TheKraken
08-27-2006, 02:31 PM
No one fights at 9am except people on COPS!
Goes like this:
I am awakened by the sound of "oh, shit the cops are here" banging on my door. I have had approximately 3.5 hours or less of sleep and am, to say the least, groggy. Monosyllabic. Partial-syllabic. I put on my broken glasses and a shirt and shuffle to the still-being-hammered-uponst door.
The door is being abused by a large individual. Taller than me. Like a stocky Samuel L. Jackson, sort of. Bald head. Unfortunate mustache. I say "Hello?" as best I can.
"Is this your car?" It was my car. "I wanna show you somethin'!"
He leads my still-mostly-asleep form around next to my car to look at the side of his SUV. It begins to click in my head that this is the asshole who doesn't live in my buildling but always takes up a space in our parking lot. Never seen him, just his vehicle. Our cars couldn't be much further apart, given the width of the parking spaces. But decorating the side of his vehicle is a lovely scratch running almost the whole length of the side.
"Huh... tha's bad...," I manage.
"You wanna pay to have this fixed?!" That woke me up a bit.
"I am not paying to have this fixed."
"Well, somebody is!"
"I didn't do this. As you can see, my car is way over here."
"That shit was done with a key! Some one did it on purpose!!" I almost laugh.
"Well, I assure you, I didn't do it on purpose..."
"Well, some one comin' to your apartment needs to be more damn careful! I was out here at 7 o'clock and--" I have just woken up enough to get pissed off that this guy's giving me all this shit.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I wasn't even here at 7 o'clock!"
"...Well..."
"Well, nothing! I was gone from 3 to 11:30, this shit's got nothing to do with me! I'm sorry some one keyed your shit, but I got no reason to apologize!"
"I'm just sayin', you need to be--"
"I don't need to be shit! You just goddamn woke me up at 9 am, I feel like shit, you just fucked up my whole day, I don't gotta do a goddamn thing for you! Call the fuckin' manager, I am not the mothefuckin' police of this parking lot!"
"Well, I am!" he said, puffing out his chest like a dickhead.
"Well then-- where do you live?"
"Over there," he said, waving in the general direction of the building nextdoor.
"--then park your shit where you can watch it! I'm sorry you got fucked, but I got nothin' to do with it, and if you keep threatening me, I'ma do something about it."
And he suddenly got really interested in something on the ground. There was a slight pause before he said, "Ok. Ok. And quickly got out of my face and went to digging something or other out of his glove box.
"Look," I said, "if I see some one fuckin' with-- what apartment do you live in?"
"Just touch it," he said,"it's got an alarm."
"Whatever, then, man."
Then a guy he knew happened to walk by, and he started showing off the scratch, so I started walking back inside.
"You have a nice day, sir!" he called after me.
"Yeah. Good luck with your shit..."
I don't remember the last time I actually threatened somebody. And I didn't even have pants on! :lol: Guy woulda flattened me, I'm sure, but I was not in my right mind. I could've been more diplomatic, but fuck that. That asshole ruined my whole day. I have enough trouble sleeping as it is...
Goes like this:
I am awakened by the sound of "oh, shit the cops are here" banging on my door. I have had approximately 3.5 hours or less of sleep and am, to say the least, groggy. Monosyllabic. Partial-syllabic. I put on my broken glasses and a shirt and shuffle to the still-being-hammered-uponst door.
The door is being abused by a large individual. Taller than me. Like a stocky Samuel L. Jackson, sort of. Bald head. Unfortunate mustache. I say "Hello?" as best I can.
"Is this your car?" It was my car. "I wanna show you somethin'!"
He leads my still-mostly-asleep form around next to my car to look at the side of his SUV. It begins to click in my head that this is the asshole who doesn't live in my buildling but always takes up a space in our parking lot. Never seen him, just his vehicle. Our cars couldn't be much further apart, given the width of the parking spaces. But decorating the side of his vehicle is a lovely scratch running almost the whole length of the side.
"Huh... tha's bad...," I manage.
"You wanna pay to have this fixed?!" That woke me up a bit.
"I am not paying to have this fixed."
"Well, somebody is!"
"I didn't do this. As you can see, my car is way over here."
"That shit was done with a key! Some one did it on purpose!!" I almost laugh.
"Well, I assure you, I didn't do it on purpose..."
"Well, some one comin' to your apartment needs to be more damn careful! I was out here at 7 o'clock and--" I have just woken up enough to get pissed off that this guy's giving me all this shit.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I wasn't even here at 7 o'clock!"
"...Well..."
"Well, nothing! I was gone from 3 to 11:30, this shit's got nothing to do with me! I'm sorry some one keyed your shit, but I got no reason to apologize!"
"I'm just sayin', you need to be--"
"I don't need to be shit! You just goddamn woke me up at 9 am, I feel like shit, you just fucked up my whole day, I don't gotta do a goddamn thing for you! Call the fuckin' manager, I am not the mothefuckin' police of this parking lot!"
"Well, I am!" he said, puffing out his chest like a dickhead.
"Well then-- where do you live?"
"Over there," he said, waving in the general direction of the building nextdoor.
"--then park your shit where you can watch it! I'm sorry you got fucked, but I got nothin' to do with it, and if you keep threatening me, I'ma do something about it."
And he suddenly got really interested in something on the ground. There was a slight pause before he said, "Ok. Ok. And quickly got out of my face and went to digging something or other out of his glove box.
"Look," I said, "if I see some one fuckin' with-- what apartment do you live in?"
"Just touch it," he said,"it's got an alarm."
"Whatever, then, man."
Then a guy he knew happened to walk by, and he started showing off the scratch, so I started walking back inside.
"You have a nice day, sir!" he called after me.
"Yeah. Good luck with your shit..."
I don't remember the last time I actually threatened somebody. And I didn't even have pants on! :lol: Guy woulda flattened me, I'm sure, but I was not in my right mind. I could've been more diplomatic, but fuck that. That asshole ruined my whole day. I have enough trouble sleeping as it is...