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View Full Version : Scarlett Sex Tape?!??!!?



Ryudo
11-07-2006, 08:42 AM
Uhm... yikes...

From http://egotastic.com/entertainment/celebrities/scarlett-johansson/scarlett-johansson-sex-tape-001849


Okay. Take this one with about two pounds of salt, because as far as Internet rumours go, this one's about as spurious as they come. What am I talking about? Why, it's none other than the alleged (actually, inferred) Scarlett Johansson Sex Tape. Yes, that's right, a Scarlett Johansson Sex Tape.

Now, don't go getting your panties in a bunch, just yet. I gots some 'splaining to do.

So, there's this website, scenesfromacar, and on this website, the claim is made that there is an audio tape featuring an unnamed Hollywood starlet, caught giving a blow job in a car, with her microphone still on.

Speculation had originally been pointing to Lindsay Lohan, because of her general skankiness, but with the recent addition of a clue, in the form of a red letter "A" ("The Scarlett Letter"), most people believe it is actually Scarlett Johansson. The actress is said to have a distictive, low voice, as well.

Long hours on a set. People get tired, people make mistakes, and sometimes starlets give blow jobs in cars without realizing their mic is still on.

Skip ahead... there is some more sweet talk, then some more rustling, then they start kissing and so forth. THEN, for twelve minutes and forty seven seconds, she gives him the sexiest blow job I have ever heard capped off by the words "Yeah, cum".

The tape is now on sale, via email, at the website above, for the nice round sum of $20, and that's about as much as I know. It's almost impossible to verify any legitimacy at this point, and I'm not keen on spending $20 for the privilege of waiting five days to receive what may, or may not be (and probably isn't) a Scarlett Johansson sex tape. Besides, as soon as the first sucker gets it, it'll be online within minutes, so I'll be waiting for the free version.

That being said, if this is real, it could be the greatest thing since, well, since the creation of the Universe, but it would be a lot better if there was video.

If it's true, it's kinda hot... but it's not video.

And in expectation of the whole "This thread is useless without pictures" thing, here...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v296/FreedomBlade/scarlett-johansson-1024x768-21986.jpg

CraigM
11-07-2006, 08:44 AM
And now the internet shall break in half.

Craig

JackBauer
11-07-2006, 08:46 AM
What a perfect christmas present! :eek:

SteveZegers
11-07-2006, 08:47 AM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v448/SteveZ/scarlett.jpg
Why is this the first thing I thought of. Yeesh!

TIP
11-07-2006, 08:48 AM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v448/SteveZ/scarlett.jpg
Why is this the first thing I thought of. Yeesh!

Crossbow =Crossblow

T

Ryudo
11-07-2006, 08:51 AM
If they made a GI Joe live action movie, she should totally play that character.

Adam Beranek
11-07-2006, 08:54 AM
If they made a GI Joe live action movie, she should totally play that character.

Scarlett and the Baroness were totally humped on by all my Joes.

Kefky
11-07-2006, 08:54 AM
:blah: I'm not giving this the time of the day until there's some kind of confirmation. :no:

Brian Defferding
11-07-2006, 08:56 AM
Slurp slurp slurp slurpslurp slurp slurpslurp slurp slurp

NickT
11-07-2006, 08:57 AM
Yeah, because audio tapes are impossible to fake.

CraigM
11-07-2006, 08:58 AM
One of the things I'm wondering is this. This guy, he gets a blow job for nearly 13 minutes. First off, if the blowjob is as good as this guy makes it out to be then how the hell does he last 13 minutes? Then, if this girl IS Scarlett Johannson, you expect me to believe he lasted for 13 minutes? Come on now, either this guy is gay or that's not Scarlett.

However, I will reserve all judgment until this is confirmed, and then if it is then I shall see for myself. But, there best be some nudity in this if it is her other then the guy naked.

Craig

Adam Beranek
11-07-2006, 09:00 AM
One of the things I'm wondering is this. This guy, he gets a blow job for nearly 13 minutes. First off, if the blowjob is as good as this guy makes it out to be then how the hell does he last 13 minutes? Then, if this girl IS Scarlett Johannson, you expect me to believe he lasted for 13 minutes? Come on now, either this guy is gay or that's not Scarlett.


Craig

Dude...sometimes you gotta hold out just to make sure the girl is dedicated.

