How To Be Cool?

[paul brian deberry]

Okay. I want to be cool. Please tell me how...?

I've been told to just sit on a block of ice. But that just freezies my nut (yes I said NUT meaning one.) and it might sound like fun at the time to have your nut frozen. The turth is it is not.

I want to fit in with all the cool kids. I tire of trolling these message boards like some pimpled faced geek who lives in his parents basement. I want a cool make over.

not cool,

-pbd

[YouStayClassy]

Step one, get a mullet just like Piper.

[kritty]

Step two, wear REALLY tight pants that show your junk.

[Nelson]

Firstly, get another nut.

[YouStayClassy]

Step two, wear REALLY tight pants that show your junk.

Ooh yeah! And REALLY shiny shirts.

[TSChamp]

When meeting a girl say,"How you doing?"

[Brian Defferding]

Listen to some old John Lee Hooker, Miles Davis, Billie Holiday, Muddy Waters and Etta James.

http://www.pockes.com/John%20Lee%20Hooker/John%20Lee%20Hooker-39.jpg

[paul brian deberry]

Step one, get a mullet just like Piper.

See I was told to shave my head, it would cool. Sure I "feel" cooler but, not really cool.

[ClintP]

You need some sort of Gimmick. I think I told another newer guy here that today? I must be stuck in some sort of infinite loop.....

[YouStayClassy]

See I was told to shave my head, it would cool. Sure I "feel" cooler but, not really cool.
Shaving your head isn't a good idea unless you know for sure you have a smooth head. You don't want a Charles Barkley situation breaking out....

[YouStayClassy]

You need some sort of Gimmick. I think I told another newer guy here that today? I must be stuck in some sort of infinite loop.....

Honestly, I've stolen so many gimmicks from professional wrestlers it's not even funny. In my experience, over-the-top is SO the way to go though, so it works.

[paul brian deberry]

Step two, wear REALLY tight pants that show your junk.

hmm... i don't know. that sounds like I won't be able to breath and ONE thing I do know is breathing, it's the only thing I'm good at.

Next suggestion.

[paul brian deberry]

Firstly, get another nut.

right. like one of those plastic ones in that scene in Joe Verus the Volcano.

[paul brian deberry]

Ooh yeah! And REALLY shiny shirts.

SWEET! Now were talkin'

[paul brian deberry]

When meeting a girl say,"How you doing?"

I tried that one ONCE, on this cute girl down the way. And she laughed so hard she said she throw up a little in her mouth.

[paul brian deberry]

Listen to some old John Lee Hooker, Miles Davis, Billie Holiday, Muddy Waters and Etta James.

http://www.pockes.com/John%20Lee%20Hooker/John%20Lee%20Hooker-39.jpg

Now this IS a great suggestion. Time to delete all those 90 hairbands from Ipod and download some B.B. King and Lee Hooker.

[YouStayClassy]

Now this IS a great suggestion. Time to delete all those 90 hairbands from Ipod and download some B.B. King and Lee Hooker.
You can't go wrong with Earth, Wind, And Fire either.

[paul brian deberry]

I was just sent a PM sayin' that starting a thread on "How to Be Cool" is one way NOT to be cool.

shit

[Brian Defferding]

Now this IS a great suggestion. Time to delete all those 90 hairbands from Ipod and download some B.B. King and Lee Hooker.
:thumb: Good man. The opening to Hooker's "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" turns any schlub on the street into the master of cool in seconds. Same goes for Muddy Waters "Mannish Boy" :cool:

[YouStayClassy]

I was just sent a PM sayin' that starting a thread on "How to Be Cool" is one way NOT to be cool.

shit

Harsh!

Geez, why people gotta be drinkin' the haterade?

[YouStayClassy]

Oh, and....

Secondhand Smoke Linked To Secondhand Coolness

WINSTON, NC—Americans have known for years that smoking is a direct cause of coolness. But a recent study funded by R.J. Reynolds, Philip Morris and several other cigarette conglomerates proves conclusively that the cool effects of smoking are not limited to the smoker.

In these photos provided by the Tobacco Institute, an average-looking nobody (inset) becomes a really cool guy, simply by sitting near a smoker.
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onion_news2636.jpg

According to the study, secondhand smoke is a leading cause of coolness, and is only slightly less cool than actual smoking.

As a result of the study, cigarette companies are encouraging non-smokers to frequent smoky bars and make friends with smokers. The companies are also speaking out against laws that mandate separate non-smoking areas in public places.

"We are only acting in the interests of the public at large," R.J. Reynolds spokesperson Ron Gronfeld said. "We're not saying non-smokers are going to die as a result of their actions, but we do want to make sure they know they're not as cool as they could be."

Gronfeld referred to a "three-level progression" of coolness that non-smokers experienced in the study. Level one could be observed as soon as the non-smoker sat down at a barstool near a person enjoying a delicious cigarette.

"Even the nerdiest subject we could find somehow appeared cool when interacting with his smoking partner," Gronfeld said. "Just the fact that the subject was brave enough to breathe deadly secondhand smoke established him as a hip, freethinking individual, the kind of person who might one day run with the bulls in Pamplona."

Level two begins after a non-smoker has been in a smoke-filled environment for at least an hour. At this point, the non-smoker's clothes begin to stink of smoke, and he develops a dry, hacking cough. Bronchial fits are directly proportional to mucus overproduction, respiratory cyanosis and coolness. The smelly clothing leads to coolness because the nonsmoker smells to others as if he smokes two or more packs a day, which is a very cool thing to do.

Level three occurs once the non-smoker admits to himself that smoking is cool, and then starts smoking himself. "Even if a former non-smoker only smokes in bars or social situations, we feel as if we have scored a victory," Gronfeld said.

