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View Full Version : Are You A Forgiving Person?



The Cheap-Arse Film Critic
08-27-2006, 01:16 PM
A few years ago, I would have said "Yes" to the in an instant. But I find, as i get older, I've come to realise that forgivness isn't just something you should just doll out. It should be something people prove that they deserve. I'm not particularly Christian in this area. I don't believe in just turning the other cheek. I believe that, in some cases, it's okay to hate somebody until the day they die.

kritty
08-27-2006, 01:19 PM
nope, i always hold a grudge. i may not act like i hate the person, but it stays in the back of my mind what they did/said to me that i can never forgive no matter what.

xyzzy
08-27-2006, 01:20 PM
A few years ago, I would have said "Yes" to the in an instant. But I find, as i get older, I've come to realise that forgivness isn't just something you should just doll out. It should be something people prove that they deserve. I'm not particularly Christian in this area. I don't believe in just turning the other cheek. I believe that, in some cases, it's okay to hate somebody until the day they die.

I've gone the other way. I used to be quite vindictive, but as I get older it seems like 99% of the stuff I used to get upset about just isn't worth getting worked up over.

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic
08-27-2006, 01:21 PM
Of course, it helps me to think about how everybody who's pissed me off will look at me when I'm rich and famous. They'll all want to know me then.

RyanP
08-27-2006, 01:23 PM
I usually let shit slide, but there are times when you can't just let something go. Like, say, when your girlfriend tries to fuck her way through the phone book.

Eric Williams
08-27-2006, 01:24 PM
I like to think I am forgiving, but if I do forgive, it's not in an instant. It takes time. And there are some instances where it's just not worth it.

Pat Loika
08-27-2006, 01:24 PM
Yes, I'm a very forgiving person.

Why hold on to a grudge? It's not worth it. It serves no purpose, to me, or anyone. Ultimately, we're going to die, and it won't mean anything...so I just let it go. It's a lot healthier, too.

P.

Murdock's Girl
08-27-2006, 01:26 PM
I think it depends on the problem and the person.
If i had an issue with someone, and addressed it with them, and we talked about it etc- then I can forgive them (ok.. stuff like murder, rape etc... hellllllll no).

But if that person refuses to even listen to me, or try to talk it out. Fuck them, i'll hold it against them to the day they die.

And there are people i will hate no matter what (bin laden, milosevic..until he died, then i did a happy dance).

Murdock's Girl
08-27-2006, 01:27 PM
Yes, I'm a very forgiving person.

Why hold on to a grudge? It's not worth it. It serves no purpose, to me, or anyone. Ultimately, we're going to die, and it won't mean anything...so I just let it go. It's a lot healthier, too.

P.
to play devil's advocate.
you would forgive someone that murdered your mom?
you would forgive bin laden?

just playing devil's advocate.. :)

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic
08-27-2006, 01:28 PM
you would forgive someone that murdered your mom?

At this very moment, I'd buy them dinner...

Pat Loika
08-27-2006, 01:29 PM
to play devil's advocate.
you would forgive someone that murdered your mom?
you would forgive bin laden?

just playing devil's advocate.. :)

Even I have limits...

P.

DrMachine
08-27-2006, 01:30 PM
no, but oddly enough I'm very forgetful

Murdock's Girl
08-27-2006, 01:31 PM
At this very moment, I'd buy them dinner...


ok...
but i have to agree with you.. i probably give the guy a medal... but that's because ...
nope its a long story.

Murdock's Girl
08-27-2006, 01:31 PM
Even I have limits...

P.
ok ok...
just being me.. :)

Sy-Klone
08-27-2006, 01:34 PM
Honestly? It depends on the situation.

Small stuff, minor quibbles, arguments, things like that...yeah, I'll forgive and forget.

Big stuff? No. I'm immensely stubborn. I don't hold "grudges" necessarily, but I don't forgive easily.

Donal DeLay
08-27-2006, 01:37 PM
Depends on the situation. If you killed my mother, then no, I wouldn't be forgiving. If you stole from me, then no, you're a shitbag and I don't trust you.

