Embarassing things your Grandparents did to you.

[HoneyDippinDan]

Your grandparents, bless them, came from a different era and probably didn't understand just how embarrassing they could be at times. Describe for us some of the horrors they put for you.

For instance, my grandmother on my mother's side had a habit of separating my friends out by sex. She would always refer to my male friends as "boyfriends", much to my chagrin. She would of course talk about my boyfriends in front of my friends and about how lucky I was to have so many boyfriends. Of course, I'd never hear the end of it from my friends.

Also, once after we went to the beach, my grandmother insisted that I strip down naked in her front yard so she could hose the sand off of me before going into my house. This was fine when I was really young, but by the time I was eight, I had fully developed a sense of shame and refused to do this. A huge fight ensued and I was eventually allowed to hose myself off with my swim trunks on.

So again, what sort of horrors did your grandparents unleash on you?

[Jef UK]

Two words:

Finger.

Bang.

[TIP]

Asking Strangers if they were Dagos or not; Affirmative Responders got lingering hugs and Negative Responders were called Damn Communists.

T

[JoeE]

They made me grow long, greasy hair, take off my shirt and get photographed while looking like an unemployed douchebag.

[The Roman Candle]

My grandfather, the oldest dude I have ever met (seriously, he was born old) would regularly discuss rashes and bumps that he found on his penis while dining at restaurants.
Of course, my very favorite grandpa-ism came as we were entering a restaurant and he points to a couple not 10 feet away and SHOUTS in his 'quiet voice': "HEY, LOOK AT THE FAT GUY WITH THE UGLY WIFE!"

[TIP]

My grandfather, the oldest dude I have ever met (seriously, he was born old) would regularly discuss rashes and bumps that he found on his penis while dining at restaurants.
Of course, my very favorite grandpa-ism came as we were entering a restaurant and he points to a couple not 10 feet away and SHOUTS in his 'quiet voice': "HEY, LOOK AT THE FAT GUY WITH THE UGLY WIFE!"

:lol:

That sounds exactly like my old man, Jim the Sicilian!!!

T

[twigglet]

I was my around my friends house once, when her Grandad started talking about her boobs in front of her.

It was the most awkward thing ever.

[Pat Shatner]

This was about six or seven years ago.

The first time my Granny came over to the states to visit us I went clothes shopping with her.

She found some pants that she liked, but she wanted them in a different colour. "I'll be back in a minute" she said, as she walked over to the clerk.

So i'm standing there, looking at jackets when I hear my Granny ask "excuse me, dear, do you have these pants in nigger brown?"

I was mortified.

[Sy-Klone]

My grandmother on my dad's side hated my mom.

So she'd make me corn flakes and Tang when I visited and grill me for dirt on my mom while I ate it.

True story.

[The Roman Candle]

This was about six or seven years ago.

The first time my Granny came over to the states to visit us I went clothes shopping with her.

She found some pants that she liked, but she wanted them in a different colour. "I'll be back in a minute" she said, as she walked over to the clerk.

So i'm standing there, looking at jackets when I hear my Granny ask "excuse me, dear, do you have these pants in nigger brown?"

I was mortified.

On the upside of me having just spit Cherry Coke all over my monitor, it seems to be eating away at the semen stains.

[Pat Shatner]

On the upside of me having just spit Cherry Coke all over my monitor, it seems to be eating away at the semen stains.

You don't know how many new pairs of pants I had to buy in middle school because of semen stains.

They just dont come out!!

[The Roman Candle]

You don't know how many new pairs of pants I had to buy in middle school because of semen stains.

They just dont come out!!

That's why you get pants that are Dago olive. The stains don't show up as much.

[Keith P.]

Asking Strangers if they were Dagos or not; Affirmative Responders got lingering hugs and Negative Responders were called Damn Communists.

T

I want to be part of the TIP family, from some of the stuff you have posted they sound hilarious.


My maternal grandfather was not really part of my life as my grandma has been married 9 times.

My Paternal grandfather was a this HUGE 6'7 300lb bear of a man, who was very, very, very quiet and soft spoken, with a slight Irish accent, and could play a fiddle like the devil.

However, my maternal grandmother, God love her as embarrassed me many times, I am her favorite, and she has a WICKED sense of humor.

