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fuerstma
01-23-2009, 07:44 PM
On vacation with my girlfriend of two years..

We had each had a number of beverages over the evening, so I mention that I was applying for a position with Sony Entertainment in another state. I mention this because it's cool and I think it would be fun to talk about the possibilities. She seems enthused and interested.

Fast forward hours later, I have to pay "the tax" for this question. Really should have known this was coming..

"So if you get the job, what happens to us?"

I play it completely straight forward, that I think I would move out there, get settled in the job, housing, life, moving states, etc... situation and then we'd see what's shaking. I guess I can see "most guys" saying that means "I am moving the hell out of this state to get away from you, read between the lines" but I have literally never lied or been deceptive to her in 2 years, what you see is what you get (I'm an awful liar and was lied to miserably in my last relationship).

Well, we didn't speak pretty much the rest of the night, in spite of my pleadings "well lets talk about this" and "what I said and mean isn't anything like how you are taking it". I fully realize/understand women to the point that for (most) women, this is a black and white question ("either you're taking me with you or you aren't") but I naively expected something better.

She's been asleep next to me for a half hour now while I aimlessly surf using the hotels Internet.

Sigh.

That is all.

Ryan Elliott
01-23-2009, 07:46 PM
Got some bedsheets? Got a window above the second story?


You know what to do.

SpecialK
01-23-2009, 07:49 PM
This better have been the first message board you thought of!

Ryan Elliott
01-23-2009, 07:50 PM
This better have been the first message board you thought of!


I'd imagine, short of a personal blog, it's the only message board you could post something like this and it NOT get locked before the second post.

MAK15
01-23-2009, 07:51 PM
who the hell are you know?

/(. . )/
01-23-2009, 07:54 PM
So, you want to break up.

Benel Germosen
01-23-2009, 07:55 PM
People don't like honesty if it fucks up their high.

People don't like a lot of things if it fucks up their high. Happiness is such a value commodity to people that they would sacrifice anything to get it.

Which is why I hate people.

bradical
01-23-2009, 07:56 PM
congratulations!

Garth
01-23-2009, 07:59 PM
Got some bedsheets? Got a window above the second story?


You know what to do.

Hang himself?

Steve Marshall
01-23-2009, 07:59 PM
Got some bedsheets? Got a window above the second story?


You know what to do.

Bonus points if you hum the Mission: Impossible theme while you do it.

Ryan Elliott
01-23-2009, 08:00 PM
Hang himself?


What the fuck?! ESCAPE you morbid bastard! Escape! Jesus...:-x















:twisted:

Garth
01-23-2009, 08:02 PM
What the fuck?! ESCAPE you morbid bastard! Escape! Jesus...:-x















:twisted:

It was better then what my first thought was...hang her.

thatguyfromsyracuse
01-23-2009, 08:02 PM
Yeah, sounds like maybe you should talk about this when you aren't drunk.

THWIP!
01-23-2009, 08:02 PM
I love this message board. No Drama. :)

bradical
01-23-2009, 08:04 PM
Yeah, sounds like maybe you should talk about this when you aren't drunk.

maybe you should talk about this when you're not drunk.

Garth
01-23-2009, 08:05 PM
Yeah, sounds like maybe you should talk about this when you aren't drunk.

Fuck that. Then we wouldn't have threads like this. Welcome to the board, fuerstma. Keep on drinking and keep on posting.

Ryan Elliott
01-23-2009, 08:14 PM
It was better then what my first thought was...hang her.


Hahaha.

PeterSparker
01-23-2009, 08:17 PM
maybe you should talk about this when you're not drunk.

Exactly. A guy posts the exact moment his relationship just ended, and syracuse is trying to put the kibosh on him talking about it. The man said "brutal honesty" alright, so pipe down and let the rest of us enjoy his misery like normal human beings, ok.


My question is, why say this on the vacation? You should be having drunk, sloppy, vacation sex tonight. You should've told her once you got back home bro.

Dreaded Anomaly
01-23-2009, 08:19 PM
Do you two live together? (I'm asking because of "either you're taking me with you or you aren't," which makes it sound to me like there's some kind of cohabitation going on.)

If not, I can see the options being: discuss doing the long-distance thing (which gets a :dead: from me, personally), or trying to find her a job in your new location, if she's not too attached to her current one. What does she do (if anything)?

(Of course, I'm approaching this from the rational, problem-solving perspective of the male gender, which probably wouldn't endear you to her at all, since many women don't appreciate that for whatever mystical reasons they have.)

