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View Full Version : So, a Pimp called in at work today...



Whip
01-21-2010, 02:50 PM
...well, he didn't outright call himself a pimp. But it's pretty friggin' obvious.

Well anyway, this dude calls 911, wants to report a missing person. Okay, no biggie, let's get some info.

First he says it's his girlfriend, then he later on his fiancee, then it changes to coworker near the end of convo. Last place he saw her? Getting into a guy's car at a gas station in a specific part of town.

Me: Do you know who that guy is?
Pimp: Not really. He's just a trick.
Me: (FLABBERGASTED) ...A trick?
Pimp: (goes on to explain what a trick means, while I play the fool).
Me: ...So you just let your, uh, fiancee, a PROSTITUTE, get into a trick's car yesterday, you have no idea where they were going, and she hasn't returned yet. Is that correct?
Pimp: Yes.
Me: ...Oooookay. (takes info)
Pimp: She has something I need! Hurry up and find her.
Me: We'll have to contact you.
Pimp: Okay, my number is---
Me: No no, it'll have to be in person.
Pimp: Well, uh...I'm not---I'm at a friend's house now, and he has warrants.
Me: ...Uh huh. So where can the POLICE meet YOU in PERSON?
Pimp: Just contact me on my phone!
Me: They'll have to contact you in person, sir..
Pimp: Okay, contact at me at my P.O. Box!
Me: Sir, they're not going to contact you in person at your P.O. Box!
Pimp: Well, just do a phone report... She needs to be found, quick.
Me: ...Okay.



Sometimes, this job makes me feel like Richard Bey. Where do they find these people?!?!?

A.Huerta
01-21-2010, 02:51 PM
Was is it pimp named slickback?

Whip
01-21-2010, 02:52 PM
Was is it pimp named slickback?

Nah, he had some plain name.

Treacle
01-21-2010, 03:03 PM
You were much more professional that I would have been. :D

CapnChaos
01-21-2010, 03:05 PM
I was hoping for Alabaster Jones.

Kingsumo
01-21-2010, 03:11 PM
Wow. Dude was pretty straight forward.

And obviously so very caring about his fiance co-worker.

Whip
01-21-2010, 04:34 PM
You were much more professional that I would have been. :D

Sometimes, I amaze even myself for not having gone off on somebody yet. I've come close. Thank goodness for the mute button.

Whip
01-21-2010, 04:37 PM
Wow. Dude was pretty straight forward.

And obviously so very caring about his fiance co-worker.


I had a guy last week call to report a theft. Apparently, the guy he TWICE admitted that he bought $30 of crack cocaine from didn't give him the product he wanted. I had to advise him of Buyer Beware, while stalling until police got there. He wasn't arrested, though.

Another guy last week called and was freaking out, saying he first had needed medical aid because he didn't want to be a sex offender for having sex with a 17 year old girl. He was 43.

And I think my all-time favorite was the guy calling to ask if Crystal Meth was still illegal.

The Cable Guy
01-21-2010, 04:40 PM
For training with the police department we had to sit with 911 dispatchers for a day. I couldn't believe all the weird people that call in. You ask them for basic information and they never give you exactly what you need. Always going off on some weird tangent that only slows the process down.

Captain Sensation
01-21-2010, 05:21 PM
this thread is awesome!

Whip
01-21-2010, 05:21 PM
For training with the police department we had to sit with 911 dispatchers for a day. I couldn't believe all the weird people that call in. You ask them for basic information and they never give you exactly what you need. Always going off on some weird tangent that only slows the process down.

1000 times yes. OMG.

Caller: THIS GUY JUST SLAPPED ME.
Me: Is he white, black, Indian, Asian, or Hispanic?
Caller: Yes.
Me: (headdesk)


Caller: This car just hit me and took off towards Blah Blah Blah street.
Me: What color is the vehicle?
Caller: It's a Pick-Up truck!


Caller: My boyfriend is trashing the property.
Me: What color pants is he wearing?
Caller: Levi's.

LordKinbote
01-21-2010, 05:25 PM
Caller: My boyfriend is trashing the property.
Me: What color pants is he wearing?
Caller: Levi's.

Well, there's the problem. Ask more relevant questions!

:)

The Cable Guy
01-21-2010, 05:29 PM
Do you ever get to the point where you think every one else in the world is an idiot but yourself?

Whip
01-21-2010, 05:51 PM
Well, there's the problem. Ask more relevant questions!

