FUCK! My nephew was 'touched inappropriately' by my brother's father in law...

[Shwicaz]

Shit. My brother and I were both molested. We don't put up with that shit.

My brother just called to tell me that on Easter Sunday, he and his wife and son went over to his wife's parents house for a party.

My nephew went downstairs to get a soda and play with a slot machine they have.

About an hour later, they were leaving. My brother said his son was very rigid, wasn't saying anything, and when his wife's father came over to say goodbye, my nephew just ran out of the house without saying anything.

Along the ride from Mass. to Maine (my nephew lives with his mom during the week up there, and my brother gets weekend custody), he said his son wasn't talking, and there were tears in his eyes. He didn't want to talk about anything.

About an hour after he dropped off his son, he got the call from his ex-girlfriend. He could hear his son crying hysterically in the background, and she said that he was touched by David's wife's father.


He said he was down in the basement at the slot machine, and K.'s dad came by and started rubbing his shoulders asking 'does that feel good?'.

He always gives these massages to everyone, apparently, so my nephew didn't think it was out of the ordinary.

Then, his hands moved down to his armpits and sides and he asked "are you ticklish?", as he tickled him.

My nephew was ticklish, and started laughing and squirming. This guy then stuck his fucking hands down my nephew's pants and said "are you ticklish down here too? Oh you are big!".

My nephew froze, and then this man's adult daughter came down the stairs. He ran to her and clutched at her, and even she noticed that 'not all was normal' with him.


The party was at this guy's house, surrounded by his family, including my brother's wife, who is this guys' daughter. My nephew didn't say anything because he didn't want to cause a scene, (he knows the background on what happened to me and my brother, and was afraid if he said something there, my brother would kill this guy....and believe me he would).

My brother went home and spoke to his wife and told her 'My son says your father touched him while he was downstairs.' and proceeded to tell her the story.

She flipped out and called my nephew a liar. My brother then went to the family's house to confront this guy. He walked right in and said "Why is my son calling me to say that you touched him. What happened?"

This guy says "This is very serious accusation. I could go to jail!". Which is weird that that was the first thing he said, as opposed to 'What are you talking about? I didn't do anything, etc."

Now, my brother and his wife live in an apartment complex. The sister lives next door, and the father is always over there. The whole entire family has called my nephew a liar. My brother's marriage is about to break up, and he calls me up and asks me what I would do if I were him.

He spoke to his ex=girlfriend as well as his son, and his son is willing to take a lie detector test and talk to the police about it, but he doesn't want to go to court. His mom says that going back and forth to discuss this with police/DA/lawyers/court will be disruptive to him due to the long distance, and she saw what happened with my brother and me and how it affected us. She doesn't want that for her son.

My brother feels if he doesn't act, then he will be showing his son that he doesn't believe him. If he does act, he will be losing out on his wife, his business, and a place to live.

I told him that Matthew and I have a spare room we don't use that is empty of all furnishings, and he was welcome to it anytime.

He also asked me to call his son, as he really respects me and likes me and may say things to me that he wouldn't tell his dad.

I am at a fucking loss. This cycle doesn't seem to end. It's like a kick in the fucking heart. The kid is 16 years old, a virgin who has never gone beyond 'making out' with a girl.

And he thinks that nobody believes him, and is also afraid that because he said something my brother's marriage is going to split up. That's a lot of shit to carry.

Damn. I don't know what the fuck to do.

My advice to my brother was to talk to the police--not necessarily press charges right now, but ask questions, and let them know what is going on. My brother is afraid by just talking to the police wheels will be set in motion that he has no control over.

I told him that his marriage looked like it was already over (she has taken pictures of them off the walls and asked him 'what do you plan on doing in April' when their rent is due.)

I told him the longer he waits, the tougher it will be to prove/investigate later. That he had to act now, no matter what the consequences or the outcome.

I feel like shit.

[ScottishGreenLantern]

I have to say that the best thing to do is not the easiest.

Your Brother HAS to support his son. No ifs and no buts. If the rest of the family want to act like nothing happened then that is there loss and they are arseholes.

I hope your brother and nephew are ok.

[Jim.]

Your Nephew is 16? I woulda beat this guys ass if that happened to me at 16. I also would have caused a scene.

[JoeE]

Fuck that asshole's family. Your brother has to go with his son.

[nihilance]

That is horrible Ron. The son definitely needs to understand that he is believed by his father...but I think maybe he is old enough to help his father make the decision of how to proceed. Since this was a one time thing and not an ongoing molestation, perhaps the impact on him will be quite different than it was for you and your brother.

[artimoff]

Sounds like that whole family needs a kick in the ass.

[Fourthman]

I have to say that the best thing to do is not the easiest.

In fact, it's almost always the hardest.


Your Brother HAS to support his son. No ifs and no buts. If the rest of the family want to act like nothing happened then that is there loss and they are arseholes.

I hope your brother and nephew are ok.

Ditto.

[dEnny!]

This is one of my fears, not that a family member would touch my son this way, but someone at daycare or when he goes to school...I'd go ballistic. My son is SOOOO freakning nice and even tempered and an absolute joy. I know most parents would say the same thing, but he's just so laid back and cool, I'm not sure where he gets it from, but if anyone ever hurt my boy I'm not sure how far I'd go to make it right.

I'm so sorry Ron.

[Akira]

That's beyond fucked up. It's a tough decision, but I think your brother has to support his son. A potential divorce and having to crash with Uncle Ron for a little while are nothing compared to what he may feel if he thinks no one believes him.

[Drkemerld73]

I have to say that the best thing to do is not the easiest.

Your Brother HAS to support his son. No ifs and no buts. If the rest of the family want to act like nothing happened then that is there loss and they are arseholes.

I hope your brother and nephew are ok.

Agreed.

[PatrickA]

Does the son get along with the wife?

