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View Full Version : I just got poop on my hand.



Masculine Todd
06-20-2011, 08:20 AM
I'm just a young guy, living life, hanging at this coffee shop, copping free wi-fi, feeling good vibes, when suddenly, I gotta fuck up a toilet.

It's a small toilet. I can't get my hand down into it. I can't properly reach up into the butt region for some much needed wiping. It's all over, it's too quick, life won't slow down, and before it all makes sense, I have a poop blob on my thumb. I've washed my hands several times, but I still feel it seeping into my pores. I think everyone knows. Like, they can smell it on me.

I'm pretty sure I'm about to become a super villain. You ever get poop on you?

jason hissong
06-20-2011, 08:23 AM
I had a nurse friend once. She informed me that she dealt with some pretty Freak Flag Sexual Fetish people, for whatever reason, on her rotation.

For example: people who get sexually aroused by wearing adult diapers.

And using them for their intended purpose.

I'm sure we've all had poop on us before.

TRILL, THE CARBON BASED LIFEFORM
06-20-2011, 08:23 AM
Have you ever thought about standing up to wipe?

thatguyfromsyracuse
06-20-2011, 08:24 AM
I thought this was going to be a much sexier story.

Jason California
06-20-2011, 08:25 AM
I hate it when that happens.

Masculine Todd
06-20-2011, 08:26 AM
Wait, are you supposed to stand up to wipe? I never had a father! No one taught me this, and I think that's why I've arrived at this point in my life. I mean, this is the First World Problems bottom. You can't get any lower than poop on your thumb.

dasNdanger
06-20-2011, 08:26 AM
I'm just a young guy, living life, hanging at this coffee shop, copping free wi-fi, feeling good vibes, when suddenly, I gotta fuck up a toilet.

It's a small toilet. I can't get my hand down into it. I can't properly reach up into the butt region for some much needed wiping. It's all over, it's too quick, life won't slow down, and before it all makes sense, I have a poop blob on my thumb. I've washed my hands several times, but I still feel it seeping into my pores. I think everyone knows. Like, they can smell it on me.

I'm pretty sure I'm about to become a super villain. You ever get poop on you?

:lol:


Oh, and boil it!







das

Masculine Todd
06-20-2011, 08:27 AM
I thought this was going to be a much sexier story.


I had a nurse friend once. She informed me that she dealt with some pretty Freak Flag Sexual Fetish people, for whatever reason, on her rotation.

For example: people who get sexually aroused by wearing adult diapers.

Jason has you covered.

TRILL, THE CARBON BASED LIFEFORM
06-20-2011, 08:29 AM
:lol:


Oh, and boil it!







das

You submerge it in ice water for a really long time until it hurts from the cold! It's Science.

Masculine Todd
06-20-2011, 08:30 AM
Trill, for enlightening me on poop posture - and look, I know you're a lady - will you be my dad?

thatguyfromsyracuse
06-20-2011, 08:31 AM
Jason has you covered.

In poop! Am I right?!

dasNdanger
06-20-2011, 08:32 AM
You submerge it in ice water for a really long time until it hurts from the cold! It's Science.

But I want him to suffer. :( It's the only way he can become the supervillain, Poopthumb. Or maybe Fecesdigit. Or Stinkfist...but I think that means something else... :shifty:


das

TRILL, THE CARBON BASED LIFEFORM
06-20-2011, 08:35 AM
Trill, for enlightening me on poop posture - and look, I know you're a lady - will you be my dad?

Hmm, I think I'm more of a crazy uncle.

Roman Noodles
06-20-2011, 08:40 AM
.......... Keith's version of this thread would have been way more interesting.





:no:

GelfXIII
06-20-2011, 08:42 AM
Shit washes off.

I'm not going to tell you how I know that as a fact, but I do.

Masculine Todd
06-20-2011, 08:43 AM
In poop! Am I right?!

Too soon. It still stings, you know? Like, I think it may leave a birth mark stain or something.


Hmm, I think I'm more of a crazy uncle.

Rejected again. I'll never have a dad.

Roman Noodles
06-20-2011, 08:43 AM
Shit washes off.

I'm not going to tell you how I know that as a fact, but I do.

Hey, who hasn't stuck a finger up there on a whim?

Masculine Todd
06-20-2011, 08:46 AM
.......... Keith's version of this thread would have been way more interesting.





:no:

But I'm very boring and my gay sex stories are like "so this dude in my complex who I thought was a meth dealer but really, he just likes to wear hoodies and I'm dumb and I are hanging and he sheepishly sits on the floor so as to 'not come on strong.' So I invite him up on the bed and he slowly inches closer to me and after twenty minutes of snail-like maneuvering, he's blowing me and then we finish watching this rerun of Tosh.0."

