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Gail Simone
02-25-2008, 02:00 AM
Okay. I love Powers, I love Bendis, I love the Powers Letters column.

But do you think Brian ever asks me, Gail Simone, the 247th most beloved writer in comics (if you count Christopher Priest and Jim Owsley as two) to take over his letter column for a month?

NO!

Stand-up comics? Sure. Some girl who offered to sleep with his mailbox? Absolutely.

But not Gail Simone, writer of such titles as GIRLS OF PRAYER and DADPOO and some others I can't recall right now, but one of them might have been THE MARVELOUS ADVENTURES OF GUSTY BEAVER.

The unfairitude!

Is it possible that he is afraid Gail Simone will be SO brilliant and wonderful that people will say to him the following month, "HEY! We want more of that STUPID lady!"

That's what I think would happen.

So this is my fake Powers Letters Column to show I can stand with the Big Boys. The Bald Boys. The Big Bald Big Boys!

Keep in mind I'm several months behind in my reading because I haven't picked up my comics in ages, so any answers to any questions about the current storyline will be really, really cool.

Make Yours Marty! Excelisyphillus!

PUT QUESTIONS HERE!

Gail Bendis

BENDIS!
02-25-2008, 02:02 AM
you are my favorite black comic creator.

Blandy vs Terrorism
02-25-2008, 02:03 AM
When will we see some girl on girl action with Deena and the new Retro Girl?

Gail Simone
02-25-2008, 02:07 AM
you are my favorite black comic creator.

HOW DO YOU TYPE WHEN YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY HOLDING SOMETHING* IN ONE HAND LIKE THAT? THAT IS AMAZING. IT IS SERIOUSLY AMAZING HOW YOU TYPE WITH ONE HAND, WHILE HOLDING SOMETHING IN THE OTHER.**








*YOUR PENIS



** THAT "SOMETHING" IS YOUR PENIS

Gail Simone
02-25-2008, 02:10 AM
When will we see some girl on girl action with Deena and the new Retro Girl?

I DON'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT MYSELF AND THE AWARDS I HAVE, BUT I HAVE A LOT OF AWARDS.

HERE IS SOMETHING A GUY SAID ABOUT ME ON A WEBSITE.

"Bendis is...good...book...lengthy...seems able to...write...variety...soup."

I EDITED IT.

BENDIS

Blandy vs Terrorism
02-25-2008, 02:11 AM
What are your thoughts on Van Damme movies?

Blandy vs Terrorism
02-25-2008, 02:15 AM
Have you ever eaten a Hot Dago?

Blandy vs Terrorism
02-25-2008, 02:16 AM
I thought the slash fiction you did with Paste Pot Pete and Wonder Man was great.

Gail Simone
02-25-2008, 02:17 AM
IMPORTANT BENDIS NEWS!

BENDIS' CAT WILL BE APPEARING IN THE

I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER DEFINITIVE COLLECTION

THIS CAT ("MR. SNUGGLES") WILL BE APPEARING IN A PHOTO. HE WILL LOOK LIKE HE IS SMOKING A DOOBIE BUT IT IS JUST A JUICE BOX STRAW. HE WILL HAVE A CAPTION. "DAVE IZNT HEAR, MAN!"

THE PHOTO WILL BE FOLLOWED BY EXTENSIVE NOTES, AUTHOR'S COMMENTARY, AND DEVELOPMENT SKETCHES, PLUS I DREW A CARTOON OF MUTTLEY FROM WACKY RACERS.

29.95, printed on glossy batwings

Blandy vs Terrorism
02-25-2008, 02:17 AM
Going back to Deena and Retro Girl, will they every do a donkey show?

Blandy vs Terrorism
02-25-2008, 02:18 AM
Ten bucks says this thread actually ends up being a POWERS lettercolumn at some point. Hell, all Bendis does for it these days is copy and paste threads from the board in there.

Gail Simone
02-25-2008, 02:27 AM
What are your thoughts on Van Damme movies?

I HAVE DONE OVER TWELVE THOUSAND ISSUES OF ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN WITH ARTIST HUGH BEAUMONT.

THE DEFINITIVE ULTIMATE HUGH BEAUMONT

Thrill to the stories that you loved the first time when Stan Lee wrote them, but now the villains have like, armor and shit!