Smokers across the country feel vindicated by the study, claiming it proves what they have believed all along. "It's an exciting time to be a smoker," University of Virginia freshman Gina Pongres said. "It made me look grown- up in high school, and now that I'm older, it just makes me look cool." Her boyfriend, sophomore Tom Willard, agrees. "She always looks sexy smoking at the bars," he said. "I myself don't smoke, but I sure feel cool when I'm with Gina."

David Prochnow, president of United Smokers of America, says there has never been such a good time to seek out the friendship of smokers.

"Cigarette companies need our help," he said. "They want to get Third World countries addicted to American cigarettes, but that's going to take money. Now that this study has been released, I'm confident that even nonsmokers will make donations to cigarette companies, thanking them for the gift of coolness."

Prochnow went on to praise the tobacco companies for adding freon, nicotine and dozens of other poisonous substances to tobacco.

"Anyone would be seen as cool if their bodies were strong enough to handle even one of those chemicals. But smokers, being the coolest people around, have no problem breathing all of them at once," he said. "And breathing those chemicals secondhand is almost as cool."

R.J. Reynolds plans to use the study's findings as evidence this fall, when it petitions the government to encourage smoking among newborns.

[paul brian deberry]

hehe, that does sound cool but Like I said above I like breathing to much.

Damn, I didn't realize being cool would be so hard.

Maybe I should walk around with a fan or something. do they make long extension cords?

[YouStayClassy]

hehe, that does sound cool but Like I said above I like breathing to much.

Damn, I didn't realize being cool would be so hard.

Maybe I should walk around with a fan or something. do they make long extension cords?
Most definitely, but the inevitable tripping will result because of it.

Just wear a hat with an extra large brim and take it off every now and then to fan yourself seductively. Bonus points if you make eye contact with a girl while doing so.

[niceguyeddie]

http://www.devilducky.com/media/24771/
ohhh yeah.

[Masculine Todd]

have you considered going emo? It's all the rage, especially around this board.

[stevapalooza]

Step two, wear REALLY tight pants that show your junk.


Definitely. Male camel toe is the height of cool.

[Patrick J]

Stop giving a shit about being percieved by others as being cool and then you'll be cool.

Just. Stop. Caring.

[FLIP ROCK]

Maybe I should walk around with a fan or something. do they make long extension cords?
There are battery operated mini portable fans.

I also recommend wearing a leather jacket/t-shirt combo and saying "Ayyyyy!" to everyone you see.

[niceguyeddie]

http://delmonicohatter.com/plugins/MivaMerchants/graphics/00000001/Borsalino%20Classic%20Fedora%20Aug%2002%20225X.gif
fedora hats are the bees knees.
http://lamaestra.tripod.com/Danger2.jpg

[paul brian deberry]

http://www.devilducky.com/media/24771/
ohhh yeah.

*sigh* Stewie is so Cool.

[james michael]

stop telling people youre with hot rod...

[paul brian deberry]

Okay. To recap.

get a mullet just like Piper.

wear REALLY tight pants that show your junk.

get another nut.

REALLY shiny shirts.

say,"How you doing?" ALOT to the ladies

Listen to some old John Lee Hooker, Miles Davis, Billie Holiday, Muddy Waters and Etta James,can't go wrong with Earth, Wind, And Fire

find a Gimmick

shaving my head was a BAD idea

don't start a thread asking "How to be Cool" it's just not cool.

Secondhand Smoke Linked To Secondhand Coolness

wearing of a hat large brim and taking it off every now and then to fan yourself seductively is cool

Stewie is cool

and when I stop giving a shit about being cool... THEN I'll truely be cool.

[sans serif]

hmm... i don't know. that sounds like I won't be able to breath and ONE thing I do know is breathing, it's the only thing I'm good at.

Next suggestion.

Your screwed. The cool don't breathe.

[Steve Marshall]

Two words: Pimp Cane.

[YouStayClassy]

Two words: Pimp Cane.

Even better, glass bottomed platform shoes with goldfish in them.

"Your goldfish are dead."

"I know..............I can't get them out."

[paul brian deberry]

Your screwed. The cool don't breathe.

y'know you're right. i've heard great thing about the undead and they don't breath. i think i'm on to something here.

[chazbot]

um.... just forget about being cool, focus on being happy.... and not the whole Hollywood perception of happy and cool....
if your happy reading the bendis board then just keep doing it... no one here will be able to say shit against you cause we all do the same thing...
oh yeh, and honestly, don't get a fedora... it only looks good on one out of every one thousand people... and typically that one person is a cute girl...
gl

[Jacob Lyon Goddard]

....

why are you asking us? :mistrust:

[paul brian deberry]

....

why are you asking us? :mistrust:

because this is where all the cool kids hang out... right? that and i need a few bucks... the parents are kicking me out of my basement.

[thecheat1]

If Tower of Power don't know, then I can't help:

"So you wanna dump out yo trick bag,
Ease on into a hip bag.
But you ain't just exactly sure what's hip.

So you start to let your hair grow.
Spent big bucks on your wardrobe.
But somehow you know there's much more to the trip.

What is hip? Tell me tell me, if you think ya know.
What is hip? And if you're really hip, the passing years will show,
That you into a hip trip, maybe hipper than hip.
But what is hip?"

[Jacob Lyon Goddard]

because this is where all the cool kids hang out... right? that and i need a few bucks... the parents are kicking me out of my basement.
step one, don't live with your parents

[chazbot]

step one, don't live with your parents
hey they might be cool parents... like the Huxtables.... don't tell me you wouldn't live with the Huxtables