If you lie to me, sure. If you hit me, sure.

Murdock's Girl
08-27-2006, 01:38 PM
I agree.
There have been a couple of people in my life that I considered good friends, and then they went and did a couple of things that were so illegal....I still see them here and there (shit, one of them even came to WWC this year), but i keep my distance.
These people knew my thoughts, knew i come from a cop family, and still went and did this shit...I can't forgive it, nor can i forget.

Peter McLeod
08-27-2006, 01:39 PM
Yes, but then again, people are seldom actually SORRY or APOLOGISE for me to forgive them.

So no! :)

Steve_McMahon
08-27-2006, 01:41 PM
Generally forgiving on a first offense - but my patience rapidly runs out thereafter.

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic
08-27-2006, 01:41 PM
ok...
but i have to agree with you.. i probably give the guy a medal... but that's because ...
nope its a long story.

Mine's probably nowhere near as meaningful as your is. It's basically because she's being a cunt lately, and I'd pay somebody to shut her up.

Sometimes I feel like reminding her that I get to pick the home she goes in when she's infirm.

Murdock's Girl
08-27-2006, 01:43 PM
Mine's probably nowhere near as meaningful as your is. It's basically because she's being a cunt lately, and I'd pay somebody to shut her up.

Sometimes I feel like reminding her that I get to pick the home she goes in when she's infirm.

HA! :)

I would use that...but i don't think she would last that long.. (not by my doing, but because she's not taking care of herself and going in and out of the hospital)

Angel of Distraction
08-27-2006, 01:43 PM
If I didn't forgive easily I'd probably have gone crazy with a sub-machine by now.

Kensington
08-27-2006, 01:44 PM
to play devil's advocate.
you would forgive someone that murdered your mom?
you would forgive bin laden?

just playing devil's advocate.. :)If I believed they were sincerely sorry? Absolutely. They'd still have to face the consequences of their actions, but they'd have my forgiveness.

Murdock's Girl
08-27-2006, 01:45 PM
Kensington-
completly hypothetical question:
your mom was murdered in cold blood while someone was ransacking the house.
can you forgive him then?
I mean, its one thing if it was an accident or something...

Angel of Distraction
08-27-2006, 01:45 PM
If I believed they were sincerely sorry? Absolutely. They'd still have to face the consequences of their actions, but they'd have my forgiveness.

Ditto. Forgiveness doesn't mean you're free and clear.

Kensington
08-27-2006, 01:46 PM
Of course, forgiveness is a very personal thing, and it doesn't require you to make yourself vulnerable to further abuses by the people you've forgiven. That would be foolish in many cases.

I may forgive you, but I won't necessarily trust you again. I may forgive you, but you may not be allowed my friendship again. Etc.

Murdock's Girl
08-27-2006, 01:47 PM
good point
don't agree with you entirely, but good point

Kensington
08-27-2006, 01:48 PM
Kensington-
completly hypothetical question:
your mom was murdered in cold blood while someone was ransacking the house.
can you forgive him then?
I mean, its one thing if it was an accident or something...I really don't think this is a different question. In your hypothetical, I'd still forgive the cold-blooded murderer who was ransacking the house, if I believed he was sincerely sorry. From a totally selfish perspective, there's nothing in it for me to withhold forgiveness. I still would support him being put to death, but it wouldn't be an act of revenge, and I'd take no personal satisfaction in it.

Murdock's Girl
08-27-2006, 01:50 PM
You sir, are a rare person.
I don't know anyone who could do that.
I tip my hat off to you

Kensington
08-27-2006, 01:51 PM
And as for determining whether someone is sincerely sorry, I'm not going to mind read. That sorrow would have to be demonstrated. If it was the guy who murdered my mom, it would not be acceptable for him not to confess. True sorrow would mean the willful acceptance of the consequences.