Awesome Beaumont action AS YOU LIKE IT and man ALIVE that's a lot of web fluid on Peter's bedsheets. Wait, are we sure that's webfluid? How come it's all crusty like that? I swear to god, his bedsheet looks like a photo negative of a dalmation's coat. Why is that gym sock standing up on its own? When I look at it through a microscope, it has a little civilization on it.

Over four thousand pages of author's notes, commentator's comments, and grocery lists will be included. Also, look for the webfluid variant edition, but don't leave it in your car on a hot day.

29.95, printed on old issues of HOT N' JUICY Magazine

Gail Simone
02-25-2008, 02:29 AM
Have you ever eaten a Hot Dago?

RECOMMENDED: DAVID MAMET

Mr. Brian Mamet.

Mr. B. David Michael Mamet.

Mrs. David Brian Bendis-Mamet.

Ms. D. B. Mamet-Bendis-Mamet.

Ms. Brian Michael Bendis Mamet 4 EVER!

Gail Simone
02-25-2008, 02:33 AM
I thought the slash fiction you did with Paste Pot Pete and Wonder Man was great.

I WISH I COULD TALK ABOUT "SECRET PROJECT!"

"SECRET PROJECT" MAY BE THE BEST THING I'VE WRITTEN AT MARVEL. "SECRET PROJECT" WILL CHANGE THINGS FOREVER.

I'VE DECIDED NOT TO DO "SECRET PROJECT."

Gail Simone
02-25-2008, 02:37 AM
ULTIMATE AUTHOR'S COMMENTARY

3007 pages of scribbles, doodles and notes. Here's just an excerpt!

"Spidey--should fight someone? WHAT IF THE SOMEONE HAD STRENGTH?!?!?"

and

"Hawkeye--something happens with EROS? What if he SHOOTS his EROS at someone? What if SOMEONE WAS FAST LIKE WOOOOSH!?!?!"

And that's just a SAMPLE!

As a special bonus, story will be included, space permitting!

29.95 Printed on Glondo paper, or Shplondo, or some other 'ondo'

Gail Simone
02-25-2008, 02:38 AM
I could totally do this. I don't know why he hasn't asked me.

It's probably jealousy.


Gail

Blandy vs Terrorism
02-25-2008, 02:43 AM
Do you like George Wendt?

Bryan H
02-25-2008, 02:43 AM
The fact that you started this with a Priest joke makes you more awesomer.

Blandy vs Terrorism
02-25-2008, 02:43 AM
Do you like potatoes?

Blandy vs Terrorism
02-25-2008, 02:44 AM
Would you like to see a movie featuring George Wendt eating potatoes?

Gail Simone
02-25-2008, 02:47 AM
Ten bucks says this thread actually ends up being a POWERS lettercolumn at some point. Hell, all Bendis does for it these days is copy and paste threads from the board in there.

ED BRUBAKER TALKS TO ME. HE SOMETIMES SAYS WORDS, AND I WILL SAY WORDS BACK. THEN SOMETIMES HE WILL SAY WORDS BACK AND I GET A WARM STIRRING, LIKE BEING SPANKED FOR MONEY.

HA! HA! IT IS LIKE ED BRUBAKER AND BENDIS ARE FRIENDS!

Gail Simone
02-25-2008, 02:47 AM
Do you like George Wendt?

YOU ARE BANNED.

ALSO, N'SYNC IS DOING SOMETHING.

Rick America
02-25-2008, 03:29 AM
YOU ARE BANNED.

Perhaps that should be next summer's big event: "The Boys in the Banned"?

Ashwin Pande
02-25-2008, 03:31 AM
I love this.

If I had an image of a boy hugging a giant red wig with a heart symbol on top I would post it here.

Alas, I do not.

NewChad
02-25-2008, 03:56 AM
I WISH I COULD TALK ABOUT "SECRET PROJECT!"

"SECRET PROJECT" MAY BE THE BEST THING I'VE WRITTEN AT MARVEL. "SECRET PROJECT" WILL CHANGE THINGS FOREVER.

I'VE DECIDED NOT TO DO "SECRET PROJECT."

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Slewo.O
02-25-2008, 04:30 AM
Okay. I love Powers, I love Bendis, I love the Powers Letters column.