HOOKS
01-23-2009, 08:22 PM
On vacation with my girlfriend of two years.. blah blah I mention that I was applying for a position with Sony Entertainment in another state blah blah "So if you get the job, what happens to us?" blah blah we didn't speak pretty much the rest of the night blah blah She's been asleep next to me for a half hour now while I aimlessly surf using the hotels Internet.

Bad timing, dude.

Vacation time = happy fun sex time.

Home time = hey I might get a job outta state let's fight about it and either you move with me even though we're not married or we break up and we angst about it until one of us (probably you) ends up sleeping with some random person and I hate you for the rest of my life.

Ben
01-23-2009, 08:31 PM
Ah yes, another one of those "I'm just so honest, and people can't take it!" guys...

Kirblar
01-23-2009, 08:39 PM
"So if you get the job, what happens to us?"
I think she's anxious about the status of your relationship with good reason. You've been together for two years, so to me, it's almost like she's asking- "Are you going to propose, or will this end the relationship?"

I AM GROOT!
01-23-2009, 08:41 PM
When all else fails...

http://www.corrupt.org/drupal/files/images/noose.jpg

lonesomefool
01-23-2009, 08:46 PM
I can understand why she is upset, but by that same token women tend to take the "status" of their relationship way too fucking seriously at times.

But hell, you are talking to a guy who has yet to meet someone he couldnt leave behind quite easily, be it a woman or a friend, so the hell if I know what I'm talking about ;)

Ultimate Dead Cap
01-23-2009, 10:19 PM
People don't like honesty if it fucks up their high.

People don't like a lot of things if it fucks up their high. Happiness is such a value commodity to people that they would sacrifice anything to get it.

Which is why I hate people.


Its not like she's in denial. They've been together along time and it hurts especially when you don't show a lot of emotion. A relationship isn't built on facts and when you drop a cold fact and don't follow it with much else...well you have to show that you are feeling, you can't let the person assume. I don't think she was hording a commodity of happiness. He just didn't say the right thing...honesty is good, but you don't deserve a merit badge or some kind of points for it.


Ah yes, another one of those "I'm just so honest, and people can't take it!" guys...

yea, honesty does not = sensitivity, sympathy, empathy or caring. Its fact. You got to put some humanity into it man.

Treacle
01-23-2009, 11:18 PM
Perhaps she was upset because you surprised her?

I mean, not only are you applying to a job in another state, but your future plans don't necessarily have her in them.

If she was thinking everything was groovy in the relationship, it was probably shocking to hear that you're considering a life without her.

Omission is a form of dishonesty too...

Treacle
01-23-2009, 11:20 PM
I can understand why she is upset, but by that same token women tend to take the "status" of their relationship way too fucking seriously at times.

But hell, you are talking to a guy who has yet to meet someone he couldnt leave behind quite easily, be it a woman or a friend, so the hell if I know what I'm talking about ;)

Dude, it's two years.

That's 24 months you never get back again.

Unless you have the elixir of life or something, it's worth taking seriously.

costello
01-24-2009, 04:50 AM
I'm confused... you're brutally honest about what? What was your answer to her question?

I've had this same conversation with my girlfriend (now wife), except she was thinking about getting a job that required a lot of traveling. What could I do but support her? We spend so much of our lives working we'd better love our jobs. But I asked the same question your girlfriend did.

But seriously, who the hell was I to keep someone from pursuing happiness? Even if the conversation was pure fantasy, not supporting her would mean her dream meant less than my control over her.

costello
01-24-2009, 04:51 AM
I can understand why she is upset, but by that same token women tend to take the "status" of their relationship way too fucking seriously at times.

But hell, you are talking to a guy who has yet to meet someone he couldnt leave behind quite easily, be it a woman or a friend, so the hell if I know what I'm talking about ;)

Damn. You're cold.

noble
01-24-2009, 05:00 AM
Sony?

You'd leave a relationship of two years to START at a company who are in the process of massive layoffs and record losses?

Ummm...

I...I got nothing.

costello
01-24-2009, 05:06 AM
Sony?

You'd leave a relationship of two years to START at a company who are in the process of massive layoffs and record losses?

Ummm...

I...I got nothing.

I thought that too, but it doesn't matter. The damage is done. What could've been averted if alcohol wasn't in the mix wasn't.

Hey guy, I hope this works out the way you want it to, but regardless, in the next relationship you have NEVER talk about anything under the influence unless it's bubblegum pie for all those involved.

Masculine Todd
01-24-2009, 05:16 AM
I fully realize/understand women to the point that for (most) women, this is a black and white question ("either you're taking me with you or you aren't") but I naively expected something better.

That's incredibly ignorant.