She is from Poland, and she's Jewish. Back when Franz and I were together, and had just started dating he had spent the night with me. I was maybe 24ish at the time and my grandma and mom stopped by for a visit early in the morning.

Anyway, my roommate worked third shift and he let them in, and did not know I was not alone in my bed. And at this time, although I had come out to my family years before, I still kept most of the details about my personal life from them.

So he lets them in and tells them I'm sleeping. They knock on my bedroom door and I tell them to come in, thinking its my roommate.

So my mom and grandma walk into my bedroom, where I and this german police officer are sprawled out all naked with our arms around each other.

My grandma immediately looks over to my chair, where Franz's cop uniform in laying, and says "Ok, please, please tell me he's a police officer and thats not just for...something else"

Then when she found out he was, proceeded to make non-stop jokes about the lengths I would go to get out of a ticket, handcuffs, eating pork not being kosher, etc, etc, etc.

[ihategravity]

I was in the store with my mom and grandmother. I was about 12-13 years old. My grandmother was very sickly, but she was too stubborn to stay home and rest.

She literally shit the length of an isle in the store before she realized what she had done.

I later heard chuckles on the intercom, and "cleanup in isle 4"

[Keith P.]

My ex, Tom was greek. One year at Thanksgiving dinner, when he first met my grandma, she asked him what his last name was, which is a VERY greek name.

She turns to me, and says "Well, thats good, the greek boys always like it up the backside" then proceeded to make the little sex simulation circle hand gesture with your thumb and forefinger and you stick your other finger in an out of the circle.

[TRILL, THE CARBON BASED LIFEFORM]

My grandpa was in the KKK. I find that pretty embarassing.

[kari]

My ex, Tom was greek. One year at Thanksgiving dinner, when he first met my grandma, she asked him what his last name was, which is a VERY greek name.

She turns to me, and says "Well, thats good, the greek boys always like it up the backside" then proceeded to make the little sex simulation circle hand gesture with your thumb and forefinger and you stick your other finger in an out of the circle.

:lol: What did Tom say?

[Kevinroc]

My grandparents died before I was born.

[Keith P.]

:lol: What did Tom say?

He was really, really embarrassed. As I recall he blushed a lot and became very quiet.

Probably because it was in his case, very true.

[kari]

I'm my grandmother's only grandchild. We are very close, she's more like my mom than my mother is. She has a horrible temper and has embarassed me sooooo many times.

I once got into a aurgument with a lazy store employee closing the meat counter early and not getting what I requested (I wanted some meat tenderized). I mentioned this incident to my grandmother. 3 days later when I went into the store again I got looks and whispered about by every employee I came upon.

Apperantly my grandmother went into the store and raised holy hell with the owner and not only got the person fired, But had a sign made that said "If you would like to have meat tenderized we would be happy to do so."

I was mortified when I saw the sign. The other employees thanked me and said "we didn't like that lazy bitch anyway." :lol:
------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was awakened by a phone call from my dad saying "We need to go get your grandmother."

Me- "Why, where is she?"

dad- "In Jail"

Me- "What!"

Dad-"Your turn to bring bail money."

Me- :mad:

......This was my grandmother's 2nd DUI. She was 71 year's old at the time.
A week later my coworkers were reading about it aloud in the paper. I worked in a factory with about 100 people. They spent all night trying to get my grandma's number so they could go "party" with her.

[Joe Henderson]

This is a fantastic thread.

[Jacob Lyon Goddard]

my grandfather used to scold me for choosing the grocery checkout line with black people in it
which wasn't horrible, he did it fairly quietly, and still stood behind whoever was in front of him (with his hand securely on his wallet)

what was bad was my grandmother loudly yelling at him when ever he did it
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH STANDING IN LINE WITH THE BLACKS, DICK(my grandfather's name)?, THE BOY WANTS TO STAND IN THE LINE WITH ALL THE BLACKS THEN HE CAN STAND IN LINE WITH ALL THE BLACKS, THEY'RE NOT ALL CRIMINALS YOU KNOW"

[Keith P.]

my grandfather used to scold me for choosing the grocery checkout line with all the black people in it
which wasn't horrible, he did it fairly quietly, and still stood behind whoever was in front of him (with his hand securely on his wallet)

what was bad was my grandmother loudly yelling at him for it whenever he did it
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH STANDING IN LINE WITH THE BLACKS, DICK(my grandfather's name)?, THE BOY WANTS TO STAND IN THE LINE WITH ALL THE BLACKS THEN HE CAN STAND IN LINE WITH ALL THE BLACKS, THEY'RE NOT ALL CRIMINALS YOU KNOW"

Oh God.

