majorjoe23
04-13-2012, 01:19 PM
My job requires a lot of networking, so when someone sends me a friend request on Facebook I'll usually say yes as long as we have a few friends in common.
Yesterday I got a request from Josh Collins, who had four friends in common with me. I accepted, and messaged me right away. Things got interesting.
I warn you, this is long:
Josh Collins
good day sir
hello
are you there?
Joe
Sorry about that, I am here.
Josh Collins
okay
how are you doing today sir?
Joe
I'm doing Ok, you?
Josh Collins
am great sir
am josh by name
sir are you there?
Joe
I am still here. Mind if I ask what this is about?
Josh Collins
well
sir have a you heard about the facebook lottery that is going on
?
Joe
Yeah, and it pisses me off. I had that idea first!
Josh Collins
really
have you ever won a lottery before
or you have someone that win the lottery
Joe
I got four out of six numbers on the recent $500 million win. So close!
Josh Collins
really
why the facebook lottery is not a number
Joe
Story of my life. I'm constantly getting close to winning, but I'm never sealing the deal.
Josh Collins
Your name was selected in a raffle that was made yesterday
Joe
Really? I finally won!?!11
Josh Collins
yes
you do
but are you ready to claim your winning
?
Joe
I am very ready.
Josh Collins
okay
so all you need to do now is to give me your private mail
Joe
Private mail like email, or mailing address?
Josh Collins
email
Joe
Will I get a link or some information?
Josh Collins
yes
Joe
I was so excited by winning, I forgot to ask what exactly I won.
Josh Collins
a information will be sent to you
for you to confirm yourself
okay
sir don't you have a mail
?
Joe
How did you get into the Facebook lottery notification business? You're like Ed McMahon!
Josh Collins
no
but am a facebook worker
Joe
Cool, do you know that guy from The Social Network? Jesse Eisenberg?
Josh Collins
yes
i do
Josh Collins
and you?
Joe
We went to the same college, but he never talked to me. He was a big football player, and didn't have time for computer dorks like me.
I always told him, "One day I'm going to hit it big, and you'll be sorry you messed with me!"
So it will feel so sweet to win some money from him.
And then use it to buy a giant robot and crush his house.
Josh Collins
lolz..
are you serious
so wee are you from ?
Joe
Oh yeah, it's been my dream since the day I graduated.
I'm from Chile, originally. But now I live in Tampa.
Josh Collins
okay
so how is tampa
?
sir what about the email
Joe
I've actually been banned from every major email provider... religious persecution. Even AOL won't have me. I use Facebook for my email, could you send me the info through here?
Josh Collins
nop
Joe
Sir seems awfully formal. You can call me duder, or "his dudeness" or duderino.
Josh Collins
you have to open a mail
okay
cos it's important
Joe
Tampa is awesome. You ever been to Ybor City? Cigar capitol of the world!
Josh Collins
nop
have not sir
Joe
I think I would have to give you my grandma's email, and she only lets me use her computer after she goes to bed.
Josh Collins
okay
that nice
Joe
Is one of us a butler? What's with all the sirs? You can call me ninjamaster. Or "My ninja" for short.
Josh Collins
so send the mail now
Joe
My grandma is not in bed. Once she hit me with a switch for using her computer while she was awake.
Josh Collins
okay
so when will you send it?
Joe
She goes to bed for the night in about 20 minutes.
Josh Collins
okay
am waiting
Joe
Cool. So what do you do for fun when you don't work for Facebook. Do you like pizza?
I heard that at Facebook they have a room where all the walls are pizza. Is that true?
Josh Collins
yes
Joe
Crap, I thought grandma was snoring and was ready to jump on. Turns out they were just loud farts.
Josh Collins
so how told you that joe
are you married ?
Joe
Yes, but I'm married to the sea.
Josh Collins
lolz
really
is this your son
with you
Joe
No, that's my grandniece. My family is weird.
Would you like to hear how we're all related?
Josh Collins
yes
continue
am here with you
Joe
Now many many years ago when I was twenty-three
I was married to a widow who was pretty as can be
This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red
My father fell in love with her and soon they too were wed
This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life
My daughter was my mother 'cause she was my father's wife
To complicate the matter even though it brought me joy
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy
My little baby then became a brother-in-law to Dad
And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad
For if he was my uncle, then that also made him br'ther
Of the widow's grown-up daughter who was also my stepmother
Father's wife then had a son who kept them on the run
And he became my grandchild, for he was my daughter's son
My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue
Because altho' she is my wife, she's my grandmother too
Now if my wife is my grandmother, then I'm her grandchild
And every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild
For now I have become the strangest case I ever saw
As husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa
I'm my own granpa
It sounds funny I know,
But it really is so
So how are you related to your grandma?
Josh Collins
lolz
Joe
Are you laughing at my family?
Josh Collins
nop
Josh Collins
it's just funny
that why
Joe
I'm hurt. I'm not sure I want to share my email with someone who hurts my feelings.
Josh Collins
okay
am sorry about that okay
Joe
You should apologize. And possibly offer me candy.
