Things not to say at Easter dinner

[LordKinbote]

This Sunday, I will be eating dinner with my girlfriend's father. My girlfriend will not be there to stop me from making a fool of myself. I was raised Jewish, and they're pretty Lutheran.

So...what are some things I shouldn't let slip at the dinner table?

"Did I mention I'm the resurrection of Christ?"
"Could you please pass the resurrection of Christ?"

And my personal fave:

"If you think about it, I'm fairly Lutheran. I did nail your daughter ninety-five times against a church door."

[dako]

And my personal fave:

"If you think about it, I'm fairly Lutheran. I did nail your daughter fifty times against a church door."

Yeah, that's pretty good.


For Easter, ask about pagan fertility rituals and symbols being co-opted by Christians.

Or ask whether it's a Zombie-Christ thing, or more of a Jesus-Reboot.

[Chris McCarver]

Asking to pass the turkey accompanied by the comment that one's in need of protein not coming out of one's boyfriend's dick?

[chazbot]

Ask, why they haven't served the Easter bunny yet? Aren't you supposed to eat one every year for good luck?

[RebootedCorpse]

"Aren't we a day early? I mean if Jesus was crucified on Good Friday and rose after three days...let's see, Saturday would be one day, Sunday would be two days, Monday would be three days. Jesus had premature resurretion!"

[Frozen Sooner]

"So, let me get this straight-Jesus was the Lamb, right? The perfect sacrifice who ended up resurrected. Should I worry about this leg of lamb waking up in my stomach later?"

[jamestolliver]

Put your arms straight out and yell "Jesus sure was well hung." An oldie but a goodie!

[Magnum V.I.]

You should tell him that Easter is canceled cause they found the body.

[EmeraldCityConMan]

Wait, so how'd the bunny get resurrected?

And who the hell is the bearded guy trying to steal his and Santa's thunder?

[The Human Target]

Mmmmmm tastes like Jesus.