But do you think Brian ever asks me, Gail Simone, the 247th most beloved writer in comics (if you count Christopher Priest and Jim Owsley as two) to take over his letter column for a month?

NO!

Stand-up comics? Sure. Some girl who offered to sleep with his mailbox? Absolutely.

But not Gail Simone, writer of such titles as GIRLS OF PRAYER and DADPOO and some others I can't recall right now, but one of them might have been THE MARVELOUS ADVENTURES OF GUSTY BEAVER.

The unfairitude!

Is it possible that he is afraid Gail Simone will be SO brilliant and wonderful that people will say to him the following month, "HEY! We want more of that STUPID lady!"

That's what I think would happen.

So this is my fake Powers Letters Column to show I can stand with the Big Boys. The Bald Boys. The Big Bald Big Boys!

Keep in mind I'm several months behind in my reading because I haven't picked up my comics in ages, so any answers to any questions about the current storyline will be really, really cool.

Make Yours Marty! Excelisyphillus!

PUT QUESTIONS HERE!

Gail Bendis

Hey Gail! Does Bendis have a stick that can reconfigure time and reality so that your movements are spread over 6 different points? And also does Retro Girl get into a fight with the New Avengers and Robot Bendis!?

And Gail I'd be willing to send you my excess Spidey BND issues I have every issue cept the first in a second copy, I was going to get the extras signed to stroke my ego but you need them more then I do.

nick maynard
02-25-2008, 04:40 AM
who would win in a fight: huntress of ultimate spider man?

Ryudo
02-25-2008, 04:41 AM
So will Kitty and MJ get it on?

The Doctor
02-25-2008, 04:43 AM
What are your thoughts on Skrull's?

Thommy Melanson
02-25-2008, 05:02 AM
Whut up Gale,

I's liek POWDERS vurry muchs.

U shud right it 1 day.

Thin it woodnt sux! hahaha

Sighned, Bryan Mykill Benndus

b.S. - Brewbaykur rulz!

Raphael J
02-25-2008, 05:12 AM
Dear Whoever is answering the question;

Who's a better voice for today's irresponsible male semi-youths: Chuck Klosterman or Nick Hornby?

Why aren't there more male comic creators?

Thommy Melanson
02-25-2008, 05:19 AM
Dear Whoever is answering the question;

Who's a better voice for today's irresponsible male semi-youths: Chuck Klosterman or Nick Hornby?

Neither. Aaron Carter is.



Why aren't there more male comic creators?

Hard to write about Moon Knight when you're chronically masturbating.

Gail Simone
02-25-2008, 06:32 AM
Whut up Gale,

I's liek POWDERS vurry muchs.

U shud right it 1 day.

Thin it woodnt sux! hahaha

Sighned, Bryan Mykill Benndus

b.S. - Brewbaykur rulz!


FINEALLY SOMONE WHO REALLY GET ME!

thatguyfromsyracuse
02-25-2008, 06:37 AM
BA-BA-BOOEY!!!

Gail Simone
02-25-2008, 06:43 AM
Ten bucks says this thread actually ends up being a POWERS lettercolumn at some point. Hell, all Bendis does for it these days is copy and paste threads from the board in there.

NO LIFE!

GREEN ACRES DEFINITIVE SEASON THREE COLLECTION

This is a show you can watch!

PETTICOAT JUNCTION ULTIMATE SEASON ONE COLLECTION

Actors repeat dialog in this show!

FAMILY TIES VALENTINE'S DAY EPISODE

I like watching programs, and this is one!

COURTSHIP OF EDDIE'S FATHER, SEASON TWO

Sometimes I replace filthy words with "Bill Bixby." Like, I'll say, "Can I PLEASE have a Bill Bixbyjob?" or "You motherBixbying Bill-hole!"

If I had friends, they would think it was HILARIOUS.

Gregory
02-25-2008, 06:43 AM
Dear Nina Simone,

Would you consider a duet with Amy Winehouse, and by "duet" I mean "backhand her into next Tuesday"?

Yours,
Gregorio

Masculine Todd
02-25-2008, 06:45 AM
The problem is, I can't even remember where I put my keys.

Doug
02-25-2008, 06:55 AM
I like watching programs, and this is one!