Sorry about the girl troubles, but seriously? "Most girls?" Do most guys play football and grunt and chop wood with their level heads? Ugh.

costello
01-24-2009, 05:23 AM
That's incredibly ignorant.

Sorry about the girl troubles, but seriously? "Most girls?" Do most guys play football and grunt and chop wood with their level heads? Ugh.

He's also drunk... for whatever it's worth... if anything.

Masculine Todd
01-24-2009, 05:26 AM
He's also drunk... for whatever it's worth... if anything.

That only make his wood-chopping abilities stronger.

lonesomefool
01-24-2009, 05:27 AM
Dude, it's two years.

That's 24 months you never get back again.

Unless you have the elixir of life or something, it's worth taking seriously.

No, I understand all of that, but I mean some women are constantly worried about "where the relationship is going" and what their actual relationship "status" is.

I get not wanting to waste 2 years of your life, but by that same token I dont get the men and women who constantly feel the need to know "where this relationship is going".

Masculine Todd
01-24-2009, 05:28 AM
I can understand why she is upset, but by that same token women tend to take the "status" of their relationship way too fucking seriously at times.

Can you give us some more stats from that poll of the entire women populace of Earth you obviously partook in? For instance, I hear women also like to look pretty.

noble
01-24-2009, 05:30 AM
Wait...guys can chop wood?

Why wasn't I told!?!

Masculine Todd
01-24-2009, 05:36 AM
Wait...guys can chop wood?

Why wasn't I told!?!

Only Superman.

lonesomefool
01-24-2009, 05:36 AM
Damn. You're cold.

Yeah, pretty much. Which I really dont have much problem with, to be quite honest. I'm not the kind of guy who is gonna be in constant contact with his friends and texting them all the time and calling them all the time. I'm not the most open guy.

But, hey, I'm fine with that. The vast majority of it comes from the way I grew up I suppose, but if it hasnt changed by now, it isnt anytime soon.

lonesomefool
01-24-2009, 05:40 AM
Can you give us some more stats from that poll of the entire women populace of Earth you obviously partook in? For instance, I hear women also like to look pretty.

Oh, I dont think it's the entire female populace by any stretch of the imagination, but I do think women think of their relationship status more than guys do. I mean, how many guys do you hear "fuck, I wish she would get around to asking to marry me".

That isnt to say us men have the right view on that, but I dont think their is any denying that women tend to place more focus and attention on their relationships than most men do.

And really, that isnt to defend this guy, he fucked up. Big time. This wasnt the time or place to drop a bomb like that in any stretch of the imagination. Part of being a general success when it comes to relationships in life is to know when the time is to pick the battles and when it's best to let sleeping dogs lie for awhile. He should have waited until they werent on a vacation or something like that.

Troy Boyle
01-24-2009, 05:44 AM
Well, I mean...duh. Did you just crawl out of the cracker box? You drop a alcohol-laced atom bomb on the poor girl and you DON'T think she's going to get upset? You didn't even offer up, "Sweet! You can come with me, because I love you, of course!"???? Either you don't really want her to go, or you're thick.

Masculine Todd
01-24-2009, 05:47 AM
Oh, I dont think it's the entire female populace by any stretch of the imagination, but I do think women think of their relationship status more than guys do. I mean, how many guys do you hear "fuck, I wish she would get around to asking to marry me".

I know many men who worry about gauging the girl to decipher if she wants marriage because he does. I know many women who don't ask such things.


That isnt to say us men have the right view on that, but I dont think their is any denying that women tend to place more focus and attention on their relationships than most men do.

I'm denying it right now. Your views and ideological perspectives on relationships are not dictated by your genitalia or socially-established "gender role."

Troy Boyle
01-24-2009, 05:51 AM
Your views and ideological perspectives on relationships are not dictated by your genitalia or socially-established "gender role."

I don't mean to be argumentative, but my views and ideological perspectives are totally dictated by my genitalia. Well, really all my thoughts are dictated by my genitalia. In fact, I think all my thoughts originate in my genitalia.

Masculine Todd
01-24-2009, 06:01 AM
I don't mean to be argumentative, but my views and ideological perspectives are totally dictated by my genitalia. Well, really all my thoughts are dictated by my genitalia. In fact, I think all my thoughts originate in my genitalia.

That's a pity.

costello
01-24-2009, 06:04 AM
I can understand why she is upset, but by that same token women tend to take the "status" of their relationship way too fucking seriously at times.


No, I understand all of that, but I mean some women are constantly worried about "where the relationship is going" and what their actual relationship "status" is.

I get not wanting to waste 2 years of your life, but by that same token I dont get the men and women who constantly feel the need to know "where this relationship is going".


