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View Full Version : URGENT: Does This Make Me Seem Weird/Stalkerish?



Rod Nunley
06-18-2006, 12:23 PM
*!* Removed by the author so it doesn't keep floating out here in the land of intenet to bite me in the ass later. *!*

Shwicaz
06-18-2006, 12:25 PM
Wow,

its like you were speaking to/stalking me.

other than that, it seemed alright.

Rod Nunley
06-18-2006, 12:26 PM
Wow,

its like you were speaking to/stalking me.

other than that, it seemed alright.

So I should send this to her?

Donal DeLay
06-18-2006, 12:26 PM
That's a really long post.

So, I'm going to say "Yes" to your question.

Bill!
06-18-2006, 12:27 PM
I think Jesus would be very proud of you.

Seriously, you're right on.

Ben Rosen
06-18-2006, 12:27 PM
all i have to say is that the last sentence should have a question mark.

Blandy vs Terrorism
06-18-2006, 12:27 PM
So I should send this to her?
That's the point when it becomes weird/stalkerish, at least to me.

Rod Nunley
06-18-2006, 12:27 PM
all i have to say is that the last sentence should have a question mark.

Noted and changed.

Smokinblues
06-18-2006, 12:28 PM
no. keep it to yourself. you wanna have faith and hold on? that's fine. sit on this for two or three weeks and see if you still feel the same way.

c.rob
06-18-2006, 12:29 PM
Don't send it...just stop

Rod Nunley
06-18-2006, 12:29 PM
That's the point when it becomes weird/stalkerish, at least to me.

I want to consider everyone's advise. Can you tell me why it seems over the top though?

Bill!
06-18-2006, 12:29 PM
no. keep it to yourself. you wanna have faith and hold on? that's fine. sit on this for two or three weeks and see if you still feel the same way.

I don't know. Regret can be a real bitch. Sometimes its not best to sit on things. My girlfriend and I had some real ups and downs at first. Broke up a few times for several months. A lot of it was because of our differences in religion. But I basically told her these same things and she came back and realized that religion wasn't as important as love. Three years later, we're inseperable and on the road to marriage.

I'm not saying everyones life works out fine. But sometimes things are just worth going for.

LordKinbote
06-18-2006, 12:30 PM
Do you really find her perfect? Because I always thought of true love as complete acknowledgement and appreciation of imperfection.

Rod Nunley
06-18-2006, 12:31 PM
I don't know. Regret can be a real bitch. Sometimes its not best to sit on things. My girlfriend and I had some real ups and downs at first. Broke up a few times for several months. A lot of it was because of our differences in religion. But I basically told her these same things and she came back and realized that religion wasn't as important as love. Three years later, we're inseperable and on the road to marriage.

That's my thing. I don't want to look back and regret the things I didn't say. I would rather regret the things I did say. At least that way she knows how I feel.

Blandy vs Terrorism
06-18-2006, 12:31 PM
I don't know. Regret can be a real bitch. Sometimes its not best to sit on things. My girlfriend and I had some real ups and downs at first. Broke up a few times for several months. A lot of it was because of our differences in religion. But I basically told her these same things and she came back and realized that religion wasn't as important as love. Three years later, we're inseperable and on the road to marriage.
In this case, the love isn't there. At least not the love he's looking for.

DrMachine
06-18-2006, 12:31 PM
DO NOT send this...do as Brad suggested...sit on it and then wait and see how you feel

Smokinblues
06-18-2006, 12:31 PM
I don't know. Regret can be a real bitch. Sometimes its not best to sit on things. My girlfriend and I had some real ups and downs at first. Broke up a few times for several months. A lot of it was because of our differences in religion. But I basically told her these same things and she came back and realized that religion wasn't as important as love. Three years later, we're inseperable and on the road to marriage.

