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View Full Version : Would You Still Love Bendis If...



Gail Simone
02-17-2008, 06:56 AM
...he were a sort of half-man, half-gekko type creature, and when he met you at conventions, he'd reach out with his prehensile tongue and 'taste' you in the face?

Gail Simone
02-17-2008, 06:56 AM
...he were Rob Liefeld?

greg donovan
02-17-2008, 06:57 AM
...he were a sort of half-man, half-gekko type creature, and when he met you at conventions, he'd reach out with his prehensile tongue and 'taste' you in the face?

you say that like it is a bad thing...

Gail Simone
02-17-2008, 06:58 AM
...he was one half of a pair of Siamese Twins, and the other half was beloved TV icon Al Roker?

Gail Simone
02-17-2008, 06:58 AM
...everything he wrote was the Clone Saga?

Ray G.
02-17-2008, 06:58 AM
I think I'd like him even more.

Gecko-men are underrepresented in comics,

greg donovan
02-17-2008, 06:59 AM
...he was one half of a pair of Siamese Twins, and the other half was beloved TV icon Al Roker?

would he still have a prehinsile toungue?

stevapalooza
02-17-2008, 06:59 AM
I wouldn't hold the tasting against him. How the heck else is he going to determine if I'm a threat?

CapnChaos
02-17-2008, 07:01 AM
...he was one half of a pair of Siamese Twins, and the other half was beloved TV icon Al Roker?

I would love him more, frankly. :)

dako
02-17-2008, 07:03 AM
...he were Rob Liefeld?

All right, this one was uncalled for. :nonono2:

J Money
02-17-2008, 07:06 AM
Yes, no, no, yes

Gail Simone
02-17-2008, 07:07 AM
...he said his favorite Star Trek captain was Janeway?

Gail Simone
02-17-2008, 07:09 AM
...he had a midget stapled to his forehead that worked like a radio, but it only played XM, not Sirius, and the midget/radio was stuck on the E network channel?

Gail Simone
02-17-2008, 07:09 AM
Hey, my last post was number 1666!

Gail

Gail Simone
02-17-2008, 07:12 AM
...he brought back Uncle Ben, but called him the WHEATCAKE SOLDIER, and then Spider-man gets shot, so Uncle Ben has to take his place, and instead of web fluid he has maple syrup shooters and he has a Spider-truss and he fights the SENIOR SIX which is villains who are in their golden years and in the end, everyone fucks Gwen?

ultimate samwise gamgee
02-17-2008, 07:15 AM
wait.... bendis isn't a gecko?!?

gregorv
02-17-2008, 07:15 AM
...he brought back Uncle Ben, but called him the WHEATCAKE SOLDIER, and then Spider-man gets shot, so Uncle Ben has to take his place, and instead of web fluid he has maple syrup shooters and he has a Spider-truss and he fights the SENIOR SIX which is villains who are in their golden years and in the end, everyone fucks Gwen?

Id most definately buy that!

Gail Simone
02-17-2008, 07:20 AM
...he were a porn star with the 'stage' name, "BENNY 'BIG BOY' BEND-IT"?

jason hissong
02-17-2008, 07:22 AM
. . . wet the bed?

ala this hysterical graphic novel:

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c88/jhiss/wyslmifiwtb.jpg

CapnChaos
02-17-2008, 07:23 AM
...he had a midget stapled to his forehead that worked like a radio, but it only played XM, not Sirius, and the midget/radio was stuck on the E network channel?

So... it's just like his variety posts, but out loud.

Does he also have a midget stapled to his ass that plays Stern? It would somehow be fitting. They'd constantly be trying to overpower each other through volume, unable to take out their mutual hatred by physically pounding each other.

dako
02-17-2008, 07:27 AM
Gail, I thought you mentioned that you've never had alcohol or coffee or illegal drugs.

Is this a cry for help? Or a cry for more sleep?

costello
02-17-2008, 07:47 AM
Bendis? He's a dick. I'm here for Brubaker.

Gail Simone
02-17-2008, 07:55 AM
Gail, I thought you mentioned that you've never had alcohol or coffee or illegal drugs.

Is this a cry for help? Or a cry for more sleep?

YOU'RE NOT MY MOMMY!


Gail

ZombieSpeedball
02-17-2008, 08:02 AM
Bendis? He's a dick. I'm here for Brubaker.

:shock::bansign:

Gail Simone
02-17-2008, 08:12 AM
Bendis is nice. Don't be mean to Bendis.

And I saw Ed Brubaker eat a sausage made from baby seals, once. It was a rough grind, so it still had those doe-like eyeballs.