Kensington
08-27-2006, 01:53 PM
You sir, are a rare person.
I don't know anyone who could do that.
I tip my hat off to youI highly doubt I'm rare in this, truly. I also truly believe it takes more energy not to forgive than to forgive, especially in the face of sincere sorrow.

Blandy vs Terrorism
08-27-2006, 01:54 PM
Not so much anymore.

Murdock's Girl
08-27-2006, 01:56 PM
like i said... for me it depends on the stituation.
here's an example.
some doctors that diagonsed my dad to recieve a gallblader surgery in early november. My dad never recouped from it, and that janurary had to have his kidney removed (from the same side as his gallbladder) because the cancer blew it up to the size of a regulation football.

there is no reason that they have been able to give my family for missing something wrong in the first surgery. If they had eyes they would have seen the kidney starting to rot. Yea, would it have helped my dad? You bet, the cancer wouldn't have spread so much in those months, and maybe, just maybe my dad would still be alive.
I can't forgive them for their fuckup.

Kensington
08-27-2006, 02:02 PM
like i said... for me it depends on the stituation.
here's an example.
some doctors that diagonsed my dad to recieve a gallblader surgery in early november. My dad never recouped from it, and that janurary had to have his kidney removed (from the same side as his gallbladder) because the cancer blew it up to the size of a regulation football.

there is no reason that they have been able to give my family for missing something wrong in the first surgery. If they had eyes they would have seen the kidney starting to rot. Yea, would it have helped my dad? You bet, the cancer wouldn't have spread so much in those months, and maybe, just maybe my dad would still be alive.
I can't forgive them for their fuckup.Well, I totally understand what you are expressing. I think it's especially difficult to get a full understanding of what happens in medical situations. Unfortunately, I think that a certain amount of guesswork and misdiagnosis is simply par for the course given the imperfect nature of trying to heal people. I have very little faith in doctors, but I also suspect that a certain amount of mistake making is unavoidable.

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic
08-27-2006, 02:03 PM
I think some of this is to do with the fact that I believe in the concept of perfection, and feel let down when people don't mesure up to that.

kubiak
08-27-2006, 02:04 PM
I've always been forgiving. I'm no good at holding grudges and I'd rather deal with stuff as it comes up than hold onto the negativity. The only person I find it hard to forgive for making mistakes is me, generally.

Murdock's Girl
08-27-2006, 02:05 PM
Well, I totally understand what you are expressing. I think it's especially difficult to get a full understanding of what happens in medical situations. Unfortunately, I think that a certain amount of guesswork and misdiagnosis is simply par for the course given the imperfect nature of trying to heal people. I have very little faith in doctors.
my mom is a transcriptionist for a pathology department... she's been doing all kinds of transcribing in the medical industry since before i was born (at least a good 30 years) she has to know more than doctors do otherwise, if she types the wrong thing and someone gets the wrong leg cut off, she's held accountable.

I remember during the mess when my dad was going through chemo and being a guinea pig, that my mom told me that she was reading my dad's charts... the intial surgery was fucked up.. for my mom to say it, means something than just the common sense i strung together back then.

I hate doctors.

Patrick J
08-27-2006, 02:05 PM
Yes, probably too much so.

kubiak
08-27-2006, 02:05 PM
Of course, forgiveness is a very personal thing, and it doesn't require you to make yourself vulnerable to further abuses by the people you've forgiven. That would be foolish in many cases.

I may forgive you, but I won't necessarily trust you again. I may forgive you, but you may not be allowed my friendship again. Etc.
Yeah, that's kind of how I feel. I just didn't know how to word it.

Kensington
08-27-2006, 02:06 PM
You know, in thinking further about this, I think I've overstated the necessity of the guilty person asking for forgiveness. I'd have to forgive even an unrepentant guy who's broken into my house and killed my mom. Not forgiving is like willfully growing a cancer on your soul. It's understandable, but it's just not good for you.

And, again, forgiveness does not mean absolving anyone from the consequences of their actions. You do the crime, you do the time, but I forgive you.