Lab-Rat
11-07-2006, 09:00 AM
One of the things I'm wondering is this. This guy, he gets a blow job for nearly 13 minutes. First off, if the blowjob is as good as this guy makes it out to be then how the hell does he last 13 minutes? Then, if this girl IS Scarlett Johannson, you expect me to believe he lasted for 13 minutes? Come on now, either this guy is gay or that's not Scarlett.

However, I will reserve all judgment until this is confirmed, and then if it is then I shall see for myself. But, there best be some nudity in this if it is her other then the guy naked.

Craig

um...it's an audio tape. No video.

Jono
11-07-2006, 09:01 AM
However, I will reserve all judgment until this is confirmed, and then if it is then I shall see for myself. But, there best be some nudity in this if it is her other then the guy naked.

Craig

dude, Audio tape.

Jono
11-07-2006, 09:01 AM
um...it's an audio tape. No video.

JINX! you owe me a coke!

CraigM
11-07-2006, 09:02 AM
um...it's an audio tape. No video.
Wait, what?!

FUCK!

All of my dreams and hopes have been dashed. Thanks a bunch!

Craig

TIP
11-07-2006, 09:03 AM
One of the things I'm wondering is this. This guy, he gets a blow job for nearly 13 minutes. First off, if the blowjob is as good as this guy makes it out to be then how the hell does he last 13 minutes?
Craig

:lol:

Uh oh.

T

Genius J
11-07-2006, 09:03 AM
One of the things I'm wondering is this. This guy, he gets a blow job for nearly 13 minutes. First off, if the blowjob is as good as this guy makes it out to be then how the hell does he last 13 minutes? Then, if this girl IS Scarlett Johannson, you expect me to believe he lasted for 13 minutes? Come on now, either this guy is gay or that's not Scarlett.

However, I will reserve all judgment until this is confirmed, and then if it is then I shall see for myself. But, there best be some nudity in this if it is her other then the guy naked.

Craig
Dude, there's nothing wrong with holding out for 13 minutes. It's called ENJOYING the blowjob. Not everyone is a "one-stroke-done" minuteman.

Bill!
11-07-2006, 09:03 AM
:blah: I'm not giving this the time of the day until there's some kind of confirmation. :no:

I'm sure Scarlett herself will be the first one to volunteer the statement: "Yeah, that was me on the tape, I suck dick all the time. Slurpitty slurp slurp."

Ryudo
11-07-2006, 09:04 AM
At least her voice is hot.

Imagine if Fran Drescher came out with something like that... :Panic:

Adam Beranek
11-07-2006, 09:05 AM
At least her voice is hot.

Imagine if Fran Drescher came out with something like that... :Panic:

Dude...I've zoo tripped to that voice more than once....her and Janice from Friends.

Brian Defferding
11-07-2006, 09:06 AM
At least her voice is hot.

Imagine if Fran Drescher came out with something like that... :Panic:

Fran attempting to speak cock-in-mouth would be high comedy!

CraigM
11-07-2006, 09:08 AM
Dude, there's nothing wrong with holding out for 13 minutes. It's called ENJOYING the blowjob. Not everyone is a "one-stroke-done" minuteman.
Not saying there is anything wrong with holding out. However, this guy says that this is the "sexiest blow jow I've ever heard" thus it should be a pretty damn amazing blow job. Thirteen minutes though? I wonder what the average is for a guy having sex who is also focusing on other things like fulfilling her needs, etc.

Plus, if it was Scarlett, then I'd have to imagine that it was also a sight to watch, and I find it highly unlikely the guy last for thirteen minutes. My bet is that the guy lasted like 3 minutes (with or without Scarlett) and then kept adding to it by cutting it up and adding it to the end ;-)

Craig

CraigM
11-07-2006, 09:09 AM
I'm sure Scarlett herself will be the first one to volunteer the statement: "Yeah, that was me on the tape, I suck dick all the time. Slurpitty slurp slurp."
I've heard that's the exact quote that's going to be used in the press release.

Craig

Genius J
11-07-2006, 09:09 AM
Craig, your youth shines through.

CraigM
11-07-2006, 09:11 AM
Craig, your youth shines through.
I do try my best ;-)

So, let me ask you then. Have you ever had a 13 minute blowjob?

Craig

Adam Beranek
11-07-2006, 09:12 AM
Not saying there is anything wrong with holding out. However, this guy says that this is the "sexiest blow jow I've ever heard" thus it should be a pretty damn amazing blow job. Thirteen minutes though? I wonder what the average is for a guy having sex who is also focusing on other things like fulfilling her needs, etc.