Gail

markgrayson
02-17-2008, 08:15 AM
Mmmm. Doe-like eyeballs. I'd lick them like lizard Bendis.

ZombieSpeedball
02-17-2008, 08:17 AM
Bendis is nice. Don't be mean to Bendis.

And I saw Ed Brubaker eat a sausage made from baby seals, once. It was a rough grind, so it still had those doe-like eyeballs.

Gail

That is both :lol: and :sad:

costello
02-17-2008, 08:19 AM
Bendis is nice. Don't be mean to Bendis.

And I saw Ed Brubaker eat a sausage made from baby seals, once. It was a rough grind, so it still had those doe-like eyeballs.

Gail

It's cool. I love dick.

costello
02-17-2008, 08:34 AM
It's cool. I love dick.

That was a conversation killer.

It's a joke. Haha... funny, funny. :) :cry:

Ben
02-17-2008, 08:39 AM
... he wore a wig?

ZombieSpeedball
02-17-2008, 08:40 AM
...he never brought back Geldoff? And I mean, NEVER?

CapnChaos
02-17-2008, 08:49 AM
But... baby seal sausage is the best kind. It's so... tender. :drool:

costello
02-17-2008, 08:55 AM
But... baby seal sausage is the best kind. It's so... tender. :drool:

See? Brubaker knows all.

Ethan Van Sciver
02-17-2008, 08:55 AM
...if he fired bees all over your face and up your nose and in your anus and they stung you a hundred thousand times, and you weren't allergic so death was no relief but it still hurt real bad, and then Bendis pissed on your dog?

greg donovan
02-17-2008, 08:58 AM
...if he fired bees all over your face and up your nose and in your anus and they stung you a hundred thousand times, and you weren't allergic so death was no relief but it still hurt real bad, and then Bendis pissed on your dog?

are they sexy bees?

Ethan Van Sciver
02-17-2008, 09:00 AM
are they sexy bees?

They came from his penis!!!

greg donovan
02-17-2008, 09:00 AM
They came from his penis!!!

i will have to think about this a bit.

costello
02-17-2008, 09:01 AM
... Bendis stole the Carnage arc in USM from Women in Refrigerators?

CapnChaos
02-17-2008, 09:03 AM
...if he became your step-dad and was always feeling your mom up in front of you and telling stories about his conquest of her various orafices, including the sinuses?

adam_warlock_2099
02-17-2008, 09:07 AM
...he were a sort of half-man, half-gekko type creature, and when he met you at conventions, he'd reach out with his prehensile tongue and 'taste' you in the face?

Sure, I liked V.


...he were Rob Liefeld?

Never met him but yeah I like Badrock.


...he was one half of a pair of Siamese Twins, and the other half was beloved TV icon Al Roker?

I aint got nothing against Al Roker or Siamese.


...everything he wrote was the Clone Saga?

No.


...he said his favorite Star Trek captain was Janeway?

Meh. Bad taste doesn't make someone a bad person.


...he had a midget stapled to his forehead that worked like a radio, but it only played XM, not Sirius, and the midget/radio was stuck on the E network channel?

yes?


...he brought back Uncle Ben, but called him the WHEATCAKE SOLDIER, and then Spider-man gets shot, so Uncle Ben has to take his place, and instead of web fluid he has maple syrup shooters and he has a Spider-truss and he fights the SENIOR SIX which is villains who are in their golden years and in the end, everyone fucks Gwen?

No.


...he were a porn star with the 'stage' name, "BENNY 'BIG BOY' BEND-IT"?

Haha. :) My wife might.

Thommy Melanson
02-17-2008, 09:12 AM
...if he killed off Peter Parker and changed the book to Ultimate Hypno-Hustler?

TomBelandTSSTG
02-17-2008, 09:47 AM
... if he had the power to make everyone's own personal thought bubbles magically appear above their heads, causing all conversation to slow down 32%.... due to the fact that regular people find it impossible to decide whether to see what people are thinking or hear what they're saying.

TomBelandTSSTG
02-17-2008, 09:55 AM
... Andrew Zimmern, upon seeing how much tang Bendis gets for writing Ultimate Spider-Man, eats Brian, puts on his clothing, and attends the San Diego Con, on a quest to bag as many chicks dressed as Kitty Pryde as possible? And what if, after sitting at his table for 27 minutes, Andrew regurgetates Bendis into an empty potato sack with ALL-STAR written on it, allowing him to escape to his more sane life of eating wild boar anus?

