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ShortStack
06-17-2011, 10:10 AM
This made me think a lot, as an extremely loud person who hangs out with a lot of introverts.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/things-you-can-do-to-make-quiet-people-feel-bad/




5 Things You Can Do To Make A Quiet Person Feel Bad
JUN. 14, 2011 By BRANDON SCOTT GORRELL
1. Ask the quiet person why he’s so quiet

Asking a quiet person why he’s so quiet is probably the easiest and most effective way of making him feel bad. “Why are you so quiet,” you’ll ask, a vaguely amused and curious expression on your face, as if the quiet person was merely a cute child serving as amusement for a group of inquisitive adults. “Uh…” the quiet person will stammer, failing to make eye contact, and most likely noticing that he’s failing to make eye contact. “I don’t know. Am I quiet? I’m just this way…” Here follows from the quiet person a string of mumbling not discernable to the listener.

The problem with asking a quiet person why he’s so quiet is multifaceted: a) because severe quietude in social situations runs counter to public convention, it’s not unreasonable for the typical quiet person to be at least somewhat embarrassed for his quietness; as such, by asking why he’s so quiet, you’re essentially asking him: “why aren’t you normal?,” and b) because quiet people generally wish to speak only when they feel they have something important to say, responding to the sudden question of why they’re so quiet (to which they never have a comprehensive answer) is both unsettling and difficult to do. So – if you want to make a quiet person feel bad – start with this one simple question.

2. Repeatedly ask the quiet person if they’re upset about something and/or if she’s ok. When she assures you she’s ok, respond: “Really? Are you sure? You’re just being so quiet.”

Repeatedly asking a quiet person if she’s upset and/ or if she’s “ok” will elicit more or less the same bad feelings of low self-worth and social discomfort as asking a quiet person why she’s so quiet. However, this line of questioning differs in that it adds an element of repeated annoyance and growing anxiety to the quiet person’s emotional equation. Use this strategy if you want to be rid of the quiet person quickly, as her discomfort will grow so rapidly that she’ll feel almost forced to extricate herself from the situation.

3. Introduce the quiet person to a group as a “quiet person” or by saying, “he’s really quiet.”

By introducing the quiet person to a group as a “quiet person” – or by telling the group that the quiet person is “really quiet” – the quiet person is instantly a) categorized without having input, perhaps ruining any chance of making their own first impression and b) denied the option of being seen as a normal social individual, in the case that today is one of the days that the quiet person was planning on trying to enhance his conversational output to “normal.” On top of making the quiet person feel bad, this strategy doubly serves to isolate the quiet person from the group, as humans are generally more likely to desire bonding with those who display characteristics of being open to communication and sharing; it also gives you bonus points for being an inconsiderate dick.

4. In group conversation, stop the conversation to ask for the quiet person’s input

In a large conversation, quiet people are quiet because a) they think everyone in the conversation is an asshole, b) they don’t know anything about the topic at hand and thus would rather let those who appear or pretend to know about the topic at hand do the talking, c) they’re not interested in the conversation, or d) they don’t have anything to say. As such, when you stop conversation to ask for the quiet person’s input, you’re just forcing her to do something she doesn’t want to do while all eyes are upon her. If any type of person talks only when she feels she has something important to say, it’s the quiet person. Therefore, stopping the conversation to ask for the quiet person’s input is an excellent strategy for making the quiet person feel bad.

5. Make fun of the quiet person for being “so serious,” then tell him to “lighten up”

If there’s one question quiet people get all the time, it’s: “Why are you so serious?” There’s possibly nothing more frustrating to the quiet person, who’s simply minding his own business – not bothering anyone – than being assaulted with the sudden accusation that he is being “really serious” and that he needs to “lighten up” because “life’s too short to be moping around all the time” or something. This type of questioning is sure to put you at odds with the quiet person and generally create an uncomfortable situation you both want to get out of.


Respect the quiet people! They are far preferable to those who don't know when to shut up.

Kedd
06-17-2011, 10:13 AM
I tend to be quiet in newer social situations and I have been asked all of these questions. They don't make me feel bad, but they do annoy me. and because I don't smile a lot, I also get "You should smile more." and "What's wrong." which is about the same as "Are you ok".

Roman Noodles
06-17-2011, 10:16 AM
Never had to deal with 1 and 3 but as someone who, for the most part, is pretty quiet in real life, the other 3 things definitely bug me.

Ashwin Pande
06-17-2011, 10:16 AM
Better to stay quiet than talk horseshit.

Fourthman
06-17-2011, 10:22 AM
Better to stay quiet than talk horseshit.

Have many friends, do ya?

Ashwin Pande
06-17-2011, 10:23 AM
Have many friends, do ya?

Fuck 'em. They're stupid and talk absolute crap. Like I give a shit about their careers or relationships. Feh.

ShortStack
06-17-2011, 10:24 AM
Better to stay quiet than talk horseshit.

Sailor Moon says!

Evan the Shaggy
06-17-2011, 10:25 AM
I can't tell you how many times I've heard "Boy you sure are quiet for a comedian!"