Oh, I dont think it's the entire female populace by any stretch of the imagination, but I do think women think of their relationship status more than guys do. I mean, how many guys do you hear "fuck, I wish she would get around to asking to marry me".

That isnt to say us men have the right view on that, but I dont think their is any denying that women tend to place more focus and attention on their relationships than most men do.

And really, that isnt to defend this guy, he fucked up. Big time. This wasnt the time or place to drop a bomb like that in any stretch of the imagination. Part of being a general success when it comes to relationships in life is to know when the time is to pick the battles and when it's best to let sleeping dogs lie for awhile. He should have waited until they werent on a vacation or something like that.

I see where you're coming from, but I'm going to just add to a few things you're writing.

1. The "constant need to know where the relationship is going" isn't a girl thing. It's a thing. My wife, who's a very strong independent woman, never needed to know where the relationship was going. She never needed it defined.

2. People have control issues. Some people need affirmation just to feel a sense of control. Other people NEED to BE in control at all times, and they could give two shits what their partner wants to do in their life. I've seen men and women do this. Some of the women seemed more "needy" I guess you would say, but some men were "domineering." Some men became downright abusive because the woman was going to be furthering her career or her happiness and the man was either afraid he'd be left in the dust or afraid that he'd appear weak because his girlfriend or wife was more successful or happy.

Like I wrote, this isn't an absolute. I almost ruined my current relationship because I was needy and my wife (girlfriend at the time) needed some space.

3. I agree with you on that numbers don't matter when it comes to happiness. So... you feel you might have wasted two years of your life if you break up now? Well what about the years ahead that you might live in misery because you, your loved one, or both of you aren't happy because you're not doing what you need to do to feel fulfilled.

Now, I see this on the side of the person in the relationship. I'm not saying this as someone trying to persuade a married woman to sleep with him because "numbers don't matter." I see it as if a relationship is doomed... like there's no way it can possibly be salvaged, then it doesn't matter if you've been together for a super long time, you need to call it quits. That doesn't mean people aren't douches and they could've talked things out years ago and saved their relationships, but if the bridges are burned, they're burned.

costello
01-24-2009, 06:05 AM
I don't mean to be argumentative, but my views and ideological perspectives are totally dictated by my genitalia. Well, really all my thoughts are dictated by my genitalia. In fact, I think all my thoughts originate in my genitalia.

Name some of your favorite comic books.

costello
01-24-2009, 06:06 AM
Either you don't really want her to go, or you're thick.

Did your genitalia thinking mind subconsciously slide this word in because you're thinking of girth? :)

costello
01-24-2009, 06:11 AM
I'm denying it right now. Your views and ideological perspectives on relationships are not dictated by your genitalia or socially-established "gender role."

Yeah, I think he's off too. I know plenty of career minded women that put their effort into their jobs because of the fun and excitement. They'd gladly relocate. Some have broken off relationships due to the move. Others have made both the job move and relationship work out. Other women have buckled and did what the man wanted to do.

All relationships where there wasn't compromise and the woman's goals/dreams were stifled ended badly.

Troy Boyle
01-24-2009, 06:11 AM
Okay...uhhh...favorite comics - really I like graphic novels and don't go in for the serials (they never end and dead people come back all the time). I liked Sin City, Arkham Asylum, Maus, Watchmen, Mr. Punch, Moebius' Silver Surfer. A lot more but those are the biggies.

But seriously, this guy was a full-on douche for announcing his career decision without a single disclaimer or word of comfort. She's righteously indignant because he even APPLIED for it without discussing it.

"Hey honey, I signed up for that Mars shoot last year and guess what? They hired me, I lift off next week - back in three years. Kiss kiss."

Brewtown Andy
01-24-2009, 06:14 AM
she's righteously indignant because he even applied for it without discussing it.qft.

Mr. E!
01-24-2009, 06:17 AM
I don't mean to be argumentative, but my views and ideological perspectives are totally dictated by my genitalia. Well, really all my thoughts are dictated by my genitalia. In fact, I think all my thoughts originate in my genitalia.

So, you're saying that you're a dick? ;)

I don't think we can take this discussion much further until he logs back on and we get some details...
How old is the woman? If she's in her early or mid 20's, this is her prime time. She's got to know if he's going to stick around.
How serious is the relationship? Have they discussed marriage? Is it a possibility?
Does he want her to go with him?
Did they have sex before the conversation? Because short of angry brake-up sex, no sex is better than freaky hotel sex that you don't have to clean the room up after.

