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jenifu
06-05-2006, 12:11 PM
my workplace is freezing. FREEZING!!!

i have tried the following tactics in a vain effort to thaw my digits:

1) ...taking ludicrously frequent smoke breaks, in the hope that the burning, toxic smoke filling my lungs might also miraculously permeate my other bodily tissues and heat my appendages,
2) ...running to the bathroom and break room sinks to run my hands under scalding water and temporarily restore circulation,
3) ...and drinking so many cups of hot tea, coffee, and hot chocolate that my kidneys have shut down in protest, simply so that i can wrap my hands around the hot little paper cups.

my hands have frozen into twisted, colorless little claws. i'm typing this with a pencil i've got clamped between my teeth.

what else can i do?

WHAT AM I NOT THINKING OF?!?

MIKE D
06-05-2006, 12:12 PM
Somewhere, a Conservative funded study is using your post as proof against global warming.

Generic Poster
06-05-2006, 12:12 PM
Smoking constricts your blood vessels and will make your extremities even colder.

Raphael J
06-05-2006, 12:13 PM
Starting a massive fire in the building.

...to keep you warm, of course.

:shifty:

Gregory
06-05-2006, 12:13 PM
Hot water bottle in your lap.
Microwaving towels to sit on.
Reading sex blogs to get all worked up.

Gavin
06-05-2006, 12:13 PM
From what I understand smoking actually makes people colder. I don't remember the reasoning behind that one. I think it had to do with the creation of more blood vessels or something. Maybe I'm just making all of this up because I don't know if any of this even makes any sense.

MIKE D
06-05-2006, 12:14 PM
what else can i do?

WHAT AM I NOT THINKING OF?!?


Slice open a Tauntaun and place yourself inside it's still warm innards. If a Tauntaun is not readily available, use a fat coworker.

RebootedCorpse
06-05-2006, 12:14 PM
Being fat would keep you warm. Have some Krispy Kremes!

Gavin
06-05-2006, 12:14 PM
Smoking constricts your blood vessels and will make your extremities even colder.
What he said.

jenifu
06-05-2006, 12:15 PM
Somewhere, a Conservative funded study is using your post as proof against global warming.

i hate you.
now i have ice in my SOUL.

Bill Nolan
06-05-2006, 12:15 PM
Act like a dude and spend most of the day with your hands burried in your armpits or your crotch. Works for us when are fingers are cold...

- Bill

MIKE D
06-05-2006, 12:16 PM
i hate you.


That's a blatant lie. You find me irrepressibly adorable and you know it.

jenifu
06-05-2006, 12:17 PM
Smoking constricts your blood vessels and will make your extremities even colder.

'smoking kills!'
'drinking kills brain cells!!'
'frequent masturbation causes carpal tunnel syndrome!!!'

BAH!!!
WHY MUST ALL THINGS I ENJOY BE BAD FOR ME?!?

jenifu
06-05-2006, 12:18 PM
Starting a massive fire in the building.

...to keep you warm, of course.

:shifty:

(i would do that anyway.
just because.)

:shifty:

james michael
06-05-2006, 12:19 PM
moving to texas, where yesterday it was about 97 degrees of humid hell...

whiny bitch :roll:

EDIT: and i think its only male masturbation thats causes cts...

jenifu
06-05-2006, 12:20 PM
Hot water bottle in your lap.
Microwaving towels to sit on.
right now, the thought of either of these things makes me want to weep with longing.

Reading sex blogs to get all worked up.
i can't. too risky here. (but in a pinch, i can probably just use your hugh laurie avatar.)

jenifu
06-05-2006, 12:21 PM
Slice open a Tauntaun and place yourself inside it's still warm innards. If a Tauntaun is not readily available, use a fat coworker.

this will not work.
i AM the fat coworker.

Gregory
06-05-2006, 12:22 PM
right now, the thought of either of these things makes me want to weep with longing.

Grab paper towels from the bathroom and nuke them for a few seconds.

jenifu
06-05-2006, 12:22 PM
Being fat would keep you warm. Have some Krispy Kremes!

i hereby refer you back to my response to mike d.
my fat is NOT WORKING.
but were the fecking donuts here, i would probably eat them.

jenifu
06-05-2006, 12:24 PM
Act like a dude and spend most of the day with your hands burried in your armpits or your crotch. Works for us when are fingers are cold...

this might help.
(since am typing with tooth-pencil already anyway.)

