workplace urinal etiquette

[Ruwan Jay]

now i am no bathroom fascist or restroom nazi, but i feel there is a basic code for the Baño. not silence because that would never work in a bathroom unless everyone was deaf and dropped a deuce at home....haha.

more along the lines of...do not engage work dudes in conversation while said dudes are trying to drown the urinal puck...not that it takes a ton of concentration to perform such an action. yet, is no place sacred from the din of banter?

as a guy---i feel like when you're standing at a urinal taking a piss @ work, people shouldn't try to engage you in a conversation when they see you're in the process of manual-dehydration.

often times, this isn't some quick intro like "hi ____. just dropping in to take a dump. talk to you later. apologies on what's about to happen!" as that be f'ing hilarious.

it's more along the lines of "hey Ruwan, what's up/what're you doing?"
me: what do you think i am up to? it's called urination. common function amongst mammals and other creatures...look into it.

the hilarious thing is that it's not just one person...it's a gaggle of office peeps. sometimes it's people i barely work with or have any professional interaction with. my guess is that they feel the need to make up for our lack of socialization by socializing in the one place where people don't regularly socialize unless your name is George Michael.

other times, the conversation being introduced is nothing casual, but much more involved like "hey Ruwan, what do you think of the greenhouse effect/or have you read A Brief History of Time by Hawking?"
my reply: "well if i had like 10 gallons of water...i could stand here & piss out an answer while i piss my brains out..."

when they talk at the back of your head from a distance...that's just irritating, but the worst is when a person stands next to you at the next urinal and proceeds to try and have a waterside chat. this is where the total invasion of your privates-cy comes into play. when this happens, i always feel like turning towards said person, peeing down his pants, and asking, "hey, what do you think about that? let's discuss at lunch..."

i wonder if this same issue plagues women, or whether bathroom conversation is okay because you're in your own lil' human waste confessional and have a little space in-between yourself and the other person/s.

now don't get me wrong---when i am out with my pals and we're hammered out of our minds, we will have loud-foul-obnoxious-vile conversations while in a bar/pub bathroom. however i feel the situation dictates the social conduct and because it is amongst friends, no co-workers. unless you work in a bar...then it's okay.

who knew men could be such chatty cathy's in the can?
DAMN YOU Bravo TV and your metrosexualizing ways!!!

who knows maybe highfiving will become "bathroom okay" along with cheering and fist pumping!? haha

'pologies on the typos.

[Scott JB]

okay, clearly Marvel is NOT working you hard enough.

(and ya, don't talk to me in the bathroom. Or use the urinal right next to me.)

[Keith P.]

I'll let you in on a little secret from a gay man, a personal favor to you as it were.

You know, how a lot of straight guys worry at the urinals about their may be a gay guy next to them checking out their junk...










We totally do. And then we tell all our friends, and compare notes. And if we see you again outside the bathroom, we will point you out and be like "Hey, thats the guy with the <blank> dick!"

[Ruwan Jay]

okay, clearly Marvel is NOT working you hard enough.

(and ya, don't talk to me in the bathroom. Or use the urinal right next to me.)

why are they not working me hard? i am trying to get in and get out of the bathroom (after washing my hands)...so i can clothesline some interns and trudge through the miles of paper surrounding my desk.

[Foolish Mortal]

I'll let you in on a little secret from a gay man, a personal favor to you as it were.

You know, how a lot of straight guys worry at the urinals about their may be a gay guy next to them checking out their junk...









We totally do. And then we tell all our friends, and compare notes. And if we see you again outside the bathroom, we will point you out and be like "Hey, thats the guy with the <blank> dick!"
:Panic:

[Ruwan Jay]

I'll let you in on a little secret from a gay man, a personal favor to you as it were.

You know, how a lot of straight guys worry at the urinals about their may be a gay guy next to them checking out their junk...

We totally do. And then we tell all our friends, and compare notes. And if we see you again outside the bathroom, we will point you out and be like "Hey, thats the guy with the <blank> dick!"

well that's comforting on some level---lol---and doesn't involve intruding conversation.

[Scott JB]

why are they not working me hard? i am trying to get in and get out of the bathroom (after washing my hands)...so i can clothesline some interns and trudge through the miles of paper surrounding my desk.

:D just seems like you've put WAY too much thought into the world of Corporate Excretion.

And lay the smackdown on a intern for me, big guy.

[Ruwan Jay]

:Panic:

welcome to the 21st century where people need to talk about other people's junk or junkyards in explicit detail.

[Masculine Todd]

I'll let you in on a little secret from a gay man, a personal favor to you as it were.