Troy Boyle
01-24-2009, 06:20 AM
So, you're saying that you're a dick? ;)


NO! Well, er...yes. :twisted:

Mr. E!
01-24-2009, 06:30 AM
NO! Well, er...yes. :twisted:

Welcome to the board, btw!

Troy Boyle
01-24-2009, 06:40 AM
Thanks, Rob. I've been on for awhile, but I don't frequent it much. Every once in awhile I pop on and make fun of Bendis' taint. It's a hobby.

Buk Was Right
01-24-2009, 10:40 AM
Dude.

There are easier ways to break up with a girl than to take a job in another state.

Who's really being honest here?

Buk Was Right
01-24-2009, 10:42 AM
qft.

Seconded.

WillieLee
01-24-2009, 10:43 AM
I think what he's saying is that if you live in Michigan there's a chick looking for action now.

Len Snark
01-24-2009, 10:48 AM
I don't mean to be argumentative, but... I think all my thoughts originate in my genitalia.

This thread sounds like an emo song and this is the chorus.

Okay, I just wanted to see if Todd would take the bait here and start discussing music. Fair. But let's be honest, we all know the OP wants to break up with the gal and is being kind of cavalier/drunk, so why not? Note to Todd: do not read this section.

costello
01-24-2009, 10:50 AM
Okay...uhhh...favorite comics - really I like graphic novels and don't go in for the serials (they never end and dead people come back all the time). I liked Sin City, Arkham Asylum, Maus, Watchmen, Mr. Punch, Moebius' Silver Surfer. A lot more but those are the biggies.

But seriously, this guy was a full-on douche for announcing his career decision without a single disclaimer or word of comfort. She's righteously indignant because he even APPLIED for it without discussing it.

"Hey honey, I signed up for that Mars shoot last year and guess what? They hired me, I lift off next week - back in three years. Kiss kiss."

The fact that you like Maus and your penis comment reminded me of my retarded brother. He has had a crush on Anne Frank since he read the play in English class. So much so that my mom walked in on him beating his meat to Anne Frank's picture in his textbook.

iGotKittyPryde
01-24-2009, 11:52 AM
Oh, I dont think it's the entire female populace by any stretch of the imagination, but I do think women think of their relationship status more than guys do. I mean, how many guys do you hear "fuck, I wish she would get around to asking to marry me".


Social convention tends to prevent ladies from asking men that question. It's one of the many ancient male/female interactions that seem out-dated but in situations of marriage and relationship women are reluctant, by and large, to ask the question. If not, I'm sure there'd be plenty of men wondering if a girl they were seeing would propose and similarly if a girl they'd met would ask them out.

Not every man is a commitment-phobe. I'd be quite pleased to find someone and settle down.

And also, I'll add that in terms of the original problem... I think it's entirely rational that she was worried about a long term relationship and the possibility of it ending. And when drunk is really not the time for such things, because both of you are going to be less rational. Plus, there's something to be said for her thinking you might be keeping it from her, due to you only telling her once it was drunk enough to come out.

Give her a little time and hopefully you can have a reasonable discussion about it. Is she worth staying for? Is she worth bringing along? Is this just one of those long term relationships that's on a holding pattern because there's been no good reason to end it? It wholly depends on your status and situation what you should do, but you also have to understand she probably needs time to process those same questions.

DaGetHighKnight
01-24-2009, 12:17 PM
Where are you on vacation?

c. page
01-24-2009, 12:26 PM
Only Superman.

or drunk people.

i'm going off to have some shots and chop some wood!

Masculine Todd
01-24-2009, 12:54 PM
This thread sounds like an emo song and this is the chorus.

Okay, I just wanted to see if Todd would take the bait here and start discussing music. Fair. But let's be honest, we all know the OP wants to break up with the gal and is being kind of cavalier/drunk, so why not? Note to Todd: do not read this section.

What the fuck is "emo?"


or drunk people.

i'm going off to have some shots and chop some wood!

Pssh. You have to if you want to keep that penis, Chris.

Treacle
01-24-2009, 01:34 PM
What does "qft" mean?

iGotKittyPryde
01-24-2009, 01:37 PM
What does "qft" mean?

Quoted for truth.

Treacle
01-24-2009, 01:41 PM
Quoted for truth.

Okay. Thanks!

Bald Steve
01-24-2009, 04:06 PM
Look at the bright side: It'll be over if you get the gig and move to L.A. together anyway (I'm presuming that's where the Sony job is). The over/under on couples who stay together after moving here is about six months. I don't know of a single exception to this. Even if you don't have the plums to boot her through the uprights before hitting the bricks, this town gobbles up young, happy out-of-town couples like the tax man - Think of it as part of the 8%.