Turning Point.

[Pat Loika]

Ever had that one moment in your life where the person you were became something else completely?

A point in time where everything that encompasses you, as a person, had changed because of that moment?

It could be anything.

An accident.

Betrayal.

Love.

Loss.

Talk about it here, and you'll read mine soon.

P.

[RODGER]

how about when my G/F fucked one of my friends and everyone knew but me....
i found like 6 moths later and found out that no one told me cause they were afraid i would have killed him....well, they were right...

does that count?

[BlueNote27]

Seriously? CLI- Christian Leadership Institute, Summer after my freshman year of high school (July 2000).

This is the week that changed my life because it made me take a good look at myself. I went from an extremely introverted suicidal guy with social anxiety disorder to an optimistic leader.

Without a doubt, I would be dead right now if it wasn't for that week.

[The Cheap-Arse Film Critic]

The day I told the woman I loved how I felt about her, and she rejected me. We don't call it that. Infact, we don't even make out that it happened. But it did, and that's how it was. It was that day I realised a lot of things. I realised that some people keep others around just so they can feel better about themselves. I realised that Pandora's Box isn't worth opening. I realised that having her just as a friend is no longer enough for me. I realised I never want another female friend.

I'm in a really bad mood tonight. I'm tearing up typing this.

[icemanx62]

I had a very close friend die in a car crash four years ago. I had dinner with him 3 days before the accident. Everything went a 360 that week. I miss him.

[Taki Soma]

I did some really bad stuff

and paid for it

and learned from it

[icemanx62]

how about when my G/F fucked one of my friends and everyone knew but me....
i found like 6 moths later and found out that no one told me cause they were afraid i would have killed him....well, they were right...

does that count?

Did you feel betrayed by your friends when you initially found out? So what did you do to him? Were you given any explanation?

[gwyllgi]

Yes.

I don't want to talk about it here. But if you wanna hear it, Pat, IM me about it.

[The Roman Candle]

The summer between my senior year of high school and my first year of college. I worked at a summer camp, like I had before, but that time kinda screwed me up a little, in some good ways and bad ways.

[Pat Loika]

I dropped a bottle of beer on the floor.

The bottle broke.

My father stumbled out of the living room, picked up the broken bottle, and pointed the edges against my throat. He told me never to do it again, or I'll bleed.

It was the moment I learned to hate my father.

It was also there that I promised I'd be everything that he wasn't.

God knows what type of person I would've been if that day never happened.

P.

[Smokinblues]

just in the last 2 weeks my life has been completely turned upside down. and it's not a bad thing. just very strange. not comfortable going into details here, but i know exactly what you mean.

[justjeffery]

August 19th, 1989

I'm driving around town with some friends when I see one of the less popular kids at school (and saying less popular than me means he was NOT well liked at all) standing in a parking lot with what appears to be a VERY attracive girl in his arms.

I never had a problem with the guy.. we werent friends, but we got along.. so I pull in to see what the deal is. Sure enough, there's Eddie with this GORGEOUS girl... who is pretty drunk... come to find out, he was helping her stand.. not holding her.

I walk up to introduce myself to her and we've been together every day since.

Thing is, at that point in my life, I had no motiviaton to live. No reason to wake up, no reason to breathe. I figured I'd be dead by 18 anyway, so I never bothered. She changed that.

We got married 6 years to the day that we met and that was 10 years ago this Friday.

Thanks again to everyone that was in on the little ring thing in Chicago and for everyone that gave their well wishes and congradulations... and for all of you that clapped and yelled...

So, yeah.. my life changing thing... my wife Tonia.

[Taxman]

That is horrible treatment that no child should ever have to endure. I must say thought that I find it hard to believe that you would be anything other than a good person absent that incident.

[The Cheap-Arse Film Critic]

I dropped a bottle of beer on the floor.

The bottle broke.

My father stumbled out of the living room, picked up the broken bottle, and pointed the edges against my throat. He told me never to do it again, or I'll bleed.

It was the moment I learned to hate my father.

