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View Full Version : What do you say when someone from your past wants to hang out, but you don't want to?



Matt Jay
05-25-2011, 05:12 AM
It's an awkward situation, which would only get more awkward if I actually did go hang out. I don't think I could handle two hours of talking about memories while having nothing else in common. At the same time, I don't want to be rude. What do you people do?

Marcdachamp
05-25-2011, 05:17 AM
Typically I'll act like I want to, then delay it until it never happens. Works every time.

If it's an ex, I usually just tell them "No, that's not a good idea."

Queen of the Ban Age
05-25-2011, 05:22 AM
"Sorry, my job requires me to be on call 24/7, so I don't have a lot of hanging out time."

I actually AM on call (they almost never need me), but that's usually enough of a detractor.

bachman
05-25-2011, 05:33 AM
Typically I'll act like I want to, then delay it until it never happens. Works every time.

If it's an ex, I usually just tell them "No, that's not a good idea."

This.

BenC (formerly Ape-X)
05-25-2011, 05:35 AM
Yeah, I know it's the least honorable way to handle it, but the "stall until they get the hint" has worked for me in the past.

Matt Jay
05-25-2011, 05:35 AM
Typically I'll act like I want to, then delay it until it never happens. Works every time.



Perfect.

Marcdachamp
05-25-2011, 05:37 AM
Yeah, I know it's the least honorable way to handle it, but the "stall until they get the hint" has worked for me in the past.

Yeah, I know it really is, but it's the easiest way to let someone down without hurting their feelings.

hamgravy
05-25-2011, 05:37 AM
Typically I'll act like I want to, then delay it until it never happens. Works every time.
If it's an ex, I usually just tell them "No, that's not a good idea."

Same with the delay tactic, unfortunately I don't think there's enough tact in the world to explain otherwise to a casual acquaintance or old friend.

In terms of an ex, I was once so proud that I thought I did the right thing by being honest and explaining that I was glad to run into her and that she was doing well but that I already had a busy schedule and in all likelihood wouldn't be able to make time to hang out. Only later did I feel like a heel but I'm still glad I gave honesty a shot.

costello
05-25-2011, 05:39 AM
I agree with bachman and Marcdachamp's second scenario, but not the first.

Telling someone "this is not a good idea" isn't a bad thing. If you're passive-aggressive like the first scenario, it works, but you're adding quite a bit of anxiety to your life that you just don't need. Be honest.

hamgravy
05-25-2011, 05:42 AM
I agree with bachman and Marcdachamp's second scenario, but not the first.

Telling someone "this is not a good idea" isn't a bad thing. If you're passive-aggressive like the first scenario, it works, but you're adding quite a bit of anxiety to your life that you just don't need. Be honest.

So what would the honest response be?

"Im not interested in making time to hang out." seems to harsh to me for someone that's a casual acquaintance. In many ways, it's easier to be honest with someone you have real history with.

"Delay and hope they get the hint" seems like an accepted cultural norm especially when everyone's got their own busy life to deal with.

Fourthman
05-25-2011, 05:43 AM
I have a child.

TIP
05-25-2011, 05:45 AM
The phrase

Eat a dick straight-up

Also works.

Or dropping references to your goat pants ad nauseum.

mario
05-25-2011, 05:47 AM
The phrase

Eat a dick straight-up

Also works.

but what if that was the reason for hanging out again?

Alex(sadly)Maleev
05-25-2011, 05:48 AM
Don't do something you don't want to do and you have the option to exit early. Very simple. Just say "NO, thanks". If you need an excuse:
Tell them you are going through a phase in your life when reconnection with the past is not recommended. Why? You can't talk about it.

bachman
05-25-2011, 05:48 AM
I have a child.

Bastard! I am jealous of all my friends that can use that excuse. I try to use my dog, but that's not as powerful.

Urgur the Gurgur
05-25-2011, 05:49 AM
"No mom! I do not want to hang out! Jesus!"

But does she ever get it? No.

modungo
05-25-2011, 05:49 AM
Wait for them to bring up something you used to enjoy. Lets for example, comics;

Old Friend: Man, remember how much fun we used to have at the comic shop? Hangin out. Talking about Spiderman.

You: Yeah, I used to love comics, but since I've found the Lord, I don't really move in those circles anymore.

Repeat for all nostalgic interests. Within 10 minutes he/she will be avoiding you.