That is the best thing I've read today.

nick maynard
02-25-2008, 07:01 AM
That is the best thing I've read today.


Actors repeat dialog in this show!this is it for me.

Thommy Melanson
02-25-2008, 07:05 AM
NO LIFE!

GREEN ACRES DEFINITIVE SEASON THREE COLLECTION

This is a show you can watch!

PETTICOAT JUNCTION ULTIMATE SEASON ONE COLLECTION

Actors repeat dialog in this show!

FAMILY TIES VALENTINE'S DAY EPISODE

I like watching programs, and this is one!

COURTSHIP OF EDDIE'S FATHER, SEASON TWO

Sometimes I replace filthy words with "Bill Bixby." Like, I'll say, "Can I PLEASE have a Bill Bixbyjob?" or "You motherBixbying Bill-hole!"

If I had friends, they would think it was HILARIOUS.

NO LIFE!

STREET HAWK Season 1

I always wanted a motorcycle. And someone to talk to.


GILMORE GIRLS Complete Series Box Set

The only box I enjoy more than Mrs. Bendis'.


STEPHEN KING - Cell

Words with no pictures? WTF?!


WONDER WOMAN - Gail Simone's new arc

The best rabbit cage liner $2.99 will buy ya!

The Doctor
02-25-2008, 07:28 AM
When exactly did your spell check leave you for another writer?

Jeffery Longmont
02-25-2008, 07:33 AM
Dear Gail Simone's Fake POWERS Letters Column,

My eyes get too tired while trying to read POWERS. Can you suggest some ocular excises to train the ol' peepers up to the point that I can finish a whole issue without going blind?

Sincerely,

Ulysses S Poop-pants

Lab-Rat
02-25-2008, 07:35 AM
Dear Gail Bendis,

I am interested in writing comics. I have 100 of stories. I want to send them to you to read. Is this ok? Could you critique them for me? Maybe pass them along to Joey Q at marvel? I think I'd be the next big marvel writer. Can't wait to hear from you about how much you love my stories.

Your Friend,

John

P.S. I really like that monkey fucking issue of powers. you should do more of that.

thatguyfromsyracuse
02-25-2008, 07:40 AM
deer Bendis,

You ar e teh suck!1! Wear is my Ultimte Tar Baby?

Sinceerly,

Scrotum McDiddle

Corey A.
02-25-2008, 07:43 AM
Who's more bald? You, Brian K Vaughan, or Grant Morrision?

R0cketFr0g
02-25-2008, 07:45 AM
Dear Bald Jewish Gail,

Why is AAlgar so awesome?

http://www.aalgar-is-awesome.com/

RF

Thommy Melanson
02-25-2008, 07:47 AM
Deer Gayle Samoan,

Howe haz haredressing enflewinced ur riting?

Yer formur clyents - Azzarello, Bendis and Vaughan.

tdaniel
02-25-2008, 07:50 AM
Dear Brian -

I have thee questions for you -

What did yu do before you were a hiardresser?
Who do you think is cuter Mike or Mack?
Whenare you going to let Gail guest on the letters column in Powers?

You kep writing thium and i'll keep reading them.

Thommy Melanson
02-25-2008, 07:55 AM
Dear Gull Seaanemone,

Glug! Glug, glug!

Glurp, Aquaman.

Dreg
02-25-2008, 08:49 AM
Deer Gayl,

Pleez For Cheez Don't Let Tem Kill Catman In Teh Final Crisises!! Whut Kind Of Horrabel Sick Peepul Kill Off Sumbudy's Favrit Charecter Just 2 Boost Sails? Teh Distingwished Compitishun Makes Me Sick!

LOVE,

Bryan Mikale Uh...Shmendis

Arion
02-25-2008, 08:51 AM
Dear Gail Bendis,

I am interested in writing comics. I have 100 of stories. I want to send them to you to read. Is this ok? Could you critique them for me? Maybe pass them along to Joey Q at marvel? I think I'd be the next big marvel writer. Can't wait to hear from you about how much you love my stories.

Your Friend,

John

P.S. I really like that monkey fucking issue of powers. you should do more of that.

I'm sure she will read every one of your stories.