It was also there that I promised I'd be everything that he wasn't.

God knows what type of person I would've been if that day never happened.

P.

Fuck.

That makes my shit seem so insucnificant.

[icemanx62]

I dropped a bottle of beer on the floor.

The bottle broke.

My father stumbled out of the living room, picked up the broken bottle, and pointed the edges against my throat. He told me never to do it again, or I'll bleed.

It was the moment I learned to hate my father.

It was also there that I promised I'd be everything that he wasn't.

God knows what type of person I would've been if that day never happened.

P.

You turned out good. That's a shitty thing to do to a kid.

[The Cheap-Arse Film Critic]

I have one other, actually...

... back when I was fifteen, I suffered an injury in my Soas(?) muscle, which joins the leg to the groin. As a Hemophiliac, I have several target areas that lead to serios injuries that must be treated as soon as humanly possible. Some, like this one if, serious enough, will lead to me being hospitalised for a period. So, I should have told my parents, and been medicated as soon as possible.

But I didn't.

I had just come off a severe back injury that had lead to me having six months bedrest, and caused me to miss 51% of the school year. During that time, I had been injected, prodded, rehabbed and scrutinised to beyond existance. I watched the things I was allowed to do get cut down one by one (Football? Gone. Basketball? Gone. I'm still not allowed to lift my comic boxes to this day, but I still do). By the end of that, I had had fucking enough of all of it. I was sick of it. this had been my life for fifteen years, and I was disowning it.

So, when I suffered this injury, I hid it. Covered it up. Pretended it wasn't there. I kept this up for five days. Five undermedicated days. And I was good at hiding it. I ran , hopped, skipped and jumped on it, all the time in terrible pain.

By day five, I was in agony. On the way to my Maths class, the pain got so acute that I actually collapsed against a wall. I think I might have blacked out, but I'm not sure. Eventualy, two passing girls found me, and practically carried mo thethe school's office. My parents were called. I got a roasting for hiding something this important. And, of course, I wound up in hospital, for longer that i probably would have had I told straight away.

It was there, alone, at night, that I think I finally came to terms with what I was, my condition. I came up with a philosophy that I live by today, that I've even written into my screenplay...

... Sometimes in life, you don't get what you want, need, or deserve. Sometimes you just get what you get. I didn't get a truly normal life. And sometimes it's shit. But sometimes it's not. And, when you cut the bullshit, that's all anybody ever wants. Just, for sometims, life not to be shit.

I try to make that happen every day.

[gwyllgi]

People like that deserve a fate worse than death, Pat.
I'm so fucking sorry that happened to you.

[Adrian B AWESOME]

When I realized that Captain Kangaroo was neither a captain, nor a kangaroo.

I took up smoking and got a job doing car details.

I was 7.

[Blake Sims]

I saw an episode of Night Court like this yesterday

[gwyllgi]

When I realized that Captain Kangaroo was neither a captain, nor a kangaroo.

I took up smoking and got a job doing car details.

I was 7.


Now, you sound like my BF. Smartass :)

[Adrian B AWESOME]

Now, you sound like my BF. Smartass :)
Sorry, but this was too serious of a thread.

My real answer?

May 30, 2002. The day Jill Abbott died.

Day before senior graduation.

First time I'd ever known a peer who had died. A peer who happened to be an awesome friend.

Changed my life in ways I can't even begin to explain.

All I know is, friendship and love became much, much more important things since that day.

[The Robot Lord of Tokyo]

The album in my sig.
Before that album came out I was depressed, quiet as hell, and didn't care what happened to me.
My parents were getting divorced. My dad was drunk. My mom was turning into a drunk primadonna. My depression made me a constant target in the eyes of my peers at school because teens are cruel as fuck.

Then Faith No More's album Angel Dust came out.

I could never put my finger on it but something about that album changed my views about myself.

And then I changed.

I still don't understand the rhyme or reason behind why but I did.

And I'm ten times better because of it.

[GabeLogan]

Mine is depressing as hell but I'll share.

