[GAME] Converse using Movie Quotes

[Dr. Blasphemy]

I Owe you nothing!

[PeterSparker]

I Owe you nothing!

You owe me one gumball machine!

[Dr. Blasphemy]

You owe me one gumball machine!

You're terminated, fucker.

[GelfXIII]

You're terminated, fucker.

And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...

[Dr. Blasphemy]

And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...

It's a living thing, Brian. It breathes, it eats, and it hates. The only way to beat it is to think like it. To know that this flame will spread this way across the door and up across the ceiling, not because of the physics of flammable liquids, but because it wants to. Some guys on this job, the fire owns them, makes 'em fight it on it's level, but the only way to truly kill it is to love it a little. Just like Ronald.

[PeterSparker]

It's a living thing, Brian. It breathes, it eats, and it hates. The only way to beat it is to think like it. To know that this flame will spread this way across the door and up across the ceiling, not because of the physics of flammable liquids, but because it wants to. Some guys on this job, the fire owns them, makes 'em fight it on it's level, but the only way to truly kill it is to love it a little. Just like Ronald.

The world is a business, Mr. Beale; it has been since man crawled out of the slime. Our children will live, Mr. Beale, to see that perfect world in which there's no war or famine, oppression or brutality - one vast and ecumenical holding company, for whom all men will work to serve a common profit, in which all men will hold a share of stock - all necessities provided, all anxieties tranquilized, all boredom amused. And I have chosen you, Mr. Beale, to preach this evangel.

[GelfXIII]

The world is a business, Mr. Beale; it has been since man crawled out of the slime. Our children will live, Mr. Beale, to see that perfect world in which there's no war or famine, oppression or brutality - one vast and ecumenical holding company, for whom all men will work to serve a common profit, in which all men will hold a share of stock - all necessities provided, all anxieties tranquilized, all boredom amused. And I have chosen you, Mr. Beale, to preach this evangel.

Bloom, I'm drowning. Other men sail through life, Bialystock has struck a reef. Bloom, I'm going under. I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure. Bloom, I'm reaching out to you. Don't send me to prison... HEEELLP!

[PeterSparker]

Bloom, I'm drowning. Other men sail through life, Bialystock has struck a reef. Bloom, I'm going under. I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure. Bloom, I'm reaching out to you. Don't send me to prison... HEEELLP!

We're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize? [Holds up prize] Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.

[Marcdachamp]

We're adding a little something to this month's sales contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize? [Holds up prize] Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.

Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really well.

[GelfXIII]

Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really well.

None of you would last two days in management training. *














*That's from a real obscure 80s flick. :lol:

[Marcdachamp]

None of you would last two days in management training.

Mitch you picked a FUCKED up night to start working here.

[Dr. Blasphemy]

Mitch you picked a FUCKED up night to start working here.

Hope You had a hell of a piss, Arnold!

[Marcdachamp]

Hope You had a hell of a piss, Arnold!

I gotta pee out of my ass.

[RegularJoe]

I gotta pee out of my ass.

I gotta take a leak so bad I can taste it.

[GelfXIII]

I gotta take a leak so bad I can taste it.

Just hang in there, baby. You're doing' great. Ringo's proud of you and so am I. It's almost over.

[RegularJoe]

Just hang in there, baby. You're doing' great. Ringo's proud of you and so am I. It's almost over.

johnny ringo. deadliest pisolier since wild bill, they say. what do you think darlin'? should i hate him? i dunno...something around the eyes. reminds me of...me. yep, i'm sure of it, i hate 'im.

[PeterSparker]

johnny ringo. deadliest pisolier since wild bill, they say. what do you think darlin'? should i hate him? i dunno...something around the eyes. reminds me of...me. yep, i'm sure of it, i hate 'im.

You'd be William Munny out of Missouri. Killer of women and children.

[GelfXIII]

You'd be William Munny out of Missouri. Killer of women and children.

I want you to get this fuck where he breathes! I want you to find this nancy-boy Eliot Ness, I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND! I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna PISS ON HIS ASHES!

[edwardmblake]

I want you to get this fuck where he breathes! I want you to find this nancy-boy Eliot Ness, I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND! I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna PISS ON HIS ASHES!

That's exactly what Atilla the Hun said. But when he saw his mother, Niagra Falls.

[Changeling]

That's exactly what Atilla the Hun said. But when he saw his mother, Niagra Falls.

Please welcome, for the final report of the afternoon, from all throughout history, some of the greatest people who have ever lived . . . in their 1988 world tour!

