Cth
12-29-2010, 11:47 AM
I was sad. Morose. Depressed. Ubiquitous. This Holiday season didn't seem very "holy" to me. To this day I don't know why: perhaps it was due to the utter loneliness I've been forced to endure since Santa kidnapped my parents for ransom; I should have known taking that reindeer would have consequences.
My parents' presents are still under the tree, unopened. One is a Blu-Ray player. One is a laptop computer. But I just can't open them, because I included fingerprint identification and retinal scan as part of the wrapping.
I was planning to end it all on Boxing Day. December 26, 2010, the day when humanity was meant to descend into large boxes to escape from the Alien invasion. When cardboard technology was invented in the 1400s I had no idea it was meant as a defense against invaders from another world. But here we are, still alive on December 27th.
I was planning to end it all, but first I needed something strong enough to support my massive frame as I dangled from the ceiling fan. Simple rope would not do; my goal required a cable of significantly superior construction. It needed the tensile strength of steel, but the flexibility of a dead worm in order to get it around my neck so I'd be able to end it all before the Aliens came.
Then I found the AudioQuest K2 terminated speaker cable. It was perfect: made of fiber nanotubes and unicorn blood, this was the perfect medium for my premature exit from this world (I swear this never happens).
I ordered it at its remarkable discount price, and almost immediately it arrived. I was caught in a state of wonderment at how an item I'd ordered not fifteen minutes earlier could arrive at my house so quickly. It was as if the cable knew I'd be ordering it, and was already prepared for me.
I removed the cable from the box it came in and quickly fashioned a noose out of it. I hooked it around the ceiling fan, which had long been the most structurally sound part of my house, and prepared to end it all.
But the cable had different plans for me.
As I was about to take the leap, the cable unwound itself from my neck and quickly pushed me off balance, forcing me to fall into the box. The cable then closed the box behind me and whispered through the box "you must go on."
Thank you, AudioQuest K2 terminated speaker cable, for giving me a reason to go on. I will never forget you.
http://www.amazon.com/AudioQuest-K2-terminated-speaker-cable/dp/B000J36XR2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=musical-instruments&qid=1293389621&sr=8-1
Price: $8,450.00 & this item ships for FREE with Super Saver Shipping.
Only 1 left in stock--order soon.
My parents' presents are still under the tree, unopened. One is a Blu-Ray player. One is a laptop computer. But I just can't open them, because I included fingerprint identification and retinal scan as part of the wrapping.
I was planning to end it all on Boxing Day. December 26, 2010, the day when humanity was meant to descend into large boxes to escape from the Alien invasion. When cardboard technology was invented in the 1400s I had no idea it was meant as a defense against invaders from another world. But here we are, still alive on December 27th.
I was planning to end it all, but first I needed something strong enough to support my massive frame as I dangled from the ceiling fan. Simple rope would not do; my goal required a cable of significantly superior construction. It needed the tensile strength of steel, but the flexibility of a dead worm in order to get it around my neck so I'd be able to end it all before the Aliens came.
Then I found the AudioQuest K2 terminated speaker cable. It was perfect: made of fiber nanotubes and unicorn blood, this was the perfect medium for my premature exit from this world (I swear this never happens).
I ordered it at its remarkable discount price, and almost immediately it arrived. I was caught in a state of wonderment at how an item I'd ordered not fifteen minutes earlier could arrive at my house so quickly. It was as if the cable knew I'd be ordering it, and was already prepared for me.
I removed the cable from the box it came in and quickly fashioned a noose out of it. I hooked it around the ceiling fan, which had long been the most structurally sound part of my house, and prepared to end it all.
But the cable had different plans for me.
As I was about to take the leap, the cable unwound itself from my neck and quickly pushed me off balance, forcing me to fall into the box. The cable then closed the box behind me and whispered through the box "you must go on."
Thank you, AudioQuest K2 terminated speaker cable, for giving me a reason to go on. I will never forget you.
http://www.amazon.com/AudioQuest-K2-terminated-speaker-cable/dp/B000J36XR2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=musical-instruments&qid=1293389621&sr=8-1
Price: $8,450.00 & this item ships for FREE with Super Saver Shipping.
Only 1 left in stock--order soon.