I hate to even ask, but it seems like the logical question to me, especially given the background.

[Masculine Todd]

Jesus. What a terrible situation for both your nephew (the victim) and your brother (who's entire life is falling apart). I'm so sorry and I hope for the best (whatever that may be in such circumstances).

[ClintP]

Your Nephew is 16? I woulda beat this guys ass if that happened to me at 16. I also would have caused a scene.

No kidding. I thought this was a small child or something. He must be really calm tempered or something. Sorry to hear about this Ron. That sucks for sure.

[Gregory]

Is there a reason why no one has called the cops yet? The sooner, the better for an easier prosecution.

[ClintP]

This is one of my fears, not that a family member would touch my son this way, but someone at daycare or when he goes to school...I'd go ballistic. My son is SOOOO freakning nice and even tempered and an absolute joy. I know most parents would say the same thing, but he's just so laid back and cool, I'm not sure where he gets it from, but if anyone ever hurt my boy I'm not sure how far I'd go to make it right.

I'm so sorry Ron.

If someone touched my kid or my wife, I would cut their fucking balls off.

[greg donovan]

i dont know all the circumstances but my gut says that your brother and his son need to get away from that family. asap. wives are supposed to believe thier husbands and have thier backs when shit like this happens.

if the father-in-law did this last weekend who else has he done it to?

[Andres Pacheco]

I think his son definitely comes first. He really needs to feel his dad's support.

That really sucks, I'm sorry your family has to go through this again.

[Shwicaz]

Does the son get along with the wife?

I hate to even ask, but it seems like the logical question to me, especially given the background.


they don't have the best relationship, but I don't see why after 11 years of it my nephew would say something like this if it wasn't true.

My nephew has been over this guy's house thousands of times in the past 10 years and never had anything bad to say about him, not once.

[RegularJoe]

my brother gets one dry, no explanation-needed fire a day with his taser. just sayin'.

[saymama]

if he boy is that old, I would ask him what he would perfer to do. sometimes the trauma of court proceedings is too much regardless of age. at this age, i would think that he is old enough to say that he could choose to just stay away. then secretly plot an ass kicking!

[costello]

This sucks. Screw the family and press charges.

Maybe I feel this way because I was beat by my mom's boyfriend, she didn't stick up for me, and my dad and stepmother wanted me to do the Christian thing and forgive him. No one stood up for me and that definitely made a lasting impression.

There are lines you simply do not cross.

[Shwicaz]

Is there a reason why no one has called the cops yet? The sooner, the better for an easier prosecution.


My brother went up to Maine to visit his son last night. He wanted his son's input on how he wanted to proceed. Then he spoke to his therapist, my mom, and then me (in that order). Today he is going to see his therapist again. She advised him to talk to DSS. I advised him to go to the police.

The ball is in his court now.

[Bill Nolan]

He should definitely support his son. But at 16, it's a tough call, cops-wise. It's not same the type of sexual assault as it would be with someone 15 or younger, but a (for lack of a better word) standard unwanted sexual advance, if I'm reading the age of consent law correctly. Especially given that the two parties involved aren't related, if I'm understanding the family dynamic in your first post. But your brother should definitely support his son, and completely detaching himself from that family would be my suggestion.

[ScottishGreenLantern]

The cool thing is that he knows you are there to support him and put a roof over his head if necessary.

That's got to be some help.

[costello]

No kidding. I thought this was a small child or something. He must be really calm tempered or something. Sorry to hear about this Ron. That sucks for sure.

You'd be amazed how some people react in fucked up situations.

[PatrickA]

they don't have the best relationship, but I don't see why after 11 years of it my nephew would say something like this if it wasn't true.

My nephew has been over this guy's house thousands of times in the past 10 years and never had anything bad to say about him, not once.

That makes it more weird, not less. All of a sudden the grandfather does this? (I don't mean that effects the truth or not in the situation. I mean if the "grandfather" did do it that makes it even more weird on his part. What the hell, you know?)

Look, your perspective on this is understandably skewed. He's your nephew and those other people are your brother's in laws. They don't mean anything to you and he (rightfully and understandably) does. Plus, apparently your brother and you have a history with this type of situation.

I don't know your nephew or anyone involved. I don't know if he is telling the truth or not. I don't know if he is a great kid or not.

From a purely dispassionate standpoint it could go either way. The story is just a bit bizarre.

And you and your brother, of course, have to side with your nephew. I'm sorry for everyone involved.

[Gregory]

From a purely dispassionate standpoint it could go either way. The story is just a bit bizarre.

Which is why the police need to be called. The matter needs to be investigated to determine who's telling the truth.

[cPol]

If nothing is done, there's no telling who else he's allowing it to happen to.

[nihilance]

That makes it more weird, not less. All of a sudden the grandfather does this? (I don't mean that effects the truth or not in the situation. I mean if the "grandfather" did do it that makes it even more weird on his part. What the hell, you know?)
I agree. For some reason the way the story played out in the first post I was under the impression that this was the nephew's first exposure to this guy...not that he had been around him forever and that this happens out of the blue. No wonder the rest of the family is having a hard time believing it.

[COTE]

i'm surprised your brother didn't lose his mind and claim temporary insanity, especially after it had happened to the both of you when you were younger. If it was me, i'd have probably killed him on the spot, but if i had made it out of the initial confrontaiton without violence i would press charges and explain to my son the importance of standing up for yourself, even if you can't or are afraid to do it when the bad event happened, but at least in court to send this guy away, where he can have a nice cell mate to molest him.

[nihilance]

Which is why the police need to be called. The matter needs to be investigated to determine who's telling the truth.

Well in all fairness...the police are not the most objective or subtle in handling anything...let alone suspected homo-pedophelia. If for some reason the grandfather is innocent in all this, the accusation and fanfare alone will ruin his life (and that of his family's) no matter what the final verdict is. Treading lightly and using weighted caution is extremely prudent.