[GelfXIII]

Please welcome, for the final report of the afternoon, from all throughout history, some of the greatest people who have ever lived . . . in their 1988 world tour!

And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were... I'm on drugs!

[PeterSparker]

And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were... I'm on drugs!

You can turn your back on a person, but, never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye.

[Marcdachamp]

You can turn your back on a person, but, never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye.

That's the trouble with ya New York dope fiends. Ya got a rotten attitude.

[PeterSparker]

That's the trouble with ya New York dope fiends. Ya got a rotten attitude.

We've been going about this all wrong. This Mr. Stay Puft is okay. He's a sailor, he's in New York. We get this guy laid, we won't have any trouble.

[Man In Street]

We've been going about this all wrong. This Mr. Stay Puft is okay. He's a sailor, he's in New York. We get this guy laid, we won't have any trouble.

Such affability, such graciousness- you overwhelm me.

[Dr. Blasphemy]

Such affability, such graciousness- you overwhelm me.


I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

[Changeling]

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Cole Whittier, ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for him! A funny, funny, funny guy, as well as being a wonderfully talented human being. Take care babe, we love ya.

[Dr. Blasphemy]

You are my biggest fan...

[Changeling]

You are my biggest fan...

Hail to the king, baby!

[GelfXIII]

Hail to the king, baby!

It's good to be the king!

[PeterSparker]

It's good to be the king!


They're givin' me 10,000 watts a day you know, and I'm hot to trot. The next woman that takes me out is gonna light up like a pinball machine, and pay off in silver dollars.

[edwardmblake]

They're givin' me 10,000 watts a day you know, and I'm hot to trot. The next woman that takes me out is gonna light up like a pinball machine, and pay off in silver dollars.

Hey, Lighthead! Hey, Christmas Tree!

[Changeling]

Hey, Lighthead! Hey, Christmas Tree!

Santa can't drink any more milk tonight. Santa has a lactose intolerance, it gives him horrible gas pains. You wanna see Santa farting down everyone's chimney?

[Marcdachamp]

Santa can't drink any more milk tonight. Santa has a lactose intolerance, it gives him horrible gas pains. You wanna see Santa farting down everyone's chimney?

It's just like Santa's workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms... and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me...

[PeterSparker]

It's just like Santa's workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms... and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me...

Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca, and the Germans have outlawed miracles.

[Doug]

Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca, and the Germans have outlawed miracles.

Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.

[PeterSparker]

Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.

You have got to buck up, man. You cannot drag this negative energy in to the tournament!

[Dr. Blasphemy]

You have got to buck up, man. You cannot drag this negative energy in to the tournament!

You are so close to defeat that it already reeks of your cheap cologne.

[GelfXIII]

You are so close to defeat that it already reeks of your cheap cologne.

Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls... just wanted to go to sleep forever? Or lips... and when they touched, yours were like... that first swallow of wine... after you just crossed the desert. Tits. Hoo-ah!

[Marcdachamp]

Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls... just wanted to go to sleep forever? Or lips... and when they touched, yours were like... that first swallow of wine... after you just crossed the desert. Tits. Hoo-ah!

Beautiful, naked, big-titted women just don't fall out of the sky, you know.

[PeterSparker]

Beautiful, naked, big-titted women just don't fall out of the sky, you know.

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

[Changeling]

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

Given the type of people you are, and the environment you're in, you have to admit the strong probability that this may be the only chance you will ever have in your entire lives to have sex.

[RegularJoe]

Given the type of people you are, and the environment you're in, you have to admit the strong probability that this may be the only chance you will ever have in your entire lives to have sex.

I wanna stick my tube steak in your sister.

[Donal DeLay]

I wanna stick my tube steak in your sister. Do you know what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?

[FredC]

Do you know what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?

The same thing that happens to everything else.

[Donal DeLay]

The same thing that happens to everything else.Is that so, mister botanical?

[PeterSparker]

Is that so, mister botanical?

I don't get tough with anyone, Mr. Gittes. My lawyer does.

[Uther]

I don't get tough with anyone, Mr. Gittes. My lawyer does.

Look. Garlic. A Mirror. Holy Water. A Crucifix. Fuck off! Get the fuck out of my room! Go!

[PeterSparker]

Look. Garlic. A Mirror. Holy Water. A Crucifix. Fuck off! Get the fuck out of my room! Go!

We're talking paranoid delusional psychosis. I saw the guy's room. Cozy... if you're Hannibal Lecter.

[Changeling]

We're talking paranoid delusional psychosis. I saw the guy's room. Cozy... if you're Hannibal Lecter.