TIP
05-25-2011, 05:49 AM
but what if that was the reason for hanging out again?

Mandatory Fellatio.

Matt Jay
05-25-2011, 05:52 AM
Wait for them to bring up something you used to enjoy. Lets for example, comics;

Old Friend: Man, remember how much fun we used to have at the comic shop? Hangin out. Talking about Spiderman.

You: Yeah, I used to love comics, but since I've found the Lord, I don't really move in those circles anymore.

Repeat for all nostalgic interests. Within 10 minutes he/she will be avoiding you.

Brilliant until they reveal their love for the Lord as well and it's all they want to talk about.

hamgravy
05-25-2011, 05:53 AM
Tell them you only hang with the BenBo.

When they ask you what a "BenBo" is, shake your head in disapproval and walk away.

morlock with a day pass
05-25-2011, 06:21 AM
my court appointed psychiatric team advises against it.

cmoney
05-25-2011, 07:10 AM
Yeah, it's pretty awkward. Know what's more awkward? When they ask you to be in their wedding.

Marcdachamp
05-25-2011, 07:14 AM
Don't do something you don't want to do and you have the option to exit early. Very simple. Just say "NO, thanks". If you need an excuse:
Tell them you are going through a phase in your life when reconnection with the past is not recommended. Why? You can't talk about it.

Wanna hangout after Fan Expo this year?


Yeah, it's pretty awkward. Know what's more awkward? When they ask you to be in their wedding.

Oh, man. That's awful.

jason hissong
05-25-2011, 07:20 AM
Just tell this person you're not available. You don't need to offer explanation.

McGill
05-25-2011, 07:24 AM
I tell them I'm busy. No rhyme or reason needed.

Jef UK
05-25-2011, 07:26 AM
Yeah, just say you can't for the forseeable future, and always leave the ball in their court, and blow them off.

Masculine Todd
05-25-2011, 07:28 AM
Say "only if we fuck."

Jef UK
05-25-2011, 07:30 AM
I agree with bachman and Marcdachamp's second scenario, but not the first.

Telling someone "this is not a good idea" isn't a bad thing. If you're passive-aggressive like the first scenario, it works, but you're adding quite a bit of anxiety to your life that you just don't need. Be honest.

I think that's just being rude. What anxiety?

Alex(sadly)Maleev
05-25-2011, 08:23 AM
Wanna hangout after Fan Expo this year?


Sowwy, no inglish.

Keith P.
05-25-2011, 08:25 AM
Tell them you have scabies.

Masculine Todd
05-25-2011, 08:30 AM
Tell them "I fuck everything I hit, and my reach is limitless."

Dreaded Anomaly
05-25-2011, 08:39 AM
Brilliant until they reveal their love for the Lord as well and it's all they want to talk about.

Then you just correct your previous statement. "Oh, did I say the Lord? I meant Lord Xenu."

In all honesty, I would probably go with the "I'm really busy" excuse. It's lame, but incredibly nonspecific and easy to defend.

mario
05-25-2011, 08:39 AM
Tell them you only hang with the BenBo.

When they ask you what a "BenBo" is, shake your head in disapproval and walk away.

DUDE!! First rule about the Benbo!!!! Don't talk about the Benbo!

costello
05-25-2011, 08:51 AM
I think that's just being rude. What anxiety?

Maybe I'm just an anxious guy; maybe I'm rude. Personally, I think if I'm stringing someone on because I don't want to face the consequences of telling the person no, I'm lacking a bit of integrity. The anxiety would come from the compelling feeling of needing to please the guy, or at least not let him down, mixed with the feeling of dread fro having to see the guy again and make up another excuse as to why I can't hang out. You've never had that feeling before?

I don't know. I use Forthman's excuse because it's true. I have a kid and a million things to do. I've been dicked over by people enough to have the ability to say sorry but I'm busy, or in the worst case, bluntly tell it how it is.

I guess I'm rude.

Marcdachamp
05-25-2011, 09:14 AM
Sowwy, no inglish.

:cry: It... it really does hurt...

Evan the Shaggy
05-25-2011, 09:27 AM
I pretend to be an old man answering the phone and reply with, "Evan, yeah I knew him, but he died 10 years ago to this day. It was the worst accident I ever seen. There was this sound, like a garbage truck, dropped off the Empire State Building!"

A.Huerta
05-25-2011, 09:30 AM
Say you're on house arrest.