[PatrickA]

Yeah, thats sorta my point.

Everyone is jumping on the "that family needs a kick in the ass" bandwagon but from their perspective (one assumes) this has got to look like some kid who doesn't want his dad married to their sister/daughter anymore and so is making up horrible stuff in order to break up the marriage.

If my sister's step son accused my father of molesting him, I'd say the kid was lying.

That's what makes this situation even more horrible (either way). Double ugh, man, that sucks.

[Gregory]

Well in all fairness...the police are not the most objective or subtle in handling anything...let alone suspected homo-pedophelia. If for some reason the grandfather is innocent in all this, the accusation and fanfare alone will ruin his life (and that of his family's) no matter what the final verdict is. Treading lightly and using weighted caution is extremely prudent.

Some outside party has to investigate, if just to get the truth from either lying party quicker.

[nihilance]

Yeah, thats sorta my point.

Everyone is jumping on the "that family needs a kick in the ass" bandwagon but from their perspective (one assumes) this has got to look like some kid who doesn't want his dad married to their sister/daughter anymore and so is making up horrible stuff in order to break up the marriage.

If my sister's step son accused my father of molesting him, I'd say the kid was lying.

That's what makes this situation even more horrible (either way). Double ugh, man, that sucks.

Yeah the nephews account sounds a lot more convincing if he were much younger. I just find it hard to imagine a 16 year old guy allowing a old man to tickle him after a shoulder massage...it doesn't seem like things should have ever gotten to the "ticklish down there" part. And the fact that it's out of the blue after a decade of knowing the guy...just seem really strange.

I honestly don't feel like I know enough about the nephew in this situation to make an intelligent call.

[Bill Nolan]

let alone suspected homo-pedophelia.

Again, the victim in this case is 16, so that phrasing does not fit. And is kind of inappropriate to begin with, I think...

[Ethan Van Sciver]

I would like the right to kill kid-touchers indiscriminately. This is horrible.

[nihilance]

Some outside party has to investigate, if just to get the truth from either lying party quicker.

Oh yeah...you are right...that's what makes it such a tough call. Honestly...the more I think about it, the more I'm finding it hard to believe the nephew's story at face value.

[Rafiennes]

This is one of my fears, not that a family member would touch my son this way, but someone at daycare or when he goes to school...I'd go ballistic. My son is SOOOO freakning nice and even tempered and an absolute joy. I know most parents would say the same thing, but he's just so laid back and cool, I'm not sure where he gets it from, but if anyone ever hurt my boy I'm not sure how far I'd go to make it right.

I'm so sorry Ron.

So there with you.
Any reports of child abuse of any kind used to make me very angry. But now that i've got a son of my own any reports of abuse make me go apeshit.

I'd say make sure the nephew doesn't have any contact with the alleged (sorry to call him that, but...) until it can be determined if there was something that indeed happened.

And if it did, then this guy needs to be put away in a cell with a horny cellmate who likes cornhole.

[nihilance]

Again, the victim in this case is 16, so that phrasing does not fit. And is kind of inappropriate to begin with, I think...

Yeah...I don't see Sgt. Donut seeing the nuance in the situation.

[Tigershark]

It would seem an important question has not yet been asked to the nephew..........Has this happend prior????


The nephews reaction seems a bit intense to a "made up" story.
Unless the nephew has a some severe mental problems...or a history of lying??

If this has happened prior...why has the nephew taken now to react???

Getting older...more intested in girls...being confused.....tired of this still happening.


The fact that he said the Grand father said..."your big down there." Seems like a wierd thing to "make up" and tell your parents.


Professionals should get involved to clear this up.

And for the family to ALL be outraged...seems a bit..." I think thou doest protest to much".

Usually where there's smoke there's fire.


I hope this can be worked out in the best sense.

[Doug]

I would like the right to kill kid-touchers indiscriminately. This is horrible.

I agree with Ethan. Kid-Touchers are, in my mind, the worst kind of criminal.

In this particular case I think a third party needs to find out what went down. I'm inclined to believe the victim, but I don't know everything.

Ron, my best wishes to your nephew and brother.

[ScottishGreenLantern]

At this stage there are no nuances. An allegation has been made and refuted - next stop police for a proper investigation.

All the while the 16 year old CHILD should be protected and reassured they have done nothing wrong - at this stage.

[Foolish Mortal]

Again, the victim in this case is 16, so that phrasing does not fit. And is kind of inappropriate to begin with, I think...
16 is not an adult. He's still legally a minor. And don't assume that just because someone is in their teens has the same emotional and rational maturity as an adult.

[Bill Nolan]

The age of consent in Mass. is 16. I'm not saying they're "adults" but calling this child abuse is not correct under Mass. law. And "pedophile" gets thrown around far too casually these days when it historically referred to people attracted to pre-pubescent children. And adding "homo" to the term is a bit on the offensive side.

[Foolish Mortal]

How I would handle the situation is if I 100% believed my son was telling the truth, and I'm not getting straight answers from the father-in-law, then I would immediately cut off all contact with him until I do. And warn him that if he attempts to contact me, and it's not to tell the truth, then I will put the police on his ass.

[SgtPepper]

Perhaps the grandfather should have a mental exam, perhaps this is sign of dementia.

[Foolish Mortal]

The age of consent in Mass. is 16. I'm not saying they're "adults" but calling this child abuse is not correct under Mass. law. And "pedophile" gets thrown around far too casually these days when it historically referred to people attracted to pre-pubescent children. And adding "homo" to the term is a bit on the offensive side.
Okay, lets take 'homo' out. You do have a point. And if you don't want to call it 'Child Abuse', that's fine too.

But, 'Molestation' is against the law, regardless of age.

[Shwicaz]

all of you have very valid points.

