So I got into a teensy bit of trouble today.

[Keith P.]

Ok, Tuesday we have our weekly sales meeting at my brokerage. Well this week was a little different. Instead of the usual 1-2 hour meeting our brokers brought in a sales consultant, and we spent the next 5 hours listening to him talk. His name is Chip.

So, as I may have mentioned before, we have this guy named Rob, who is an agent there, who is a giant douchebag. He never shuts up, EVER. He can turn an hour meeting into two hours easily, because he constantly has to share is point of view on everything. And he's a very stereotypical loud, white, male conservative ass cantaloupe.

I will give you an example of some of the gems he shared with us. Chip was going on about a major sales technique to use is to relate to, and act like your client. So Rob butts in with "Well, y'a know, white Rob can't do that with you know, some of our clients."

Awkward silence.

Later on they were talking about the DISC program of personality assessment, and one of personality types, is known as a C. Rob then brings it to our attention that most Asians are C's. At which point our broker cut him off and was like "Ok, moving on."

We later had this exercise where Chip went around the room and he picked people out, and pretended to be a client, offered you a reason why he could not buy a house, and then you had to counter it.


Now, I have a little problem. I am constantly running my own little inner monologue relating to what is going on around me. It is usually to me, absolutely hilarious, but often not so much to other people. And sometimes, before I can stop myself, if I'm distracted, it breaks free.

So it's my turn.

Chip: Ok, a client tells you she can't buy a house because she is pregnant, and wants to have her baby before they move, what do you say?

Me: Uhhhhh...offer her a coat hanger?

Ok, pretty much everyone laughed.


More to come...

[Ashwin Pande]

heh

ass cantaloupe.

Keep us posted!!

[McAfee]

How is that trouble? That's SOLID GOLD!!!!

[TheTravis!]

Today I suggested to one of our account executives that I was going to kick him in the dick.

[Fourthman]

Now, I have a little problem. I am constantly running my own little inner monologue relating to what is going on around me. It is usually to me, absolutely hilarious, but often not so much to other people. And sometimes, before I can stop myself, if I'm distracted, it breaks free.

Oh, so you're a person?

[Jim T.]

This sounds like an Office episode (more the British variety, really). It will not end well...

[Buk Was Right]

conservative ass cantaloupe.

Is this an actual expression that I'm not familiar with?

Because if not, it should be.

[Keith P.]

So anyway, today I am up at the office and Steve asks me if he can talk to me in his office. No biggie, Steve and I talk a lot.

So he informs me that an agent came to me, because she was horribly offended by my comment, and that she wanted to confront me, but Steve said he would talk to me. Apparently she had an abortion at one time and I traumatized her or some happy horseshit. Not only did she want me to apologize, but to apologize to the entire office.

My response.

Me:Errr...fuck no?

Steve then gave me that look. You know, the one of complete shock that I "went there." and actually said no, to what he probably assumed was a perfectly reasonable request.

Steve: Well, then I'm going to tell her you said no, and she is going to most likely confront you.

Me: Ok.

Him: You know I don't like this kind of tension in the office.

Me: Then I would say you probably better tell her to stay out of my face.

Him: You know, at this point, you kind of made your bed, so if she gets nasty with you, you deserve it.

Me: Then I'll just tell her she needs to learn to keep her legs closed, and its not my fault she doesn't know how to use a rubber.

Him: *shock*

Me: You know what, fuck this, I can't believe you pulled me in over this horseshit. I've had to listen for the past three years to Rob spew some of the most outrageous, crazy, redneck racist horseshit, and you haven't said shit. Fucking grow a pair.

And then I stormed out of his office and slammed the door.

[JoeE]

I think she has a valid complaint. You should apologize.

[Wastrel]

So anyway, today I am up at the office and Steve asks me if he can talk to me in his office. No biggie, Steve and I talk a lot.

So he informs me that an agent came to me, because she was horribly offended by my comment, and that she wanted to confront me, but Steve said he would talk to me. Apparently she had an abortion at one time and I traumatized her or some happy horseshit. Not only did she want me to apologize, but to apologize to the entire office.

My response.

Me:Errr...fuck no?

Steve then gave me that look. You know, the one of complete shock that I "went there." and actually said no, to what he probably assumed was a perfectly reasonable request.

Steve: Well, then I'm going to tell her you said no, and she is going to most likely confront you.

Me: Ok.

Him: You know I don't like this kind of tension in the office.

Me: Then I would say you probably better tell her to stay out of my face.

Him: You know, at this point, you kind of made your bed, so if she gets nasty with you, you deserve it.

Me: Then I'll just tell her she needs to learn to keep her legs closed, and its not my fault she doesn't know how to use a rubber.

Him: *shock*

Me: You know what, fuck this, I can't believe you pulled me in over this horseshit. I've had to listen for the past three years to Rob spew some of the most outrageous, crazy, redneck racist horseshit, and you haven't said shit. Fucking grow a pair.

And then I stormed out of his office and slammed the door.

bwahahahahahah!