I knew my ex-fiance for 5 years and dated her for almost 2. We had a condom break incident one night and she calls me in tears a few weeks later to tell me she is preagnat. Honestly I wasn't ready to be a dad and I wasn't even sure I wanted the kid, but I loved her deeply and would do whatever she wanted. She tells me she wanted to have the child. As months past I became excited about becoming a father and I asked her to marry me. She accepted. She started eventually acting strange and I couldn't put my finger on why. Then one day straight out of the blue she tells me she doesn't want to get married, then she drops the bomb on me that she won't be having the child. It gets better. She left me to be with an old boyfriend in another state and just like that the life I was expecting shattered before my eyes. Needless to say I was devistated. I stayed drunk for two weeks straight never leaving my house for anything more than more alcohol. In two weeks I only slept when I passed out and even then I wasn't out long. I was also smoking two packs of cigs a day.

What did I learn from all of this?

I learned that even when life pisses everything you believe away, you have to pick yourself up and move on.

I learned love is the most wonderful and hurtful emotion any person can have.

I learned that holding the hurt in will be more harmful in the long run.

I learned the value of friendship.

[james michael]

once a year, i have a friend die...

i never had any friends until i was about 16, and they made me who i am... without them, ive been slowly losing sight of who i was when i knew them, and am now going off into the unknown, utterly alone...

its scary...

[gwyllgi]

Everyone's got really good answers to this thread.

I'll just say, I learned from a young age that you cannot trust anyone but yourself to keep you safe. Certainly not a parent.

[james michael]

Everyone's got really good answers to this thread.

I'll just say, I learned from a young age that you cannot trust anyone but yourself to keep you safe. Certainly not a parent.
afuckingmen

[saymama]

sometime in april of 2001. My second child was diagnosed with autism. I can still feel the horrible range of emotions I felt then. That same day i made friends with some remarkable woman, all mothers of children with autism. I learned through them, that you can laugh in even the darkest of times, and cry out in pain the happiest moments! BUT, that's not the important lesson I learned. The one thing that comes from my life is that no matter what, I must remember that for me to be a good wife, friend, mother, or person, I must never ever lose myself. I have to remember the woman that makes me. I cannot make others happy unless I am happy. To stand strong alone as myself. Once you can do that, you stand stronger unified. To remember myself and believe in myself. No one else can give you inner strength. Once you have that, no one can take it away either. I am confident in who I am. I need no one else to complete me (although Jeffery, my children and friends make me happy). I need no one else to approve of me. I live each day with no regrets. I fight for the things important to me. And I love with abandonment!

I am woman! Hear me, see me, LOVE me!

jeffery, I thank you and love you for letting me be me and laughing with me the whole way through this remarkable journey.

[Violet Curmudgeon]

I'm sorry to hear what happened, Pat. unfortunately, I can probably empathize with you much more than I'd like. I spent my childhood in fear, my adolescents in hate, and the whole time being told I was never going to amount to anything because "book smarts don't matter," but I was determined I'd show him that I could take care of myself and end up better than he thought. and somehow, everything worked out. unfortunately, what I used to refer to as the "good" side of my family, has gotten new light lately, and I realize that my future trials will be plagued more by them than my father. can't please everyone...but I agree with gwyllgi, it is hard to know who to trust. I still agonize over things that I did because I didn't trust myself.

I often wonder what the important distinction is between those that overcome the tough situations and those that succomb to them. any thoughts?

[amy]

Everyone's got really good answers to this thread.

I'll just say, I learned from a young age that you cannot trust anyone but yourself to keep you safe. Certainly not a parent.

I can relate.


I've had many things happen in my life, loss of loved ones, abusive husband and other things that make a Danielle Steel novel seem like a happy go lucky read. I have been on a self destructive mission most of my life. I had my turning point, very luckily. It's too much to go into and very raw still, but I'm dealing with it. I'm reclaiming my life and it feels good.