Is my nephew telling the truth? Don't know. But, when I was 15 year old being molested, I got the 'no, doug wouldn't do that." from neighbors/friends/and people in law enforcement who knew him.

If fucking sucks to have something like that done to you and have people not believe you.

As far as 'this being the first time seems weird' because they have been together tons of times...well, my stepfather didn't touch me for 15 years, but then suddenly, one day he did.

Again, I am sort of biased, but I can't say for sure what is what. That is why I asked my brother to talk to the police as well as continue with his therapist about it. I also think it might be good for the kid to see a counselor as well.

Until this is investigated and we know for sure, I am more inclined to agree with my own family (much like my brother's wife is inclined to agree with her own family).

The difference is, my brother is trying to tread lightly and work this out, while his wife wants to throw him out of the house and refuses to even discuss it.

It's a tough position for him to be in.

My nephew asked my brother if I was gay because my step-dad molested me. He then asked if something like this would 'make' him gay because of it.

That doesn't sound to me like someone who would make up a story. It sounds like a scared kid who doesn't quite know what is going on.

Again, I have to wait till all the facts are in, but until I know, I will be supportive of my nephew.

[Bill Nolan]

Okay, lets take 'homo' out. You do have a point. And if you don't want to call it 'Child Abuse', that's fine too.

But, 'Molestation' is against the law, regardless of age.

Yeah, but it probably won't get him the "hard time" people on here are demanding.

[ScottishGreenLantern]

Best of luck, man.

[nihilance]

all of you have very valid points.

Is my nephew telling the truth? Don't know. But, when I was 15 year old being molested, I got the 'no, doug wouldn't do that." from neighbors/friends/and people in law enforcement who knew him.

If fucking sucks to have something like that done to you and have people not believe you.

As far as 'this being the first time seems weird' because they have been together tons of times...well, my stepfather didn't touch me for 15 years, but then suddenly, one day he did.

Again, I am sort of biased, but I can't say for sure what is what. That is why I asked my brother to talk to the police as well as continue with his therapist about it. I also think it might be good for the kid to see a counselor as well.

Until this is investigated and we know for sure, I am more inclined to agree with my own family (much like my brother's wife is inclined to agree with her own family).

The difference is, my brother is trying to tread lightly and work this out, while his wife wants to throw him out of the house and refuses to even discuss it.

It's a tough position for him to be in.

My nephew asked my brother if I was gay because my step-dad molested me. He then asked if something like this would 'make' him gay because of it.

That doesn't sound to me like someone who would make up a story. It sounds like a scared kid who doesn't quite know what is going on.

Again, I have to wait till all the facts are in, but until I know, I will be supportive of my nephew.

Yeah...it does sound like your nephew is genuine. Is he really meek or something? He seems a bit socially undeveloped for his age.

[justjeffery]

I'd put money that they have all been told this before. This isnt the first time he's done it... but they can make it his last.

Fuck the marriage, the wife, the family, the apartment.. fuck all of it. A man has to protect his son... and it doesnt sound like he's making shit up for no reason. He's clearly affected by it, he's clearly willing to stand up and say what happened... fuck the ramifications... go for the guy. File the report. Who gives a fuck if he could go to jail... who gives a fuck if it pisses his family off... no one gave a fuck that he's grabbing on a 16 year old.. so fuck the whole bunch of them.

Sorry, im getting angry...

The right thing isnt gonna be the easy thing... but it will probably be the best thing for his son. He deserves the piece of mind of knowing that his father believes him and will do what is needed to take care of him.

OR

How about you and I take a road trip? I think we BOTH have some long pent up frustration regarding similar incidents that we could work out by beating the dog fuck out of a sorry ass old man...

[Shwicaz]

Yeah...it does sound like your nephew is genuine. Is he really meek or something? He seems a bit socially undeveloped for his age.


Yes, he is very meek. And his mom keeps him pretty sheltered up there. When he comes down to visit he is always amazed at the things he sees and hears down in the city.

[Shwicaz]

I'd put money that they have all been told this before. This isnt the first time he's done it... but they can make it his last.


My brother said he found it weird that when he accused the guy/asked him about what happened, they guy's wife was next to him and she suddenly burst into tears before the guy even responded.

[Foolish Mortal]

Yeah, but it probably won't get him the "hard time" people on here are demanding.
Getting a "molester" label plastered on you is very much like a life sentence.

[nihilance]

Yes, he is very meek. And his mom keeps him pretty sheltered up there. When he comes down to visit he is always amazed at the things he sees and hears down in the city.

That settles it for me then. Just like a hyena will pick the young or sick from the herd, a sex predator tends to go for victims that they see as easy targets that will put up little to no fight.

[ClintP]

My brother said he found it weird that when he accused the guy/asked him about what happened, they guy's wife was next to him and she suddenly burst into tears before the guy even responded.

That is pretty telling right there. I would be more shocked then teary eyed if I heard an accusation like this about my spouse. The crying seems like they knew something like this has happened before.

[justjeffery]

My brother said he found it weird that when he accused the guy/asked him about what happened, they guy's wife was next to him and she suddenly burst into tears before the guy even responded.

bingo.

They've been through it before.

He needs to take the hard step, got with his son and file the report. The sooner the better.

[ClintP]

Getting a "molester" label plastered on you is very much like a life sentence.

That label should tattooed in your forehead if nothing else if you did something like that.

[Deej]

He should definitely support his son. But at 16, it's a tough call, cops-wise. It's not same the type of sexual assault as it would be with someone 15 or younger, but a (for lack of a better word) standard unwanted sexual advance, if I'm reading the age of consent law correctly. Especially given that the two parties involved aren't related, if I'm understanding the family dynamic in your first post. But your brother should definitely support his son, and completely detaching himself from that family would be my suggestion.

WHAT??

[Bill Nolan]

WHAT??