:)

It is relevant. We need as much of a description as possible for an in-progress crime. :)

dmh3000
01-21-2010, 05:51 PM
I had a guy last week call to report a theft. Apparently, the guy he TWICE admitted that he bought $30 of crack cocaine from didn't give him the product he wanted. I had to advise him of Buyer Beware, while stalling until police got there. He wasn't arrested, though.

Another guy last week called and was freaking out, saying he first had needed medical aid because he didn't want to be a sex offender for having sex with a 17 year old girl. He was 43.

And I think my all-time favorite was the guy calling to ask if Crystal Meth was still illegal.

Man, your job sounds way more interesting than anything I've heard. Only calls I get at EB are mothers yelling because a Wii game won't play in their kid's Xbox.

Whip
01-21-2010, 05:52 PM
Do you ever get to the point where you think every one else in the world is an idiot but yourself?

Everyday.

danlomb
01-21-2010, 06:02 PM
I was hoping for Alabaster Jones.

Nice.

Spank Everest
01-21-2010, 06:59 PM
I swear, some of this stuff sounds like somethin' outta 'It's Always Sunny in Philidelphia'.

Jason Baur
01-21-2010, 07:41 PM
For training with the police department we had to sit with 911 dispatchers for a day. I couldn't believe all the weird people that call in. You ask them for basic information and they never give you exactly what you need. Always going off on some weird tangent that only slows the process down.

Imagine that. It's almost like they're panicking or something.

Dave S.
01-21-2010, 08:24 PM
I am a lifeguard instructor and we have a whole unit we teach on how to call 911.

Whip
01-21-2010, 08:38 PM
Imagine that. It's almost like they're panicking or something.

Rarely are caller's actually panicking.

EdNEMO
01-22-2010, 05:16 AM
When I was in school for Criminal Justice, our Instructor (a lifelong police officer) would talk about something in the textbook for about 5 minutes then spend the next hour or so telling the most gruesome horrifying stories you have ever heard. Most involved depraved acts towards infants, women, and anything else decent. The odd part was hearing some of the recorded information. The majority were the most ignorant, stupid people you have ever heard.

Whip
02-07-2010, 05:05 PM
A caller reported a hit and run today. A Honda Civic hit her Kia Rio. "What decade was that Civic?"

Her answer?

"I don't know, I think it was green."

"No...no. What year do you think the vehicle was?"

"It's February 2010!"




Please, ya'll, DO NOT FEED YOUR CHILDREN PAINT CHIPS.

Kirblar
02-07-2010, 05:07 PM
Please, ya'll, DO NOT FEED YOUR CHILDREN PAINT CHIPS.
Did you see that study that attributed drops in crime rates to lead paint bans?

Whip
02-25-2010, 12:14 AM
Pro-tip: don't call 911 if you're locked up in the back of a squad car. Just...no.

Thomas Mauer
02-25-2010, 01:11 AM
Give us the whole story, Whip. This sounds hilarious.

VitoDGK
02-25-2010, 01:16 AM
To hell with that missing prostitute.

Mr. Sean
02-25-2010, 07:30 PM
Having been both mugged and hit by a car that drove off, im not surprised that people aren't immediately answering the specific questions you ask them. I was shocked that such a terrible thing happened to me, really dazed and honestly probably a little proud i had the presence of mind to immediately dial 911, and trying to remember as many details as possible while trying not to freak the fuck out. Those details were going to come out in the order i remembered them, if i stopped i was afraid id forget it all, much like remembering an unfamiliar set of numbers. imagine i tell you my phone number, punch you, and then ask you what the 4th number in it is. Would you immediately know, or would you have to repeat the whole number while you get your bearings to figure it out?
I get why some of your stories are funny, and i understand we all get desensitized to our "customers", but you might want to rethink your idea that these people are somehow stupid, and not in shock, no matter how calm they sound on the phone.

Magnum V.I.
02-25-2010, 07:32 PM
Having been both mugged and hit by a car that drove off, im not surprised that people aren't immediately answering the specific questions you ask them. I was shocked that such a terrible thing happened to me, really dazed and honestly probably a little proud i had the presence of mind to immediately dial 911, and trying to remember as many details as possible while trying not to freak the fuck out. Those details were going to come out in the order i remembered them, if i stopped i was afraid id forget it all, much like remembering an unfamiliar set of numbers. imagine i tell you my phone number, punch you, and then ask you what the 4th number in it is. Would you immediately know, or would you have to repeat the whole number while you get your bearings to figure it out?
I get why some of your stories are funny, and i understand we all get desensitized to our "customers", but you might want to rethink your idea that these people are somehow stupid, and not in shock, no matter how calm they sound on the phone.