GelfXIII
06-20-2011, 08:49 AM
Hey, who hasn't stuck a finger up there on a whim?

Oh, how I wish it were only that. Lets just say it involves time in the army and digging latrines. and filling latrines. ... and falling into latrines.

Roman Noodles
06-20-2011, 08:49 AM
But I'm very boring and my gay sex stories are like "so this dude in my complex who I thought was a meth dealer but really, he just likes to wear hoodies and I'm dumb and I are hanging and he sheepishly sits on the floor so as to 'not come on strong.' So I invite him up on the bed and he slowly inches closer to me and after twenty minutes of snail-like maneuvering, he's blowing me and then we finish watching this rerun of Tosh.0."

.......... add an indie soundtrack and you've got a Sundance festival candidate.

Roman Noodles
06-20-2011, 08:50 AM
Oh, how I wish it were only that. Lets just say it involves time in the army and digging latrines. and filling latrines. ... and falling into latrines.

Oh god, I think I just got a contact phobia.

GelfXIII
06-20-2011, 08:58 AM
Oh god, I think I just got a contact phobia.

...and so I repeat: Shit washes off. I know.

McAfee
06-20-2011, 08:59 AM
It's close to lunch or I'd describe a video my brother-in-law was emailed recently from a "friend." So, instead...

Ban board member Rian Fike?

tonym
06-20-2011, 09:04 AM
One late night after an evening filled with drinks, I get back to my place with a female companion. She is very much down with anal play so there have been times in the past where to tease her I'll play with her asshole a bit to get her in the mood. Anyway, she just returned from the bathroom, I stick my finger down the back of the shorts she was wearing and I instantly feel poop. She must have been drunk enough that she didn't wipe at all or not enough...or something.
Instead of freaking out, I calmly pulled my finger out and excused myself to the bathroom to scrub my finger.

Now I'm always weary before charging down there.

TRILL, THE CARBON BASED LIFEFORM
06-20-2011, 09:18 AM
Rejected again. I'll never have a dad.

Sorry, someone else will have to time travel and impregnate your mother. :(

PeteL
06-20-2011, 10:05 AM
This is a horribly honest thread.

I salute you.

Jason California
06-20-2011, 10:13 AM
Rejected again. I'll never have a dad.

Do you wish this video had been abut you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_9hfHvQSNo

Dr. Blasphemy
06-20-2011, 10:25 AM
I wish I could scrub my eyes after reading this thread...Why god?
Also- note to self: Do not shake Todd's hand if we ever meet...

Masculine Todd
06-20-2011, 12:28 PM
This is a horribly honest thread.

I salute you.

When you go hard, you go candid. I'm a Bendis Board role model.

Spidey616
06-20-2011, 03:13 PM
Tmi!

dasNdanger
06-20-2011, 04:21 PM
I love that the banner ads up top for this thread are:

Prevent Swine Flu & Colds GermStar Personal Hand Sanitizers Kill 99.9% of germs instantly!
Restroom, Shower Building Complete, modular facilities with shower, laundry & utility options
Urine Gone As Seen On TV Cleaning products As Seen On TV. Refills Also Available
Upflushing Toilet Systems All Upflush Toilets come with a Free Seat & Fast Free shipping





das

GelfXIII
06-20-2011, 04:59 PM
I love that the banner ads up top for this thread are:

Prevent Swine Flu & Colds GermStar Personal Hand Sanitizers Kill 99.9% of germs instantly!
Restroom, Shower Building Complete, modular facilities with shower, laundry & utility options
Urine Gone As Seen On TV Cleaning products As Seen On TV. Refills Also Available
Upflushing Toilet Systems All Upflush Toilets come with a Free Seat & Fast Free shipping

das

Mine on the iPad app is advertising the Walmart app. That's appropriate.

dasNdanger
06-20-2011, 05:16 PM
There's also this:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4g-1km5aWw


:D


das

Mark4myself
06-20-2011, 05:21 PM
Hey, who hasn't stuck a finger up there on a whim?

What's a whim and why are you anally violating it with your finger?

Mark4myself
06-20-2011, 05:23 PM
I'm just a young guy, living life, hanging at this coffee shop, copping free wi-fi, feeling good vibes, when suddenly, I gotta fuck up a toilet.

It's a small toilet. I can't get my hand down into it. I can't properly reach up into the butt region for some much needed wiping. It's all over, it's too quick, life won't slow down, and before it all makes sense, I have a poop blob on my thumb. I've washed my hands several times, but I still feel it seeping into my pores. I think everyone knows. Like, they can smell it on me.

I'm pretty sure I'm about to become a super villain. You ever get poop on you?

This is the first time you've gotten poop on you?

Never had oil on your dipstick before?