What "what"...? The kid is above the age of consent, so it's not "child molestation" but just a "sexual assault" charge of some kind. Not sure how those typically play out in MA, so I can't speak as to the level of seriousness this would get in the legal system (felony vs. misdemeanor). Yes, it sucks. Yes, I believe everything this kid is saying. But the circumstances here are not the same as in Ron and his brother's cases in the eyes of the law.

Edited to add: Yes, the cops COULD be involved, but I'm just questioning whether the end result would be satisfying enough to Ron's brother and nephew to be worth the effort. Just getting out of the family completely would likely be the same result but without the disappointment in the legal system.

[nihilance]

My brother said he found it weird that when he accused the guy/asked him about what happened, they guy's wife was next to him and she suddenly burst into tears before the guy even responded.

Yeah...that's a pretty damning detail not to include in the initial post. That shows a clear clue that this wasn't an out of the blue type thing.

[Bill Nolan]

Can I just say, for the record, that I'm not in any way defending sexual predators. What happened was wrong. What happened was illegal. It shouldn't be ignored. I'm just saying Ron's brother needs to take the actions which are best for his son, and there are various factors involved in that decision.

[Drkemerld73]

My nephew asked my brother if I was gay because my step-dad molested me. He then asked if something like this would 'make' him gay because of it.

Poor kid. Sounds like he is a world of hurt right now and is very confused by what went down. He needs the love and support of his family more than anything right now. I'm sure you'll be able to help him through it as best as you can.


That is pretty telling right there. I would be more shocked then teary eyed if I heard an accusation like this about my spouse. The crying seems like they knew something like this has happened before.

Agreed.

Edited to add: All contact should be cut off from this man.

[Foolish Mortal]

That is pretty telling right there. I would be more shocked then teary eyed if I heard an accusation like this about my spouse. The crying seems like they knew something like this has happened before.
In any case, this should indicate that any and all contact with the father-in-law should be cut off now and indefinitely.

[Doug]

My brother said he found it weird that when he accused the guy/asked him about what happened, they guy's wife was next to him and she suddenly burst into tears before the guy even responded.

That seems pretty damning right there.

I applaud your brother for not just punching his father-in-law in the face. If anything like this happened to one of my sons I don't think I'd be able to control my anger.

[PatrickA]

My brother said he found it weird that when he accused the guy/asked him about what happened, they guy's wife was next to him and she suddenly burst into tears before the guy even responded.

Aw man. Ugh. :sad:

[Shwicaz]

Yeah...that's a pretty damning detail not to include in the initial post. That shows a clear clue that this wasn't an out of the blue type thing.

sorry, I was just typing out my feelings, there are other things I probably didn't include either, like the family now trying to say that my nephew joked that he was going downstairs to get a beer (were they were trying to impy he was drunk?)

My nephew said he did say that, but he was just joking.

Then the sister said "he always says how much he hates tour wife"

Dave jr. did say "yes, on a few occasions about 2 years ago, I did say I though she was always riding me and I hated her for it to her sister, but I was like 14 years old then."


He was pretty honest and didn't deny saying it, which I thought was a point in his favor, because if he was just lying to 'break up the marriage', then he probably would deny he ever said anything like that, as it could be used against him later.

Thanks for all your thoughts gang, both pro and con.

It's not an easy issue. Will keep you posted as to what happens.

[nihilance]

sorry, I was just typing out my feelings, there are other things I probably didn't include either,

Totally understandable Ron. My thoughts are with you, your brother and his son.

[Kingsumo]

Wow Ron. I am so truley and deeply sorry to hear that, and my condolences go out to your family on this.

Given how you described the situation and your nephew, I totally believe his side of the story, and it will be important to him that your brother does as well.

Nothing I can really say beyond that, that has not already been pointed out in the previous posts, but I agree that your brother should cut off all contact with the wife's family. It sounds like there was other issues going on, and the fact that she would just automatically call the son a liar, rather then even humor the notion, is pretty well indicative of her feelings. Even if it all comes out as true (i.e. the grandfather confesses) the in-laws will still blame your nephew, it there will always be that wedge there.

Personally, I think the cops should be involved too.. Even though MA law labels your nephew as above the age of concent, the fact is the man should still be flagged as a sexual offender, in the hopes it does not happen again. However, more storngly then that, I feel that this should be fully laid out to the kid, and let him have the final decision.



Can I just say, for the record, that I'm not in any way defending sexual predators. What happened was wrong. What happened was illegal. It shouldn't be ignored. I'm just saying Ron's brother needs to take the actions which are best for his son, and there are various factors involved in that decision.

I knew where you were coming from man, and you did raise a lot of good points, even if they were not exactly popular.

[Kirblar]

Yeah, something needs to happen here.

I think the best thing you can do here, because of your perspective on it, is just allay his fears on the "will this make me gay" thing. Might be worth explaining the victim->abuser cycle when this stuff goes unreported, to make him feel better about his decisiion to tell everyone about it.

At this point, I think you probably do need to go to the police. This doesn't appear to be a one-time incident, and your brother's marriage is done. There's really no coming back from this, as she refused to defend her stepchild.

[wh park]

Do what's best for your nephew. Based on your story I'm not sure if this person is the boy's grandfather or the father of his step-mother. It's fucked up either way, more so if it's an actual relation IMO.

I hope things work out and that your nephew is able to be ok as best he can after this.

[Taki Soma]

Shit. My brother and I were both molested. We don't put up with that shit.

My brother just called to tell me that on Easter Sunday, he and his wife and son went over to his wife's parents house for a party.

My nephew went downstairs to get a soda and play with a slot machine they have.

About an hour later, they were leaving. My brother said his son was very rigid, wasn't saying anything, and when his wife's father came over to say goodbye, my nephew just ran out of the house without saying anything.

