View Full Version : Japanese food is getting really shitty these days.

06-17-2011, 09:18 AM

DISCLAIMER: All day I've been deliberating whether to post this piece of food news. It's so gross, I had to stop reading about it midway through, zen out to photos of My Little Ponies and then revisit the article after gathering strength. So friends, if you're feeling mentally tender or if you're currently eating please do not read any further.

The above photo at left is a burger made from steak sauce, soy and the burger you ate a few months ago. Put frankly, a doody burger.

A Japanese scientist has created a patty made from human feces and he's got a reason. As a solution to the global food crisis, human feces (lab-processed, of course) is 10 times cheaper to produce, lower in fat and just as nutritious as beef. Plus, fewer meatpacking factories would reduce carbon emmissions and animal cruelty (the animal eating the burger notwithstanding).

The idea came about when a Tokyo sewage company asked scientist Mitsuyuki Ikeda to devise a way to get rid of their overabundance of what they kindly call "sewage mud." His solution was to eat it. (FYI: my dog also came up with a similar idea after a recent accident.)

To be fair, the burger isn't poop in its purist state. Scientists derived a protein from the sewage and then changed the chemical composition through some high-tech lab equipment. Then they added a bit of red food dye and some seasoning, just like mama used to do.

The result is a meat substitute that tastes beef-ish, according to testers. Ultimately, Ikeda hopes the poop burger will become a nutritious solution to the food crisis and possibly be a staple in the freezer aisle at your local grocery store.

See, this is why I decided to tell you. They already put crushed bugs and sawdust in our food, so why not recycle yesterday's news? "Sewage mud" is low in fat, vegetarian and ecologically friendly, so if you see those three words on a box of frozen burgers, read the ingredients. Read them very, very carefully and then flashback to this video that shows how doody burgers are made.

It's two and a half minutes long. If you can make it past minute one, you're stronger than I am.

06-17-2011, 09:29 AM
Needs shiitake mushrooms.

06-17-2011, 09:39 AM
You like to try our Shitty Beef?