Murdock's Girl
08-27-2006, 02:08 PM
You know, in thinking further about this, I think I've overstated the necessity of the guilty person asking for forgiveness. I'd have to forgive even an unrepentant guy who broken into my house and killed my mom. Not forgiving is like willfully growing a cancer on your soul. It's understandable, but it's just not good for you.

And, again, forgiveness does not mean absolving anyone from the consequences of their actions. You do the crime, you do the time, but I forgive you.
I totally agree with you.... but its damn hard to forgive some people.

like... i can't forgive bin laden, nor milosovic (sp?) ... can't. But is that all bottled up in me? nope. But i did do a dance when milosovic bit it. :)

Kensington
08-27-2006, 02:10 PM
my mom is a transcriptionist for a pathology department... she's been doing all kinds of transcribing in the medical industry since before i was born (at least a good 30 years) she has to know more than doctors do otherwise, if she types the wrong thing and someone gets the wrong leg cut off, she's held accountable.

I remember during the mess when my dad was going through chemo and being a guinea pig, that my mom told me that she was reading my dad's charts... the intial surgery was fucked up.. for my mom to say it, means something than just the common sense i strung together back then.

I hate doctors.Doesn't surprise me a bit. But I encourage you to remain open to the possibility of forgiving in this case. If it helps, don't think about forgiveness as something you're doing for the sake of the doctors involved, think of it as something you're doing for yourself. Holding onto the stress and anger might end up shaving years off of your own life, and that would only compound the injustice.

That doesn't mean don't demand investigations or pursue any kind of fact finding opportunities that might be available to you regarding your father's death and let the chips fall where they lay, by the way. It just means forgive.

Kensington
08-27-2006, 02:12 PM
I totally agree with you.... but its damn hard to forgive some people.

like... i can't forgive bin laden, nor milosovic (sp?) ... can't. But is that all bottled up in me? nope. But i did do a dance when milosovic bit it. :)I forgive bin Laden, but I wouldn't hesitate to put one between his eyes, either, if I found him and he fought back.

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic
08-27-2006, 02:13 PM
I can't help but shake the feeling that this thread is full of a lot of frontin'...

Murdock's Girl
08-27-2006, 02:14 PM
Doesn't surprise me a bit. But I encourage you to remain open to the possibility of forgiving in this case. If it helps, don't think about forgiveness as something you're doing for the sake of the doctors involved, think of it as something you're doing for yourself. Holding onto the stress and anger might end up shaving years off of your own life, and that would only compound the injustice.

That doesn't mean don't demand investigations or pursue any kind of fact finding opportunities that might be available to you regarding your father's death and let the chips fall where they lay, by the way. It just means forgive.

Ya know something... its posts like this that make me love this board so damn much.

I'll take your advice to heart about this matter.. and i'll try. :)

Kensington
08-27-2006, 02:15 PM
I can't help but shake the feeling that this thread is full of a lot of frontin'...All I can say is I hope you're wrong. I don't know you're wrong, but I hope you're wrong. :wink:

Howlett
08-27-2006, 02:15 PM
I forgive those that deserve it.

I forget those that don't.

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic
08-27-2006, 02:15 PM
All I can say is I hope you're wrong. I don't know you're wrong, but I hope you're wrong. :wink:

I'm never wrong.

I'm The Greatest Man Alive.

Kensington
08-27-2006, 02:19 PM
I'm never wrong.

I'm The Greatest man Alive.Oh I know you're completely and utterly wrong about the smaller stuff regarding forgiveness. That I know already. It's just the bigger stuff discussed here that hasn't quite been put to the real world test yet that I can't be 100% sure about, and even those I think you are wrong about. :wink:

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic
08-27-2006, 02:20 PM
Oh I know you're completely and utterly wrong about the smaller stuff regarding forgiveness. That I know already. It's just the bigger stuff discussed here that hasn't quite been put to the real world test yet that I can't be 100% sure about, and even those I think you are wrong about. :wink:

Nope.

Still not worng.

Still The Greatest Man Alive.

Although you can be the Fourth Greatest Man Alive,behind me, MIKE D, And Bubbles, if you want to.