Along the ride from Mass. to Maine (my nephew lives with his mom during the week up there, and my brother gets weekend custody), he said his son wasn't talking, and there were tears in his eyes. He didn't want to talk about anything.

About an hour after he dropped off his son, he got the call from his ex-girlfriend. He could hear his son crying hysterically in the background, and she said that he was touched by David's wife's father.


He said he was down in the basement at the slot machine, and K.'s dad came by and started rubbing his shoulders asking 'does that feel good?'.

He always gives these massages to everyone, apparently, so my nephew didn't think it was out of the ordinary.

Then, his hands moved down to his armpits and sides and he asked "are you ticklish?", as he tickled him.

My nephew was ticklish, and started laughing and squirming. This guy then stuck his fucking hands down my nephew's pants and said "are you ticklish down here too? Oh you are big!".

My nephew froze, and then this man's adult daughter came down the stairs. He ran to her and clutched at her, and even she noticed that 'not all was normal' with him.


The party was at this guy's house, surrounded by his family, including my brother's wife, who is this guys' daughter. My nephew didn't say anything because he didn't want to cause a scene, (he knows the background on what happened to me and my brother, and was afraid if he said something there, my brother would kill this guy....and believe me he would).

My brother went home and spoke to his wife and told her 'My son says your father touched him while he was downstairs.' and proceeded to tell her the story.

She flipped out and called my nephew a liar. My brother then went to the family's house to confront this guy. He walked right in and said "Why is my son calling me to say that you touched him. What happened?"

This guy says "This is very serious accusation. I could go to jail!". Which is weird that that was the first thing he said, as opposed to 'What are you talking about? I didn't do anything, etc."

Now, my brother and his wife live in an apartment complex. The sister lives next door, and the father is always over there. The whole entire family has called my nephew a liar. My brother's marriage is about to break up, and he calls me up and asks me what I would do if I were him.

He spoke to his ex=girlfriend as well as his son, and his son is willing to take a lie detector test and talk to the police about it, but he doesn't want to go to court. His mom says that going back and forth to discuss this with police/DA/lawyers/court will be disruptive to him due to the long distance, and she saw what happened with my brother and me and how it affected us. She doesn't want that for her son.

My brother feels if he doesn't act, then he will be showing his son that he doesn't believe him. If he does act, he will be losing out on his wife, his business, and a place to live.

I told him that Matthew and I have a spare room we don't use that is empty of all furnishings, and he was welcome to it anytime.

He also asked me to call his son, as he really respects me and likes me and may say things to me that he wouldn't tell his dad.

I am at a fucking loss. This cycle doesn't seem to end. It's like a kick in the fucking heart. The kid is 16 years old, a virgin who has never gone beyond 'making out' with a girl.

And he thinks that nobody believes him, and is also afraid that because he said something my brother's marriage is going to split up. That's a lot of shit to carry.

Damn. I don't know what the fuck to do.

My advice to my brother was to talk to the police--not necessarily press charges right now, but ask questions, and let them know what is going on. My brother is afraid by just talking to the police wheels will be set in motion that he has no control over.

I told him that his marriage looked like it was already over (she has taken pictures of them off the walls and asked him 'what do you plan on doing in April' when their rent is due.)

I told him the longer he waits, the tougher it will be to prove/investigate later. That he had to act now, no matter what the consequences or the outcome.

I feel like shit.

wow, I'm so sorry... for you, your brother and his son.

[dasNdanger]

Yeah, you have to support your nephew.

Something like this happened to someone I know when he was about that same age, working at Wendy's. The manager came up behind him as he was working, and grabbed and fondled him. He was humiliated and traumatized. I don't think he ever told his folks, and it was back before this sort of stuff was made public. But he came through it okay, realizing that there was something wrong with the manager, and not him.

I think the most important thing to get across to him is that it is NOT his fault. The fault lies in the abuser, and that this guy has twist in his personality or mentality that makes him do shit like this...the man's fault all the way, not your nephew's.

Poor kid. Rotten bastard.

das

[t00lverine]

There's also a duty/ responsibility to make sure this guy doesn't inappropriately touch anyone else in the future to consider.

[Fourthman]

Based on your story I'm not sure if this person is the boy's grandfather or the father of his step-mother.

The latter - otherwise the thread title would have said 'Grandfather'.

[amy]

My opinion is skewed, i will admit, because I was sexually abused by someone who was considered upstanding and "would never do that." He knew I wouldn't be believed and I would be accused of being a vindictive child. I mentioned it to one person and that's what happened. I never spoke of it again and suffered in silence for years. It ended when I took drastic measures to protect myself. Finally as an adult after a lot of therapy and with the support of my then boyfriend, I addressed the situation as an adult with the person who needed to be aware of it the most. It was the hardest thing of my life and sometimes it still affects me for reasons I won't go into now.


My point is that your brother has to show his son he believes him and will stand by him while this is sorted out. By not doing so will cause so much more residual problems for the him in the long run aside from the effects of the inappropriate advances. Your brother has to stay level headed and it sounds like he is doing just that. It's going to be a long hard road and I feel for both of them. My gut says the man has done it before, but that's not for me to decide. I suggest a family counseling session with your brother, nephew and his mother to decide where to go from here but I strongly encourage them to involve the authorities to keep this guy from hurting others and giving your nephew the resolution he is going to need to move forward.

He trusts you, Ron. Give him a call or have him come stay for a few days. Just let him know you're there for him but don't pressure him to talk about it. Some space from his parents will do him some good right now.

My thoughts are with them.

[Gunter]

Damn Ron, I'm sorry.

It looks like all the good advice has already been covered, so I have nothing really to add to that. I'll just wish the best for you and your family in this horrible situation.

I also think your nephew is fortunate to have an uncle who loves him, and cares for him as much as you do.

[jason hissong]

I'm so sorry, Ron. This is way out of my experience, but I'd like to add my thoughts and concerns for you and yours.