I'm not saying everyones life works out fine. But sometimes things are just worth going for.

right. i'm saying that a coupla weeks isn't gonna hurt anything. whenever you first break up with someone your all over the place, extreme emotionally volitile. Now is not the time to be making grand overtures. Take some time to heal and make sure what you want before you make a big play like this.

Rod Nunley
06-18-2006, 12:32 PM
DO NOT send this...do as Brad suggested...sit on it and then wait and see how you feel

Will listen to all advise...but what's your reasoning.

Blandy vs Terrorism
06-18-2006, 12:32 PM
I want to consider everyone's advise. Can you tell me why it seems over the top though?
Past experience doing the same thing.

Rod Nunley
06-18-2006, 12:32 PM
right. i'm saying that a coupla weeks isn't gonna hurt anything. whenever you first break up with someone your all over the place, extreme emotionally volitile. Now is not the time to be making grand overtures. Take some time to heal and make sure what you want before you make a big play like this.

Fair advise...and it has already been one week.

Bill!
06-18-2006, 12:33 PM
right. i'm saying that a coupla weeks isn't gonna hurt anything. whenever you first break up with someone your all over the place, extreme emotionally volitile. Now is not the time to be making grand overtures. Take some time to heal and make sure what you want before you make a big play like this.

That is good advice too. It's just really tough. Sometimes you will feel different after a while. But sometimes it might also be too late then.

Smokinblues
06-18-2006, 12:34 PM
That's my thing. I don't want to look back and regret the things I didn't say. I would rather regret the things I did say. At least that way she knows how I feel.

and that's fine. but anything you say to her right now isn't going to matter. the breakup itself is going to skew both her perspective and yours. laying this big emotional trip on her is not going to be the way to get her back.

Smokinblues
06-18-2006, 12:35 PM
That is good advice too. It's just really tough. Sometimes you will feel different after a while. But sometimes it might also be too late then.

if two weeks is too late, then thirty seconds would have been too late.

Bill!
06-18-2006, 12:36 PM
if two weeks is too late, then thirty seconds would have been too late.

Yeah. I think two weeks would be sufficient.

Smokinblues
06-18-2006, 12:39 PM
a wise man once told a friend of mine "it's okay to lead with your heart. Just don't disconnect your head from the process." I think that applies here. Don't let the emotional lows of being dumped and the highs of maybe having hope be what lead you to make these decisions. take your time, think about what is really best for you, what the best way to get that is, etc.

amy
06-18-2006, 12:41 PM
wait on it. emotions are running raw on both sides right now. Give it time to cool down. If her frame of mind is that she is not in love with you then yes, this is stalkerish. Give it some times to cool down and both of you get some distance from the situation. Then if you feel the same way in 3 or 4 weeks, then give it to her. You may find that after you get over the initial shock of the breakup that things weren't as good as you thought.

And you don't want her looking at you with pity. And that would be a risk at this time. Don't let this consume you and I may be wrong but that's what it appears to be doing.

Rod Nunley
06-18-2006, 12:42 PM
An Addendum to the start:

Before I start this I want to make a couple of things clear. This is not about getting you to change your mind. I am aware that we both need time and space to heal ourselves. And the same if there is ever an attempt to heal what is between us. What follows is about telling you how I feel. This is about telling you with a clear head and mind, the ability to get my real feelings out in complete sentences, thoughts, and without breaking down in front of you. I hope you can read this with an open mind and an open heart. I hope you read this now and then read it again when some time has passed and we are both in a better place. I know that what follows will still apply. I know that what follows will always apply.

Rod Nunley
06-18-2006, 12:43 PM
wait on it. emotions are running raw on both sides right now. Give it time to cool down. If her frame of mind is that she is not in love with you then yes, this is stalkerish. Give it some times to cool down and both of you get some distance from the situation. Then if you feel the same way in 3 or 4 weeks, then give it to her. You may find that after you get over the initial shock of the breakup that things weren't as good as you thought.

And you don't want her looking at you with pity. And that would be a risk at this time. Don't let this consume you and I may be wrong but that's what it appears to be doing.