[justjeffery]

sometime in april of 2001. My second child was diagnosed with autism. I can still feel the horrible range of emotions I felt then. That same day i made friends with some remarkable woman, all mothers of children with autism. I learned through them, that you can laugh in even the darkest of times, and cry out in pain the happiest moments! BUT, that's not the important lesson I learned. The one thing that comes from my life is that no matter what, I must remember that for me to be a good wife, friend, mother, or person, I must never ever lose myself. I have to remember the woman that makes me. I cannot make others happy unless I am happy. To stand strong alone as myself. Once you can do that, you stand stronger unified. To remember myself and believe in myself. No one else can give you inner strength. Once you have that, no one can take it away either. I am confident in who I am. I need no one else to complete me (although Jeffery, my children and friends make me happy). I need no one else to approve of me. I live each day with no regrets. I fight for the things important to me. And I love with abandonment!

I am woman! Hear me, see me, LOVE me!

jeffery, I thank you and love you for letting me be me and laughing with me the whole way through this remarkable journey.

That's HOT!

Wanna have sex and video tape it?

[Simps]

When my current girlfriend suggested I stay and live with her in her apartment. I declined, saying that this would be my last summer at home, she understood, but the idea that she was opening her home to be was pretty phenominal.

[The Human Target]

Good thread. I honestly don't know if I've ever had a single "moment."

[Smokinblues]

Good thread. I honestly don't know if I've ever had a single "moment."

would require going outside every once in a while

[The Human Target]

would require going outside every once in a while

I've gone out for the last four days straight.

I'm so tired. :sad:

[Pat Loika]

People like that deserve a fate worse than death, Pat.
I'm so fucking sorry that happened to you.

I'm not sorry it happened at all. Because if it never happened, I'd be a completely different person.

P.

[GabeLogan]

I'm not sorry it happened at all. Because if it never happened, I'd be a completely different person.

P.
Agreed. I know my situation was nothing compaired to yours but mine did in fact change my life and I feel made me a better person for it.

[TRILL, THE CARBON BASED LIFEFORM]

Ever had that one moment in your life where the person you were became something else completely?

A point in time where everything that encompasses you, as a person, had changed because of that moment?

It could be anything.

An accident.

Betrayal.

Love.

Loss.

Talk about it here, and you'll read mine soon.

P.
I think it's rare to become a completely different person in an instant, but I'd say that I'd been gradually changing and it took an instant to realize it. Make sense?

[Ray G.]

Junior year, when a girl I had been dating broke her neck in a car surfing accident and wound up paralyzed. I was just all of a sudden "Fuck! These things can happen at any time. Do something with your life, you fucking moron!". I went from loser stoner to pulling in A's and writing in my spare time.

[Pat Loika]

I think it's rare to become a completely different person in an instant, but I'd say that I'd been gradually changing and it took an instant to realize it. Make sense?

It makes a lot of sense, actually. I can't really speak for everyone else, but that moment, to me, was what defined me as a person as I grew up. I was determined not to be like my father. I promised myself to control myself better when it came to my vices. I studied harder because I know he was a screw up in school. I honed my talent because he hated the fact that I drew.

That moment changed my perceptions, completely, and it forced me to grow up a lot faster.

P.

[saymama]

I'm not sorry it happened at all. Because if it never happened, I'd be a completely different person.

P.


Pat that is what makes you stand out. You took a bad situation and used it to form who you are, to make yourself better. There are some that have that pivotal moment and use it as an excuse.

Yeah for you!

[nrrdgrrl]

Not sure if it changed my life, but it changed my way of thinking, which influences my life.

I left loser stoner boyfriend #1 to be with loser stoner boyfriend #2. I moved to a completely new area to be with him. I had already been fighting depression before this, and at this time I had dropped out of college with one semester left to go and was working a no end job. After moving in together with loser #2, the relationship started to fall apart. But he was my entire life, I had never loved any boy like I loved this one. He eventually dumped me, and I lost it. I was lost and completely depressed and suicidal.

