I’m not gonna tell my kid he can’t play or use his imagination. Why would I deny him that?
HER: You guys just have to be more respectful of us down here and be more quiet.
ME: Well, I was hoping that Stan and I could sit down and talk about this, but I’m thinkig that he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.
HER (folds her arms, smiles and shrugs): No. I don’t think he wants to talk about this.
ME: Well…I’m gonna be honest with you. That’s just sad. That we can’t talk about this? That’s just sad. But any way, thank you for talking to me about it. And I guess this is just how its gonna be. So be it.

• So that night, I’m on the couch in shock from the bizarre conversation. The husband comes home (you can tell because he slams the door with such a velocity that all the pictures in the house tilt to one side) and God only know what she tells him.

• Rest of the week, the wife and I are still trying to be quiet and be respectful.
• Friday, I’m leaving work and thinking that I don’t want to give a damn about anything this weekend’ – meaning that work was rough and I just want to veg out.
• A friend responds (thinking I’m talking about home) that I should watch myself otherwise she will un-friend me and my wife which is what adults do. I think its funny but think nothing more of it.
• My wife and go about our weekend and the rest of the week.
• We have a habit of, when we get our mail, bringing in the neighbor’s mail. It’s there, we’re going inside, why not just bring it in for them.
• Last night, as my wife was coming home from doing a charity event (doesn’t she sound like a disrespectful woman, my wife?) she finds a note on the neighbor’s mailbox that says…

“To those who ‘don’t give a damn’ don’t touch the mail
The ‘adults’ know how to bring it in themselves”

• OK, here’s the issue.
• They de-friended us.
• Yes, we still have friend on common via facebook…but that means that they actively went out and searched my status update. That’s pathetically creepy. Yes, the misconstrued something I wrote, yes my friend took it in a different direction. But still…c’mon
• Not once have I mentioned to them that their door slamming hobby has woken my son up from his nap or myself up from a sound sleep on more than once occasion. Not once have I mentioned that their dog yaps for up to 25 minutes every time they leave the house. Not once have I mentioned to them that the fact they leave the garbage out in the hall so they can take it out in the morning is disgusting and seem to attract roaches – which is why I took it out. As an act of consideration for the house. Not because I don’t give a damn.
• Also, we have gone more than out of our way to do things for these people. My wife bought a high priced cosmetics thing from the company she works for so this woman could give to her mom for Christmas. Not once did we get a thanks. Sure sounds like we’re taking advantage of them.

So fucking pissed off at the immaturity of these people (he says as he types all of this out on a message board)
I think they drew the final line with that lame-ass note last night.
Adults don’t write notes, they talk about this.
It all boils down to this – we own, they rent.
They want my kid to just sit there and do nothing 24/7. they want to deny him his childhood of loving superheroes and pretending he’s the Hulk or Superman.
Fuck them.

Man, this felt good to type.
Sad nobody is actually gonna read this whole thing.
Regardless, I’m feeling better.

UPDATE - Found out through the grapevine that they are moving to Minnesota (which is eaxctly the place you want to take someone who hated the winter here in NY so much...but I digress)
And while that's good news this morning, my son was running around on his quiet feet (it was 6:45 a.m.) and then he went in to his room to change his clothes.
Suddenly, a massive thud from his floor over and over and over again and then from downstairs, a shrill "Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up! SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPP!!!!" and the baby crying -- no wailing like it's being thrown in a thrasher.

My wife and I sit there for a minute shocked about what just happened.
My son is now on the floor, ear to the floor listening and he goes "What's that? Knocking?" and starts knocking on the floor back at the banging.

The family and I are leaving for California tomorrow.
The bi-polar, post-partem lady will have a full week of silence.
We have someone coming to our house every few days to make sure nothing's been messed with (I would not put it past these people)

But here I am at work, adrenaline still giong -- I cannot believe a few things:
1. How crazed she sounded
2. How she can even remotely blame my child for waking up her kid who (from as far as I can tell) was NOT screaming before she started banging the ceiling
3. How crazed she sounded -- seriously, it was like we'd released bees into her house or something.

Anyway, that's how it stands now...

FINAL UPDATE

After a weekend of synchronized door slamming and yappy dog extravaganzas -- I left the house for work this morning to see a moving truck and movers carting boxes towards their apartment.

Looks like they are Minnesota-bound.

Part of me is saddened that I'll never get to say the things I wanted to say to them. Part of me wanted to go to the husband and say 'You know what? I don't give a shit about you or your wife, but i do care about your kid -- and when you're not here, your wife does crazy shit. Shit she probably doesn't tell you about and wouldn't fess up to ever. So I'm telling you this as a courtesy -- get her some help. She's got post-partum antics coming out of her pores and if she doesn't get help now, it'll be bad for you and the baby in the long run. That's all. Good bye."
And as I'm walking away, I'd turn around and say
"Suck it."
Not a mature farewell, I'll admit...but...it's who I am.

Well, that ends the saga of The Shithole Neighbors.
Thank you for listening and good night and good luck.

[Brewtown Andy]

I read the whole thing!

I would have stopped talking to them forever after she touched your kid.

[The Crushtacean]

Dude, fuck these people. Tell your kid to be as loud as he wants so they move the fuck out.

[Rafiennes]

I read the whole thing!

I would have stopped talking to them forever after she touched your kid.

You win the steak knives!
yeah, that's one thing my wife and I are beating ourselves about. Not bringing up that fact.
But I'm sure in the mind of this woman, she did no wrong. And I'm sure she told her husband she was pleasant to my son so he thinks she's an angel with rose-scented farts.

[Ryudo]

I read it.

Your neighbors are asses.

If their kid is seven months and can't handle noise by now, it's their fault, not yours. One of my closest friends' kid is 7 months old and he's slept many times (when he was younger) through us playing rock band and guitar hero and the yelling that goes along with it.

[cPol]

I read the whole thing. My response? Quiet Time's over. If they bitch to you? "Tough shit. Move."

[Criden]

I read the whole thing. Fuck 'em. Good for you for handling it so well.

[TheTravis!]

If they want noisy, you should give them noisy. I can come over and we can play "carpet bowling" for a while.

[Rafiennes]

If they want noisy, you should give them noisy. I can come over and we can play "carpet bowling" for a while.

Does that involve nudity?

[Papa Ginge]

Yeah I read it too. Screw them man. My brother in law is a firefighter so he's got scanners up the wazoo in their house that are constantly beeping and booping and they've got a 3 year old who didn't have a problem and currently have a 6 month old who has no problem with the noise. Hey these are the things you have to put up with when you live in an apartment or attached housing of some kind. Do they think once their kid is 2 or 3 he's not going to be running around adn yelling and making noise from time to time. All this stuff just comes with the territory man, they need to just deal.