What kind of sex is your comic-book?

[BENDIS!]

ok, this blog http://hoopla-comics.blogspot.com/2007/01/hoopla-episode-2-what-kind-of-sex-is.html i got a hold of really made me laugh... i think we did something like this once, but, even though the joke about me has whiskers on it, this is pretty funny... :)

feel free to post yours...

Ed Brubaker comics are like really good sex that, at the end, leaves you feeling cheap and mildly depressed.

Geof Johns comics are like sex that starts off really great but then goes on for much too long and keeps dragging on and dragging on until finally, when it's over, it's almost a relief.

Alan Moore comics are like some kind of crazy tantric sex, orgasms layered upon orgasms, peaks building upon peaks, leaving you exhausted and completely euphoric.

Garth Ennis comics like to talk dirty to you while you're doing it.

Warren Ellis comics want to talk dirty too, but usually end up digressing into some self-righteous blather about how stupid everyone else is and how meaningless sex and life really are.

Sean McKeever comics are like sex that's nice enough, but you might fall asleep while it's going on.

Brian Azzarello comics hurt during and after. And they're never as good as you thought they'd be. And they leave you feeling dirty inside.

Gail Simone comics are like fun, silly sex. With lots of tickling. It's not the best you'll ever have, but it's a nice change of pace after the overly grim Ellis and Azzarello.

Brian Michael Bendis comics are like this:

"Wow."

"Yeah? You... yeah?"

"Oy. Yeah."

"Cause I wasn't sure if you...?"

"No. I mean, yes. I did. Twice."

"No way. You... twice?"

"Twice. And a half."

"Wow. That's... that's really..."

"Yeah."

"Do you... do you mind if I smoke a cigarette? I mean, because, I..."

"Uh, actually, I..."

"Oh, god. I'm so stupid. I've ruined it, haven't I? I've ruined it with my... with this stupid habit."

"No, you..."

"So stupid. Who smokes these days, with the cancer and the... god. I'm really sorry."

"No, wait, you..."

"I...?"

"But, if you..."

"What? If I...?"

"I just wondered if you had a..."

"Look. Let's just... let's just pretend this never..."

"But, I... if you had another cigarette...?"

"Let's just pretend this... it didn't happen. Okay? This never happened."

"But, all I wanted to say was..."

"I'm so sorry. I'm... I'm gonna just leave now, okay? And let's just pretend..."

"It didn't?"

"It never did."

"Oh. Shit. I feel like... now I feel like Hawkeye just died. Twice."

Rob Liefeld comics are really, really bad sex with someone who looked totally hot when you first met them in a bar, earlier that night, after a ridiculous amount of drinking.

Grant Morrison comics are sometimes super-excellent sex and sometimes not-so-good sex, but always with crazy props and sex toys that you never even knew existed.

And, finally...

Joss Whedon comics (and TV!) are like sex with someone you really love. Sometimes outstanding and sometimes simply okay, but always leaving you with a warm, happy feeling inside.

[Oeming]

HAHAHAHAAHA thats awesome!

[BriRedfern]

Pretty great.

Really nailed your flare for dialogue.

[Brian Defferding]

:lol: Well done!!!

[Adam Witt]

That's absolutely terrific.

[Brad N.]

fantastic

[Vonn Hennigar]

Chuck Austen Comics is like Prison Anal Sex without any lube.

Daniel Way Comics is like sex when you're young. Fun but it's over before you even start.

Eh it's late give me a break.

[The Goddamn Schweitz!]

I was really worried this thread was going to be about jerkin it to images in comics...why did i look in the thread if that's what I thought?

[Jonny Z]

the only ones i can come up with are derrogatory and racist :(

[Adam Witt]

:lol: Well done!!!

Brian Defferding comics are like...fucked. :crazy:

[JoeE]

Mark Millar comics are like rough, violent sex in which each partner is only looking to please himself of herself, and where the "A" DOES stand for Anal. Also, a bunch of virginal fanboys will whine about how you're not respecting traditional sexual practices and how you're the worst lover ever.

Alex Ross comics are like the sex people had in the 50s - looks pretty and maybe nostalgic but ultimately it lacks energy and kineticism.

JMS comics are like Quantum Sex. Sex that could be any given level of quality, at any given time.

Reginald Hudlin comics aren't like sex, but they are like being accused of manufacturing new sexually-transmitted diseases to spread to Africa.

[TomBelandTSSTG]

That is pretty hilarious.

[Brian Reed]

You've been Googling yourself again, haven't you?

[Jerome Gibbons]

"Wow."

"Yeah? You... yeah?"

"Oy. Yeah."

"Cause I wasn't sure if you...?"

"No. I mean, yes. I did. Twice."

"No way. You... twice?"

"Twice. And a half."

"Wow. That's... that's really..."

"Yeah."

"Do you... do you mind if I smoke a cigarette? I mean, because, I..."

"Uh, actually, I..."

"Oh, god. I'm so stupid. I've ruined it, haven't I? I've ruined it with my... with this stupid habit."

"No, you..."

"So stupid. Who smokes these days, with the cancer and the... god. I'm really sorry."

"No, wait, you..."

"I...?"

"But, if you..."

"What? If I...?"

"I just wondered if you had a..."

"Look. Let's just... let's just pretend this never..."

"But, I... if you had another cigarette...?"

"Let's just pretend this... it didn't happen. Okay? This never happened."

"But, all I wanted to say was..."

"I'm so sorry. I'm... I'm gonna just leave now, okay? And let's just pretend..."

"It didn't?"

"It never did."

"Oh. Shit. I feel like... now I feel like Hawkeye just died. Twice."
This describes my last relationship pretty accurately.

[Jonny Z]

Mike Oeming comics are like having sex with your hand and crying afterwards?

[BENDIS!]

You've been Googling yourself again, haven't you?

i dont have to, have you seen newsarama this week :)

[BENDIS!]

joe quesada comics are like good sex with a lot of rope and it takes FOREVER to finish

[Brian Defferding]

Brian Defferding comics are like...fucked. :crazy:

:twisted:

[Ray G.]

Buh-rilliant.

Judd Winick comics are like sex with a Jewish grandmother. Not only is it usually pretty slow and retro, but you always leave feeling really guilty.

[Jonny Z]

Alex Maleev comics are like tossing a bisexual salad with all the trimmings and dressings.

[Jerome Gibbons]

Kevin Smith comics are like going to a strip club.

[Hock]

Jim Lee Comics are like sex with a repressed school girl. They won't put out very often, but it's so good you're constantly begging for more.

[Jonny Z]

Kevin Smith comics are like going to a strip club.

i don't get it. wait, now i think maybe i do?

[Pat Loika]

Chris Claremont comics: it's sex with a play-by-play announcer and commentator, explaining to you what you're doing, who you are, what you're capable of, and who you're fucking...

P.

[Wastrel]

Buh-rilliant.

Judd Winick comics are like sex with a Jewish grandmother. Not only is it usually pretty slow and retro, but you always leave feeling really guilty.

and you are fairly certain to be at risk of contact with HIV.

[Brian Defferding]

Kirkman's comics are like auto-erotic asphyxiation. It's got you by the throat while having you by the balls but goddamn does it feel good.

[JoeE]

Frank Miller comics are like having sex with a golden-haired angel. Until you get love chunked.

[Adam Witt]

Chris Claremont comics: it's sex with a play-by-play announcer and commentator, explaining to you what you're doing, who you are, what you're capable of, and who you're fucking...

P.

:rofl:

[BriRedfern]

So Scott McCloud comics are like Doctor Ruth?

[Adam Witt]

Peter Millgan comics are like boring normal sex sometimes, but other times it's like injecting acid and caffiene into your veins and jacking into the Matrix all at once.

[THWIP!]

The one about you Bendis was fantastic. The others were great too. Thanks for the laugh.

[greg donovan]

Chris Claremont comics: it's sex with a play-by-play announcer and commentator, explaining to you what you're doing, who you are, what you're capable of, and who you're fucking...

P.

brilliant!

[sto110]

wait hawkeye is ronin?

[Jonny Z]

micah ian wright comics are like fuckin a chick who says she's a virgin but then turns out to be a giant slut who's already slept with the entire football team, basketball team, and cheerleading squad.

[Hock]

Oeming (writen) comics are like sex with a bisexual hippy, a great time and a there's a good chance a friend will be brought along.

[Simps]

I just assumed Bendis comics were like anal sex with Luke Cage.

[Steve Marshall]

Awesome! :thumb:

[James Patrick]

John Byrne comics: are like having sex that used to be really, really good, but has turned into every Thurdsay at 8:00 pm in the same position.

[James Patrick]

micah ian wright comics are like fuckin a chick who says she's a virgin but then turns out to be a giant slut who's already slept with the entire football team, basketball team, and cheerleading squad.

It's like finding out she's a man. After.

[Ryan Elliott]

Awesome!!

[The Human Target]

Oh god, the tears.

:lol:

[bradical]

John Byrne comics: are like having sex that used to be really, really good, but has turned into every Thurdsay at 8:00 pm in the same position.

angerier each week.

[TheTravis!]

Frank Miller comics are like fucking someone you used to think was really hot, but has now hit the wall and become kind of fugly, so the whole time you're trying to picture what they USED to look like, because otherwise, there's no way you're going to be able to keep it up.

[Hock]

Allan Heinberg Comics are like having sex with a trophy wife. It's a great uninhibited fucking while it lasts, but you can only get so much before she goes to suck the sugar daddy's cock for some cash.

[TheTravis!]

Mark Millar comics are like sex with a girl who lives in a different state. It's great when it happens, but you only get together every so often.

[Good & Evil]

:lol:

That's great. Bendis to a T.

[TheTravis!]

I always thought Bendis comics were like expecting a quicky and ending up in a three year relationship.

[Ryan Elliott]

I always thought Bendis comics were like expecting a quicky and ending up in a three year relationship.



:rofl:

[Hock]

I always thought Bendis comics were like expecting a quicky and ending up in a three year relationship.

I was going to say the same thing about Dan Slott comics.

[TheTravis!]

I was going to say the same thing about Dan Slott comics.

How many titles has Slott had cancelled from under him?

Slott comics are like being in the middle of incredible sex, when she gets up to make a phone call, and you never see or hear from her again.

[Hock]

How many titles has Slott had cancelled from under him?

Slott comics are like being in the middle of incredible sex, when she gets up to make a phone call, and you never see or hear from her again.

I stand corrected

[The Human Target]

Allan Heinberg Comics are like having sex with a trophy wife. It's a great uninhibited fucking while it lasts, but you can only get so much before she goes to suck the sugar daddy's cock for some cash.

So true.

So true.

[WinterRose]

Ellis and Morrison comics are pretty much every fetishy bit of sex I ever fantasized about before I read them. I think they dip their pens into the fetid inkwell of my libido regularly.

[TheTravis!]

Ellis and Morrison comics are pretty much every fetishy bit of sex I ever fantasized about before I read them. I think they dip their pens into the fetid inkwell of my libido regularly.

If either of them read this sentence, they would probably quit writing and become actuaries.

[WinterRose]

If either of them read this sentence, they would probably quit writing and become actuaries.

My feelings would be hurt if you hadn't typed that one-handed.

[TheTravis!]

My feelings would be hurt if you hadn't typed that one-handed.

So you're saying that you're prejudiced against the physically handicapped. Nice one, hatemonger.

[WinterRose]

So you're saying that you're prejudiced against the physically handicapped. Nice one, hatemonger.

No. Just inferring that you derive sexual pleasure from following my posts while wanking with one hand and typing with the other. Geez. Don't hurt yourself or anything.

[TheTravis!]

No. Just inferring that you derive sexual pleasure from following my posts while wanking with one hand and typing with the other. Geez. Don't hurt yourself or anything.

You're LARPing right now. Admit it.

[WinterRose]

No, just losing interest. No malice intended tho. Sleep well.

[TheTravis!]

No, just losing interest. No malice intended tho. Sleep well.

You killed the thread, you know.

[c. page]

Frank Miller comics are like fucking someone you used to think was really hot, but has now hit the wall and become kind of fugly, so the whole time you're trying to picture what they USED to look like, because otherwise, there's no way you're going to be able to keep it up.

you forgot the brick. the brick full of bullets.

[Origami]

That is, dare I say, an apt description for most of the victims in question. Except we're forgetting the simple fact that, of course, comic book geeks wouldn't know what any of those experiences are like.

[artimoff]

ops

[Mikie]

Awesome!!!!! :D

[Sam Little]

Chris Claremont comics: it's sex with a play-by-play announcer and commentator, explaining to you what you're doing, who you are, what you're capable of, and who you're fucking...

P.

Heh.

"My name is AMY! I am here to FUCK you! Hope you SURVIVE the EXPERIENCE!"

[Hate_Prime]

I thought this thread was deleted... someone is fucking with my head again!

[ClintP]

I thought this thread was deleted... someone is fucking with my head again!

Paul Jenkins comics and blogs are like a drag strip race with a clown midget driving, a retarded drunk dog with a beard in the passenger seat, pulling a trailor full of purple hienas, and right when the car make it to the finish line it transforms into a giant stripper and flies to Canada. :)

[Hate_Prime]

Paul Jenkins comics and blogs are like a drag strip race with a clown midget driving, a retarded drunk dog with a beard in the passenger seat, pulling a trailor full of purple hienas, and right when the car make it to the finish line it transforms into a giant stripper and flies to Canada. :)

http://img.dailymail.co.uk//i/pix/2007/01/amazonmumm1_228x390.jpg

[Ethan Van Sciver]

I read that article with confusion because I was in it. You have an off day and draw Lois Lane with enormous tits ONCE, and it ruins the whole arc. Damn.

Hate Prime, you're kicking ass today.

[Shannon Chenoweth]

Ha!

[Hate_Prime]

I read that article with confusion because I was in it. You have an off day and draw Lois Lane with enormous tits ONCE, and it ruins the whole arc. Damn.

Hate Prime, you're kicking ass today.

Why thank yew. I must be in, what the hip kids call, "the zone."
















I just jinxed it by acknowledging it, didn't I?

[Taki Soma]

Brilliant!

[Dreg]

Grant Morrison comics are like sex with a really smokin' first cousin. Hot, taboo, and cathartic, but once it's over, everyone will pretend it never happened.

[Rick America]

Kevin Smith comics are like going to a strip club.

Kevin Smith comics are like waiting on line at the most hyped strip club ever, but it never opens on time.

[lost in the flood]

yeah that was pretty much awesome.

EDIT: I don't know what i'm more in the mood for now... comics or sex.

[Brian Defferding]

Kevin Smith comics are like waiting on line at the most hyped strip club ever, but it never opens on time.

You win the thread.

[Jef UK]

Spot on.

[JABSEN]

Hilarious
Allan Heinberg Comics are like having sex with a trophy wife. It's a great uninhibited fucking while it lasts, but you can only get so much before she goes to suck the sugar daddy's cock for some cash.This one should be in the article...

[Taki Soma]

yeah that was pretty much awesome.

EDIT: I don't know what i'm more in the mood for now... comics or sex.

pssssssssshhhhh now you know what you have to do. sex WITH comics.

[warrenellis]

So long as they don't want me to do anal, I'm fine.


##

[ClintP]

http://img.dailymail.co.uk//i/pix/2007/01/amazonmumm1_228x390.jpg

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

[Jonny Z]

yeah that was pretty much awesome.

EDIT: I don't know what i'm more in the mood for now... comics or sex.

can i answer that one for you?

[TheTravis!]

I don't know what i'm more in the mood for now... comics or sex.

Why does it have to be one or the other? Can't you do both?

[lost in the flood]

Why does it have to be one or the other? Can't you do both?

good point, both it is!

[TheTravis!]

good point, both it is!

If you let him hit it from behind, you can both read the same issue!

[JABSEN]

If you let him hit it from behind, you can both read the same issue!Make it Alias #1 for added effect.

[TheTravis!]

Make it Alias #1 for added effect.

GENIUS.

I tip my hat to you, sir.

[Dreg]

Bendis comics are like sex in a porn film that you slowly begin to discover is actually a snuff film. NOT LIKE THIS!!!

[The Doctor]

Awesome.

[GelfXIII]

Kevin Smith comics are like going to a strip club.

Kevin Smith comic are like having sex with a gorgeous woman (with huge tits) who gets out of bed when you're halfway there, and goes downstairs to make herself a sandwich, stops to watch some TV and falls asleep on the sofa, leaving you to finish up by yourself.

[The Doctor]

Grant Morrison comics are like sex that when you're done you can't wait to take a shower.

For me anyway.

[dEnny!]

Kirkman's comics are like auto-erotic asphyxiation. It's got you by the throat while having you by the balls but goddamn does it feel good.

I was going to say Kirkman's comics is meaningless sex or sex with a girl who has no depth. :p

[chazbot]

I was going to say Kirkman's comics is meaningless sex or sex with a girl who has no depth. :p

How about, Kirkman's comics is sex with someone who is really into it and makes you want to come back for more when she wants it. Now, if it's when you want it, she won't even give you a worthwhile hand job.

[Hate_Prime]

Congratulations bendis board, you've set the art of analogies back 50 years.

[Marcdachamp]

Kevin Smith comics are like going to a strip club.

You wait in line 3 hours only to find out your favorite stripper was raped?

Chuck Austen comics are like sex with a decent looking girl. Sometimes you're impressed with how good it is.

Craig Kyle and Chris Yost comics are like a crazy sex orgy. They involve a lot of people, and you know at least one person isn't making it out alive.

Peter David comics are like having sex with Kelsy Grammer. Full of smarmy comments that often go over your head.

Vaughan comics are like sex with someone way more experienced than you. Just when you think you know how it ends, she pulls a switch play that leaves you much more satisfied.

[saymama]

gee Brian thanks! because of that last one I now feel the need to go and remourn the ending of Angel!

[BENDIS!]

wow, a thread very close to out of control...

[Dreg]

I'll pull out when the time is right, I promise.

[changingshades]

genius

[Caley Tibbittz]

Chuck Austen Comics is like Prison Anal Sex without any lube.
:-x

Read Superman: Metropolis and JLA: Pain of the Gods, dammit!

[GelfXIII]

:-x

Read Superman: Metropolis and JLA: Pain of the Gods, dammit!

Pain of the gods is what convinced me that I didn't like his writing. Nothing against him personally, mind, but that was the most awful crap I've ever read.

[Caley Tibbittz]

Pain of the gods is what convinced me that I didn't like his writing. Nothing against him personally, mind, but that was the most awful crap I've ever read.

Huh... well, I loved it. Especially the Martian Manhunter issue, I've read that one like four times, and I rarely reread my comics.

[Doug]

52 is sex that you get each week. Sometimes the sex is great, but sometimes you're just going through the motions, but it is always there.

[The Doctor]

wow, a thread very close to out of control...

Pft you started it....

[Gail Simone]

I heard Bendis Comics sex is a lot like David Mamet Comics sex!

I'm banned again, aren't I?

I'll go quietly.

:)

Gail

[MACK!]

ok, this blog http://hoopla-comics.blogspot.com/2007/01/hoopla-episode-2-what-kind-of-sex-is.html i got a hold of really made me laugh... i think we did something like this once, but, even though the joke about me has whiskers on it, this is pretty funny... :)

feel free to post yours...

Ed Brubaker comics are like really good sex that, at the end, leaves you feeling cheap and mildly depressed.

Geof Johns comics are like sex that starts off really great but then goes on for much too long and keeps dragging on and dragging on until finally, when it's over, it's almost a relief.

Alan Moore comics are like some kind of crazy tantric sex, orgasms layered upon orgasms, peaks building upon peaks, leaving you exhausted and completely euphoric.

Garth Ennis comics like to talk dirty to you while you're doing it.