I am the Lizard King! I can do anything!

[Marcdachamp]

I am the Lizard King! I can do anything!

Try to imagine yourself in the Cretaceous Period. You get your first look at this "six foot turkey" as you enter a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement like T-Rex, he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Velociraptor. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side, from the other two 'raptors you didn't even know were there. Because Velociraptor's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this... a six-inch retractable claw, like a razor, on the the middle toe. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He slashes at you here... or here... or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is... you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know... try to show a little respect.

[WinterRose]

I am the Lizard King! I can do anything!

Try to imagine yourself in the Cretaceous Period. You get your first look at this "six foot turkey" as you enter a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement like T-Rex, he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Velociraptor. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side, from the other two 'raptors you didn't even know were there. Because Velociraptor's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this... a six-inch retractable claw, like a razor, on the the middle toe. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He slashes at you here... or here... or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is... you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know... try to show a little respect.

[Changeling]

Try to imagine yourself in the Cretaceous Period. You get your first look at this "six foot turkey" as you enter a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement like T-Rex, he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Velociraptor. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side, from the other two 'raptors you didn't even know were there. Because Velociraptor's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this... a six-inch retractable claw, like a razor, on the the middle toe. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He slashes at you here... or here... or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is... you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know... try to show a little respect.


Try to imagine yourself in the Cretaceous Period. You get your first look at this "six foot turkey" as you enter a clearing. He moves like a bird, lightly, bobbing his head. And you keep still because you think that maybe his visual acuity is based on movement like T-Rex, he'll lose you if you don't move. But no, not Velociraptor. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side, from the other two 'raptors you didn't even know were there. Because Velociraptor's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this... a six-inch retractable claw, like a razor, on the the middle toe. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He slashes at you here... or here... or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is... you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know... try to show a little respect.




You guys twins or something?

[RegularJoe]

You guys twins or something?

We are not indentical twins.

[WinterRose]

We are not indentical twins.

(GAH! Neat! I actually was trying to think of a Godzilla quote first... but defaulted to that.)

[MAK15]

(GAH! Neat! I actually was trying to think of a Godzilla quote first... but defaulted to that.)

IT'S GO-JIRA!!!

[WinterRose]

it's Go-jira!!!

Run Away!! Run Away!!!

[edwardmblake]

Run Away!! Run Away!!!

Run Forrest, Run!!!

[WinterRose]

Run Forrest, Run!!!

Run, Florist! Run!

or:

And now for my next impression... Jesse Owens! *flees*

[Changeling]

Run, Florist! Run!

or:

And now for my next impression... Jesse Owens! *flees*

If you'd like to be a contestant on The Running Man, send a self addressed stamped envelope to I.C.S. Talent Hunt, care of your local affiliate, and then go out and do something really despicable.

[WinterRose]

If you'd like to be a contestant on The Running Man, send a self addressed stamped envelope to I.C.S. Talent Hunt, care of your local affiliate, and then go out and do something really despicable.

What do you do for an encore? Anally rape my grandmother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?

[GelfXIII]

What do you do for an encore? Anally rape my grandmother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?

You're not going to fall for the banana in the tailpipe? It should be more natural, brother. It should flow out, like this - "Look, man, I ain't fallin' for no banana in my tailpipe!" See, that's more natural for us. You been hanging out with this dude too long.

[WinterRose]

You're not going to fall for the banana in the tailpipe? It should be more natural, brother. It should flow out, like this - "Look, man, I ain't fallin' for no banana in my tailpipe!" See, that's more natural for us. You been hanging out with this dude too long.

I have sampled every language, French is my favorite. Fantastic language. Especially to curse with. Nom de dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperie de connard d'enculé de ta mère. It's like wiping your arse with silk. I love it.

[WinterRose]

Well, since no one had a reply to that one, I'll answer my own last with a quote appropriate to the day:

I have since heard of people under extreme duress speaking in strange tongues. I became conscious that a steady torrent of obscenities and swearing of all kinds was pouring out of me as I screamed.

[Marcdachamp]

Shut the fuck up, GoBot!

[WinterRose]

Shut the fuck up, GoBot!

You know... You're a classic example of the inverse ratio of the size of the mouth, and the size of the brain.

[Changeling]

You know... You're a classic example of the inverse ratio of the size of the mouth, and the size of the brain.

Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?

[ZombieSpeedball]

Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?

When you're smart, people need you. You can use your mind creatively.

[RegularJoe]

When you're smart, people need you. You can use your mind creatively.

movies don't make psychos. movies make psychos more creative!

