Bush Jokes (aka: I Will Now Piss Off Half of the Board)

[TheTravis!]

Q: How many telemarketers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Wouldn't a more relevant question be "How many pounds of cocaine has Bush snorted?"

- - - -

A doctor, a lawyer, and an accountant all die and go to heaven on the same day. When they get to the Pearly Gates, they are greeted by St. Peter. St. Peter says, "Scott McClellan is a lying sack of shit and I'd tell him so myself if he weren't going straight to hell when he dies."

- - - -

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

A: I'm not sure, but if the answer is "A cure for Parkinson's disease," then Bush will try to stop scientists from breeding them. Because he likes it when people get Parkinson's.

- - - -

This guy walks into a bar carrying a small poodle in one hand and a bowling ball in the other. The guy says, "I'd like a glass of milk for me and a whiskey for my poodle." The bartender says, "Yeah? Well, I'd like an impartial and independent judiciary, but try telling that to Bush, Frist, and the rest of the GOP!"

- - - -

Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a monkey?

A: I'm sorry, I can't think about that right now because I'm too busy wondering why Congress hasn't launched an official investigation into Bush lying to the American public about WMDs and leading us into a war under false pretenses. Tell you what—as soon as I solve that little riddle, I'll get to work on your little genetic experiment.

- - - -

Q: How many eggs does it take to make a good omelet?

A: Three. By the way, Tom DeLay is a hypocrite of the highest order.

- - - -

Did you hear that Bill Clinton hired a new intern? It turns out that his old intern had to go home and spend time with her family after her brother was killed in Iraq.

- - - -

Q: How many golf players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: The answer may be locked away in the minutes of Cheney's secret energy meetings. However, conventional wisdom says that the meetings were probably about finding a Cabinet-level position for a pre-scandal Ken Lay or about doing business with the Taliban.

- - - -

Knock-knock.

Who's there?

Under the Patriot Act, we don't have to tell you that.

[Ray G.]

Meh.

[NickT]

Can't remember where this is from, but...


"Question: How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to change a light bulb?
Answer: TEN.

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed,

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed,

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb,

4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness,

5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for a new light bulb,

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner "Bulb Accomplished",

7. One administration insider to resign and in detail reveal how Bush was literally "in the dark" the whole time,

8. One to viciously smear #7,

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light bulb-changing policy all along,

10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

And after all is said and done, no one will notice that they never actually managed to change the light bulb."

[Taxman]

Why were these not funny?

[Caley Tibbittz]

A doctor, a lawyer, and an accountant all die and go to heaven on the same day. When they get to the Pearly Gates, they are greeted by St. Peter. St. Peter says, "Scott McClellan is a lying sack of shit and I'd tell him so myself if he weren't going straight to hell when he dies."

:rofl:

....they're all good... because they are true...:D

[Xander Boune]

Why were these not funny?

I chuckled at a few of them. I enjoyed the complete nonsequitors, like going from 3 egg omlettes to Tom Delay being a super hypocrite.

[Smokinblues]

half the board? there might be what, half a dozen non lefties here? pissing off half the board will take more effort than this.

[Thommy Melanson]

Didja hear the one about Jeb Bush running for Prez in '08?


...you will :(

[Taxman]

half the board? there might be what, half a dozen non lefties here? pissing off half the board will take more effort than this.He would have had to have mixed in Chuck Austen.

[mario]

half the board? there might be what, half a dozen non lefties here? pissing off half the board will take more effort than this.

yes, and if it were good jokes about democrats and/or liberals, we'd be able to laugh at them.
That the difference between "them"

[Ray G.]

Can't remember where this is from, but...


"Question: How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to change a light bulb?
Answer: TEN.

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed,

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed,

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb,

4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness,

5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for a new light bulb,

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner "Bulb Accomplished",

7. One administration insider to resign and in detail reveal how Bush was literally "in the dark" the whole time,

8. One to viciously smear #7,

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light bulb-changing policy all along,

10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

And after all is said and done, no one will notice that they never actually managed to change the light bulb."

Now this one's actually pretty funny.

[NickT]

yes, and if it were good jokes about democrats and/or liberals, we'd be able to laugh at them.
That the difference between "them"
Actually, no it isn't. Last Novemberish proved this :)



There are people out there on all sides of the spectrum who can't laugh at "their" side. These people need to remove the stick from their arse :)

[Angel of Distraction]

I like it.