You know, how a lot of straight guys worry at the urinals about their may be a gay guy next to them checking out their junk...










We totally do. And then we tell all our friends, and compare notes. And if we see you again outside the bathroom, we will point you out and be like "Hey, thats the guy with the <blank> dick!"

Wait, when did we start doing that? Was this announced that the Rainbow Alliance meeting?

One of the things I cannot stand about public restrooms is the dude that has the choice of seven or eight different urinals, but lands on the one right next to yours. It locks me up mentally to the point that I cannot let my stream flow. And it's always some sketchy guy whose head seems to be wobbly in the way that he appears to be trying to check you out without you noticing but isn't doing a good job at being subtle about it. Either that, or he has a "serial killer" vibe.

[Ruwan Jay]

:D just seems like you've put WAY too much thought into the world of Corporate Excretion.

And lay the smackdown on a intern for me, big guy.

excretion is a big part of coprate America...haha. the interns need a good beating every now and then.

seriously though, Marvel interns kick ass, but mostly in terms of working hard however not really in the can-o'-whoop-ass sense.

[Ruwan Jay]

Wait, when did we start doing that? Was this announced that the Rainbow Alliance meeting?

One of the things I cannot stand about public restrooms is the dude that has the choice of seven or eight different urinals, but lands on the one right next to yours. It locks me up mentally to the point that I cannot let my stream flow. And it's always some sketchy guy whose head seems to be wobbly in the way that he appears to be trying to check you out without you noticing but isn't doing a good job at being subtle about it. Either that, or he has a "serial killer" vibe.

Hilarious. it is always those serial killer types that end up next to you. it's like that scene in Harold & Kumar where Jamie Kennedy plays that creepy dude who runs and up takes a piss outside in the forest right near Kumar who is also pissing...priceless.

[Keith P.]

Wait, when did we start doing that? Was this announced that the Rainbow Alliance meeting?

One of the things I cannot stand about public restrooms is the dude that has the choice of seven or eight different urinals, but lands on the one right next to yours. It locks me up mentally to the point that I cannot let my stream flow. And it's always some sketchy guy whose head seems to be wobbly in the way that he appears to be trying to check you out without you noticing but isn't doing a good job at being subtle about it. Either that, or he has a "serial killer" vibe.

Oh, like you've never looked. :roll:

[Masculine Todd]

Oh, like you've never looked. :roll:

...

[Hate_Prime]

Those are not just "workplace etiquette", they are Man Laws that all men ought to obey anywhere anytime.

[Keith P.]

...

Ha!

You can't lie to big daddy Keith.

[Ruwan Jay]

Those are not just "workplace etiquette", they are Man Laws that all men ought to obey anywhere anytime.

WORD! testify!!!

[ClintP]

Those are not just "workplace etiquette", they are Man Laws that all men ought to obey anywhere anytime.

Exactly!

Here are my suggested bathroom rules:

Do not engage me in conversation while waste is leaving my body.
If there is a stall or urinal availible that is at least one away from me, use it.
If you do feel the need to talk to me, please do not look at me.
All serial killers and shaky crazy eyed fucks go stand next to Todd. I hear he likes them next to him for some reason...

[Ruwan Jay]

Exactly!

Here are my suggested bathroom rules:

Do not engage me in conversation while waste is leaving my body.
If there is a stall or urinal availible that is at least one away from me, use it.
If you do feel the need to talk to me, please do not look at me.
All serial killers and shaky crazy eyed fucks go stand next to Todd. I hear he likes them next to him for some reason...


excellent rules! now the punishment for breaking them should include being forced to pee on an electrical fence!

[Jono]

You should never engage in bathroom conversation with someone who might have their penis in their hand. It's just plain common courtesy.

Stalls are iffy, maybe if it's your friend or something, but otherwise save it for the post-pee hand washing if you absolutely must communicate in the shithouse.

And the 1 urinal space between you and a fellow whizzer is a must.

[ClintP]

excellent rules! now the punishment for breaking them should include being forced to pee on an electrical fence!

That would be a good one, but I am not sure you will be able to find one as easily in your neck of the woods. How about a swirley or make them eat some of the ice that Randall served up to Earl in Clerks 2?

[Keith P.]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v214/Brytanica1/fran.jpg

[Simps]

If I'm the one peeing, am I allowed to have a phone call while doing so?

[Keith P.]

If I'm the one peeing, am I allowed to have a phone call while doing so?

My friend Lisa insists on talking on the phone when she is using the restroom.

She will call me up to chat, and then I will hear a little grunt and be I'll like "OH MY GOD ARE YOU CALLING ME WHILE YOU ARE TAKING A SHIT!!!??"

