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View Full Version : Ok so does going on a break ever actually work??



LilPoe
11-07-2006, 09:06 PM
My girlfriend and I went on a break tonight. We've been dating for almost two years now. And this semester, she transferred to my school. Things had been going great. Yeah, the occasional fight here and there. But we were spending almost 24/7 together, so that was to be expected. But all of a sudden she wanted an open relationship, so we tried that for a weekend, neither of us meeting anyone else. Then today she wants a break. I want her to have her privacy. But, as wimpy as this sounds, I'm scared to sleep alone. I haven't done it since I got here. So my bed is covered in laundry, comics, etc. I'm in a triple, one of whom snores very loudly from what I hear. I've considered other options: sleeping in my car, my common room, or even my parents place in the Poconos, its like 80 miles away, and i have class at 1pm tomorrow.

But I'm getting off track. Do breaks ever work? My only real reference is Friends. A show I hate, but its all I've got.

And what are the rules of breaks? Am I allowed to meet or hook up with other people? Will she flips a shit since it was her idea in the first place?

Shwicaz
11-07-2006, 09:08 PM
worked for me and my (now) husband.

Over the 14 years we have been together, we have had 'trial seperation/date someone else/move out and see other people' (whatever you want to call it) twice.

And now we are married.

IT worked for us.

BenitoCereno
11-07-2006, 09:08 PM
This probably means she has another dude in mind to fuck.

So, yes, this will probably work for her.

LilPoe
11-07-2006, 09:10 PM
worked for me and my (now) husband.

Over the 14 years we have been together, we have had 'trial seperation/date someone else/move out and see other people' (whatever you want to call it) twice.

And now we are married.

IT worked for us.


If it's not too personal, how long did those last?

UltimateQuintessa
11-07-2006, 09:10 PM
Make plans with your buddies to go to a strip club this weekend. It'll get your mind off all the crap your about to go through.

Unless your not a stage three yet.

Natty P
11-07-2006, 09:10 PM
This probably means she has another dude in mind to fuck.

So, yes, this will probably work for her.

Yeah

LilPoe
11-07-2006, 09:11 PM
This probably means she has another dude in mind to fuck.

So, yes, this will probably work for her.

Not entirely what I needed to hear at this time. But thank you for your interest.

We've talked about seeing other people. 2 years is a long time for people our age. We both agreed that we would just go for it and see if the relationship could survive it, as theres really no way to prepare for something like that.

LilPoe
11-07-2006, 09:13 PM
Make plans with your buddies to go to a strip club this weekend. It'll get your mind off all the crap your about to go through.

Unless your not a stage three yet.

There's stages?

Jerome Gibbons
11-07-2006, 09:14 PM
There's stages?
It's another Friends reference. :)

Shwicaz
11-07-2006, 09:15 PM
If it's not too personal, how long did those last?

the first time was about 3 moths.


the second time was about 6 months.


each time I moved out of his house.


each time I came back,and we exchanged horror stories about the crazy people we dated.

When I moved back in the third time, we decided if I ever move out again (or if he wants to see someone else) that it would be the last time for us.

The third time was the charm, and we got married a year ago.

LilPoe
11-07-2006, 09:15 PM
It's another Friends reference. :)

Ooooooooooh. See yeah I only saw like 4 or 5 episodes alltogether. The break one was one of them, where Ross slept with someone else.

Corwin: Bear Fighter
11-07-2006, 09:16 PM
My girlfriend and I went on a break tonight. We've been dating for almost two years now. And this semester, she transferred to my school. Things had been going great. Yeah, the occasional fight here and there. But we were spending almost 24/7 together, so that was to be expected. But all of a sudden she wanted an open relationship, so we tried that for a weekend, neither of us meeting anyone else. Then today she wants a break. I want her to have her privacy. But, as wimpy as this sounds, I'm scared to sleep alone. I haven't done it since I got here. So my bed is covered in laundry, comics, etc. I'm in a triple, one of whom snores very loudly from what I hear. I've considered other options: sleeping in my car, my common room, or even my parents place in the Poconos, its like 80 miles away, and i have class at 1pm tomorrow.

But I'm getting off track. Do breaks ever work? My only real reference is Friends. A show I hate, but its all I've got.

And what are the rules of breaks? Am I allowed to meet or hook up with other people? Will she flips a shit since it was her idea in the first place?

It depends. I don't see how an open-ended relationship or "hooking up" with someone else will actually help your relationship at all.

My girlfriend and I (we've been together for 3 1/2 years) have been on two breaks. The first one was initiated by me, and within a week I figured out how much of a mistake it was and we got back together. The second time was recently, at her behest, mostly because we were both miserable and confused aobut what we wanted. That one lasted a whole day or two. Really, what we figured out both times was that whatever problems existed weren't necessarily problems caused by our relationship. We're going through a lot right now, with her starting her career and me getting ready to graduate. A lot of adjustments to be made, and all of that, in our lives. So we just talked. We talked a lot. We figured out what was wrong, and we're continuing to come up with ways to adapt.
I think really, if anything just take the time to think about what you really want. Your girl needs to do the same thing. When you actually know what you want, everything else can fall into place or you can at the very least figure out if something just isn't going to work.

UltimateQuintessa
11-07-2006, 09:17 PM
Ooooooooooh. See yeah I only saw like 4 or 5 episodes alltogether. The break one was one of them, where Ross slept with someone else.

But they were on a break!

Ryan Elliott
11-07-2006, 09:18 PM
No. Breaks never work.


She's probably already about to break up with you and has another guy in mind.


She's just too scared(or gutless) to say she wants to break up.