[GelfXIII]

movies don't make psychos. movies make psychos more creative!

From that fateful day when stinking bits of slime first crawled from the sea and shouted to the cold stars, "I am man.", our greatest dread has always been the knowledge of our mortality. But tonight, we shall hurl the gauntlet of science into the frightful face of death itself. Tonight, we shall ascend into the heavens. We shall mock the earthquake. We shall command the thunders, and penetrate into the very womb of impervious nature herself.

[Changeling]

From that fateful day when stinking bits of slime first crawled from the sea and shouted to the cold stars, "I am man.", our greatest dread has always been the knowledge of our mortality. But tonight, we shall hurl the gauntlet of science into the frightful face of death itself. Tonight, we shall ascend into the heavens. We shall mock the earthquake. We shall command the thunders, and penetrate into the very womb of impervious nature herself.

Yes! Ohh, ha, ha, ha! I like it!

[PeterSparker]

Yes! Ohh, ha, ha, ha! I like it!

Laugh it up, Fuzzball!

[WinterRose]

Laugh it up, Fuzzball!

P-p-please, Eddie! Don't throw me out. Don't you realize you're making a big mistake? I didn't kill anybody. I swear! The whole thing's a set up. A scam, a frame job. Ow! Eddie, I could never hurt anybody. Oow! My whole purpose in life is to make... people... laugh!

[Marcdachamp]

P-p-please, Eddie! Don't throw me out. Don't you realize you're making a big mistake? I didn't kill anybody. I swear! The whole thing's a set up. A scam, a frame job. Ow! Eddie, I could never hurt anybody. Oow! My whole purpose in life is to make... people... laugh!

Shit! Now where am I gonna bring chicks to fuck when my mom's home?

[Changeling]

Shit! Now where am I gonna bring chicks to fuck when my mom's home?

The garbage shoot was a wonderful idea.

[PeterSparker]

The garbage shoot was a wonderful idea.

Well, here's a another nice mess you've gotten me into.

[WinterRose]

Well, here's a another nice mess you've gotten me into.

What about that time I found you naked with that bowl of Jell-O?

[Marcdachamp]

What about that time I found you naked with that bowl of Jell-O?

The girls might see my doodle!

[Changeling]

The girls might see my doodle!

We could put up wanted posters all over school: Have you seen this prick? Report immediately to Beula Balbricker. Do not attempt to apprehend this prick, as it is armed and dangerous. It was last seen hanging out in the girls' locker room at Angel Beach High School.

[PeterSparker]

We could put up wanted posters all over school: Have you seen this prick? Report immediately to Beula Balbricker. Do not attempt to apprehend this prick, as it is armed and dangerous. It was last seen hanging out in the girls' locker room at Angel Beach High School.


Look at you: member of the honor roll, assistant to the assistant manager of the movie theater. I'm tellin' ya, Rat, if this girl can't smell your qualifications, then who needs her, right?

[GelfXIII]

Look at you: member of the honor roll, assistant to the assistant manager of the movie theater. I'm tellin' ya, Rat, if this girl can't smell your qualifications, then who needs her, right?

No more of these informal chats! If you have a disciplinary issue with me, write me up or suspend me and I'll see you at the Parent-Teacher conference.

[Changeling]

No more of these informal chats! If you have a disciplinary issue with me, write me up or suspend me and I'll see you at the Parent-Teacher conference.

We're on double-secret probation, whatever that is. We can't afford to have a toga party.

[PeterSparker]

We're on double-secret probation, whatever that is. We can't afford to have a toga party. Relax, would you? We have seventy dollars and a pair of girls underpants. We're safe as kittens.

[Changeling]

Relax, would you? We have seventy dollars and a pair of girls underpants. We're safe as kittens.

Let's have a bachelor party! With chicks, and guns, and fire trucks, and hookers, and drugs, and booze!

[edwardmblake]

Let's have a bachelor party! With chicks, and guns, and fire trucks, and hookers, and drugs, and booze!

Now when I say I'm with you, I don't mean I understand where you're coming from; I mean, I'm with you.

[PeterSparker]

Let's have a bachelor party! With chicks, and guns, and fire trucks, and hookers, and drugs, and booze!Damn! You Mu's sure can party!

[Changeling]

Damn! You Mu's sure can party!

Cream corn wrestling!

[GelfXIII]

Cream corn wrestling!

Today it rained Champagne! A son was born again! A genius untamed! A life of wealth and fame, wealth and fame! Champagne flowing down just like rain, Caviar breakfasts every day. Merchant banks and yachts at Cannes! Servants and cars and private sand...

