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MIKE D
07-26-2005, 05:42 AM
Little fucker ate a little of my carpeting...

Anyway, a squirrel took up residency in my fiancee's home. I mean really made himself at home, would dart out and around when people were there, shitting little squirrel shits everywhere, eating them out of house and home, ordering porn On Demand then not kicking in for the cable bill, stuff like that.

So I trapped it (humanely) and spent the morning gingerly taking him and the trap outside, into my trunk, (which I left open, so tell PETA to fuck off), and I let him go in a park nearer to my house. He bolted up a tree, gave me the stink eye, and left.

Not even a thank you for the yummy peanut butter and almond parfait I left in the trap for him in the first place.

Little fucker.

Fourthman
07-26-2005, 05:44 AM
That happened to me once, except with an actuary.

Fucking actuaries.

Shane W
07-26-2005, 05:45 AM
This wasn't a squrrell at all was it? It was your little cousin Richie, wasn't it?

McAfee
07-26-2005, 05:47 AM
All squirrels are ungrateful little bastards.

One time, there was one feeding on a corn cob in a tree at my parents' house. He let get close enough to feed him from the hand. Little fucker bit my pinky. The gloves are now off (no pun intended) between me and them.

Don't let the cute little bushy tail fool you.

RøcketFrøg
07-26-2005, 05:48 AM
Last summer I was doing an internship under the Director of Development at the agency I work for. So one day she calls me and says she won't be making it in that day because "the squirrels ate my car."
It turns out that a squirrel or squirrels had gotten under the hood of her car and eaten through her wiring harness and assorted belts and hoses. Her mechanic didn't have one of the hoses in stock so she was out for two days.
Squirrels are little bastards.

MIKE D
07-26-2005, 05:53 AM
This wasn't a squrrell at all was it? It was your little cousin Richie, wasn't it?

Couldn't have been Richie. The squirrel didn't leave empty Corona bottles everywhere.

ihategravity
07-26-2005, 05:59 AM
I thought that "Squirrel in my trunk" was some sort of euphamism for being a transvestite.
The way I think in metaphors all the time will get me in trouble.

Balthazar
07-26-2005, 06:04 AM
Could be worse, you could have a hamster stuck in your chasis.


*edited

MIKE D
07-26-2005, 06:08 AM
From now on, if I ever see a good friend drunkenly about to kiss a transvestite, (And I HAVE seen that before mind you), I am yelling out "SQUIRREL IN THE TRUNK!!" as my warning. It's up to him if he get's it or not.

PeterSparker
07-26-2005, 06:26 AM
Phase 1 is complete. :shifty:

MIKE D
07-26-2005, 06:28 AM
Phase 1 is complete. :shifty:


So YOU are the reason the squirrel had a helmet mounted camera.

PeterSparker
07-26-2005, 06:51 AM
So YOU are the reason the squirrel had a helmet mounted camera.

No comment. And if you notice any raccoons signaling in semaphore code from your roof, pay no attention.