Benel Germosen
02-17-2008, 09:57 AM
... Andrew Zimmern, upon seeing how much tang Bendis gets for writing Ultimate Spider-Man, eats Brian, puts on his clothing, and attends the San Diego Con, on a quest to bag as many chicks dressed as Kitty Pryde as possible? And what if, after sitting at his table for 27 minutes, Andrew regurgetates Bendis into an empty potato sack with ALL-STAR written on it, allowing him to escape to his more sane life of eating wild boar anus?

This happened last June.

TomBelandTSSTG
02-17-2008, 09:59 AM
... if you walked in on him rehearsing his Luke Cage dialogue at the mirror in the men's room at the San Diego Airport... wearing a yellow silk shirt... a chain-link belt... and a tiara?

Thommy Melanson
02-17-2008, 10:00 AM
...he quit making comics and bought a Chik-Fil-A franchise, solely to have a neverending supply of their nuggets?

Then so consumed in his mania, he publishes a book called Chikanetics and founds a quasi-cult/religious movement called Fryin'tology?

TomBelandTSSTG
02-17-2008, 10:01 AM
... if he followed you around town for hours before whispering in your ear, "the Purple Man knows... he knows."

Thommy Melanson
02-17-2008, 10:02 AM
... if you walked in on him rehearsing his Luke Cage dialogue at the mirror in the men's room at the San Diego Airport... wearing a yellow silk shirt... a chain-link belt... and a tiara?

It'd be worse if he were nude save for the yellow cavalier boots.

Benel Germosen
02-17-2008, 10:02 AM
... if he followed you around town for hours before whispering in your ear, "the Purple Man knows... he knows."

:D

Taxman
02-17-2008, 10:02 AM
...he were Rob Liefeld?Everyone here loves Liefeld already.

Thommy Melanson
02-17-2008, 10:03 AM
... if he followed you around town for hours before whispering in your ear, "the Purple Man knows... he knows."

Again, if he were nude, it'd put a whole 'nother meaning to that sentence.

Tyeron
02-17-2008, 11:16 AM
.. if he followed you back to your hotel room and hung himself on the towel wrack hoping you'd use him to dry off "especially yer purple man"

.....

yeah i stole the lil purple man but this is the funniest thread i've read in a while

NeverWanderer
02-17-2008, 12:03 PM
...everything he wrote was the Clone Saga?

This sounds less like a thread question and more like a recurring nightmare Bendis has had. :D

Caley Tibbittz
02-17-2008, 12:07 PM
...he brought back Uncle Ben, but called him the WHEATCAKE SOLDIER, and then Spider-man gets shot, so Uncle Ben has to take his place, and instead of web fluid he has maple syrup shooters and he has a Spider-truss and he fights the SENIOR SIX which is villains who are in their golden years and in the end, everyone fucks Gwen?
If it was a MAX book, then yes.

Thommy Melanson
02-17-2008, 12:10 PM
...he was hit by a bus and was confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life?

If he was attacked by a lunatic that threw acid in his face and he was disfigured?

If he lapsed into a coma and never woke up?

Sorry, this thread reminded me of weird questions that girlfriends ask you in bed when they can't sleep and don't want you to either.

CapnChaos
02-17-2008, 12:16 PM
...if you were stuck on a rowboat in the middle of the ocean and he let you suckle his teats for sustenance.

TomBelandTSSTG
02-17-2008, 12:32 PM
... if he had a huge red afro?

Thommy Melanson
02-17-2008, 12:52 PM
... if he had a huge red afro?

http://voice.paly.net/media/images/2007-01-11-1adam.jpg

My answer is no.

TomBelandTSSTG
02-17-2008, 12:56 PM
... if he told you that you spend too much time on sexual thoughts about him..?

TomBelandTSSTG
02-17-2008, 12:57 PM
http://voice.paly.net/media/images/2007-01-11-1adam.jpg

My answer is no.

lol.. I KNEW someone was going to throw a picture in there.

TomBelandTSSTG
02-17-2008, 01:24 PM
http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a40/tombelandtsstg/Bendis-1.jpg

kylethoreau
02-17-2008, 02:10 PM
http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a40/tombelandtsstg/Bendis-1.jpg

is there something wrong with me in thinking that is actually a good look on him? :mistrust:

TomBelandTSSTG
02-17-2008, 02:18 PM
is there something wrong with me in thinking that is actually a good look on him? :mistrust:

He looks like some smooth, cool jazz musician, laying down the sweet melodic licks of Lee Ritenour.