Sy-Klone
08-27-2006, 02:20 PM
I may forgive you, but I won't necessarily trust you again. I may forgive you, but you may not be allowed my friendship again. Etc.

See, this is where the line of forgiveness gets blurry.

Example: My sister and I were always very close. We were friends, odd as that sounds. But I haven't really spoken to her in about a year or so. She made some really horrible choices, and I don't approve of her choices. In the process of making those horrible choices, she hurt both me and my mom and my brother.

Do I forgive her? Yes.
Will things be the same between us? Not anytime soon. In that respect, it seems like I haven't forgiven her, like I'm still holding a grudge. But technically, I forgive her, I wish her no ill will, and I wish her the best.

xyzzy
08-27-2006, 02:21 PM
Kensington, I don't know that I could be quite as forgiving is you, but I think you've got the right attitude. We may not agree on much, but I'm with you on this.

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic
08-27-2006, 02:25 PM
Kensington, I don't know that I could be quite as forgiving is you, but I think you've got the right attitude. We may not agree on much, but I'm with you on this.

I just don't, in my heart of hearts, believe anybody could be that forgiving.

Maybe that's more of a reflection on me than anything else.

Kensington
08-27-2006, 02:28 PM
See, this is where the line of forgiveness gets blurry.

Example: My sister and I were always very close. We were friends, odd as that sounds. But I haven't really spoken to her in about a year or so. She made some really horrible choices, and I don't approve of her choices. In the process of making those horrible choices, she hurt both me and my mom and my brother.

Do I forgive her? Yes.
Will things be the same between us? Not anytime soon. In that respect, it seems like I haven't forgiven her, like I'm still holding a grudge. But technically, I forgive her, I wish her no ill will, and I wish her the best.It sounds to me like the choices your sister made gave you new information about her that gives you pause. I think it's entirely possible to forgive someone and yet still find your relationship altered as a result of what you now know about each other. I forgave a friend for stealing from me, but they were never allowed to handle my money again, not because I don't really forgive them, but because I know now that they have a character flaw that makes them unreliable with regard to money. I can still love them and be friends, but now the friendship includes a new boundary. It works out okay that way, too.

Murdock's Girl
08-27-2006, 02:30 PM
Kens-
i think you should be the new go to guy on the board. :)
kinda like a cool dr.phil or something

Kensington
08-27-2006, 02:30 PM
I just don't, in my heart of hearts, believe anybody could be that forgiving.

Maybe that's more of a reflection on me than anything else.I think it's got to be the latter. Ha ha!

Actually, I just think we might have different notions of what forgiveness entails. I'm not trying to present myself as some kind of saint, because I do not consider forgiveness a selfless act. It's not a sacrifice; it's a liberation, and if done sensibly, with eyes and heart open, it's a total win for the forgiver. It can be balm for the forgiven as well, but that can be a secondary benefit.

xyzzy
08-27-2006, 02:32 PM
It's just not healthy to hold onto hate. It's counter-productive.

Kensington
08-27-2006, 02:32 PM
Kens-
i think you should be the new go to guy on the board. :)
kinda like a cool dr.phil or somethingIt's true that many, many board members would be better off if they listened to me. That's undeniable.

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic
08-27-2006, 02:34 PM
It's just not healthy to hold onto hate. It's counter-productive.

I respectfully disagree. Sometimes, it's a great motivator. There are times when the only thing that keeps mye working towards my dream is the thought of being able to lord it over everybody who doubted me.

Kensington
08-27-2006, 02:35 PM
I respectfully disagree. Sometimes, it's a great motivator. There are times when the only thing that keeps mye working towards my dream is the thought of being able to lord it over everybody who doubted me.I don't believe that's true. I believe you think it's true, but I don't believe that's really true. You just don't give off that vibe, for one thing.

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic
08-27-2006, 02:37 PM
I don't believe that's true. I believe you think it's true, but I don't believe that's really true. You just don't give off that vibe, for one thing.