[I AM GROOT!]

Oh my God, that's horrible. :(

Seriously, those situations are never easy, but your nephew's physical and mental health is the most important thing here. Your brother needs to do what's best for his son.

[Khrutch]

I am so sorry man; they need to file a complaint with the authorities immediately and get his sorry butt arrested.

I have no tolerance for child molesters. If anyone ever touched either of my boys I would call the cops myself and tell them they better get to him before I do or they’ll be arresting me because I would do what I felt was necessary to make it right.

I don’t think there is anything that makes me angrier than a child molester.

:mad:

[DaGetHighKnight]

Fuck man, Id take him to the court of the Eastman Bat Company and plead my case over and over again on his head until it resembled chunky jello.

[justjeffery]

Fuck man, Id take him to the court of the Eastman Bat Company and plead my case over and over again on his head until it resembled chunky jello.

Thats what im talking about. Some fucking old school, gravel road ass whoopin street justice! The guy that raped me is dead, and i never got to pound the fuck out of him, but this guy sounds like a GREAT outlet for my agression.

[Fourthman]

Thats what im talking about. Some fucking old school, gravel road ass whoopin street justice! The guy that raped me is dead, and i never got to pound the fuck out of him, but this guy sounds like a GREAT outlet for my agression.

Much love for ya man. But I have to point out; there's one phrase in the above post that everyone stops on and rereads and then rereads again before finishing the post.

[Shwicaz]

My opinion is skewed, i will admit, because I was sexually abused by someone who was considered upstanding and "would never do that." He knew I wouldn't be believed and I would be accused of being a vindictive child. I mentioned it to one person and that's what happened. I never spoke of it again and suffered in silence for years. It ended when I took drastic measures to protect myself. Finally as an adult after a lot of therapy and with the support of my then boyfriend, I addressed the situation as an adult with the person who needed to be aware of it the most. It was the hardest thing of my life and sometimes it still affects me for reasons I won't go into now.


My point is that your brother has to show his son he believes him and will stand by him while this is sorted out. By not doing so will cause so much more residual problems for the him in the long run aside from the effects of the inappropriate advances. Your brother has to stay level headed and it sounds like he is doing just that. It's going to be a long hard road and I feel for both of them. My gut says the man has done it before, but that's not for me to decide. I suggest a family counseling session with your brother, nephew and his mother to decide where to go from here but I strongly encourage them to involve the authorities to keep this guy from hurting others and giving your nephew the resolution he is going to need to move forward.

He trusts you, Ron. Give him a call or have him come stay for a few days. Just let him know you're there for him but don't pressure him to talk about it. Some space from his parents will do him some good right now.

My thoughts are with them.


thank your for sharing your experience.

I've been through the 'he would never do that' from people, and wow it was so shocking to me.

[DaGetHighKnight]

Thats what im talking about. Some fucking old school, gravel road ass whoopin street justice! The guy that raped me is dead, and i never got to pound the fuck out of him, but this guy sounds like a GREAT outlet for my agression.


Oh hell yeah. Anything else wouldnt even be an option for me.

[justjeffery]

Much love for ya man. But I have to point out; there's one phrase in the above post that everyone stops on and rereads and then rereads again before finishing the post.

The run on?

I never got to beat the daylights out of him... that sounds a little better...

[JoshM]

Hey Ron,

Have you considered reporting the crime yourself? Why or why not?

[Shwicaz]

Hey Ron,

Have you considered reporting the crime yourself? Why or why not?

Because it isn't my business, I wasn't there.

I am only involved insofar as my brother told me what happened with his son.

My brother is taking his time to gather facts and information in his own way and whatever decision that is made about this I feel should be between him and his son.

If they want to pursue this, I will support them.

If they don't want to pursue this, I will support them.

But I don't feel that I, someone who only has heard second hand information, would be able to give specifics to the police.

I don't even know where his wife's father lives, what his name is, etc.

It wouldn't be my place, no matter how I felt about the issue.

[amy]

Because it isn't my business, I wasn't there.

I am only involved insofar as my brother told me what happened with his son.

My brother is taking his time to gather facts and information in his own way and whatever decision that is made about this I feel should be between him and his son.

If they want to pursue this, I will support them.

If they don't want to pursue this, I will support them.

But I don't feel that I, someone who only has heard second hand information, would be able to give specifics to the police.

I don't even know where his wife's father lives, what his name is, etc.

It wouldn't be my place, no matter how I felt about the issue.

I think you're taking the right approach as hard as it is on all levels.

[amy]

thank your for sharing your experience.

I've been through the 'he would never do that' from people, and wow it was so shocking to me.


That was a very hard post for me to write but I wanted to share how important it is for your brother and those close to your nephew to be supportive. Had that one person I talked to taken me seriously my life and my outlook on some things would be completely different today. I wouldn't have as hard of a time trusting people and letting them in my heart and head as I do now. The physical stuff I've gotten over, but the mental and emotional effects still sneak up on me from time to time. I don't want that for your nephew or any child.

[Master Jack Rabbitt]

That's so horrible, Ron. :(

Best of luck to you, your brother, and your nephew.

[justjeffery]

That was a very hard post for me to write but I wanted to share how important it is for your brother and those close to your nephew to be supportive. Had that one person I talked to taken me seriously my life and my outlook on some things would be completely different today. I wouldn't have as hard of a time trusting people and letting them in my heart and head as I do now. The physical stuff I've gotten over, but the mental and emotional effects still sneak up on me from time to time. I don't want that for your nephew or any child.

We're SO on the exact same page...

[amy]

We're SO on the exact same page...

I'm sorry we have this in common but it is a bit comforting to know there are peers who know exactly what I'm talking about. I have nobody like that in real life and it hinders me from opening up about it.

[Chris McCarver]

That is one of the single most unconscionable things I've ever heard.