Or she wants to see if she can do better then you.

Shwicaz
11-07-2006, 09:19 PM
No. Breaks never work.





you must have missed my saga as documented on the first page.

LilPoe
11-07-2006, 09:20 PM
It depends. I don't see how an open-ended relationship or "hooking up" with someone else will actually help your relationship at all.

I mean I am in college, sometimes things happen. I wouldn't do it just for the sake of doing it. I would try not to do anything out of spite or anger.

I kinda agreed to these things cause she said she needed them. On the off chance a scenario like yours would happen.

Corwin: Bear Fighter
11-07-2006, 09:20 PM
you must have missed my saga as documented on the first page.

What, you expect people to actually READ the replies to a thread before posting?

Ryan Elliott
11-07-2006, 09:21 PM
you must have missed my saga as documented on the first page.



Hmm?


Oh.



I'm glad it worked for you. Really. But from my experiences and my friends(most 21 and over), breaks never work.

UltimateQuintessa
11-07-2006, 09:21 PM
you must have missed my saga as documented on the first page.

You'd think being the "World's Greatest Detective" he would have done his homework.:grope:

Corwin: Bear Fighter
11-07-2006, 09:23 PM
I mean I am in college, sometimes things happen. I wouldn't do it just for the sake of doing it. I would try not to do anything out of spite or anger.

I kinda agreed to these things cause she said she needed them. On the off chance a scenario like yours would happen.

I understand, dude. Do what you think is right.

How do you feel about this girl, if you don't mind me asking?

A.Huerta
11-07-2006, 09:26 PM
Life is too short. If it's meant to be, you 2 will get back together.

Hock
11-07-2006, 09:31 PM
What's going on could be the same thing that happened to both me and a friend of mine. Both of us were in a situation where we were living on University Residence with our girlfriends, and thus ended up spending at least a couple of hours a day together. It was too much too soon for the relationships. Maybe you're girlfriend just needs a little time and sapce.

Or maybe she just wants to smoke another pole, what do I know?

LilPoe
11-07-2006, 11:15 PM
I understand, dude. Do what you think is right.

How do you feel about this girl, if you don't mind me asking?

I love her. Or at least (in a way that doesn't make the first sentence a lie) it's the closest thing I've ever known to love.

Btw. The Bendis board is the best. Even the things I didn't want to hear helped.

Corwin: Bear Fighter
11-07-2006, 11:53 PM
I love her. Or at least (in a way that doesn't make the first sentence a lie) it's the closest thing I've ever known to love.


Then you do whatever it is you think you need to do. I'm pretty sure there is no universal answer that will help everyone in this situation, just because every person is different. If she wants space, I'd probably give her some space.

The Girl
11-08-2006, 12:02 AM
It depends on who you are.

If she said she wanted an open relationship and then asked for a break, I think it's safe to assume that she may be hooking up with other people, so you can, too. However, definitely ask before you do it. But don't be like, "So I can bang another chick, right?" Just ask her what the terms of the break are.

Corwin: Bear Fighter
11-08-2006, 12:03 AM
It depends on who you are.

If she said she wanted an open relationship and then asked for a break, I think it's safe to assume that she may be hooking up with other people, so you can, too. However, definitely ask before you do it. But don't be like, "So I can bang another chick, right?" Just ask her what the terms of the break are.

Listen to this girl. She makes sense.

Christian Beranek
11-08-2006, 12:47 AM
Anything is possible. It worked for me once.

Genius J
11-08-2006, 08:02 AM
This probably means she has another dude in mind to fuck.

So, yes, this will probably work for her.
Benito is absolutely right, as usual.

Criden
11-08-2006, 08:10 AM
This almost never works. Ask her what she wants out of this.

Taki Soma
11-08-2006, 08:16 AM
It seems like you are trying to conform to what she needs, rather than compromise with her needs as well as your own -- and you're doing it because you're afraid of losing her, most likely -- but this is a relationship, and both of you make the decisions on the future and course of the said relationship... just keep that in mind.

As for if breaks ever 'work', it all depends on how much devotion the both of you have for this relationship.

I would tell her exactly how you feel about this and go from there.

c.rob
11-08-2006, 08:27 AM
As terrible as it sounds, I have to agree with the ppl saying she's someone else in mind. If i were you (and i have been) i would take the initiative to break up, not be on a break.

At best, she'll realize you can't be taken for granted and you won't wait around for her to get something out her system

At worst, you don't get back together, but at least you didn't drag it out and you were the one to do it. Being the one to break it off always hurts less than being the one standing there wondering "wtf"

SteveZegers
11-08-2006, 08:28 AM
No. She wants to break up, but doesn't want to take the blame for it.

Genius J
11-08-2006, 08:48 AM
No. She wants to break up, but doesn't want to take the blame for it.
Likely.

My guess is that she has someone else in mind to screw (or is already doing it) and wants to keep you as the "backup plan" in case it doesn't work out. She's stringing you along.

Cut bait and put your pole back in the water.

TIP
11-08-2006, 08:51 AM
Likely.

My guess is that she has someone else in mind to screw (or is already doing it) and wants to keep you as the "backup plan" in case it doesn't work out. She's stringing you along.

Cut bait and put your pole back in the water.

*bing*

Adam Beranek
11-08-2006, 09:18 AM
If you find out she's boning somebody else...guilt her into a grudgefuck and leave.

Artie Pink
11-08-2006, 09:34 AM
On the other hand, if she finds out YOU have moved on first, she will go ape and you won't be able to get away from her.

Dames who talk about "breaks" are all about being contrary.