Really weird question

[michealdark]

Is it problemetic when you worry that a relative doesn't like you anymore beause you don't agree on politics? Because I still respect this person alot, and I'm worried I'm gonna say something that'll make them not respect me anymore. Or am I just being insecure and letting the fact that I don't get to see them outside of facebook too much anymore color my perceptions?

Basic jist of the problem: She's an army wife and I'm, well, me. And I made a post on my facebook page about Arizona that went farther than it needed to go. And she commented on it. It isn't even that she was angry with me. She was actually pretty calm and basically saying, "Move there first and then comment. It's easy to judge from the safety of the Midwest, but you really can't know exactly what's going on down there unless you're there." But it's that she made a comment to an earlier post by me where it felt like she was criticizing me for for being idealistic (she wasn't, she was basically saying I don't have enough life experience yet). And it just makes me feel like there's a rift between us.

[Basque]

That doesn't seem like a weird question to me. It seems perfectly reasonable and a normal concern to have. I'm sure a lot of people go through similar things with relatives. I know I have.

I guess it depends on how close you are to this relative, how much you value that relationship and how much you are willing to put up with. I have relatives that have very different views from mine and for the most part I just don't discuss those types topics with them. But I'm not that close to them and don't really care that much what they think of me. There's no hostility or resentment between us, but we're just not that close.

When you feel close (emotionally) to people but feel yourself growing apart intellectually or politically or whatever, then it can be harder. If the relationship is more important than those differences, then I would make sure the person knows it. Just talk about it. Send a private message and say: "Hey, I just want you to know that no matter how different our views may be, I respect you..." etc. I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

Facebook can be kind of annoying for these types of things. If those types of comments tend to lead to conflicts with your family members, you might want to change your privacy settings and make it so that only certain people can see your updates when you talk about potentially controversial topics.

[michealdark]

Thanks.

[Alan Lynch]

I worry about that all the time with my dad - we seem to disagree on almost any topic you care to mention and some of the debates can get pretty heated at times. To hear us you'd never know that he had a hand in raising me, it's ridiculous. So yeah, there are times I wonder if I've said something to offend him. I don't think it's weird though, especially in circumstances like yours where I assume one party has a vested interest in the subject at hand.

[Infra-Man]

That's not really a weird question, and like Alan Lynch, I worry about the same thing with my dad. He and I have had some really big arguments about politics and news events, though most of them are born out of his paranoia and his inability to process information that does not align with his (often conspiracy-like) worldview.

The Christmas before last, we got into a bunch of arguments about Iraq (he denied the Kurdish genocide occurred) and Iran (he thought the election was fair and that Neda Agha-Soltan was a CIA plant). Last Christmas, we got into a bunch of arguments about welfare and health care (he wants all entitlements and benefits cut for everyone) and North Korea (he thinks that the famine in the 90s and the mystical cult of personality around Kim Jong-Il are fabrications of the US government). And every year, without fail, he tries (unsuccessfully) to convince me that Ferdinand Marcos was not a despotic crook who embezzled money from his own people.

This summer when the folks are visiting the city, I'm assuming there'll be an arguments about the wave of unrest in the Middle East and Northern Africa, and possibly some shit about Freemasons and the Illuminati as well.

But, back on point...

I think in your case, michealdark, it might not be too bad. Neither of her comments seem hostile or angry. That's one of the problems with short snippets of text without the voice--you just don't hear the tone the person's striking.

And remember that people can like each other even if they disagree on stuff. I love my dad even though he's becoming an Archie Bunker-like nut. James Carville is married to Mary Matalin. Lots of conservatives and liberals who vehemently disagree with each other's politics are still friends because the common ground they share outside of politics is sturdier than the disagreements they have. You should be fine.

[michealdark]

Thanks, I needed that

[porkchop]

Is it problemetic when you worry that a relative doesn't like you anymore beause you don't agree on politics? Because I still respect this person alot, and I'm worried I'm gonna say something that'll make them not respect me anymore. Or am I just being insecure and letting the fact that I don't get to see them outside of facebook too much anymore color my perceptions?


I haven't really run into this problem with relatives. I'm not too close to a lot of them or I just see it for what it is (my grandfather for example believes Glenn Beck is a visionary, I'm stunned that a man with as much sense as him would buy into Beck's circus show).

I did however have a close friend who told me how she was upset over my professed apathy of the 2004 election and how I wouldn't vote and leaned more towards Bush. We're still friends and more or less find common ground now. I still worry about bringing politics up at this point with people because I think while it hasn't burned a bridge it somewhat poisoned the well to know my opinion of the government, the candidates and what could be my lack of faith in the process could bring one of my closest friends to be upset with me.

I think Basque covered it better than I could. But thought I'd give my own personal anecdote as well.