Ron, I wish nothing but the best for you, your brother, and especially your nephew. Good luck with both barrels, man.

[luvVWbug]

All I can tell you is to support, love, and be there for your nephew. Be sure your nephew knows he can trust you, go to you, and that you are on his side no matter what. If I felt that someone was on my side I probably wouldn't have the trust issues I am dealing with and I will admit I am now a bit of a control freak. I have to be in control of situations, arrangements, and my therapist says its very likely because I lost control when I was younger. I don't know if I am making any sense but its my two cents.

[danlomb]

fuck, man. hope your nephew's alright.

it's always hardest when 'trust' becomes an issue with loved ones

[Rantz]

There is nothing worse after your parents split up than thinking for a second that one of your parents does not 'have your back'

16 is a tough time... you know you are *supposed* to be hip, cool, mature, etc. but most of the time you've got hormones going overdrive and are a seething mass of insecurities. A lot happens to you psych-wise in the high school years.

And I can totally understand the kid's reaction. I mean, there's already tension between the wife and the son, and he;s old enough to know that an accusation like that might cause tension/problems in the marriage and most kids, if they love their folks, don't want their parent to be unhappy or go through problems because of THEM. So, it's a bit paralytic... here's this 'family member' doing something flat out WRONG... and what does the kid do? in his head a million fucked scenarios are running through his head, none of them with a good result.

I worked for four years with victims of sexual abuse (many of them who suffered it at the hands of friends or extended family between the ages of 11 and 17) and while most kids know 'that's not right, I should stop it', almost across the board there is so much fear, shame and hurt involved when someone they are supposed to TRUST crosses the line that should never be crossed, that they just CAN'T react.

It's good you are there for your brother and his son... I agree 100% with those who are advising bringing an external party in to investigate. And your brother's wife? If she is his WIFE, even if it is shocking or an element of disbelief for her, she should understand a.) this is his CHILD and b.) as a couple they should be working TOGETHER, not making threats of walking out. To me as a father right there, that's the line that SHE shouldn't cross and she's made your brother's choice for him. At this point, how can he ever really trust HER?

it's a fucked situation man. I wish your brother, nephew and you strength and courage in going forward, and the best of luck and prayers be with you.

[Marcdachamp]

Fuck, Ron. Just a terrible situation.

On one hand, I find it surprising that at 16 your nephew didn't break the guy's hand, but I really don't know what your nephew is like. He sounds like a timid kid. 16 is different for everyone. I'm only 22, but I know that I'm a lot less naive than I was 6 years ago. I was pretty shy myself.

Your brother's wife sounds like a piece of shit. Now, yeah, it's her father, but you should stand by your spouse. I understand this must be hard, but throwing the prospect ofg a divorce is really just fuel on the fire.

[Ashwin Pande]

Count me in with the group that wants to curb stomp this guy's ass.

Fucking scum.

I'm sorry that you and your family have to go through this. Nobody should.

[Shwicaz]

UPDATE:

Well, my brother is moving a large portion of his shit out the condo.

My brother sat her down and said "this is my son. You say what he said is a lie. That my son is lying. Now, if this was OUR son, (not my son from another woman)and he came to us and said what happened, would you believe him?"

she said "Nope."

She then said that she didn't want my brother's son at their place. (my brother only gets to see his son on weekends), and she is 'forbidding' him from coming down.

So, they reached an impasse. She says my brother's son is a liar. He says her dad is a liar.

So, he is moving a bunch of his shit out to a storage unit this weekend.

She is out of work, and hasn't bothered to look for a job, figuring my brother will support her.

My brother is now looking for a small apt. of his own. He plans on putting his shit in storage, getting a small apartment for himself, and paying 3 months in advance for the place that he and his wife live in.

He figures is he continues to pay her rent while all this goes on, it can only work to his benefit in the end, in case she tries to pull the 'he just abandoned me' shit.


She then said she wanted to have a meeting with my brother's therapist alone tonight. The therapist agreed, but she told my brother that before she speaks to her she is going to make her sign a waiver saying that whatever she discusses with my brother's therapist, the therapist is allowed to mention it.

The therapist feels that if dave's wife talks about 'the incident', then that will serve as corroboration of the accusations. and since karen will have signed a form saying that the therapist is free to discuss what she says, then the therapist can use that as (2) people talking about the abuse (one main person, and one other person as a backup/corroborator), and the therapist will give the info/story/accusations to DSS where an investigation will be launched. As well as get it in the hands of the authorities.

My nephew has a meeting w/ my brother's therapist as well (making that 3 people who have mentioned this incident). My brother is also paying for a therapist for his son up in Maine, where the kid lives.

So, shit is happening.

slowly.....


...but it is happening.

[Marcdachamp]

Damn, Ron. Hope everything works out for the best. I guess I see where the wife is coming from, but sometimes you have to at least hear things out that you might not want to. And stand by your husband for fuck's sake.

[CapnChaos]

All the lives that are being hurt by him... it's so very sad. Good luck to your brother and nephew.

[jenifu]

oh, god, ron.
how awful.
but it sounds like things are proceeding in a way that will ultimately be to the benefit of both your nephew and your brother, in terms of their long-term emotional health. it's no doubt agonizing to hear such a charge levelled at your father; but i cannot imagine flat-out refusing to even contemplate or discuss the situation if my husband came forward, presented a testimony like your nephew's, and tried to initiate a rational discussion. it may be a painful transition, but...it sounds like your brother will be better off without her.
and for what it's worth - i can't think of anyone i'd rather have in my corner while i tried to navigate something like this than you.

[Glixy]

Sorry man, that is horrible. Hope it works out as much as something like this can work out.

[eroz]

Wow..........that sucks.


I'm not an attorney, but wouldn't the continued payments that your brother is going to make for his wife's rent be used against him later, If it reaches to divorce proceedings and she is requesting alimony.