Plus, if it was Scarlett, then I'd have to imagine that it was also a sight to watch, and I find it highly unlikely the guy last for thirteen minutes. My bet is that the guy lasted like 3 minutes (with or without Scarlett) and then kept adding to it by cutting it up and adding it to the end ;-)

Craig

Dude...when in doubt...take it out and smack it like a cartoon character....you'll get another good 5 minutes.

Artie Pink
11-07-2006, 09:13 AM
During bjs, I deliberately think of my 88 year old grandma who slipped in the tub and lay naked in the water for two days before anyone found her body, just so I can last longer.

CraigM
11-07-2006, 09:13 AM
Dude...when in doubt...take it out and smack it like a cartoon character....you'll get another good 5 minutes.
I'm sorry, I find it harder to believe that this guy got a thirteen minute blowjob then that it's Scarlett in the tape. Especially if it's as good as the guy makes it out to be.

Craig

Ryan_ZOOM_Turner
11-07-2006, 09:14 AM
During bjs, I deliberately think of my 88 year old grandma who slipped in the tub and lay naked in the water for two days before anyone found her body, just so I can last longer.

What Jim said.

John Drake
11-07-2006, 09:15 AM
I'm sorry, I find it harder to believe that this guy got a thirteen minute blowjob then that it's Scarlett in the tape. Especially if it's as good as the guy makes it out to be.

Craig

the guy who got the blowjob didn't say it was awesome. It's the reviewer, right?

Adam Beranek
11-07-2006, 09:16 AM
I'm sorry, I find it harder to believe that this guy got a thirteen minute blowjob then that it's Scarlett in the tape. Especially if it's as good as the guy makes it out to be.

Craig

Dude...I've had a girl blow me for over an hour. You just detach yourself...or make them put an Altoid or cough drop in to numb your wang. If a girl isn't willing to devote at least 20 minutes to blowing me...and I don't have anywhere to be...I'm gonna enjoy it.

Bill Nolan
11-07-2006, 09:17 AM
One of the things I'm wondering is this. This guy, he gets a blow job for nearly 13 minutes. First off, if the blowjob is as good as this guy makes it out to be then how the hell does he last 13 minutes?

What's the best thing about a blow job?

The 10 minutes of silence... :scared:

- B

CraigM
11-07-2006, 09:18 AM
the guy who got the blowjob didn't say it was awesome. It's the reviewer, right?
You know what, good point. Maybe this guy has gotten some of the best blowjobs ever and this was just average for him. Also, maybe he had sex like four times that day. We'll never know for sure I guess.

Craig

Bill Nolan
11-07-2006, 09:19 AM
Dude...I've had a girl blow me for over an hour. You just detach yourself...

Well, if it hasn't detached after an hour, it will at least be quite chaffed...

- B

Doug
11-07-2006, 09:19 AM
What Jim said.

You think of Jim's grandma too?

CraigM
11-07-2006, 09:20 AM
Dude...I've had a girl blow me for over an hour. You just detach yourself...or make them put an Altoid or cough drop in to numb your wang. If a girl isn't willing to devote at least 20 minutes to blowing me...and I don't have anywhere to be...I'm gonna enjoy it.
I think it's Bernie Mac that says...

"If you don't bust a nut in three minutes, you out of muthafuckin' luck! I gots mine, you best gets your's! I've got shit to do!"

That quote cracks me up every time.

Craig

Los
11-07-2006, 09:26 AM
During bjs, I deliberately think of my 88 year old grandma who slipped in the tub and lay naked in the water for two days before anyone found her body, just so I can last longer.

I find it hard to think about anything else besides the blowjob. I mean how can you? they're so awesome!

Adam Beranek
11-07-2006, 09:49 AM
Well, if it hasn't detached after an hour, it will at least be quite chaffed...

- B

Yeah...the nads ache for a few days...but its well worth it.

mario
11-07-2006, 10:15 AM
Slurp slurp slurp slurpslurp slurp slurpslurp slurp slurp


Daymn! that's one sloppy blowjob!!

mario
11-07-2006, 10:16 AM
but the question no-one has asked before: is she a spitter or a swallower?

Bedlam66
11-07-2006, 10:43 AM
There is something all Celeb sex tapes have in common. Want to know what they are ? They were all BORING!!!!