She loves me (and we are best friends) ... she's not in love with me. And we both know it's because she is unhappy with herself and doesn't feel like she can be in love with anyone.

Smokinblues
06-18-2006, 12:45 PM
Another thing - if you can't come up with a way to say what you need to say to her face when an appropriate time comes skip the whole thing. The letter thing is fine when your in the lovey dovey phases of a relationship. When you're talking about things like this a letter just seems like you didn't have the gumption to talk it out.

Rod Nunley
06-18-2006, 12:46 PM
Another thing - if you can't come up with a way to say what you need to say to her face when an appropriate time comes skip the whole thing. The letter thing is fine when your in the lovey dovey phases of a relationship. When you're talking about things like this a letter just seems like you didn't have the gumption to talk it out.

I disagree. It's not lack of gumption. It's clear thought in the absence of raw emotion.

Master Jack Rabbitt
06-18-2006, 12:47 PM
She loves me (and we are best friends) ... she's not in love with me. And we both know it's because she is unhappy with herself and doesn't feel like she can be in love with anyone.

Been there. She said she needed time to find herself. I gave her the time. Now we're both happy and in love... with other people. So the moral of the story is.... um, no idea. Nevermind.

But I agree its a mistake to send the letter.

Smokinblues
06-18-2006, 12:47 PM
I disagree. It's not lack of gumption. It's clear thought in the absence of raw emotion.

I understand that. I'm not saying that's what it is, I'm saying that's the perception it creates.

Rod Nunley
06-18-2006, 12:48 PM
It's funny. I posted this on another board full of female posters and they are ALL saying I HAVE to send it.

Master Jack Rabbitt
06-18-2006, 12:50 PM
It's funny. I posted this on another board full of female posters and they are ALL saying I HAVE to send it.

yeah... leave it to girls to know what they really want... :twisted:

Smokinblues
06-18-2006, 12:53 PM
It's funny. I posted this on another board full of female posters and they are ALL saying I HAVE to send it.

because they all want to get a letter like that. in theory. but they also all say they want to date nice guys too. this isn't a movie. sending of the big heartfelt letter isnt' going lead to the big happy finish walking down the beach into the sunset. sending it right now is just going to make a bad situation worse. give it time.

amy
06-18-2006, 12:54 PM
She loves me (and we are best friends) ... she's not in love with me. And we both know it's because she is unhappy with herself and doesn't feel like she can be in love with anyone.



Until she comes to terms with that, she doesn't need to be in a relationship. Give her time to work on herself without adding more baggage. Be there for her but put the relationship on the back burner for now.

You can't make her happy, nobody can.

Smokinblues
06-18-2006, 12:55 PM
Until she comes to terms with that, she doesn't need to be in a relationship. Give her time to work on herself without adding more baggage. Be there for her but put the relationship on the back burner for now.

You can't make her happy, nobody can.

This is wisdom.

amy
06-18-2006, 12:58 PM
because they all want to get a letter like that. in theory. but they also all say they want to date nice guys too. this isn't a movie. sending of the big heartfelt letter isnt' going lead to the big happy finish walking down the beach into the sunset. sending it right now is just going to make a bad situation worse. give it time.


wholeheartedly agree.






They see Rod as the Knight in shining armor, the fairy tale if you will. This is far from it. She needs time to heal herself. Once she does that and if the feelings are still there, then give her the letter. Hell, if it makes you feel better continue to write them, just don't give them to her yet. Wait until her head is on straight.

Smokinblues
06-18-2006, 01:04 PM
and Rod, I swear I'm not just trying to rain on your parade. I'm really not. I'm only saying any of this because I've written that letter before. I've sent that letter before. It's best just to give her the space she needs right now, and work on yourself. I know it doesn't feel that way, but it is.