And then I'll freak out. She thinks its hilarious.

[ClintP]

As long as you are not talking to me in the restroom, chat away. I still reserve the right to laugh at you for doing it though. And also pity the person you are talking to.

[ClintP]

Also, don't drop the phone in the piss pool.... Or on the floor for that matter.... How dyou plan to whipe or give the little jiggle and zip up while talking on the cell?

I have know at least 3 women who have lost phones due to talking on them while on the pot. One in the tolet while playing softball, one in a port a potty, and another in the tolet.

[adamgreenberger]

Common you can tell us who it is...is it Joe Q??

[TRILL, THE CARBON BASED LIFEFORM]

If I'm talking to another woman as we are both walking into our stalls, then it's okay to finish a thought but make it quick. The stall is the only place where I get private me time at work and sometimes I really need it so I won't go postal. Talking is not acceptable. Going within eyeshot of anyone else is freakish in my book.

[Modok Gas]

I was in a department store yesterday and one of the stalls was unlocked. So I pushed the door open and there was a guy taking a dump using his cellphone. Wish I had heard him speak up earlier.

What I should have done was shout something like, "Lock the door when you're on the can!" so the person on the other end of the line would know he/she was talking to a guy taking a crap.

[ClintP]

I was in a department store yesterday and one of the stalls was unlocked. So I pushed the door open and there was a guy taking a dump using his cellphone. Wish I had heard him speak up earlier.

What I should have done was shout something like, "Lock the door when you're on the can!" so the person on the other end of the line would know he/she was talking to a guy taking a crap.

That is the worst. It is like spotting a deer in the head lights too. I hate when you really have to go and you are away from your home base, and the damn door is broken or something and won't lock. Nothing like taking a shit and trying to brace the door with one free arm to make sure you are not involved in a throne siting peep show.

[SteveZegers]

I say if you don't know me, don't feel the need to say "hi" when you enter. We just happen to be in the bathroom at the same time. Nothing else to it.

[Ruwan Jay]

You should never engage in bathroom conversation with someone who might have their penis in their hand. It's just plain common courtesy.

Stalls are iffy, maybe if it's your friend or something, but otherwise save it for the post-pee hand washing if you absolutely must communicate in the shithouse.

And the 1 urinal space between you and a fellow whizzer is a must.

see i thought for a second that i was partially insane for thinking that these were pretty much commonly accepted rules in realm of MAN. thank you for restoring part of my sanity...now where's the remaining part?

here sanity sanity sanity sanity....

[Ruwan Jay]

That would be a good one, but I am not sure you will be able to find one as easily in your neck of the woods. How about a swirley or make them eat some of the ice that Randall served up to Earl in Clerks 2?

SICK! that would involving touching them...maybe a electrified cattle prod or a taser is the only real SOLUTION!

[Ruwan Jay]

If I'm the one peeing, am I allowed to have a phone call while doing so?

yes---as long as you pee directly into the phone. "reach out and pee on someone"...that should be an R. Kelly commercial. ha.

[Ruwan Jay]

Common you can tell us who it is...is it Joe Q??

i can hands down say it is NOT JQ. besides i said people---which means more than one offender.

[Ruwan Jay]

If I'm talking to another woman as we are both walking into our stalls, then it's okay to finish a thought but make it quick. The stall is the only place where I get private me time at work and sometimes I really need it so I won't go postal. Talking is not acceptable. Going within eyeshot of anyone else is freakish in my book.

WAIT...skreeeeeeeech...so women don't go into the bathroom and play Battle Shit like in Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle? :surrend:

phew---that's a relief. :)

here and i thought a women's main perogative regarding men is to get away from them, so that they can talk about them more. lol.

[Ruwan Jay]

I was in a department store yesterday and one of the stalls was unlocked. So I pushed the door open and there was a guy taking a dump using his cellphone. Wish I had heard him speak up earlier.

What I should have done was shout something like, "Lock the door when you're on the can!" so the person on the other end of the line would know he/she was talking to a guy taking a crap.

that just calls for you to throw stuff at him until he locks the door! turnabout is fair play....

[Jef UK]

Can I text you while you are pissing?

[The Roman Candle]

I like to pee next to strangers (especially if there's a long line of empty urinals that I could have just as easily used) and say "So... you pee around here often?"

[Ruwan Jay]

I like to pee next to strangers (especially if there's a long line of empty urinals that I could have just as easily used) and say "So... you pee around here often?"

HAHA---you will eat urinal cake one day my friend if you keep up those antics!

[The Roman Candle]

HAHA---you will eat urinal cake one day my friend if you keep up those antics!

I'm a scientist.