PDA

View Full Version : Jokes



Shepherd
11-08-2006, 04:21 PM
Heard any good ones lately?

R

BURKE
11-08-2006, 04:24 PM
How do you get ride of unwanted pubic hair?


Spit.

Frozen Sooner
11-08-2006, 04:28 PM
Robert Gates managed to jump to the only team around with a worse November record than A&M.

Criden
11-08-2006, 04:28 PM
What's Mary short for?

She has no legs.

changingshades
11-08-2006, 05:40 PM
A bear and a Rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the Rabbit and says, "Excuse me? Do you have trouble with shit sticking to your fur?" The Rabbit says "No." So the Bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

The Roman Candle
11-08-2006, 05:47 PM
51 Democrats walk into the Senate.



It's not funny "haha," it's funny "feel good." Like those jokes they tell at church.

Ryan_ZOOM_Turner
11-08-2006, 05:49 PM
Why did God create patchuli?

So even blind people could hate hippies.

Shepherd
11-08-2006, 06:18 PM
51 Democrats walk into the Senate.



It's not funny "haha," it's funny "feel good." Like those jokes they tell at church.

:lol:

R

Gavin
11-09-2006, 02:36 PM
What's Mary short for?

She has no legs.

Why am I still laughing about this?

Jew Mafia
11-09-2006, 02:37 PM
A baby seal walks into a club.

Thommy Melanson
11-09-2006, 02:37 PM
Two men walked into a bar...

...they should have ducked.

Master Jack Rabbitt
11-09-2006, 02:40 PM
Did you hear the one about the one legged woman who got raped?

She couldn't cross her legs to save her ass.

Master Jack Rabbitt
11-09-2006, 02:40 PM
A bear and a Rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the Rabbit and says, "Excuse me? Do you have trouble with shit sticking to your fur?" The Rabbit says "No." So the Bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

For some reason, this makes me sad...

Frozen Sooner
11-09-2006, 02:44 PM
What's Mary short for?

She has no legs.

I've been getting a lot of laughs with this one, altering the punchline slightly to

She ain't got no legs.

It helps out by keeping it ungrammatical.


So thanks for the joke!

Thommy Melanson
11-09-2006, 02:45 PM
What's the worse thing about having sex with your brother?

The crib breaks.

Frozen Sooner
11-09-2006, 02:48 PM
What's the worst thing about sex with an 8 year old?

Getting the blood off your clown suit.

What's the best thing about sex with twenty eight year olds?

There's twenty of them

I'm going to Hell.

Thommy Melanson
11-09-2006, 02:50 PM
What's the worst thing about eating out your grandma?

Hitting your head on the coffin lid.

Frozen Sooner
11-09-2006, 02:53 PM
How do you eat a vegetable?

Place one leg on each shoulder

Master Jack Rabbitt
11-09-2006, 02:58 PM
Why don't you eat out a girl in the morning?

...ever tried to pull apart a grilled cheese sandwich?...

Thommy Melanson
11-09-2006, 02:58 PM
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets than they do to us.

Not a joke, just a fact.

Thommy Melanson
11-09-2006, 02:59 PM
Why don't midget women wear tampons?

They keep tripping on the string.

Thommy Melanson
11-09-2006, 03:00 PM
What's the definition of a good Republican boy?

He takes a girl out twice before he fucks her brother.

changingshades
11-09-2006, 03:01 PM
What's brown and sticky?







a stick

Thommy Melanson
11-09-2006, 03:07 PM
There were three women waiting in a doctor's office.

They started talking and one woman said, "I'm going to have a girl because I was on the bottom last time and I had a girl. I was on the bottom again this time so I'm going to have another girl."

One of the other ladies said, "I'm going to have a boy, I was on the top."

The last lady started to cry.

The two other ladies asked, "Why are you crying?"

She replied, "I'm going to have puppies!!!"

BURKE
11-09-2006, 03:07 PM
What is the hardest part of eating a vegetable?


Chewing up the wheelchair.

Thommy Melanson
11-09-2006, 03:11 PM
A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister are on a cruise.

Suddenly the boat begins to sink.

The Minister yells, "Abandon ship! Women and children first!"

The Rabbi says, "Screw the children!"

The Priest replies, "Do we have time for that?"

Thommy Melanson
11-09-2006, 03:14 PM
A captain in the Foreign Legion was transferred to a desert outpost.

On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks.

He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?"

The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, we have the camel."

The Captain said "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the Captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"

The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the Captain's quarters.

The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel.

As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"

The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."

Thommy Melanson
11-09-2006, 03:17 PM
There was this girl with no arm and no legs sitting on the beach.

A guy walked by and she started crying.

The guy asked, why are you crying?

She said I have never been kissed before, so the guy kisses her.

She starts crying again.

The guy asked again, why are you crying?

She said I have never been screwed before.

So the guy picked her up and threw her in the water.

"Now you're screwed", he said.

Thommy Melanson
11-09-2006, 03:26 PM
There is a priest who is summoned by the archbishop.

He had to leave for several days. So he looked for a priest to fill in for him in the confession box.

He called every priest he knew. None were available.

He finally called a Rabbi. The Rabbi said "I don't know, our religions are very different."

The priest said "It's okay, you line the sin up with the punishment on this chart."

The rabbi gave in and decided to fill in.

The next few days the rabbi listened to confessions and helped the people.

The third day a man came in and said "Father forgive me for I have sinned."

The rabbi asked, "How have you sinned?"

The man replied, "I had anal sex."

The rabbi was stumped, for that sin was not on the chart.

So the rabbi asked the man to wait. The rabbi asked everyone what the punishment was for anal sex.

Finally an altar boy walked in.

The rabbi asked "What does the father usually give for anal sex?"

The altar boy replied "Usually two cookies and a glass of milk."

Skatonic10
11-09-2006, 03:59 PM
51 Democrats walk into the Senate.



It's not funny "haha," it's funny "feel good." Like those jokes they tell at church.

They tell jokes at church?


What do 100 women with black eyes have in common?

Not one of them fucking listens!

:Punch:

Garra
11-09-2006, 04:12 PM
What did one lesbian frog say to the other?


Damn! We do taste like chicken!