Calling 911 because you are in the back of a squad car or because your hooker is missing is hilarious.

Whip
02-27-2010, 01:11 PM
I get why some of your stories are funny, and i understand we all get desensitized to our "customers", but you might want to rethink your idea that these people are somehow stupid, and not in shock, no matter how calm they sound on the phone.

I'll never blame or make fun of a customer if they're in shock. Never. Don't misunderstand me. I had to stay on the line with a suicidal alcoholic Marine who served in Nam for two hours and coax the address out of him the entire time because he had a .22 caliber under his chin. I also had to talk to a little boy who's mom and dad threw his younger brother out of a window and he couldn't tell me much, if anything, because of his voice quality pretty much going away from the shock. I will NEVER think of those people as stupid. I don't know where you even get the idea from?

Oh, because a woman called 911 because the price of rice in the supermarket went up in value? Yes, I'd get that idea from me ranting about that too, because it's STUPID. She's tying up an emergency line for that bullshit.

Because a guy called 911 from the back of a squad car after he was involved in a DUI accident, coked up and high from meth and wanting me to somehow help him?

Fuck that.

artimoff
02-27-2010, 01:32 PM
I worry for the missing woman.

Whip
02-27-2010, 01:35 PM
I worry for the missing woman.

Our report writers called him back to take a report and he declined. So, I don't know. Maybe she left him, which may or may not be a good thing.

mario
02-27-2010, 01:46 PM
And I think my all-time favorite was the guy calling to ask if Crystal Meth was still illegal.

and? Is it?

Whip
02-27-2010, 01:53 PM
and? Is it?

Sadly, it's still illegal. :-|

HoneyDippinDan
02-27-2010, 02:27 PM
Last week I got a call from a woman who was upset because walked into a gas station bathroom and stumbled upon someone shooting up on heroin. While I'm sure that's disturbing, I'm really unsure what she wanted me to do about it, seeing as how I work for a credit card company.

Yorick Brown
02-27-2010, 02:37 PM
Nobody in this thread made the "I didn't call you at work today!" joke? Nobody? I can't decide if I'm disappointed or impressed.

Whip
02-27-2010, 03:12 PM
Last week I got a call from a woman who was upset because walked into a gas station bathroom and stumbled upon someone shooting up on heroin. While I'm sure that's disturbing, I'm really unsure what she wanted me to do about it, seeing as how I work for a credit card company.


You know, your case isn't rare. I've had a couple of calls forwarded to me by a very nervous/excited Comcast customer service rep, because the customer called them with an emergency. As in, medical/police/fire emergency, not, "My cable isn't working right" emergency.

(Which I never understand why people do that --- it takes me sooooo long to get through to speak to anyone at Comcast).

Also on two separate occasions, someone was on the line with a debt collector or bank or something and made some kind of suicide threats with them. So they were forwarded to us.

ValeriaK
02-27-2010, 05:25 PM
Nobody in this thread made the "I didn't call you at work today!" joke? Nobody? I can't decide if I'm disappointed or impressed.

If anyone is still wondering I got out of that trick car just fine

Jonathan Callan
02-28-2010, 01:04 AM
Also on two separate occasions, someone was on the line with a debt collector or bank or something and made some kind of suicide threats with them. So they were forwarded to us.

That part is very sad.

The comcast incidents, however, are hilarious. I don't even know where to begin asking questions on that one. They must be better organized than me, seeing as I can never find the Comcast number.

RegHorsten
02-28-2010, 01:12 AM
Maybe it was Huggy Bear calling? You should have told him you will put two of your finest officers on the case who go by the monikers of Starsky & Hutch.

Josh V
02-28-2010, 08:04 AM
You know, your case isn't rare. I've had a couple of calls forwarded to me by a very nervous/excited Comcast customer service rep, because the customer called them with an emergency. As in, medical/police/fire emergency, not, "My cable isn't working right" emergency.

(Which I never understand why people do that --- it takes me sooooo long to get through to speak to anyone at Comcast).

Also on two separate occasions, someone was on the line with a debt collector or bank or something and made some kind of suicide threats with them. So they were forwarded to us.

