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View Full Version : I almost got in a fight at 9am!



TheKraken
08-27-2006, 02:31 PM
No one fights at 9am except people on COPS!

Goes like this:

I am awakened by the sound of "oh, shit the cops are here" banging on my door. I have had approximately 3.5 hours or less of sleep and am, to say the least, groggy. Monosyllabic. Partial-syllabic. I put on my broken glasses and a shirt and shuffle to the still-being-hammered-uponst door.

The door is being abused by a large individual. Taller than me. Like a stocky Samuel L. Jackson, sort of. Bald head. Unfortunate mustache. I say "Hello?" as best I can.

"Is this your car?" It was my car. "I wanna show you somethin'!"

He leads my still-mostly-asleep form around next to my car to look at the side of his SUV. It begins to click in my head that this is the asshole who doesn't live in my buildling but always takes up a space in our parking lot. Never seen him, just his vehicle. Our cars couldn't be much further apart, given the width of the parking spaces. But decorating the side of his vehicle is a lovely scratch running almost the whole length of the side.

"Huh... tha's bad...," I manage.

"You wanna pay to have this fixed?!" That woke me up a bit.

"I am not paying to have this fixed."

"Well, somebody is!"

"I didn't do this. As you can see, my car is way over here."

"That shit was done with a key! Some one did it on purpose!!" I almost laugh.

"Well, I assure you, I didn't do it on purpose..."

"Well, some one comin' to your apartment needs to be more damn careful! I was out here at 7 o'clock and--" I have just woken up enough to get pissed off that this guy's giving me all this shit.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I wasn't even here at 7 o'clock!"

"...Well..."

"Well, nothing! I was gone from 3 to 11:30, this shit's got nothing to do with me! I'm sorry some one keyed your shit, but I got no reason to apologize!"

"I'm just sayin', you need to be--"

"I don't need to be shit! You just goddamn woke me up at 9 am, I feel like shit, you just fucked up my whole day, I don't gotta do a goddamn thing for you! Call the fuckin' manager, I am not the mothefuckin' police of this parking lot!"

"Well, I am!" he said, puffing out his chest like a dickhead.

"Well then-- where do you live?"

"Over there," he said, waving in the general direction of the building nextdoor.

"--then park your shit where you can watch it! I'm sorry you got fucked, but I got nothin' to do with it, and if you keep threatening me, I'ma do something about it."

And he suddenly got really interested in something on the ground. There was a slight pause before he said, "Ok. Ok. And quickly got out of my face and went to digging something or other out of his glove box.

"Look," I said, "if I see some one fuckin' with-- what apartment do you live in?"

"Just touch it," he said,"it's got an alarm."

"Whatever, then, man."

Then a guy he knew happened to walk by, and he started showing off the scratch, so I started walking back inside.

"You have a nice day, sir!" he called after me.

"Yeah. Good luck with your shit..."

I don't remember the last time I actually threatened somebody. And I didn't even have pants on! :lol: Guy woulda flattened me, I'm sure, but I was not in my right mind. I could've been more diplomatic, but fuck that. That asshole ruined my whole day. I have enough trouble sleeping as it is...

Professor Oreo
08-27-2006, 02:39 PM
Yeah fuck that guy. It's not your problem that his car got keyed. Judging by his sunny attitude I'm sure all kinds of people have got problems with him. So it could be just about anyone.

CapnChaos
08-27-2006, 02:45 PM
What
a
Dick.

Fuck that asshole. You should key the other side of his car.

Thommy Melanson
08-27-2006, 02:48 PM
Every single time you see his car there, if it's not there legally, have it towed.

Fuck that fuckin' fuck in his fuckin' fuckhole, the fuck!

Artie Pink
08-27-2006, 02:50 PM
It's not over. He's gotta save face. He's gonna fuck with your car or your stuff when you're gone.

I'm sorry to be cynical and blunt, but I'm sure of it. Gorillas don't understand anything but their own bullshit.

The only thing that might stop him from taking a shot at you is his own laziness. Gorillas like that are sometimes too lazy to follow-up.

WillieLee
08-27-2006, 03:21 PM
It's not over. He's gotta save face. He's gonna fuck with your car or your stuff when you're gone.

I'm sorry to be cynical and blunt, but I'm sure of it. Gorillas don't understand anything but their own bullshit.

The only thing that might stop him from taking a shot at you is his own laziness. Gorillas like that are sometimes too lazy to follow-up.

Racist.

Donal DeLay
08-27-2006, 03:35 PM
Expect your car to be scratched up or damaged in some way within a week or so.

I promise.

Artie Pink
08-27-2006, 06:41 PM
Racist.