MIKE D
06-05-2006, 12:25 PM
this will not work.
i AM the fat coworker.


I've seen you, You ain't fat.

OK, since i have to find a NEW way to keep you warm because you don't like any of my other brilliant ideas, find the annoying coworker, the one with the "Hang in There!" kitty poster in their cube, and set them on fire. Tie them to their ergomatic chair to keep fire stable. If you counter by saying YOU are in fact the coworker with the "Hang in There!" kitty poster in your cube, I wash my hands of you.

The Clone Ranger
06-05-2006, 12:26 PM
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=4100063

http://i.walmart.com/i/p/00/04/60/13/76/0004601376040_500X500.jpg

I have a smaller one under my desk. This is the closest I could find at walmart.com.

jenifu
06-05-2006, 12:26 PM
That's a blatant lie. You find me irrepressibly adorable and you know it.

were you here, i would exclaim with delight and give you a hug of welcome.

then i would (regretfully) set you on fire, that i might survive the rest of my shift without succumbing to hypothermia.

wabi-sabi
06-05-2006, 12:27 PM
this will not work.
i AM the fat coworker.
Stitch together the flesh of your skinny coworkers to make one large fleshblanket in which to wrap yourself.

jenifu
06-05-2006, 12:28 PM
whiny bitch :roll:

oh, my god.
it's like we're ALREADY married.


EDIT: and i think its only male masturbation thats causes cts...

i would debate this. doesn't female masturbatory technique require more fine motor skills???

Gregory
06-05-2006, 12:30 PM
would debate this. doesn't female masturbatory technique require more fine motor skills???

The pencil is already in your teeth.

MIKE D
06-05-2006, 12:31 PM
were you here, i would exclaim with delight and give you a hug of welcome.

then i would (regretfully) set you on fire, that i might survive the rest of my shift without succumbing to hypothermia.

I understand your need for heat, but I have to tell you, I would counter your setting me on fire by screaming like a five year old girl louder than I've ever screamed like a five year old girl before.

jenifu
06-05-2006, 12:35 PM
OK, since i have to find a NEW way to keep you warm because you don't like any of my other brilliant ideas, find the annoying coworker, the one with the "Hang in There!" kitty poster in their cube, and set them on fire. Tie them to their ergomatic chair to keep fire stable. If you counter by saying YOU are in fact the coworker with the "Hang in There!" kitty poster in your cube, I wash my hands of you.

no worries. i hath no kitty poster.

in fact, i am the coworker with no personal items or pictures in my bleak, bleak little cubicle.

(when people point this out and inquire as to why, i explain that i want to be able to travel light when i inevitably get laid off again. for some reason, this is terribly effective in making them look awkward and uncomfortable, and then run away. i've thought about bringing in my marvel legends kingpin/daredevil variant figures as desk decoration...but i think that might just make things worse. go figure.)

jenifu
06-05-2006, 12:36 PM
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=4100063

http://i.walmart.com/i/p/00/04/60/13/76/0004601376040_500X500.jpg

I have a smaller one under my desk. This is the closest I could find at walmart.com.

FORBIDDEN'D!
i can't have 'em.
grrrr.

jenifu
06-05-2006, 12:37 PM
Stitch together the flesh of your skinny coworkers to make one large fleshblanket in which to wrap yourself.

HAHAHAHAHA!
yuck.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
oh, yuck.

CONFLICTE'D!!!

jenifu
06-05-2006, 12:39 PM
The pencil is already in your teeth.

well, i DID make a point of telling them in my interview that i was a multi-tasking genius.
so the groundwork has certainly already been...laid.
hahahaha.

wabi-sabi
06-05-2006, 12:40 PM
HAHAHAHAHA!
yuck.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
oh, yuck.

CONFLICTE'D!!!
Skin-side in keeps the mess down. :twisted:

jenifu
06-05-2006, 12:41 PM
I understand your need for heat, but I have to tell you, I would counter your setting me on fire by screaming like a five year old girl louder than I've ever screamed like a five year old girl before.

awwww!
irrepressibly adorable!!!
see - this would make me give you a lollipop.
you know - after the hug, but before the fiery immolation.

james michael
06-05-2006, 12:42 PM
oh, my god.
it's like we're ALREADY married.



i would debate this. doesn't female masturbatory technique require more fine motor skills???
no, it requires a motor...