Sometimes I daydream about offering one of them a thousand pounds to mow my lawn...

Kensington
08-27-2006, 02:38 PM
Sometimes I daydream about offering one of them a thousand pounds to mow my lawn...:lol:

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic
08-27-2006, 02:40 PM
:lol:

Live the dream.

TheKraken
08-27-2006, 03:06 PM
I chosen "Depends," but I would say my answer is "most of the time."

Ben Weldon
08-27-2006, 03:30 PM
A few years ago, I would have said "Yes" to the in an instant. But I find, as i get older, I've come to realise that forgivness isn't just something you should just doll out. It should be something people prove that they deserve. I'm not particularly Christian in this area. I don't believe in just turning the other cheek. I believe that, in some cases, it's okay to hate somebody until the day they die.

My favorite Giles moment.


To forgive is an action of compassion, Buffy. It's not done because people deserve it. It's done because they need it.

xyzzy
08-27-2006, 03:32 PM
I respectfully disagree. Sometimes, it's a great motivator. There are times when the only thing that keeps mye working towards my dream is the thought of being able to lord it over everybody who doubted me.

That's incredibly sad.

TRILL, THE CARBON BASED LIFEFORM
08-27-2006, 03:33 PM
I'm only forgiving if the person is sincerely sorry.

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic
08-27-2006, 03:37 PM
That's incredibly sad.

Live the dream.

amy
08-27-2006, 03:39 PM
depends on the situation.


On most things yes, I forgive. I can't say I always forget though.

There are some people in my life whom I will never forgive for the things they put me through. I may not act on it but the animosity is always there.

YouStayClassy
08-27-2006, 04:17 PM
Oh God no. I hold grudges my entire life.

Example: when I was in the second grade, a girl let the air out of my bike tires. I moved across the country several times, and by the time I was in my senior year I ended up in the same town as her. I immediately could think of nothing but getting revenge on her, and revenge I did.

I'm not really proud of that....and I'm hopelessly immature in that aspect, but hey... it's me.

Pat Loika
08-30-2006, 08:01 PM
I learned something today about someone I thought I knew.

I don't think I can forgive her.

P.

NickT
08-30-2006, 08:05 PM
Sure, why not :)

Ethan Van Sciver
08-30-2006, 08:06 PM
I forgive everyone.

Hate_Prime
08-30-2006, 08:07 PM
No. But I am not easily offended and my emotions are not very overt.

RickLM
08-30-2006, 08:16 PM
My faith tells me to be forgiving, but I'm not a very forgiving person. I don't easily forgive myself for mistakes and I don't easily forgive other people for things very easily, even for minor things. I suppose I'm petty on some level.

Haborym
08-30-2006, 08:18 PM
I almost always forgive my friends, family and loved ones very quickly.

With those I don't know, or only know in passing, I'll hold a grudge as long as the memory receptors in my brain still fire. I mentally file their name away in the "One day they must pay" section.

There are few things as sweet as exacting revenge upon someone for a long held, well deserved grudge.

The Roman Candle
08-30-2006, 08:21 PM
I think there's only one person in my entire life that I've not been able to forgive, and I don't know if I ever well. Funnily enough, other people have done things far worse than she did, and yet time was able to help me let those go.

Angel of Distraction
08-30-2006, 08:23 PM
I learned something today about someone I thought I knew.

I don't think I can forgive her.

P.

That's the worst kind of forgiveness to try and grant. I know it well.

Angel of Distraction
08-30-2006, 08:24 PM
Oh God no. I hold grudges my entire life.

Example: when I was in the second grade, a girl let the air out of my bike tires. I moved across the country several times, and by the time I was in my senior year I ended up in the same town as her. I immediately could think of nothing but getting revenge on her, and revenge I did.

I'm not really proud of that....and I'm hopelessly immature in that aspect, but hey... it's me.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

I was going to speculate, but if you could PM me that'd rock.:D

Angel of Distraction
08-30-2006, 08:28 PM
And this, Technobuddy, is why you're always pissed off.