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View Full Version : The Emasculation of Mario?



Justin.Strange
12-31-2007, 07:21 PM
When did Mario become a hypersaccharine exercise in cuteness? The older games teetered between surreal and psychedelic, whereas '[Super Mario] Galaxy' comes off like a sugar-dipped Care Bear. Let's compare:


Classic Mario!
Sounded like a gruff pro wrestler.
'[Super Mario] World' was eerily alive yet appreciably silent.
Turned into a take-no-names, badass hammer-flinging turtle.
Stomped enemies in a giant wind-up shoe.



Modern Mario!
Sounds like a shrieking castrato.
'[Super Mario] Galaxy' is obnoxiously alive and squeaky.
Turns into a fuzzy-wuzzy, adorable bumblebee.
Feeds candy-like star bits to cuddly baby stars.


Source. EGM. December 2007. Issue 224. Page 85.

I think that pretty sums up my grievances with the modern Mario games.

Brewtown Andy
12-31-2007, 07:25 PM
Too bad Galaxy's a fucking awesome game.

JoeE
12-31-2007, 07:25 PM
Yeah, agreed. Even in those late 80s/early 90s Mario cartoons, Mario at least had a voice that sounded like a plumber.

mike black
12-31-2007, 07:30 PM
I'd wager Mario's even more surreal now than it was in the 90's.

Go plug your SNES back in and shut up.

Matt Jay
12-31-2007, 07:30 PM
If you've ever played Mario to make yourself feel manly, you're doing it wrong.

Dark Sasha
12-31-2007, 07:32 PM
Well he still gets pussy, so does it really matter?

ramtower
12-31-2007, 08:00 PM
Peach AND Daisy. And that Daisy's a wild one.

Matt Jay
12-31-2007, 08:04 PM
Peach AND Daisy. And that Daisy's a wild one.

I'd feel bad for Luigi if he wasn't gay.

Bill Nolan
12-31-2007, 08:13 PM
Mario is the dude from Donkey Kong, right? Never followed him much after that... I was a Sega fan... :scared:

jamestolliver
12-31-2007, 08:19 PM
Mario is the dude from Donkey Kong, right? Never followed him much after that... I was a Sega fan... :scared:

http://content7.flixster.com/question/37/31/71/3731713_std.jpg

Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain.

Japhy Ryder
12-31-2007, 08:24 PM
Mario has a beautiful fuckin' mustache.

'Nuff said.

Ryan Elliott
12-31-2007, 08:24 PM
Mario is the dude from Donkey Kong, right? Never followed him much after that... I was a Sega fan... :scared:


Me too.

NeverWanderer
01-01-2008, 12:13 AM
Hey...

Do these two look emasculated to you...?
http://i156.photobucket.com/albums/t12/eightieschick3/supermariobros.jpg

adam_warlock_2099
01-01-2008, 06:46 AM
I will defiantly agree with the power ups part of the argument. Hammer suit, Takooni, and the boot were some awesome power ups. The only one in galaxy that is awesome is the red star flying power. (The spring is REALLY annoying.)

And yes, Galaxy is an amazing game, but it still does not win best Mario game to this date, by far.

EDIT: And the fact that fireballs are temporary is ignorant. The first time I got them, I thought finally a cool power up. :no: Most of the amazing stuff Mario can do are without power ups.

Nick Spencer
01-01-2008, 07:11 AM
I really think some people are remembering those old games a bit differently...

TheKraken
01-01-2008, 03:05 PM
That comparison is pretty dumb. Comparing 8 bit games and today's games is a pointless exercise, especially when many of their complaints (the many vocal sound effects especially) were utterly impossible with the old technology. Judging by the bizarre and frankly much-cuter-than-they-seem-willing-to-remember graphics of SMB3 and SMW, I'd wager they'd be just as cutesy and "squeaky" as SMG if they'd have enough available sound channels and data space. The tanuki suit wasn't cutesy? Yoshi and his little bouncing eggs weren't cutesy? Please.

Marcdachamp
01-01-2008, 03:11 PM
Galaxy fucking owns. 'Nuff Said.

Justin.Strange
01-01-2008, 03:23 PM
Too bad Galaxy's a fucking awesome game.

I tend to agree. Based on what I've played, Galaxy is a great game. I'm not trying to take anything away from Galaxy at all.

But that doesn't negate the fact that Nintendo and most noticeably Mario in recent years has turned into a conglomerate exercise of cuteness. And I don't fault them since Nintendo is trying to appeal to younger and more casual and cautious gamers.

Now maybe I'm just a romantic who misses the Lou Albano-era Mario who picked up bombs which grew from the ground and threw them to slay giant evil mouses with sunglasses and evaded murderous suns in the middle of the desert.

But we all can agree on one thing I hope. Fuck this.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/4f/Supermariobros.jpg
:vomits in terror:

Spidey
01-01-2008, 03:35 PM
I tend to agree. Based on what I've played, Galaxy is a great game. I'm not trying to take anything away from Galaxy at all.

But that doesn't negate the fact that Nintendo and most noticeably Mario in recent years has turned into a conglomerate exercise of cuteness. And I don't fault them since Nintendo is trying to appeal to younger and more casual and cautious gamers.

Now maybe I'm just a romantic who misses the Lou Albano-era Mario who picked up bombs which grew from the ground and threw them to slay giant evil mouses with sunglasses and evaded murderous suns in the middle of the desert.

But we all can agree on one thing I hope. Fuck this.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/4f/Supermariobros.jpg
:vomits in terror:

All of those games are cute, tho. They make little keychains out of SMB1 turtles and girls' underwear with Shy Guys on them. So what, tho? They're still classics.

Besides, I'd rather Mario Galaxy be cute and fucking amazing than Nintendo head in the opposite direction.

Remember this?

http://media.teamxbox.com/games/ss/1119/1116433473.jpg

Ryan Elliott
01-01-2008, 04:19 PM
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/4f/Supermariobros.jpg


God I love that movie.

NeverWanderer
01-01-2008, 05:35 PM
But we all can agree on one thing I hope. Fuck, this is an awesome movie.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/4f/Supermariobros.jpg
:vomits in glee:


Damn right. :thumb: