Masculine Todd
12-23-2006, 11:23 AM
Continuing the series of Bendis Board posts that document my continued assaults (mostly in the groin region), I present to you part three. Part two can be found here : http://www.606studios.com/bendisboard/showthread.php?t=96846
So I was working at Best Buy today (I used to work there until last summer along with a waiter gig when I graduated high school, I still work there during the holiday season). This guy continually called every half hour about a PS3, and I continually repeated the same line of "we will not be getting any more shipments until after the New Years Holiday". He thought I was being coy, due to the fact that, a year prior, Best Buy had received a shipment of 360's in December (after the initial November launch sellout) and had been very secretive about it, with only workers being notified (and subsequently our family/friends/anybody we gave a tip-off to) until the morning of when it was advertised in the local paper's ads.
However, I told him there was not to be another "Secret Shipment", as this was Microsoft's doing and we are dealing with another company (Sony) and I was being sincere. Finally, after what must have been the 11th or 12th call, he decided to come to the store and grace us with his presence. He tracked me down, as I had been the one who took EVERY ONE OF HIS CALLS, and asked me to "give a brotha a break and hook him up", which he said with all the flavor and smoothness an aging 40-something, balding white guy with a "Git-er-done" trucker hat could muster. I echoed the same statement to him that none were available and to check back after the new year.
Again, this man misinterpreted my honesty for a reserved demeanor. Acting upon the perceived slyness I was unknowingly omitting, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and tapped into his inner hipster, again manifesting the earlier "smooth voice", which, given the uneasy feeling it gave me, resembled something I would imagine a pedophile would sound like, and said "I'll make it worth your while, my main man". As he said this, he took out a crisp $1 bill that quivered and swayed in the wind and hot air of his breath as he said "I know you don't see many of these. It's why you work here, but I'll make that change if you give me the lowdown on a Playstation 3". His visage changed from self-confidence to shock when I, instead of cowering to the sight of such a bountiful offering, rolled my eyes and said "I cannot take a bribe sir, it's against the law". I was hoping he would interpret it as I had meant it, which would have been "you're a sad, pathetic, walking mid-life crisis. Please take your arm off me, never touch me again, and go far away from civilized society".
He soon started yelling at me with the ear-shattering power of a banshee. Unfortunately for him, his voice seemed to be stuck between the softness of his pre-teen years and the puberty-sounding days of mid-teens, unable to make the transition. As such, he was rather un-intimidating. Remember, this is coming from myself, who is quite well known for my flamboyant "gay voice". I know he was cursing alot and then started, quite loudly, accusing me of trying to solicit a bribe from him in front of my fellow co-workers. Again, mistaking himself for someone who was cunning and devious, and no doubt trying to live out his fantasy of being a secret agent who bedded gorgeous blonds, whispered in my ear "I'll stop accusing you and let you keep your job if you give me the hookup". Unfortunately for him, what he deemed "whispering" was what the rest of the world would label as "light shouting", and my manager stood right behind him to investigate the situation. He heard the man and asked him to leave. In a violent rage, he picked up the a Guitar Hero controller (which as most of you know is the size of a guitar, hence the name) and heaved it with all the velocity and strength of a polio victim with broken arms. I didn't feel threatened enough to move, though his aim was quite sad, and it ended up hitting a boy beside me, who proceeded to laugh, which I am sure the man distorted in his head to knocking the boy's head off so he could tell his friends how dangerous he is.
The mall security was called and escorted him out of the building. The store manager told me I handled myself surprisingly well, given the situation and told me to take the rest of the day off.
Yeah.
So I was working at Best Buy today (I used to work there until last summer along with a waiter gig when I graduated high school, I still work there during the holiday season). This guy continually called every half hour about a PS3, and I continually repeated the same line of "we will not be getting any more shipments until after the New Years Holiday". He thought I was being coy, due to the fact that, a year prior, Best Buy had received a shipment of 360's in December (after the initial November launch sellout) and had been very secretive about it, with only workers being notified (and subsequently our family/friends/anybody we gave a tip-off to) until the morning of when it was advertised in the local paper's ads.
However, I told him there was not to be another "Secret Shipment", as this was Microsoft's doing and we are dealing with another company (Sony) and I was being sincere. Finally, after what must have been the 11th or 12th call, he decided to come to the store and grace us with his presence. He tracked me down, as I had been the one who took EVERY ONE OF HIS CALLS, and asked me to "give a brotha a break and hook him up", which he said with all the flavor and smoothness an aging 40-something, balding white guy with a "Git-er-done" trucker hat could muster. I echoed the same statement to him that none were available and to check back after the new year.
Again, this man misinterpreted my honesty for a reserved demeanor. Acting upon the perceived slyness I was unknowingly omitting, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and tapped into his inner hipster, again manifesting the earlier "smooth voice", which, given the uneasy feeling it gave me, resembled something I would imagine a pedophile would sound like, and said "I'll make it worth your while, my main man". As he said this, he took out a crisp $1 bill that quivered and swayed in the wind and hot air of his breath as he said "I know you don't see many of these. It's why you work here, but I'll make that change if you give me the lowdown on a Playstation 3". His visage changed from self-confidence to shock when I, instead of cowering to the sight of such a bountiful offering, rolled my eyes and said "I cannot take a bribe sir, it's against the law". I was hoping he would interpret it as I had meant it, which would have been "you're a sad, pathetic, walking mid-life crisis. Please take your arm off me, never touch me again, and go far away from civilized society".
He soon started yelling at me with the ear-shattering power of a banshee. Unfortunately for him, his voice seemed to be stuck between the softness of his pre-teen years and the puberty-sounding days of mid-teens, unable to make the transition. As such, he was rather un-intimidating. Remember, this is coming from myself, who is quite well known for my flamboyant "gay voice". I know he was cursing alot and then started, quite loudly, accusing me of trying to solicit a bribe from him in front of my fellow co-workers. Again, mistaking himself for someone who was cunning and devious, and no doubt trying to live out his fantasy of being a secret agent who bedded gorgeous blonds, whispered in my ear "I'll stop accusing you and let you keep your job if you give me the hookup". Unfortunately for him, what he deemed "whispering" was what the rest of the world would label as "light shouting", and my manager stood right behind him to investigate the situation. He heard the man and asked him to leave. In a violent rage, he picked up the a Guitar Hero controller (which as most of you know is the size of a guitar, hence the name) and heaved it with all the velocity and strength of a polio victim with broken arms. I didn't feel threatened enough to move, though his aim was quite sad, and it ended up hitting a boy beside me, who proceeded to laugh, which I am sure the man distorted in his head to knocking the boy's head off so he could tell his friends how dangerous he is.
The mall security was called and escorted him out of the building. The store manager told me I handled myself surprisingly well, given the situation and told me to take the rest of the day off.
Yeah.