That's when it hit me. Papa Roach's song "Last Resort" came on, and I realized that I wasn't just depressed. I was fucking pissed off. I'd been channeling all of my anger into a self-defeating mindset, making me more and more depressed. I avoided my anger, because it reminded me of my dad. My dad would go into rages at the drop of a hat, whether fueled by alcohol or not. I would go and hide everytime he got like that. And I really didn't want to be like that. So instead of getting angry, I'd get depressed.

It took me a year to get over a relationship that only lasted four or five months. But now I can allow myself to be angry at the world without taking out on myself. It's still hard, and its something I deal with everyday, but I know now that I'll never go back to that point.

I just wish the song had been a little less lame.

[james michael]

I'm not sorry it happened at all. Because if it never happened, I'd be a completely different person.

P.
but it some instances, it could have made you a better person, had it not happened...

NOTE: not you pat, but others, like me...

[james michael]

coming to terms that I will never fall in love with another woman again...because love does not fucking exist. :-?

hey, maybe youll fall in love with man...

its seriously not that bad... ive managed to live with it...

[WAKKAJAWAKKA]

Ever had that one moment in your life where the person you were became something else completely?

A point in time where everything that encompasses you, as a person, had changed because of that moment?

It could be anything.

An accident.

Betrayal.

Love.

Loss.

Talk about it here, and you'll read mine soon.

P.

Yes. It Is My Philosophy That You "Grow Up"/Go On To The Adult Stage Of Life Via Negativity. It Can Happen At 15, It Can Happen At 45. But No Matter When It Happens, It'll Be Something Bad. Everyone Has Something That Has, Or Will Happen. How Life Works Just Clicks In All Of A Sudden.

Wayno.

Wayno.

[Pat Loika]

Yes. It Is My Philosophy That You "Grow Up"/Go On To The Adult Stage Of Life Via Negativity. It Can Happen At 15, It Can Happen At 45. But No Matter When It Happens, It'll Be Something Bad. Everyone Has Something That Has, Or Will Happen. How Life Works Just Clicks In All Of A Sudden.

Wayno.

Wayno.

Very true. And profound.

P.

[Dwimmerling]

A good friend of mine developed a coke habit, and the asshole he turned into made me decide to end my experimental phase and stick to reefer and the occasional psychotropic.

Also, the one jock in High School who was nice to me killed himself about six monthes after I spent a few weeks in the hospital for attempted suicide. I won't go into details, but it shifted my attitude about death. I'm still not a happy person, but I'm not (as) self destructive.

anyways, who cares.

Oh, and Optimus Prime dying.

[WAKKAJAWAKKA]

Very true. And profound.

P.

Kinda Sucks.

Wayno.

[Pat Loika]

Kinda Sucks.

Wayno.

Again, very true. But such is life sometimes.

P.

[WAKKAJAWAKKA]

Again, very true. But such is life sometimes.

P.

All For The Better Though.

Wayno.

[Pat Loika]

All For The Better Though.

Wayno.

We could all hope so.

P.

[WAKKAJAWAKKA]

We could all hope so.

P.

Gotta Make It Better.

Wayno.

[moonspider]

the day i found out that my father had been cheating on my mother was the day that changed my views on him.......oh yeah angd guess what...it never ended ,because the last time i heard he had fathered two other families
and i met them!


this is the first of many things that changed who i was growing up....this is the only one i will tell thought....so take it for what it's worth

[batmanbooyah]

a lot of things, none of which i'd like to say. my misery is mine, the only thing in the world i call my own.

[DaGetHighKnight]

I hear you Pat. My day would be the night I pulled a gun out of my fathers hands right before he was about to kill himself. If I had not walked in there to check on him he would be dead and I would have seen the whole thing, Something made me get up..I dont know what it was but it was something. That was the day I belived that there was more to this world and this life than what you can see what your eyes..

[Evan the Shaggy]

When my step brother went to jail for five years for fraud, got out and called my parents up threatening to kill them (he was literally out of his mind for most of his life). Also, when my sister got disowned from the family for basically destroying her life on a regular basis and putting our lives in danger on more then ten occassions, I haven't spoken or seen her in three years and I plan to never see her again. Basically this was a wakeup call to me that I HAD to make my parents proud of me, because I was the youngest and they deserved it more then anything. They never asked for the horrible treatment, and I have done nothing but try to treat my parents right.

