Thomas Mauer
06-22-2005, 10:11 AM
A friend forwarded this today. Thought I'd pass it along. :D
OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD
I am writing you with much concern after I read of your hearing to
decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design to be
taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree
that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they
can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to
them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory
of Intelligent Design..
Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent
Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief
that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He
who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly
that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards
evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by
Him.
It is for this reason that I'm writing you today, to formally request
that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the
other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not
agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I'm
sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design
theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory,
as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it
is also based on science, not on faith.
Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a
little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying
Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were
around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several
lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be
surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing.
We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not
substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don't
understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is
older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a
carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75%
of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and
infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the
half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our
scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement,
the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His
Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how
this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course
invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.
I'm sure you now realize how important it is that your students are
taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they
realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying
Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our
beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full
pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this, and
unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I
fear this letter is already becoming to long. The concise explanation
is that He becomes angry if we don't.
You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes,
hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the
shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I
have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the
average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see,
there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between
pirates and global temperature.
In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and
beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this
theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the
teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your
response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken.
I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories
are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and
eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third
time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical
conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.
Sincerely Yours,
Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.
P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain,
trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.
OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD
I am writing you with much concern after I read of your hearing to
decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design to be
taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree
that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they
can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to
them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory
of Intelligent Design..
Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent
Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief
that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He
who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly
that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards
evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by
Him.
It is for this reason that I'm writing you today, to formally request
that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the
other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not
agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I'm
sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design
theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory,
as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it
is also based on science, not on faith.
Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a
little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying
Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were
around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several
lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be
surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing.
We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not
substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don't
understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is
older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a
carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75%
of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and
infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the
half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our
scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement,
the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His
Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how
this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course
invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.
I'm sure you now realize how important it is that your students are
taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they
realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying
Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our
beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full
pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this, and
unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I
fear this letter is already becoming to long. The concise explanation
is that He becomes angry if we don't.
You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes,
hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the
shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I
have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the
average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see,
there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between
pirates and global temperature.
In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and
beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this
theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the
teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your
response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken.
I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories
are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and
eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third
time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical
conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.
Sincerely Yours,
Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.
P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain,
trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.