Warren Ellis comics want to talk dirty too, but usually end up digressing into some self-righteous blather about how stupid everyone else is and how meaningless sex and life really are.

Sean McKeever comics are like sex that's nice enough, but you might fall asleep while it's going on.

Brian Azzarello comics hurt during and after. And they're never as good as you thought they'd be. And they leave you feeling dirty inside.

Gail Simone comics are like fun, silly sex. With lots of tickling. It's not the best you'll ever have, but it's a nice change of pace after the overly grim Ellis and Azzarello.

Brian Michael Bendis comics are like this:

"Wow."

"Yeah? You... yeah?"

"Oy. Yeah."

"Cause I wasn't sure if you...?"

"No. I mean, yes. I did. Twice."

"No way. You... twice?"

"Twice. And a half."

"Wow. That's... that's really..."

"Yeah."

"Do you... do you mind if I smoke a cigarette? I mean, because, I..."

"Uh, actually, I..."

"Oh, god. I'm so stupid. I've ruined it, haven't I? I've ruined it with my... with this stupid habit."

"No, you..."

"So stupid. Who smokes these days, with the cancer and the... god. I'm really sorry."

"No, wait, you..."

"I...?"

"But, if you..."

"What? If I...?"

"I just wondered if you had a..."

"Look. Let's just... let's just pretend this never..."

"But, I... if you had another cigarette...?"

"Let's just pretend this... it didn't happen. Okay? This never happened."

"But, all I wanted to say was..."

"I'm so sorry. I'm... I'm gonna just leave now, okay? And let's just pretend..."

"It didn't?"

"It never did."

"Oh. Shit. I feel like... now I feel like Hawkeye just died. Twice."

Rob Liefeld comics are really, really bad sex with someone who looked totally hot when you first met them in a bar, earlier that night, after a ridiculous amount of drinking.

Grant Morrison comics are sometimes super-excellent sex and sometimes not-so-good sex, but always with crazy props and sex toys that you never even knew existed.

And, finally...

Joss Whedon comics (and TV!) are like sex with someone you really love. Sometimes outstanding and sometimes simply okay, but always leaving you with a warm, happy feeling inside.


Pretty funny

[Run-BMC]

I think Bendis comics sex is like really good missionary sex that goes on and on and on... and on and on... and right when you think, 'okay, this is really good, but I'm not going to come and I'm getting kind of hungry,' she suggests doing anal while her sister sits on your face.

[Ravengregory]

that was great.

[Ravengregory]

I think Bendis comics sex is like really good missionary sex that goes on and on and on... and on and on... and right when you think, 'okay, this is really good, but I'm not going to come and I'm getting kind of hungry,' she suggests doing anal, while her sister sits on your face.

Okay. I'm bowing.

[Ravengregory]

joe quesada comics are like good sex with a lot of rope and it takes FOREVER to finish

didn't get it.:-?

[Thommy Melanson]

didn't get it.:-?

He got alot more slack than most artists/writers for being years late with Daredevil:Father.

[Ravengregory]

He got alot more slack than most artists/writers for being years late with Daredevil:Father.

ah.

Kay. That's for the clear up.

[Garra]

I must be doing something wrong.

Every time I tried to have sex with one of my comic books all I got was a really nasty paper cut. :sad:

[ClintP]

I think Bendis comics sex is like really good missionary sex that goes on and on and on... and on and on... and right when you think, 'okay, this is really good, but I'm not going to come and I'm getting kind of hungry,' she suggests doing anal while her sister sits on your face.

That is...... BRILLIANT!

[The Cheap-Arse Film Critic]

Jeph Loeb comics are like a drunken one night stand; over quickly, with a lot of awkward silences.

[The Cheap-Arse Film Critic]

Kevin Smith comics are like having sex with somebody with a Coke habit; comes every couple of years.

[The Cheap-Arse Film Critic]

Geoff Jones comics are like having sex with somebody who's thinking about relationships he had in his teens; he keeps pining for his youth and trying to recreate you in that image.

[The Cheap-Arse Film Critic]

Todd McFarlane comics are like having sex with a classically trained dancer who's incredibly double-jointed.