As someone who does tech support for comcast...I'll take a call anyday about a legit emergency over why doesn't my cable work,
"what does your cable box have on the display?"
Nothing
Nothing?"
No there usually is time on the front of my box, but when all my lights went off I lost my cable
"facepalm"

rychehitman
02-28-2010, 08:11 AM
Off topic....

but what in the blue hell is going on with the Cobra and the toddler in the gif in Treacle's sig. line? Holy crap, that is fuc*ed up!

Taxman
02-28-2010, 08:26 AM
...well, he didn't outright call himself a pimp. But it's pretty friggin' obvious.

Well anyway, this dude calls 911, wants to report a missing person. Okay, no biggie, let's get some info.

First he says it's his girlfriend, then he later on his fiancee, then it changes to coworker near the end of convo. Last place he saw her? Getting into a guy's car at a gas station in a specific part of town.

Me: Do you know who that guy is?
Pimp: Not really. He's just a trick.
Me: (FLABBERGASTED) ...A trick?
Pimp: (goes on to explain what a trick means, while I play the fool).
Me: ...So you just let your, uh, fiancee, a PROSTITUTE, get into a trick's car yesterday, you have no idea where they were going, and she hasn't returned yet. Is that correct?
Pimp: Yes.
Me: ...Oooookay. (takes info)
Pimp: She has something I need! Hurry up and find her.
Me: We'll have to contact you.
Pimp: Okay, my number is---
Me: No no, it'll have to be in person.
Pimp: Well, uh...I'm not---I'm at a friend's house now, and he has warrants.
Me: ...Uh huh. So where can the POLICE meet YOU in PERSON?
Pimp: Just contact me on my phone!
Me: They'll have to contact you in person, sir..
Pimp: Okay, contact at me at my P.O. Box!
Me: Sir, they're not going to contact you in person at your P.O. Box!
Pimp: Well, just do a phone report... She needs to be found, quick.
Me: ...Okay.



Sometimes, this job makes me feel like Richard Bey. Where do they find these people?!?!?This is very similar to something which played out in a novel I read recently.

Whip
02-28-2010, 09:13 AM
As someone who does tech support for comcast...I'll take a call anyday about a legit emergency over why doesn't my cable work,
"what does your cable box have on the display?"
Nothing
Nothing?"
No there usually is time on the front of my box, but when all my lights went off I lost my cable
"facepalm"


:rofl:

Whip
02-28-2010, 09:14 AM
This is very similar to something which played out in a novel I read recently.

:mistrust:

Taxman
02-28-2010, 09:47 AM
:mistrust:It does.

Josh V
02-28-2010, 11:07 AM
:rofl:

I think I could fill an entire book full of holy shit are you that stupid calls. I had one where a person was pissed off her wireless wasn't working. When you get shut off for non payment, or don't have the modem registered on the network the customer always gets a screen that says "welcome to high speed internet" So she tells me that her screen only says that, I asked to look up her account. Well I don't have your internet service. Woman was using wireless to steal someone elses network, and that person shut off their service or left. Then she starts arguing with me to activate that person's account. It took me 5 to six minutes to get it through her head that I was not going to do that.

Whip
03-25-2010, 10:16 AM
No, ma'am, sorry. But someone flipping you off cannot be charged with a felony.

Nor can a man blowing smoke outdoors be charged with attempted murder.

Marcdachamp
03-25-2010, 10:24 AM
And I think my all-time favorite was the guy calling to ask if Crystal Meth was still illegal.

Fucking awesome.

TheTravis!
03-25-2010, 10:30 AM
No, ma'am, sorry. But someone flipping you off cannot be charged with a felony.

Nor can a man blowing smoke outdoors be charged with attempted murder.

That last one is a drag. I was put on hold for a long time recently, and wanted to have the person arrested for killing 20 minutes of my life.

capntightpants
03-25-2010, 10:34 AM
Was is it pimp named slickback?

I came here to ask the same thing.

Was it a pimp named "A Pimp Named Slickback"?

Edit: And then I realized this thread happened further back in time.

Whip
03-25-2010, 06:01 PM
That last one is a drag. I was put on hold for a long time recently, and wanted to have the person arrested for killing 20 minutes of my life.


Hah!

Whip
04-21-2010, 04:15 PM
I'm sorry to hear that you're bipolar, schizophrenic, agoraphobic, and disabled, but...

...I cannot quash the $20K warrant you have out for your arrest for failing to appear to court 3 times because of your fourth DUI.

No, not even if you cry and and cry.

Or curse at me and tell me you pay your taxes. (You're supposed to pay your taxes anyway, so you telling me that does not make you a brilliant, unique citizen.)

GET OFF MY PHONE.