I'm kind of going through a turning point right now. I've just graduated college and I'm working for a bigtime firm. I'm making a lot for a college student, but y'know, I'm not that happy with it. I keep looking around and constantly see all these people sighing and just looking miserable, and each sigh just makes me want to leave the job and go cross country trying to make it with my comedy. Might still happen, I think I'll give it a year and then try it.

It's been a rough life to be sure, but I'm trying to make the best of it. Mostly just through making people laugh, cause even after everything that's happen, I can always joke about it.

[Meteornotes]

I suffered from depression for years, though I had no idea at the time. I honestly thought that thinking about killing yourself and being miserable all the time was just something I was supposed to do. I never told anyone about this, and got really good at hiding it, as the few times I hinted about something like this to someone that supposedly cared, the response was something like "snap out of it".

My wife one day announces that she has never loved me, has been living a lie, now hates me, and is now going to take away everything and everyone that I care about and destroy me. And then things get really, really bad.

I eventually found myself with a knife, poking at myself, working up the nerve to just finish myself off. But during this time, one of my cats jumped up on my lap and started purring. I stopped what I was doing, and just sat there for a very long time and really thought about what was going on, while the cat took a nap on me. It took a long time for me to figure out my problems and work on them, and it was not an easy journey (and it's one that is probably never really over). But I managed to straighten out my life and remove all the negative people from my life (which was one of my big problems. After all, if you're surrounded by people that do nothing but tear you down, you eventually just start to believe that what they are always saying must be true). I now have a damn good life, and have never been happier. And I don't think I would have ever gotten to this point without the cat showing me that at my darkest hour, there was at least one creature on Earth that cared about me no matter what...

dt

[Dwimmerling]

This thread has really helped put me in touch with some of you guys. I liked Pat before (even though he probably hasn't noticed me) and moonspider (even though I still can't put my finger on why I think he's cool, normally I find people like him a little offputting).

Good people.
I'm gonna have to come to a con and meet you guys.
Take care.
Let me know if you're in central iowa soon, and come eat at the restaurants I work at! (one is pricey, the other is mexican, but they are the best of either in town)

[BronxRonin]

my brother being killed on duty. My son being born. And my daughter surviving being born 2 pounds 11 inches.

[Amos Moses]

Ever had that one moment in your life where the person you were became something else completely?

A point in time where everything that encompasses you, as a person, had changed because of that moment?

It could be anything.

An accident.

Betrayal.

Love.

Loss.


Calvin Klein.

[Humphrey_Lee]

After getting through high school with pretty much no friends left (as they all went off to other colleges) and never having a girlfriend (because most weren't interested because I was heavy back then) I got really depressed a bit into my first year of college. No friends to hang out with, no girls were interested in me, and I spent most of my time working to ensure I could pay off my education and books and whatnot. So yea... too much time alone + no social life + bad depression = a couple nights where I spent too much time debating getting out the ole switchblade and doing the deed, plus I already abused some pills as it was.

But then all of a sudden I decided, fuck it. I'm better than that and better than all those people who thought they were too good for me. I got my ass into tip-top shape, I buried myself in tons of cultural things like comics, and movies, and especially music, and I decided to say "Fuck it. I'll be my own man if I have to be." Now I'm in better shape than most of the population, people seem to admire just the sheer amount of knowledge I have on things (as geeky as some of them may be), and I may still be without any sort of female companionship, but to be honest, I'm beginning to think it's better this way. If I'm supposed to walk this road alone, so be it. Fuck life's dramas, fuck what others want you to be, or say you should be, and fuck those who can't appreciate you for who you are. There's too many other things to be accomplishing in life to let the bastards drag you down.

Cheers...

[Amos Moses]

After getting through high school with pretty much no friends left (as they all went off to other colleges) and never having a girlfriend (because most weren't interested because I was heavy back then) I got really depressed a bit into my first year of college. No friends to hang out with, no girls were interested in me, and I spent most of my time working to ensure I could pay off my education and books and whatnot. So yea... too much time alone + no social life + bad depression = a couple nights where I spent too much time debating getting out the ole switchblade and doing the deed, plus I already abused some pills as it was.