Shannon Chenoweth
02-25-2008, 09:03 AM
Such beauty is this Q&A. I can hardly believe that I have been granted access to such greatness. I am so so very fortunate! :)

Lab-Rat
02-25-2008, 09:06 AM
I'm sure she will read every one of your stories.


And Gail Bendis is an cool to do so. I've been told that Gail Bendis reads every story that's ever been sent to her. I sent her all 100 of my stories. I hope to hear from Gail Bendis soon. ;)

PeterSparker
02-25-2008, 09:17 AM
Wow, a "Dave's not here" reference. Don't see that everyday. Looking forward to a Barnaby Jones aside getting worked in to the mix next, or maybe a Match Game riff.

Bendis not only jumped the shark with the last issue of POWERS, but he jumped the __________ too.

Evan Wiener
02-25-2008, 09:18 AM
Gail Bendis is funnier than Real Bendis. And with MORE penis jokes. How is that possible?

We need more parody NO LIFE's.

Maybe something like:

NO LIFE!

ALTERNATIVE ROCK BAND THAT ISN'T EMO - NEW ALBUM

Why do you care what I listen to? Here, listen to this crap. You've never heard of it because you don't get out much.

TOO BUSY!

CHANNEL 146, CHANNEL 147, CHANNEL 148....

Shit, nothing 's on.

Evan Wiener
02-25-2008, 09:20 AM
Dear Gail Bendis,

How do you manage to get so much work done, hang out here all the time, have a family, play video games with other comic creators, and star in Marvel promo videos?

TomBelandTSSTG
02-25-2008, 09:22 AM
I usually toss MY penis over my right shoulder when I type, so it doesn't get in the way.

TomBelandTSSTG
02-25-2008, 09:23 AM
Gail... I'll take your response off the air.... and probably addressed to as Tony Bedard. ;)

Thommy Melanson
02-25-2008, 09:32 AM
NO LIFE!

PUNK 29 CHANNEL ON SIRIUS

Because even 3/4ths dead, Ramones are still better than Fall Out Of My Ass Boy!


PUNKY BREWSTER SEASON 1

Fuck you cockjugglers - I'm wearing rainbow socks right fuckin' now!


THE OSCARS

I thought Jon Stewart was the black Green Lantern!


SNL RETURN AFTER WRITERS STRIKE

Huckabee = not funny! Tina Fey = hot honey!


VOTE CLINTON!

Jef UK
02-25-2008, 09:35 AM
Do you have any advice for aspiring comics writers? (Repeat x 100)

If I send you something, will you check it out? (Repeat x 100)

Some reference to monkey sex and / or Gilmore Girls. (Repeat x 1000)

Albert
02-25-2008, 09:38 AM
I'm having YABS flashbacks!

Jerome Gibbons
02-25-2008, 09:39 AM
I can't wait for the Gail Simone Fake POWERS personals.

Thommy Melanson
02-25-2008, 09:46 AM
I can't wait for the Gail Simone Fake POWERS personals.

MJM seeks "readers" for his "hardcover". Must be into digging around my short box and flipping thru my floppies. If you like taintkicking and the CW's weeknight lineups, then I'm the cuddly muffin for you. Meet at Peet's?

hawkIkilla@jinxworld.com

TomBelandTSSTG
02-25-2008, 09:47 AM
Okay... I'll ask it.

Are you bald all over?

GelfXIII
02-25-2008, 09:57 AM
Dear Fake Letters column
On page 16, in the thirtysecond dialog bubble in the 6th box from the left you had Spidey say "..ur..". What's with all the ethnic language? What is he, some kinda Bolshevik? I dont know anyone who talks like that. And on page 17 in the four hundredth dialog balloon Mary Jane says "..buh..." why would she say that when she had clearly already said something similar in the last issue? Can you clarify your intent here?

Thanks!

c. page
02-25-2008, 10:37 AM
Dear Gail Bendis,

When will we see more Gusty Beaver?

thatguyfromsyracuse
02-25-2008, 11:49 AM
Dear Gail Bendis,

I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is 30. He's been married three times and has six children from a variety of women. I know, I know, it sounds bad. But he's one of those guys who wanted a family. Anyway, long story short, I feel insecure because he has had a MILLION experiences and I have not. So I asked him to take his porn off our computer. He did so.