Josh Collins
okay
i will
Joe
Well, do it.
Josh Collins
what about your grandma
now
Joe
What kind of candy do you have?
Josh Collins
sugar candy
do you want that
Joe
Sugar candy! That's the worst kind. This business transaction is over!
Josh Collins
i don't think you are serious at all
you know i love your chat
you are too funny
okay
Joe
I have my doubts about you as well.
I'm going to enter the MySpace lottery instead. They only want my beeper number.
Josh Collins
you don't need to doubt anythin
aoky
okay
if that is what you want
Joe
What's your email? I can send you an email directly.
Josh Collins
you don't have to do that
send it here now
okay
jeo your fast response so that we can proceed with the delivery of your fund
joe
Joe
You got my email?
Josh Collins
nop
i have not
Joe
I'll send it again.
Josh Collins
send it now
Joe
OK, here it is: @hotmail.com.
Did you get that?
Josh Collins
what about the name
Joe
Oh, @gmail.com. It's @gmail.com@hotmail.com
Josh Collins
why are you so funny
Joe
There may be a .edu or .org in there somewhere. I don't get how email works sometimes.
I did go to clown college. Well, clown community college.
Josh Collins
ones more
are you really ready to claim your winning again
?
Joe
It's a lot of responsibility. What sort of tax implications will there be?
Josh Collins
cos i don't think yopu know what we are talking about
at all
Joe
So is it not money I'm winning?
Josh Collins
yes
Joe
Yes it's not money?
Josh Collins
it's a money
Joe
A money? Just one?
Josh Collins
nop
Joe
Two monies?
Am I getting warmer? I'm going to throw out some numbers, you let me know when I get close.
Four moneys
Josh Collins
we are talk about $500,000
Joe
I wasn't even close! I would have settled for five monies!
Josh Collins
okay
i have to go now
Joe
You might be giving away too much. People really need monies, you could probably get away with $10,000.
Wait!
I'm so lonely. Tell me a story.
Josh Collins
because you are not serious
Joe
It should have a dragon. Named Joe. And a magical kingdom, named Josh Collins.
I'm super cereal.
Josh Collins
may be the winning should be giving to aorder preson
Joe
I'm aorder person.
Josh Collins
why are you so playful
?
Joe
Brain damage.
Josh Collins
i mean someone else
bye
Joe
I can be someone else! I can change, Josh Collins.
If I tell you some of my grandma's credit card numbers would that make you feel better?
They're like little Facebook lotteries she keeps tucked into her bra at bingo.
Oh, I remembered a working email!
customerservice@amazon.com
So you get my email and then our friendship ends?
Yesterday I got a request from Josh Collins, who had four friends in common with me. I accepted, and messaged me right away. Things got interesting.
I warn you, this is long:
Josh Collins
good day sir
hello
are you there?
Joe
Sorry about that, I am here.
Josh Collins
okay
how are you doing today sir?
Joe
I'm doing Ok, you?
Josh Collins
am great sir
am josh by name
sir are you there?
Joe
I am still here. Mind if I ask what this is about?
Josh Collins
well
sir have a you heard about the facebook lottery that is going on
?
Joe
Yeah, and it pisses me off. I had that idea first!
Josh Collins
really
have you ever won a lottery before
or you have someone that win the lottery
Joe
I got four out of six numbers on the recent $500 million win. So close!
Josh Collins
really
why the facebook lottery is not a number
Joe
Story of my life. I'm constantly getting close to winning, but I'm never sealing the deal.
Josh Collins
Your name was selected in a raffle that was made yesterday
Joe
Really? I finally won!?!11
Josh Collins
yes
you do
but are you ready to claim your winning
?
Joe
I am very ready.
Josh Collins
okay
so all you need to do now is to give me your private mail
Joe
Private mail like email, or mailing address?
Josh Collins
Joe
Will I get a link or some information?
Josh Collins
yes
Joe
I was so excited by winning, I forgot to ask what exactly I won.
Josh Collins
a information will be sent to you
for you to confirm yourself
okay
sir don't you have a mail
?
Joe
How did you get into the Facebook lottery notification business? You're like Ed McMahon!
Josh Collins
no
but am a facebook worker
Joe
Cool, do you know that guy from The Social Network? Jesse Eisenberg?
Josh Collins
yes
i do
Josh Collins
and you?
Joe
We went to the same college, but he never talked to me. He was a big football player, and didn't have time for computer dorks like me.
I always told him, "One day I'm going to hit it big, and you'll be sorry you messed with me!"
So it will feel so sweet to win some money from him.
And then use it to buy a giant robot and crush his house.
Josh Collins
lolz..
are you serious
so wee are you from ?
Joe
Oh yeah, it's been my dream since the day I graduated.
I'm from Chile, originally. But now I live in Tampa.
Josh Collins
okay
so how is tampa
?
sir what about the email
Joe
I've actually been banned from every major email provider... religious persecution. Even AOL won't have me. I use Facebook for my email, could you send me the info through here?
Josh Collins
nop
Joe
Sir seems awfully formal. You can call me duder, or "his dudeness" or duderino.
Josh Collins
you have to open a mail
okay
cos it's important
Joe
Tampa is awesome. You ever been to Ybor City? Cigar capitol of the world!
Josh Collins
nop
have not sir
Joe
I think I would have to give you my grandma's email, and she only lets me use her computer after she goes to bed.
Josh Collins
okay
that nice
Joe
Is one of us a butler? What's with all the sirs? You can call me ninjamaster. Or "My ninja" for short.
Josh Collins
so send the mail now
Joe
My grandma is not in bed. Once she hit me with a switch for using her computer while she was awake.
Josh Collins
okay
so when will you send it?
Joe
She goes to bed for the night in about 20 minutes.
Josh Collins
okay
am waiting
Joe
Cool. So what do you do for fun when you don't work for Facebook. Do you like pizza?
I heard that at Facebook they have a room where all the walls are pizza. Is that true?
Josh Collins
yes
Joe
Crap, I thought grandma was snoring and was ready to jump on. Turns out they were just loud farts.
Josh Collins
so how told you that joe
are you married ?
Joe
Yes, but I'm married to the sea.
Josh Collins
lolz
really
is this your son
with you
Joe
No, that's my grandniece. My family is weird.
Would you like to hear how we're all related?
Josh Collins
yes
continue
am here with you
Joe
Now many many years ago when I was twenty-three
I was married to a widow who was pretty as can be
This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red
My father fell in love with her and soon they too were wed
This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life
My daughter was my mother 'cause she was my father's wife
To complicate the matter even though it brought me joy
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy
My little baby then became a brother-in-law to Dad
And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad
For if he was my uncle, then that also made him br'ther
Of the widow's grown-up daughter who was also my stepmother
Father's wife then had a son who kept them on the run
And he became my grandchild, for he was my daughter's son
My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue
Because altho' she is my wife, she's my grandmother too
Now if my wife is my grandmother, then I'm her grandchild
And every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild
For now I have become the strangest case I ever saw
As husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa
I'm my own granpa
It sounds funny I know,
But it really is so
So how are you related to your grandma?
Josh Collins
lolz
Joe
Are you laughing at my family?
Josh Collins
nop
Josh Collins
it's just funny
that why
Joe
I'm hurt. I'm not sure I want to share my email with someone who hurts my feelings.
Josh Collins
okay
am sorry about that okay
Joe
You should apologize. And possibly offer me candy.
Josh Collins
okay
i will
Joe
Well, do it.
Josh Collins
what about your grandma
now
Joe
What kind of candy do you have?
Josh Collins
sugar candy
do you want that
Joe
Sugar candy! That's the worst kind. This business transaction is over!
Josh Collins
i don't think you are serious at all
you know i love your chat
you are too funny
okay
Joe
I have my doubts about you as well.
I'm going to enter the MySpace lottery instead. They only want my beeper number.
Josh Collins
you don't need to doubt anythin
aoky
okay
if that is what you want
Joe
What's your email? I can send you an email directly.
Josh Collins
you don't have to do that
send it here now
okay
jeo your fast response so that we can proceed with the delivery of your fund
joe
Joe
You got my email?
Josh Collins
nop
i have not
Joe
I'll send it again.
Josh Collins
send it now
Joe
OK, here it is: @hotmail.com.
Did you get that?
Josh Collins
what about the name
Joe
Oh, @gmail.com. It's @gmail.com@hotmail.com
Josh Collins
why are you so funny
Joe
There may be a .edu or .org in there somewhere. I don't get how email works sometimes.
I did go to clown college. Well, clown community college.
Josh Collins
ones more
are you really ready to claim your winning again
?
Joe
It's a lot of responsibility. What sort of tax implications will there be?
Josh Collins
cos i don't think yopu know what we are talking about
at all
Joe
So is it not money I'm winning?
Josh Collins
yes
Joe
Yes it's not money?
Josh Collins
it's a money
Joe
A money? Just one?
Josh Collins
nop
Joe
Two monies?
Am I getting warmer? I'm going to throw out some numbers, you let me know when I get close.
Four moneys
Josh Collins
we are talk about $500,000
Joe
I wasn't even close! I would have settled for five monies!
Josh Collins
okay
i have to go now
Joe
You might be giving away too much. People really need monies, you could probably get away with $10,000.
Wait!
I'm so lonely. Tell me a story.
Josh Collins
because you are not serious
Joe
It should have a dragon. Named Joe. And a magical kingdom, named Josh Collins.
I'm super cereal.
Josh Collins
may be the winning should be giving to aorder preson
Joe
I'm aorder person.
Josh Collins
why are you so playful
?
Joe
Brain damage.
Josh Collins
i mean someone else
bye
Joe
I can be someone else! I can change, Josh Collins.
If I tell you some of my grandma's credit card numbers would that make you feel better?
They're like little Facebook lotteries she keeps tucked into her bra at bingo.
Oh, I remembered a working email!
customerservice@amazon.com
So you get my email and then our friendship ends?