:)

[Kensington]

In the grocery store, my grandmother used to open bags of chips, crackers and cereal in order to help herself to "free samples". The bulk candy display was an all-you-can-eat buffet for her, as well.

[Pat Shatner]

my grandfather used to scold me for choosing the grocery checkout line with all the black people in it
which wasn't horrible, he did it fairly quietly, and still stood behind whoever was in front of him (with his hand securely on his wallet)

what was bad was my grandmother loudly yelling at him for it whenever he did it
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH STANDING IN LINE WITH THE BLACKS, DICK(my grandfather's name)?, THE BOY WANTS TO STAND IN THE LINE WITH ALL THE BLACKS THEN HE CAN STAND IN LINE WITH ALL THE BLACKS, THEY'RE NOT ALL CRIMINALS YOU KNOW"

Oh man. :) That's hilarious.

[The Roman Candle]

A few years ago, my dad and I were driving the same grandfather I mentioned before back to my uncle and aunt's house after he had stayed with us for a few days. We stop at a gas station, and the grandfather and I go in to use the facilities. The bathrooms are one-man poopers, and since I'm young and swift I get there first. When I get out, my grandfather is nowhere to be seen, so I start looking around. I eventually circle back towards the bathrooms and I hear him yelling my name from inside the women's bathroom. Now, as far as single-person gas station toilets go, I really see no problem with using the ladies' provided there are no actual ladies waiting in line. Luckily for him, though, he hadn't locked the door. So I crack it open to see what the trouble is, and he tells me the toilet was too low for him, and now he can't get up. So doing my best to avert my gaze from his wrinkled old man junk, I take his hands and help him get up. Well, now he can't get his pants up by himself. So I squat down and start lifting his pants when suddenly the door swings open and there's a mother and her eightish-year-old daughter standing in the doorway. In slow motion, they look from my grandpa, to me squatting in front of him, to his sagging man business, back to me as I look at them in abject horror and my grandpa stares blankly out into space probably thinking about knitting or whatever weird old person crap he was always thinking about. It could have only been a few seconds, but it felt like a very, very long time before the mother, whose face had gone completely white, blurted "ohmygodexcuseme" and slammed the door. When we walked out, the mother was staring straight down at the floor and the little girl was laughing her head off.
And that was the last time I ever took a road trip with my grandfather.

[The Roman Candle]

That's like, my most embarrassing story ever, and no one even cares enough to mock me for it.

[Kensington]

That's like, my most embarrassing story ever, and no one even cares enough to mock me for it.So you blew your grampa -- what's the big deal? :dunno:

[Vroom_Socko]

A few years ago, my dad and I were driving the same grandfather I mentioned before back to my uncle and aunt's house after he had stayed with us for a few days. We stop at a gas station, and the grandfather and I go in to use the facilities. The bathrooms are one-man poopers, and since I'm young and swift I get there first. When I get out, my grandfather is nowhere to be seen, so I start looking around. I eventually circle back towards the bathrooms and I hear him yelling my name from inside the women's bathroom. Now, as far as single-person gas station toilets go, I really see no problem with using the ladies' provided there are no actual ladies waiting in line. Luckily for him, though, he hadn't locked the door. So I crack it open to see what the trouble is, and he tells me the toilet was too low for him, and now he can't get up. So doing my best to avert my gaze from his wrinkled old man junk, I take his hands and help him get up. Well, now he can't get his pants up by himself. So I squat down and start lifting his pants when suddenly the door swings open and there's a mother and her eightish-year-old daughter standing in the doorway. In slow motion, they look from my grandpa, to me squatting in front of him, to his sagging man business, back to me as I look at them in abject horror and my grandpa stares blankly out into space probably thinking about knitting or whatever weird old person crap he was always thinking about. It could have only been a few seconds, but it felt like a very, very long time before the mother, whose face had gone completely white, blurted "ohmygodexcuseme" and slammed the door. When we walked out, the mother was staring straight down at the floor and the little girl was laughing her head off.
And that was the last time I ever took a road trip with my grandfather.

I just spent the past five minutes laughing so hard I couldn't walk.