And to ingratiate the rest of you to me:

Fill in stupid joke about Chuck Awesome being Bush's speech writer:


___________________________________________

[stevapalooza]

In the interest of equal time:

What's the difference between a liberal and a serial killer?

Serial killers can sometimes be charming.

Why did the Republican cross the road?

To fuck everything up on the other side too.

How do you know when a libertarian's been in your house?

You don't! So watch your ass!

(OK Libertarian jokes are very hard to write)

[Agent Desmond]

Somebody has been cutting and pating from McSweeny

[Ryan Elliott]

None of those were funny.

[Ray G.]

None of those were funny.

That's kinda the point.

[Ryan Elliott]

That's kinda the point.



Yeah I know. But when I see a thread with the word Joke in the title, I expect to laugh.

I didn't.

[Patton]

Yeah I know. But when I see a thread with the word Joke in the title, I expect to laugh.

I didn't.
ask for a refund.

[BronxRonin]

Can't remember where this is from, but...


"Question: How many members of the Bush Administration are needed to change a light bulb?
Answer: TEN.

1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed,

2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed,

3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb,

4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness,

5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for a new light bulb,

6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner "Bulb Accomplished",

7. One administration insider to resign and in detail reveal how Bush was literally "in the dark" the whole time,

8. One to viciously smear #7,

9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light bulb-changing policy all along,

10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.



And after all is said and done, no one will notice that they never actually managed to change the light bulb."
:grope:

[TIP]

Somebody has been cutting and pasting from McSweeny

A-yep.

T

[Kefky]

Wow... That was supposed to be funny? Amazing, I didn't even notice!

[sleep]

A-yep.

T
Don't be so modest, pal.

http://www.606studios.com/bendisboard/showthread.php?t=24210 (http://www.606studios.com/bendisboard/showthread.php?t=24210)

[DigiEmissary]

How do you know when a libertarian's been in your house?

You don't! So watch your ass!

(OK Libertarian jokes are very hard to write)

:mistrust:

The PATRIOT Act != Libertarians...

[TheTravis!]

Somebody has been cutting and pating from McSweeny

Nah. I cut and pasted it from the email I got where somebody cut and pasted it from McSweeney.

[cburnham]

The best Bush joke I heard lately was:

During the Roberts confirmation hearings, a reporter asked President Bush for his thoughts on Roe vs. Wade. Bush replied that he doesn't care how the blacks get out of New Orleans.

I swear I laughed for ten minutes.

[Nick_Ardill]

Didja hear the one about Jeb Bush running for Prez in '08?


...you will :(
(shudder) If anyone needs me I'll be building my fallout shelter.

[Flonk]

The random ones are funny.

[MattJohnson]

The best Bush joke I heard lately was:

During the Roberts confirmation hearings, a reporter asked President Bush for his thoughts on Roe vs. Wade. Bush replied that he doesn't care how the blacks get out of New Orleans.

I swear I laughed for ten minutes.

:lol: took me a moment.

[Mister Mets]

half the board? there might be what, half a dozen non lefties here? pissing off half the board will take more effort than this.

Some people may be leftists who just find the jokes unfunny?

What do you do when President Bush throws a pin at you?
Run for your life, he has a grenade in his mouth.

[TIP]

Don't be so modest, pal.

http://www.606studios.com/bendisboard/showthread.php?t=24210 (http://www.606studios.com/bendisboard/showthread.php?t=24210)

:wink:

T

[TIP]

The best Bush joke I heard lately was:

During the Roberts confirmation hearings, a reporter asked President Bush for his thoughts on Roe vs. Wade. Bush replied that he doesn't care how the blacks get out of New Orleans.

I swear I laughed for ten minutes.

Bwah Ha :lol: !!!

T

[Jamie Howdeshell]

During the Roberts confirmation hearings, a reporter asked President Bush for his thoughts on Roe vs. Wade. Bush replied that he doesn't care how the blacks get out of New Orleans.


best. joke. evah!

:lol:

[BWC Boston]

It's funnier if you say "those people" instead of "blacks."

Kid-tested, mother-approved.