Taxman
06-18-2006, 01:06 PM
because they all want to get a letter like that. in theory. but they also all say they want to date nice guys too. this isn't a movie. sending of the big heartfelt letter isnt' going lead to the big happy finish walking down the beach into the sunset. sending it right now is just going to make a bad situation worse. give it time.I honestly feel that movies and TV impact people's expectations in situations like this.

amy
06-18-2006, 01:07 PM
I honestly feel that movies and TV impact people's expectations in situations like this.


and Danielle Steel novels. :-?

Smokinblues
06-18-2006, 01:08 PM
I honestly feel that movies and TV impact people's expectations in situations like this.

it absolutely does.

Taxman
06-18-2006, 01:09 PM
and Danielle Steel novels. :-?Do you think Rod reads those?


Here is one thought; if you send that letter now, you can never unsend it. You can always send it later though.

amy
06-18-2006, 01:11 PM
Do you think Rod reads those?


Here is one thought; if you send that letter now, you can never unsend it. You can always send it later though.


I don't think he does but I'm willing to lay bets that most of the females telling him to send it do.

Smokinblues
06-18-2006, 01:14 PM
I don't think he does but I'm willing to lay bets that most of the females telling him to send it do.

I blame Cameron Crowe more than anything. Everybody wants to be the guy holding the boombox over his head that mkes the girl go gaga.

amy
06-18-2006, 01:17 PM
I blame Cameron Crowe more than anything. Everybody wants to be the guy holding the boombox over his head that mkes the girl go gaga.

I think of Say Anything as more of a guy movie but yeah.

Smokinblues
06-18-2006, 01:18 PM
I think of Say Anything as more of a guy movie but yeah.

that's what I mean. It's the guy's chick flick.

amy
06-18-2006, 01:20 PM
that's what I mean. It's the guy's chick flick.

gotcha.

Jamie Howdeshell
06-18-2006, 01:21 PM
just remember that stabbing is always an option.

don't get me wrong.
i'm not saying it's the best option... i'm just saying it is an option.

:shifty:

JMP
06-18-2006, 01:21 PM
I admit to not knowing you or your situation that well, but trust me, I understand the feelings you're probably going through. As for the letter, I'm conflicted. Like I said, I don't know the situation that well, but I have sent many of those letters, and not sent many others. Most of the time they didn't work, they only brought in the pity/sympathy feelings with the girl, which is something that isn't good. If she knows your feelings already, many not as eloquently put in this letter, but has an idea, then I would suggest waiting to send this, because if she knows, and it sounds like she does, and you send this is might be much for her to handle and put her off a little. Trust me, I know you just want to tell her how much you love her and hope that it will somehow make a difference, but usually that just mucks things up more than before. Give it some time, sit her down, make sure you're calm, and have a looooong discussion about this. Trust me, being rational and calm in a face-to-face or over-the-phone discussion will win many more points than sending an emotionally confrontational letter like this.

Sir Erudite Gav
06-18-2006, 01:23 PM
and Danielle Steel novels. :-?

Heh, my mum was watching a movie of one of her novels today. My god, it was rubbish.

amy
06-18-2006, 01:27 PM
Heh, my mum was watching a movie of one of her novels today. My god, it was rubbish.



Oh.dear.god.

Save her before it's too late. Take her to electric shock therapy now!

Sir Erudite Gav
06-18-2006, 01:32 PM
Oh.dear.god.

Save her before it's too late. Take her to electric shock therapy now!

At least that's her Mother's Day present sorted then.

amy
06-18-2006, 01:34 PM
At least that's her Mother's Day present sorted then.

That's next year. She may be beyond hope by then.

Go with birthday or Christmas.

Or "just because" is always good.

Rod Nunley
06-18-2006, 01:39 PM
Trust me, being rational and calm in a face-to-face or over-the-phone discussion will win many more points than sending an emotionally confrontational letter like this.

Was it emotionally confontational?

JMP
06-18-2006, 02:04 PM
Was it emotionally confontational?

I think, in some ways, it was a little. Like I said I'm not entirely familiar with the situation, or her feelings, but from what little that's been posted here, you're in love with her, and she just loves you as a best friend, correct? The letter, while very sweet and romantic, MIGHT (I stress might because there's a chance that it might not) come off, to her, as "I have faith that one day we'll be together, I won't stop hoping that you'll love me like I love you, I'll love you until that day, etc." I might have been a bit harsh when I said "confrontational" but until she can love herself, as others have said before me in much better ways, she won't love you the way you love her. Telling her that you're going to love her anyway, and you have faith that one day she'll see the light, might be a bit much for her. It's like "Yeah, we can still be friends, but I'll still be in love with you, and while most of the time I can probably hide it, there will be a few times when I can't." I have written practically that exact same letter, sent it out, and unfortunately the feelings I got back was pretty much "I love you, but not that way, you need to be happy without me." I'm not saying there's never any hope, because there's always some itty-bitty ounce of hope in any situation, but sometimes you have to accept the situation for what it is and move on.

Rod Nunley
06-18-2006, 02:08 PM
I think, in some ways, it was a little. Like I said I'm not entirely familiar with the situation, or her feelings, but from what little that's been posted here, you're in love with her, and she just loves you as a best friend, correct? The letter, while very sweet and romantic, MIGHT (I stress might because there's a chance that it might not) come off, to her, as "I have faith that one day we'll be together, I won't stop hoping that you'll love me like I love you, I'll love you until that day, etc." I might have been a bit harsh when I said "confrontational" but until she can love herself, as others have said before me in much better ways, she won't love you the way you love her. Telling her that you're going to love her anyway, and you have faith that one day she'll see the light, might be a bit much for her. It's like "Yeah, we can still be friends, but I'll still be in love with you, and while most of the time I can probably hide it, there will be a few times when I can't." I have written practically that exact same letter, sent it out, and unfortunately the feelings I got back was pretty much "I love you, but not that way, you need to be happy without me." I'm not saying there's never any hope, because there's always some itty-bitty ounce of hope in any situation, but sometimes you have to accept the situation for what it is and move on.

Well that makes sense. An it's basiclly stuff I already know. I just feel like I need to tell her one more time the right way. I know she has to fix herself first (and say that in the letter) and am hopefull that she will do that and THEN give it another go with me. Not trying to change her mind this second.

kari
06-18-2006, 02:56 PM
I wouldn't want to recieve the letter. As beautifully written as it is, It won't change her mind. She's either in love with you, or she's not. If she's in love with you we wouldn't be having this conversation.

The fella's are right. The female posters on the other board are reacting to the contents of the letter, not the situation or how it may effect your relationship.

give her time. Then tell her how you feel about her.

amy
06-18-2006, 03:02 PM
I wouldn't want to recieve the letter. As beautifully written as it is, It won't change her mind. She's either in love with you, or she's not. If she's in love with you we wouldn't be having this conversation.

The fella's are right. The female posters on the other board are reacting to the contents of the letter, not the situation or how it may effect your relationship.

give her time. Then tell her how you feel about her.


:-?

kari
06-18-2006, 03:06 PM
:-?
:lol: sorry. I forgot!:surrend:

*edit* The ladies on this board are right!;)
:lol:

Keith P.
06-18-2006, 03:18 PM
If you come across as all wierd and obsessed, she will freak out and never want to have anything to do with you.

More importantly, she won't have any respect for you.

Smokinblues
06-18-2006, 03:22 PM
:lol: sorry. I forgot!:surrend:

*edit* The ladies on this board are right!;)
:lol:

I'm keying your classic car

kari
06-18-2006, 03:26 PM
I'm keying your classic car
:-x I'll beat you to death with a wooden spoon. It can be done.;)

LordKinbote
06-18-2006, 06:07 PM
An Addendum to the start:

Before I start this I want to make a couple of things clear. This is not about getting you to change your mind.

Come on, you have to know that you're kidding yourself with that sentence.