[Marcdachamp]

Wow. Now my Grandparent's stupid arguements don't seem nearly that bad. God, I love this thread!

[ChrisCollins]

A few years ago, my dad and I were driving the same grandfather I mentioned before back to my uncle and aunt's house after he had stayed with us for a few days. We stop at a gas station, and the grandfather and I go in to use the facilities. The bathrooms are one-man poopers, and since I'm young and swift I get there first. When I get out, my grandfather is nowhere to be seen, so I start looking around. I eventually circle back towards the bathrooms and I hear him yelling my name from inside the women's bathroom. Now, as far as single-person gas station toilets go, I really see no problem with using the ladies' provided there are no actual ladies waiting in line. Luckily for him, though, he hadn't locked the door. So I crack it open to see what the trouble is, and he tells me the toilet was too low for him, and now he can't get up. So doing my best to avert my gaze from his wrinkled old man junk, I take his hands and help him get up. Well, now he can't get his pants up by himself. So I squat down and start lifting his pants when suddenly the door swings open and there's a mother and her eightish-year-old daughter standing in the doorway. In slow motion, they look from my grandpa, to me squatting in front of him, to his sagging man business, back to me as I look at them in abject horror and my grandpa stares blankly out into space probably thinking about knitting or whatever weird old person crap he was always thinking about. It could have only been a few seconds, but it felt like a very, very long time before the mother, whose face had gone completely white, blurted "ohmygodexcuseme" and slammed the door. When we walked out, the mother was staring straight down at the floor and the little girl was laughing her head off.
And that was the last time I ever took a road trip with my grandfather.


We have a winner. I've got stories (mostly the stupid outfits my grandparents made me wear) but nothing I could say would top that. Kudos I don't think I could walk out of that restroom past them if that was me, I'd just wait until they gave up and left. All in all I've been pretty lucky with my grandparents. They are actually pretty cool for 80-year-olds.

[The Roman Candle]

So you blew your grampa -- what's the big deal? :dunno:

It was a private moment! :x

[Vroom_Socko]

I guess I'm lucky, I don't have any stories of embarassment about my grandparents. I have one grandmother still living, and she's pretty cool. I actually watched Rocky Horror Picture Show with her once.

[HoneyDippinDan]

I glad this thread went so well since I barely got it started before going to work. I got this idea for the thread and figured I better get it started or I'd probably forget if I went to work first.

To add a bit more, another thing my grandmother on my mother's side is she had this really annoying habit to asking if "everything came out okay" whenever I went to the bathroom. Not really embarrassing but somewhat creepy.

The only thing that my grandpa does that I find embarrassing is the way that he watches Rush Limbaugh and nods in agreement with every word that comes out of Rush's mouth. :Oops:

[Jono]

When my grandparents were in a nursing home, we would go have dinner with them on friday nights. The food was good, and the home treated it like a restaurant, complete with waitresses. So one night the waitress was taking our order, and she was asking "juice?" to see if we wanted apple or orange or whatever. So she asks my grampa, born in 1905 btw, and he just kind of looks at her for a minute and then says "Jews? No, I don't like them..."

[BriRedfern]

When my grandparents were in a nursing home, we would go have dinner with them on friday nights. The food was good, and the home treated it like a restaurant, complete with waitresses. So one night the waitress was taking our order, and she was asking "juice?" to see if we wanted apple or orange or whatever. So she asks my grampa, born in 1905 btw, and he just kind of looks at her for a minute and then says "Jews? No, I don't like them..."

Yeah, apple Jews are the worst! :sick:

This thread is awesome. Wish I had something good to contribute, but I can't think of anything...

[The Roman Candle]

When my grandparents were in a nursing home, we would go have dinner with them on friday nights. The food was good, and the home treated it like a restaurant, complete with waitresses. So one night the waitress was taking our order, and she was asking "juice?" to see if we wanted apple or orange or whatever. So she asks my grampa, born in 1905 btw, and he just kind of looks at her for a minute and then says "Jews? No, I don't like them..."

:lol:

I really feel like I missed something in life by not having racist grandparents. That just seems like so much fun!

[TIP]

I want to be part of the TIP family, from some of the stuff you have posted they sound hilarious.

Done.

Were're now Faux-Bro-Hams.



My maternal grandfather was not really part of my life as my grandma has been married 9 times.