Ryan Walsh
02-17-2008, 02:25 PM
...he brought back Uncle Ben, but called him the WHEATCAKE SOLDIER, and then Spider-man gets shot, so Uncle Ben has to take his place, and instead of web fluid he has maple syrup shooters and he has a Spider-truss and he fights the SENIOR SIX which is villains who are in their golden years and in the end, everyone fucks Gwen?

YES!

WinterRose
02-17-2008, 02:37 PM
I don't love him now. ...if he were a chick, and looked like bald former Miss World, Phersis Khambatta, and wrote me sexy love letters in that really cool dialogue style, then yes. I would consider it.

But she'd want kids. And that's a dealbreaker. Do I have to love bald Phersis Bendis? Can we just be fuckbuddies?

Dreg
02-17-2008, 02:40 PM
...he were a sort of half-man, half-gekko type creature, and when he met you at conventions, he'd reach out with his prehensile tongue and 'taste' you in the face?

I think at that point, we'd accept him as one of our own.

BURKE
02-17-2008, 03:20 PM
...he were a sort of half-man, half-gekko type creature, and when he met you at conventions, he'd reach out with his prehensile tongue and 'taste' you in the face?
Damn, i already thought that was the case.

Master Jack Rabbitt
02-17-2008, 03:22 PM
I think I love this thread

Master Jack Rabbitt
02-17-2008, 03:26 PM
http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a40/tombelandtsstg/Bendis-1.jpg

:rofl:

ClintP
02-17-2008, 03:27 PM
...everything he wrote was the Clone Saga?

Did someone say... Clone Saga??? :ecstatic:

ZombieSpeedball
02-17-2008, 03:29 PM
He looks like some smooth, cool jazz musician, laying down the sweet melodic licks of Lee Ritenour.

To me he looks like he's going to show us all how to paint a cabin in the woods, and that he might just throw some happy little clouds and bushes in there.

ClintP
02-17-2008, 03:29 PM
To me he looks like he's going to show us all how to paint a cabin in the woods, and that he might just throw some happy little clouds and bushes in there.

:rofl:

And I too think that is a good look for him.

ZombieSpeedball
02-17-2008, 03:29 PM
Did someone say... Clone Saga??? :ecstatic:

I'd read Spider-Man fighting a thousand Mary-Janes.

kylethoreau
02-17-2008, 03:51 PM
To me he looks like he's going to show us all how to paint a cabin in the woods, and that he might just throw some happy little clouds and bushes in there.

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g48/kylethoreau/1119182284152.gif

Gail Simone
02-18-2008, 06:59 AM
They came from his penis!!!

I LOVE ETHAN VAN SCIVER!

Gail

Gail Simone
02-18-2008, 07:01 AM
http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a40/tombelandtsstg/Bendis-1.jpg

HA!

I think I might be in love with this thread just a little bit.

Gail

Slewo.O
02-18-2008, 07:03 AM
HA!

I think I might be in love with this thread just a little bit.

Gail

What about all the other ones? Red headed step children?

Shit be flippin! (can someone post the picture I can't find it)

Servo106
02-18-2008, 07:30 AM
...he brought back Uncle Ben, but called him the WHEATCAKE SOLDIER, and then Spider-man gets shot, so Uncle Ben has to take his place, and instead of web fluid he has maple syrup shooters and he has a Spider-truss and he fights the SENIOR SIX which is villains who are in their golden years and in the end, everyone fucks Gwen?

i really hope that wasn't your spidey pitch.

NewChad
02-18-2008, 08:01 AM
I LOVE ETHAN VAN SCIVER!

Gail

Get a room.




or at least make a comic together.

Arion
02-18-2008, 10:31 AM
I LOVE ETHAN VAN SCIVER!

Gail

And I love Ethan's art .

Jonathan Callan
02-18-2008, 10:35 AM
...he brought back Uncle Ben, but called him the WHEATCAKE SOLDIER, and then Spider-man gets shot, so Uncle Ben has to take his place, and instead of web fluid he has maple syrup shooters and he has a Spider-truss and he fights the SENIOR SIX which is villains who are in their golden years and in the end, everyone fucks Gwen?

I think I heard Mark Millar pitch this idea once.

Jonathan Callan
02-18-2008, 10:37 AM
...if he became your step-dad and was always feeling your mom up in front of you and telling stories about his conquest of her various orafices, including the sinuses?

I would genuinely find this hilarious.

Arion
02-18-2008, 10:37 AM
I think I heard Mark Millar pitch this idea once.

I'm sure he didn't .

Jonathan Callan
02-18-2008, 10:38 AM
... he wrote for DC Comics?