But then all of a sudden I decided, fuck it. I'm better than that and better than all those people who thought they were too good for me. I got my ass into tip-top shape, I buried myself in tons of cultural things like comics, and movies, and especially music, and I decided to say "Fuck it. I'll be my own man if I have to be." Now I'm in better shape than most of the population, people seem to admire just the sheer amount of knowledge I have on things (as geeky as some of them may be), and I may still be without any sort of female companionship, but to be honest, I'm beginning to think it's better this way. If I'm supposed to walk this road alone, so be it. Fuck life's dramas, fuck what others want you to be, or say you should be, and fuck those who can't appreciate you for who you are. There's too many other things to be accomplishing in life to let the bastards drag you down.

Cheers...


I love you so much HumpLee. Don't ever leave us =)

[sumopanda]

Edit: Now that i'm thinking a little more clearly, I realize I don't want to share this just yet ;)

[Humphrey_Lee]

I love you so much HumpLee. Don't ever leave us =)

Everyone loves my ass... seriously, it's a pretty sweet ass now....

[greg donovan]

when my wife and i decide that we should be parents.

[Mikhail]

I can't think of just one...there are a few specific instances that I can think of that, positively or negatively influenced who I am today..

[silverboy]

About four months after my girlfriend of three and a half years broke up with me. She started dating again about a month after we broke up, and I had somewhat come to terms with that. For some reason I found myself at a party at her house (it was for my friend, or else I'd never would have gone). He new boyfriend was there, and that was fine.

As the evening soldiers on, I realize that she and her boyfriend have disappeared to her parents room for the night. The girl that I loved for over three years and had only broken up with a few months ago was, to my knowledge, fucking her new boyfriend only feet away from me.

Two of my friends at the party then tell me the truth: since we broke up, this girl who I loved has been going through a downward spiral of sorts. Drinking, which she rarely did when we were together, and drugs, which she never did when we were together. I also found out that she was, for sure, fucking this guy after only dating a couple months--we were dating nearly two years before we lost our virginity to each other.

Many things came out of this night. It was the first step to me realizing that my ex and I were truly becoming different people, that I couldn't stop that, and that we wouldn't be friends ever again. Next, it made me realize that I didn't want to be like her. I had started dating a little bit by then because I figured I was supposed to, but I then decided to take my time, learn to like myself and be okay being single.

It also brought closer to my best friend, who was really there for me that night. Since the breakup, nobody was really there for me, and since that night, this girl has been my closest friend, something that might not have happened otherwise.

I can honestly say I'm a better person than I was then. And my ex is a mess. That night, as traumatic as it was, was important.

(And btw, turns out they weren't fucking, they were breaking up. Go fig.)

[COTE]

well

I've had a few

Senior Year of high school, My very good friend Josh died after a 2 year downhill battle with Lukemia (not spelled right). We got him to prom and everything before the end cuase it was what he wanted to do, but he dies right before graduation.

Christmas day 2003, after convoying from Baghdad to Mosul, my ex-wife tells me on christmas day that she's been fucking this other guy for the last 6 months (while we were deployed) and wants a divorace. Spent most of the night staring at my side-arm. Had it in my mouth, round chambered, hammer back, and started to pull the trigger and stopped mid squeeze and threw it down.

Early 2005 my then girlfriend/fiancee calls me while i'm at a Rifle Range on Fort Campbell in tears, and i know what she's going to say. That she's pregnant. It might have been the single most joyous feeling in the world to know that i was going to be a father.

I'll have another bullet to add to this on or about sept 23 when i look into my daughters little eyes for the first time.

[Houdinimachine]

The big turning point of my life was when I decided to finally drop out of pharmacy college. Ever since then, I have been on an uphill grade. Sure it's tougher, but I'm improving myself and who I am as opposed to just taking the easy way out like a lot of my classmates did. I think I'm the better man for it.