Most comedians are quiet people. SHOCKER!

Roman Noodles
06-17-2011, 10:27 AM
Sailor Moon says!

I obey all heroines in tiny skirts.

dasNdanger
06-17-2011, 10:28 AM
Wow...I think I've done all of those. :p

Here's the reason, though. I used to be 'the quiet person'. I really didn't start talking in social situations until I was about 18 or 19 - before that I was very withdrawn. Once I started talking, however, you couldn't shut me up, and it just got worse with age because I get nervous in social situations, and the nerves lead to nervous chatter. So, anyway, people are always correcting me, telling me to let other people talk. So, I've become very sensitive to the quiet ones in the group, and I guess I feel like I need to somehow make them talk because everyone is sick of hearing from me. :p

I'm glad for this. I will try to keep these pointers in mind and hopefully I'll stop trying to make quiet folks talk.

das

Phantom Eagle
06-17-2011, 10:34 AM
Wow...I think I've done all of those. :p

Here's the reason, though. I used to be 'the quiet person'. I really didn't start talking in social situations until I was about 18 or 19 - before that I was very withdrawn. Once I started talking, however, you couldn't shut me up, and it just got worse with age because I get nervous in social situations, and the nerves lead to nervous chatter. So, anyway, people are always correcting me, telling me to let other people talk. So, I've become very sensitive to the quiet ones in the group, and I guess I feel like I need to somehow make them talk because everyone is sick of hearing from me. :p

I'm glad for this. I will try to keep these pointers in mind and hopefully I'll stop trying to make quiet folks talk.

das

ditto

sans serif
06-17-2011, 10:39 AM
I agree with most of this list.

However, there are group situations in which I feel that #4 is fine to do. Group projects, for one. There are often times that I've been in a group of three people and two of us are talking about strategy. I'm have no qualms with asking for input in a situation like that. And, sometimes, I really just want that person's input because I feel that they have something to contribute to the conversation.

web_head02
06-17-2011, 10:53 AM
Yeah I agree with all five of these. I'm sort of a quiet person and I've experience all of these at some point. These thing usually make me uncomfortable and sometimes can be kind of annoying.

Jim Schnobrich
06-17-2011, 10:58 AM
I've often been tagged as the quiet person because I don't like interrupting people. There are a lot of people out there that just won't shut up.

Evan the Shaggy
06-17-2011, 10:59 AM
I've often been tagged as the quiet person because I don't like interrupting people. There are a lot of people out there that just won't shut up.

This. So many people will just dominate conversations.

shoelaceless
06-17-2011, 11:01 AM
I too hate people and their noises.

I AM GROOT!
06-17-2011, 11:03 AM
I'm probably a little more reserved at times when I meet new people (it depends on the people, though), but I like to scope the people out. Plus, you learn a lot more about them while listening. That said, I have no problem jumping into a conversation, and I don't want to immediately offend their sensibilities with my potty mouth. :p

silverboy
06-17-2011, 11:06 AM
I'm quiet until I've analyzed people and situations and figured out how to interact with/in them appropriately.

Jim Schnobrich
06-17-2011, 11:10 AM
This. So many people will just dominate conversations.

God bless message boards.

Masculine Todd
06-17-2011, 11:17 AM
I don't know. I'm generally reserved and perpetually anxious, and I find that people who ask me these questions are usually those who talk constantly and feel uncomfortable around any/all instances of silence. Also, this article is so presumptuous (which is ironic, given that awful generalization I just made!). "Quiet people are quiet because a.b.c.s my d." ORLY? U sure, bro? lol moar writin1!

Masculine Todd
06-17-2011, 11:18 AM
I find that, if someone's quiet and that bugs you, whip your genitals out. They'll totally say something, and you'll have an instant talking point.

AlienKeyes
06-17-2011, 11:20 AM
These are great tips. I love making quiet people feel bad.

Masculine Todd
06-17-2011, 11:25 AM
I think that pulling down your pants should be an accepted icebreaker in all social settings, really. If you disagree, you're probably antisemitic.

cmoney
06-17-2011, 11:47 AM
The questions don't make me feel bad, they do kind of annoy, but I understand that the way I usually am is not the way many people are used to being, so I don't sweat it.

The Human Target
06-17-2011, 11:52 AM
Is being quiet a good thing?

adam_warlock_2099
06-17-2011, 11:55 AM
I too hate people and their noises.

Stop watching porn with the volume on.

As per the conversation .... I don't talk a lot because there are too many people that talk too much. I am the ying to a whole lot of motor mouthed fucking yangs.

The Hodag
06-17-2011, 11:56 AM
Have absolutely experienced all five of those, especially as a kid, but I suppose in some form or another well into my teens and even 20s. I hated those comments and they always made me feel even more like an outsider than I already did. I think most quiet types like me usually end up finding friends they can talk to, and around their close friends they're much more outgoing, but among crowds or people they don't know well, they still tend to clam up. I've kind of still got that.

Heroic Age Moe
06-17-2011, 11:56 AM
The quiet person is the one with the gun.