My Paternal grandfather was a this HUGE 6'7 300lb bear of a man, who was very, very, very quiet and soft spoken, with a slight Irish accent, and could play a fiddle like the devil.

However, my maternal grandmother, God love her as embarrassed me many times, I am her favorite, and she has a WICKED sense of humor.

She is from Poland, and she's Jewish. Back when Franz and I were together, and had just started dating he had spent the night with me. I was maybe 24ish at the time and my grandma and mom stopped by for a visit early in the morning.

Anyway, my roommate worked third shift and he let them in, and did not know I was not alone in my bed. And at this time, although I had come out to my family years before, I still kept most of the details about my personal life from them.

So he lets them in and tells them I'm sleeping. They knock on my bedroom door and I tell them to come in, thinking its my roommate.

So my mom and grandma walk into my bedroom, where I and this german police officer are sprawled out all naked with our arms around each other.

My grandma immediately looks over to my chair, where Franz's cop uniform in laying, and says "Ok, please, please tell me he's a police officer and thats not just for...something else"

Then when she found out he was, proceeded to make non-stop jokes about the lengths I would go to get out of a ticket, handcuffs, eating pork not being kosher, etc, etc, etc.


:lol:

T

[Taki Soma]

my grandmother had her hand on my thigh during thanksgiving... she's really old and didn't realize it was slipping toward the no-no zone.

I was too embarrassed to just look at her and say 'gran... crotch... no'

I just shifted away from her.

[TIP]

It was a private moment! :x

Was it EVER!

T

[LordKinbote]

My first girlfriend was named Billie Jo. My grandmother met her and wouldn't stop calling her Bill.

[Ben]

My first girlfriend was named Billie Jo. My grandmother met her and wouldn't stop calling her Bill.I think that's more of a "embarrassing things your girlfriend's parents did to her" situation.

[Jono]

:lol:

I really feel like I missed something in life by not having racist grandparents. That just seems like so much fun!

He was a nice mellow guy when I knew him when he was like 80, but I guess he used to beat this shit out of my uncle for having catholic friends back in the late 50's early 60's. I can only imagine what would have happened if any minorities were ever around the house.

That said, I think he was just a product of the times, and it's not necessarily fair to judge by todays standards. He was a good guy, you know?

[Jono]

oh here's a great one they did to my cousin Chris. When my grandparents got the invitation for his wedding, they were really shook up. His bride to be was named Tracy Ellen, and my grandma, practically in tears after reading the invitation, asked "Oh lordy, he's marrying a girl named Crazy Ellen? oooh-ho-ho noooooo...". Funniest thing ever.

[Brian Defferding]

A few years ago, my dad and I were driving the same grandfather I mentioned before back to my uncle and aunt's house after he had stayed with us for a few days. We stop at a gas station, and the grandfather and I go in to use the facilities. The bathrooms are one-man poopers, and since I'm young and swift I get there first. When I get out, my grandfather is nowhere to be seen, so I start looking around. I eventually circle back towards the bathrooms and I hear him yelling my name from inside the women's bathroom. Now, as far as single-person gas station toilets go, I really see no problem with using the ladies' provided there are no actual ladies waiting in line. Luckily for him, though, he hadn't locked the door. So I crack it open to see what the trouble is, and he tells me the toilet was too low for him, and now he can't get up. So doing my best to avert my gaze from his wrinkled old man junk, I take his hands and help him get up. Well, now he can't get his pants up by himself. So I squat down and start lifting his pants when suddenly the door swings open and there's a mother and her eightish-year-old daughter standing in the doorway. In slow motion, they look from my grandpa, to me squatting in front of him, to his sagging man business, back to me as I look at them in abject horror and my grandpa stares blankly out into space probably thinking about knitting or whatever weird old person crap he was always thinking about. It could have only been a few seconds, but it felt like a very, very long time before the mother, whose face had gone completely white, blurted "ohmygodexcuseme" and slammed the door. When we walked out, the mother was staring straight down at the floor and the little girl was laughing her head off.
And that was the last time I ever took a road trip with my grandfather.

This, so far, is the funniest story I've read here in a long time. Good job!

[Jacob Lyon Goddard]

my grandmother used to pee with the door open

beat that!

[SeanC]

my grandmother used to pee with the door open

beat that!

I don't think that this is a competition anyone wants to win, sir. ;-)