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Dreg
10-28-2005, 11:40 AM
This Halloween, I'm making some extra money working at a haunted mini-golf event. Despite some irrationally intense competition for the position, I was hired to be the Pirate. This means that I have to banter with golfers as they putt-putt their way through an half-hour of holes. Normally, I'd have no problem with making up pirate jokes, but here's the main catch: it has to be famiy friendy. Having had my entire catalogue of "booty" jokes revoked by the supervisor, I'm in desparate need of some piratical puns. Even when I try to be family friendly, I fail miserably.

Last week, for example, there was a goup of children noisily coming up the hill to my station with one or two adults. So I start gettin' all crotchety and scurvy and whatnot, and say

"G'ARRRRR! They always travel in packs! Lady, you need to keep them all locked up in cages, because that's where they belong!!"

And then the supervisor gets this worried look in his eyes and pulls me aside. "Listen, I know you didn't realize this, but that's a group of retarded kids...and a lot of what you're saying could be taken the wrong way."

I also felt pretty bad about it when I read about the parents who were convicted of horrific child abuse involving cages later that day. So as you can see, my instincts as a pirate totally suck. What I need are dorky, age-appropriate jokes that won't get my ass fired. So no "driving me nuts" joke. Also, I refuse to accept the "rated ARRRRRR" joke on the grounds that it is stupid. I know this place treats "National Talk Like A Pirate Day" like it was Good Friday, so don't hold back on me!

who cares?
10-28-2005, 11:41 AM
okay, so a bar walks into a pirate....... oops, wrong frame of reference....


(gotta love the physics jokes)

TheTravis!
10-28-2005, 11:42 AM
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"


Did you hear about the new pirate movie coming out soon?
It's rated "AHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

MattKrizan
10-28-2005, 11:43 AM
What's a pirate's favorite letter?



ARRRR!!!


EDIT: Dammit. Too slow.

Adam Witt
10-28-2005, 11:44 AM
What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?

The AAARRRmy

What's a pirate's favorite body part?

An AAAARRmm

What's a pirate's favorite restarunt?

Long John Silver's

markhow
10-28-2005, 11:44 AM
How much did the pirate pay for corn?

A buck an ear.

sumopanda
10-28-2005, 11:45 AM
hahahahaha i'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh at that, but god it's funny :D


Ok, here's a famous one! "A pirate walks into a bar with a large steering wheel on his weiner. The bartender says 'Hey Pirate, did you know there's a steering wheel on your wanker?' and the pirate says 'YARRR It's drivin me nuts!'"

Dreg
10-28-2005, 11:45 AM
okay, so a bar walks into a pirate....... oops, wrong frame of reference....


(gotta love the physics jokes)

That's pretty good, but I need something that a six-year-old would get. Here's some stuff to work with: I have a cannon, an eyepatch, and a dead bird on my shoulder. I do some shtick with the dead bird, and I call my cannon "Nick" and have him sing, but I need 4 hours worth of material.


How much did the pirate pay for corn?

A buck an ear.

Awesome. This is the stuff I need.

ThisSpaceForRent
10-28-2005, 11:45 AM
http://www.prometheusradio.org/piratejokes.html (http://www.prometheusradio.org/piratejokes.html)

It's the FIRST site that comes up on google....

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=pirate+jokes&btnG=Google+Search (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=pirate+jokes&btnG=Google+Search)

Lab-Rat
10-28-2005, 11:45 AM
So a Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch.

The bartender says "Hey what's the steering wheel for?"

The Pirate says "It's driving me nuts!"


I think that's how the joke goes anyway.

sumopanda
10-28-2005, 11:46 AM
http://www.prometheusradio.org/piratejokes.html (http://www.prometheusradio.org/piratejokes.html)

Edit: CURSE YOU FASTER TYPIST!

AAlgar
10-28-2005, 11:46 AM
CURSE YOU, FASTER TYPIST!

Dreg
10-28-2005, 11:48 AM
So a Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch.

The bartender says "Hey what's the steering wheel for?"

The Pirate says "It's driving me nuts!"


I think that's how the joke goes anyway.

I keep getting this joke. Listen...truth be told, I already used it, and screwed it up. (Driving me balls? What the hell was I on?) So I'm investigating other options.

EDIT: Sweet Christmas! Thanks for the website, guys!

TheTravis!
10-28-2005, 11:49 AM
This guy walks into a bar and sees a pirate. The pirate has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye.

The guy runs up to the pirate and says, "Wow! A pirate! You must have some great stories!"
The pirate says, "Ahrr, yes matey. I have some tales to tell."
The guy says, "How did you get that pegleg?"
"I fell into the drink and a shark bit me leg off!"
The guy says, "WOW! How'd you get that hook?"
"I had me hand cut off by a cutlass."
The guy says, "WOW! What about the eyepatch?"
"A seagull shit in it."
The guy says, "Huh? A seagull shit in it?"
The pirate says, "Well, it was me first day with the hook."

Cth
10-28-2005, 11:53 AM
:danceyar:

/for use with the "driving me nuts" joke..

yeamon
10-28-2005, 12:52 PM
"'Scuse me Mr. Pirate, but where are your buccaneers?"

"Under me fuckin' hat!"

Natty P
10-28-2005, 01:20 PM
Did you hear about the new Pirate Movie?


It's rated AAAARRRRHHHRRRR

mitchymitchymitchy
10-28-2005, 01:28 PM
What do you call a pirate pedophile?

arrrrrrrrrrrrgh kelly

Thudpucker
10-28-2005, 01:45 PM
Lame as in jokes about their peg legs?

Natty P
10-28-2005, 01:52 PM
Lame as in jokes about their peg legs?



The comedic logic is very sound, but it's not very funny.


A good effort, and a good example of the nebulousness(is that a word?) of comedy.

AAlgar
10-28-2005, 01:55 PM
The comedic logic is very sound, but it's not very funny.


A good effort, and a good example of the nebulousness(is that a word?) of comedy.

It was pretty funny when you reused Travis' joke from about 10 posts up though.