When I came home today and sat at the computer, I noticed there was lubricant next to the keyboard. I thought to myself, "That's not where I saw you last." I looked at his folders (I KNOW: violation of privacy) and I didn't see any porn. So I went to the internet browser to look at the "history" and guess what? It had all been deleted. I know his computer is not set to automatic history clearance, so he had to clear it manually.

Can I be a bitch and ask him about this? "I noticed that you deleted your history—and what is the lube doing here?" Or should I let it drop? I know it's unrealistic to expect him never to masturbate. I just don't want him looking at other girls while he does. My bitchy side is just ROARING to get out. HELP!

Keep The Bitch Caged

BENDIS!
02-25-2008, 11:52 AM
you do know this will be a powers letter column! :)

Evan Wiener
02-25-2008, 11:57 AM
you do know this will be a powers letter column! :)

Yay! All our sarcastic asses will be in print!

Unless of course, we're just not that clever. :)

c. page
02-25-2008, 11:58 AM
you do know this will be a powers letter column! :)

damn well better be. this is awesome.

GelfXIII
02-25-2008, 12:02 PM
you do know this will be a powers letter column! :)

You thought we were doing this for GAIL??? :rofl:

Gail Simone
02-25-2008, 02:25 PM
you do know this will be a powers letter column! :)

ACK!

copypastepuke
02-25-2008, 02:28 PM
wanna get my name tattooed on yr ass?

Slewo.O
02-25-2008, 04:06 PM
Dear Gale Simon

If I read Powers can I bitch about Skulls?

luv Iron Man

And PS when did you become a black comic book creator? And if you are can you please write a new Luke Cage series? Please?

The Doctor
02-25-2008, 04:26 PM
you do know this will be a powers letter column! :)

I knew it.

RebootedCorpse
02-25-2008, 05:00 PM
Can you make any vague references to hue..I mean FUCKING HUGE projects that you have coming up but can't say anything about?

Slewo.O
02-25-2008, 05:04 PM
Can you make any vague references to hue..I mean FUCKING HUGE projects that you have coming up but can't say anything about?

Like the reckoning war?

Shawn DePasquale
07-17-2008, 12:31 PM
Dear Mrs. Bendis,


When is your next appearance at a con?

Why can't I find a copy of the new issue of THE MARVELOUS ADVENTURES OF GUSTY BEAVER?


Will they ever make DADPOO into a movie?

Gail Simone
07-18-2008, 04:06 AM
wanna get my name tattooed on yr ass?

Yes, but on the FLESHY part not the GOOEY part!

SteveZegers
07-18-2008, 04:11 AM
I can't think of a question, so I copied this one out of an issue of "Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane" from 1970

"Dear Editor,
It seems Superman has girlfriends with every color of hair. Lana Lang is a redhead, Lyla Lerrol was a blonde, Lori Lemaris has brown hair, and Lois' hair is black. What next? Will you have Supie fall for a bald girl?"

Uther
07-18-2008, 04:34 AM
Hello. My question is in reference to Ultimate Spider-man. I cannot help but notice that, well, he is not ultimate, there being the clones making him far from the last, he is not a spider and he is not a man, being merely a boy. So, my question is, why you lie to me?

Shawn DePasquale
07-18-2008, 04:51 AM
Hello. My question is in reference to Ultimate Spider-man. I cannot help but notice that, well, he is not ultimate, there being the clones making him far from the last, he is not a spider and he is not a man, being merely a boy. So, my question is, why you lie to me?

OOOOH. You're good at this game. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v640/vendion/1ptgno.gif

----------------
Now playing: Nappy Roots - What Cha Gonna Do? (The Anthem) (http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/nappy+roots/track/what+cha+gonna+do%3f+(the+anthem))
via FoxyTunes (http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/)

Mylazycat
07-18-2008, 05:36 AM
Dear Bendis,

Did you like the Sex And The City movie? Did it make you feel funny in the pants? Were you even wearing pants?

Slewo.O
07-18-2008, 05:40 AM
Dear Powers guys

Is Walker a Skrull? If that is true it would suck and I wouldn't download your crappy comic anymore.

Love Doomismylove2099

copypastepuke
07-18-2008, 05:57 AM
whats it like being so on the internet