[The Girl]

I used to be a decent person, I'm pretty sure. Growing up I had manners and I was just the perfect kids. People would always compliment my parents about how wonderfully I was raised and blah blah blah. My dad used to tell me I was the most beautiful girl in the world. Then my sister was born. I went from being "Sarah" to "You." and they ignored me. I wasn't the favorite anymore, and I haven't really been treated like part of the family since then. Now I hate her, and I know it's not her fault. I've tried to love her, but she's just so... messed up, and I know it's mostly because of me and how I treated her growing up. She's already threatened to kill me and she's threatened to commit suicide.... and she's only 11. This all happened about 3 years ago, too. I don't treat my other sister like that (she's 8 now), but Amber (the 11 year old) is my dad's favorite, and she tells him everything I say when she goes over to his house. She tells her counselor I beat her up. She's a liar about everything, and everyone still believes her.

Back to my original point. This all made me hate my dad. I learned what an awful person he truly is. I learned that how he treated us (my mum and me) growing up was not in anyway normal. No one should be verbally/mentally abused that way. Then came the time when I was 8 or 9, and he choked me in the grocery store. I hated him ever since then. Then came the time when I was 13 or 14 and he hit me. My mother flew over the couch like a fucking superhero and broke one of his ribs. And then came the attack when I was 17, and I wanted him to hit me in the face and break my nose, just so he would go to jail. We called the cops, and the cop just said that if I was his kid, he would have done the same thing. Oh, and do I need to mention he owes over $20,000 in child support? And he's been driving without a license for well over 10 years... and in all the times he's been pulled over, he's never been to jail. Ever.

I guess this has all changed me as a person in that I can no longer trust anyone fully. Fear of rejection and being abandoned. Fear of being hurt. The only person I trust almost completely (besides myself) is my boyfriend. He's the only person who I feel truly cares for me. And I'm so glad I gave him another chance after he hurt me so badly. I hated him for that, and he's lucky. But, I'm lucky. I don't know.

In short, all of this has changed me, causing me to be a bipolar, impulsive, obsessive compulsive, weirdo, sarcastic bitch who hardly anyone likes.

*breathes*

Sorry.

[The Girl]

Ah, I have another one.

Last year, almost exactly a year ago, I OD-ed. Some of the boarders might remember this. I know THWIP! and Goddard might. I was talking on the phone to people, and online, and wandering around my house as the drugs kicked in, just waiting. My mum knew, and she asked if I was feeling it yet, so she could take me to the hospital. She called poison control, and they called the hospital to let them know we were coming. I remember begging her as we were driving there not to take me. I remember begging her not to let me die. I was so scared.

I get there, and they made me drink the charcoal, but I snuck it into the bathroom and flushed most of it down. My mum kept poking me when I would doze off, and she said the mother of some of my childhood friends was there (i remember seeing them in the waiting room) and she looked at me and said "What happened to my baby?" I wish I remembered that.

They took me away from my mum and put things around my heart so they could take pictures or monitor it or whatever. All I remember is asking them "Will I be able to see it?" I don't think they ever showed it.

I went to the mental hospital for 3 days, and missed one day of school. They put me on meds, and I slept most of the time.

They took everything away from me. My clothes, my shoes, my books, my cellphone. And I wasn't allowed to have any soda. My mum visited me every night, though, so I had something to look forward to each night.

When the day came that I got to go home, I was so happy. The first thing I did was text my best friend Tory. "I'm out." or something like that. She still has them on her phone. My mum took me to the store and got me a bottle of Mountain Dew and some tomato soup.

That changed me by making me realize people actually cared. It made me realize how wonderful life really is, but it also makes me sad that it took something like that to get me on medication.

Now I'm off of them, but I think I can deal. I actually have support now.

Sorry again.

[Houdinimachine]

Uhh I guess I should mention that I'm not just a drop out. I put together a portfolio of writing and I got into Webster University's Film Production program in St. Louis. You're all invited to the opening of my student film when I finish it.