Fwuh?! Kraken doesn't even mention the guy's race! How would I know what race to be racist against?

(unless "asshole", "bald" and/or "stocky" are races)

Taxman
08-27-2006, 06:43 PM
Fwuh?! Kraken doesn't even mention the guy's race! How would I know what race to be racist against?

(unless "asshole"m "bald" and/or "stocky" are races)I believe people who attempt to incite violence prior to noon were made a protected class by the last Congress.

PeterSparker
08-27-2006, 06:48 PM
Gorillas don't understand anything but their own bullshit.




can I use this line in a song? :)

Artie Pink
08-27-2006, 06:49 PM
can I use this line in a song? :)

I insist! :)

PeterSparker
08-27-2006, 06:56 PM
I insist! :)

Nice, consider it done 8)





(and I may be moved to go even further than using only that one line, to composing an entire double-disc, Rock Opera about the world of the "gorillas". A piece of musical theater Dennis DeYoung himself would be proud to call his own!...)
















(...well, then again I may only use that one line, but it is brilliant! ;) )

CraigM
08-27-2006, 07:06 PM
Wow, I almost got into a fight at 10AM Saturday Morning with a Deputy and a Paramedic/Fire Rescue Guy. Really, no one should have to fight or be that close to a fight that early in the morning so I feel for you man.

Craig

Frozen Sooner
08-27-2006, 07:09 PM
Fwuh?! Kraken doesn't even mention the guy's race! How would I know what race to be racist against?

(unless "asshole", "bald" and/or "stocky" are races)

I don't know too many white dudes I'd describe as a "Stocky Samuel Jackson type." :D

TheKraken
08-27-2006, 07:14 PM
I don't know too many white dudes I'd describe as a "Stocky Samuel Jackson type." :D

But who sez I'm white? :D

TheKraken
08-27-2006, 07:15 PM
Nice, consider it done 8)

(and I may be moved to go even further than using only that one line, to composing an entire double-disc, Rock Opera about the world of the "gorillas". A piece of musical theater Dennis DeYoung himself would be proud to call his own!...)

(...well, then again I may only use that one line, but it is brilliant! ;) )

Awesome!

TheKraken
08-27-2006, 07:16 PM
It's not over. He's gotta save face. He's gonna fuck with your car or your stuff when you're gone.

I'm sorry to be cynical and blunt, but I'm sure of it. Gorillas don't understand anything but their own bullshit.

The only thing that might stop him from taking a shot at you is his own laziness. Gorillas like that are sometimes too lazy to follow-up.

Oh, it's all good. Tomorrow before work I'ma write down his plate #, take it to the front office and find out which apartment it belongs to. Then when something happens to my car, I know who to call the police on... :D

TheKraken
08-29-2006, 06:12 AM
So... as Our Pal, Jim, pointed out, it was not over... but the next chapter is a bit funnier than expected.

Last night I was reading before I went to bed and an unexpected rapping came at my door at 11:40. I switched my light off and quietly crept up to the door, expecting that douche. But it wasn't him. It was a cop. The apartment's courtesy officer, it turns out. And he had recieved a note from the manager from the douche saying that I keyed his car! Apparently, le douche took my advice and complained to the manager... just much more irrationally than I'd intended. So, I explained the situation... I think it helped that the douche's SUV was still parked directly in front of my apartment, as usual, which his front door is not even visible from. The cop seemed to realize quickly what was really going on. He sez, "Well, if he lives over there, he needs to park over there." I said that sounded pretty reasonable. He said he'd go tell him as much. I said I appreciated it, and we bid each other good night.

So. I guess the moral of the story is "Don't call the cops on an innocent person." :D

Modok Gas
08-29-2006, 06:25 AM
So... as Our Pal, Jim, pointed out, it was not over... but the next chapter is a bit funnier than expected.

Last night I was reading before I went to bed and an unexpected rapping came at my door at 11:40. I switched my light off and quietly crept up to the door, expecting that douche. But it wasn't him. It was a cop. The apartment's courtesy officer, it turns out. And he had recieved a note from the manager from the douche saying that I keyed his car! Apparently, le douche took my advice and complained to the manager... just much more irrationally than I'd intended. So, I explained the situation... I think it helped that the douche's SUV was still parked directly in front of my apartment, as usual, which his front door is not even visible from. The cop seemed to realize quickly what was really going on. He sez, "Well, if he lives over there, he needs to park over there." I said that sounded pretty reasonable. He said he'd go tell him as much. I said I appreciated it, and we bid each other good night.

So. I guess the moral of the story is "Don't call the cops on an innocent person." :D

Before you start your car, make sure there's no one hiding in the back seat :scared: