The Weight of Words

[Tom Stillwell]

Yesterday my wife and I were shopping in Target when I overheard a mother say this to her 7-8 year old son:

"Why you always gotta get into shit? Why can't you keep your stupid ass outta trouble? Always fuckin' getting in trouble. Stupid."

I was so stunned at her out and out ignorance I didn't say anything at the time. I regretted not speaking up in her kid's defense almost immediately.

As a kid I was verbally and physically abused. No beating I ever took hurt me as much as the words slung my way. I spent many years recovering from those words. Those worlds shaped me. Or rather they stunted me. Destroyed my self image and sense of worth.

I took as seat while waiting for my wife check out. I then noticed the kid and his mom again at the register. The boy was looking down at his feet, kicking the ground...sullen. Ignored by his mom. Probably ignored by his mom until he did something worth her scorn.

As they left I stopped the mom.

"Ma'am, you shouldn't speak to your boy like that. You're hurting him in ways you can't imagine."

She told me to mind my own fucking business and dragged her kid out the door.

[Kevin T Brown]

You did the right thing, Tom. And hopefully this young boy saw it and will remember you and that you tried to speak up for him.

Just more proof that you're a great guy.

[shrike]

I always think its odd you need a license to fish but not to have children.

[Tom Stillwell]

Sadder still is that she had a newborn in a stroller too. Two lives to ruin.

[Reverend Smooth]

I woudn't say 'ruin', were you? But damage, certainly.

[Benel Germosen]

Hey, you did a good thing.

[Major Comma]

Good for you Tom.
Well Done Sir.

[FanboyStranger]

Tom, what you did was excellent. That took real courage-- I know I rarely want to get involved something that doesn't concern me, and I get very anxious around situations like that. Hopefully, the mom will take a moment during her day to consider what you had said to her.

(Although the description above my avatar now says "Ultimate Evil", so I don't know how you should take my praise. I'm guessing it's because that was my 666th post here.)

[AndrewCrossett]

It's a mystery to me why so many people who clearly hate children, choose to have them.

I can't even calculate the percentage of young mothers I see who fall into one of these two categories:

1. Berate, threaten, curse, and even hit their young children every time they make the slightest move, regardless of whether it's something that warrants discipline or not. Usually with plenty of semi-literate profanity and a cigarette hanging out of their mouth; or

2. Studiously ignore their children, talking or texting while their kids run wild, and they pretend not to notice.

The clear message to the kid in both cases: "I wish I didn't have YOU to deal with in my life."

[Reverend Smooth]

A lot of people feed girls the bullshit that, 'it'll be different when it's yours'. No, a lot of times it really isn't.

[Thequeerjock]

A lot of people feed girls the bullshit that, 'it'll be different when it's yours'. No, a lot of times it really isn't.

My grandmother once said that her mom used to feed her that line, and my grandma never once got drunk and took it out on her daughters.

Ya did the right thing Tom. Shit like that is gonna lead to this kid acting out sooner or later.

[Reverend Smooth]

I don't understand your english in the context of what I said.

[Thequeerjock]

I don't understand your english in the context of what I said.

Her mother was very vilent and drank al ot, and would justify hitting her children by saying that it was just being a "strict parent" and that my grandmother would do the same when she had children, which thankfully she did not.

[Reverend Smooth]

Oh, yeah. What I meant was, women who say they don't like kids are usually told that they will when it's theirs. A lot still don't, though.

[Tom Stillwell]

Ya did the right thing Tom. Shit like that is gonna lead to this kid acting out sooner or later.

Yeah, totally. That kid only knows to fear her. He doesn't respect her because she doesn't respect him. How is he going to treat other people when he grows up? How is he going to treat women?

Hopefully he can find someone to help him rise above and break the cycle.

[Shisho]

A lot of people feed girls the bullshit that, 'it'll be different when it's yours'. No, a lot of times it really isn't.

Jesus effing god, if I had a dime for every time someone said that to me after trying to explain why I didn't want to have kids. For the longest time I was looked at like I had sprouts coming out of my head. Seriously. The BS people feed young women even today makes me want to take a video of moms like the one Tom was describing and use it as a public service announcement for people to stop spouting that shit.

And no, I'm not saying I would ever be as bad as that horrible woman if I were ever a parent. I'm not even saying I don't like kids. I happen to be a fabulous godmother and auntie. :D But I wish people would just stop spouting that ignorant BS when a person has made it clear that some folks just don't want to be parents. It's a pretty big world. Let the folks who are good at it be good at it, and let the rest of us be relief pitchers or whatever.

Sorry, I know that was slightly off topic. Carry on. :Oops:

[Reverend Smooth]

Well, I got it from everyone, too. But I was like, "Well, my mom doesn't like me, so I don't see why you're telling me I'll be different. I'm just admitting it before my crotch explodes." Being mostly infertile's a nice bonus, though. But I wasn't allowed to get my tubes tied because of that stupidity, which meant I later had to put up with a miscarriage, and while I'm not emotionally torn over it, jesus fuck it hurt.

Anyway, people should be encouraged not to breed, or at least to use protection, or put your kid up for adoption, or something, ffs, instead of having, or hanging on to that poor child.

Heck, I tried to get into foster care, but my mom, who hated having me around, threatened to euthanize my pets. I don't get why parents who hate their kids won't be responsible and let better people raise them.

Oh wait, because they're sadistic evil fucks.

Good for you, Tom. I'd've loved to see an adult stand up for me, so maybe it'll register.

[The Funketeer]

I'm a parent of a 5 year old and an elementary school teacher. I see the product of this kind of parenting every day and it's even more frustrating to see when it's being done by one of my friends.

We had people over for a BBQ for my wife's birthday last weekend and another couple we know who also have a 5 year old daughter were talking about when kids learn how to read with us. Our daughter is incredibly interested in learning how to do it at this point while their daughter is not. So the mom keeps saying to her daughter (to drive the point home for us) stuff like "you don't want to learn how to read do you Livvie?" And she says is more than a few times.

I'm a pretty damn good parent and it's difficult to bite my tongue when she does stuff like this. We try to encourage her in more polite ways when we can I just don't think she's equipped to emotionally raise a child.

We talk about the sacrifices we have to make as parents and most people assume it means money and time but it's far more than that. It means you don't get to go see every movie or concert you want to. You don't get to stay up late at parties or hang out with friends all day long. Unfortunately, I see lots of parents who don't make those sacrifices and drag their kids to all the places they still want to go. I feel bad anytime I see a 2 year old being dragged around a comic con or made to stay up for a 9:00 R rated movie. And I feel bad for kids like the one you mentioned who have their parents yell at them all the time even though they done nothing even remotely deserving of that kind of scorn. Those kids are often well behaved for us in school because they respond well to positive reinforcement and consequences (not condemnation) for inappropriate actions.

[Kingsmythe]

You did a great thing, Tom. I'm glad you did it. Good for you.