[PeterSparker]

Today it rained Champagne! A son was born again! A genius untamed! A life of wealth and fame, wealth and fame! Champagne flowing down just like rain, Caviar breakfasts every day. Merchant banks and yachts at Cannes! Servants and cars and private sand...

Michael, You're sitting high up in the Sierra Mountains and you're drinking Champagne cocktails! And you're passing judgement on how I run my family.

[Changeling]

Michael, You're sitting high up in the Sierra Mountains and you're drinking Champagne cocktails! And you're passing judgement on how I run my family.

You know what mom? You know what I'm gonna get you next Christmas? A big wooden cross, so every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb up and nail yourself to it.

[Uther]

You know what mom? You know what I'm gonna get you next Christmas? A big wooden cross, so every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb up and nail yourself to it.

You are trash, dear. Throw yourself in the bin. The bin, sweetie. The fucking bin.

[Changeling]

You are trash, dear. Throw yourself in the bin. The bin, sweetie. The fucking bin.

I'm a trifle deaf in this ear. Speak a little louder next time.

[WinterRose]

I'm a trifle deaf in this ear. Speak a little louder next time.

How can you be deaf with ears like that?

[Changeling]

How can you be deaf with ears like that?

Well, that's the doggonedest thing... I haven't heard anything out of that ear since I was a kid. Must have been that jump in the cold water.

[Marcdachamp]

Well, that's the doggonedest thing... I haven't heard anything out of that ear since I was a kid. Must have been that jump in the cold water.

You think water moves fast? You should see ice. It moves like it has a mind. Like it knows it killed the world once and got a taste for murder. After the avalanche, it took us a week to climb out. Now, I don't know exactly when we turned on each other, but I know that seven of us survived the slide... and only five made it out. Now we took an oath, that I'm breaking now. We said we'd say it was the snow that killed the other two, but it wasn't. Nature is lethal but it doesn't hold a candle to man.

[PeterSparker]

You think water moves fast? You should see ice. It moves like it has a mind. Like it knows it killed the world once and got a taste for murder. After the avalanche, it took us a week to climb out. Now, I don't know exactly when we turned on each other, but I know that seven of us survived the slide... and only five made it out. Now we took an oath, that I'm breaking now. We said we'd say it was the snow that killed the other two, but it wasn't. Nature is lethal but it doesn't hold a candle to man.

You know, ordinarily we say anything you might remember could be helpful. But I'll be frank with you, Fink. That is not helpful.

[Uther]

You know, ordinarily we say anything you might remember could be helpful. But I'll be frank with you, Fink. That is not helpful.

I said I was impressed. I'm beside myself with jealousy. What do you want me to do, throw up?

[PeterSparker]

I said I was impressed. I'm beside myself with jealousy. What do you want me to do, throw up?

I'll have you know that I have the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose. Throw it. I DARE YOU!

[WinterRose]

I'll have you know that I have the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose. Throw it. I DARE YOU!

Oh yeah? I Double DOG dare you!

[PeterSparker]

Oh yeah? I Double DOG dare you!

My attorney understands this concept, despite his racial handicap. But do you?

[WinterRose]

My attorney understands this concept, despite his racial handicap. But do you?

Who do you think you're talkin' to? Huh? Who the FUCK do you think you're talkin' to?? You think I'm your wife?? YOU WANNA FUCK ME?? WELL DON'T MESS WITH ME! Cos' if you wanna mess with me, you better have a sense of humour the size of Lake Michigan to find something to laugh about! And if I give you a rubber duck to work with, THAT IS THE NEWS! Do you onderstand? OH!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND??

[Thommy Melanson]

Who do you think you're talkin' to? Huh? Who the FUCK do you think you're talkin' to?? You think I'm your wife?? YOU WANNA FUCK ME?? WELL DON'T MESS WITH ME! Cos' if you wanna mess with me, you better have a sense of humour the size of Lake Michigan to find something to laugh about! And if I give you a rubber duck to work with, THAT IS THE NEWS! Do you onderstand? OH!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND??

Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?

[Changeling]

Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?

My girlfriend still doesn't know why her sweaters are always stretched out.

[WinterRose]

My girlfriend still doesn't know why her sweaters are always stretched out.

NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!!

[PeterSparker]

NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!!

LOUD NOISES!

[Japhy Ryder]

LOUD NOISES!

Someone's poisoned the water hole!

[PeterSparker]

Someone's poisoned the water hole!

Mandrake, do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk... ice cream. Ice cream, Mandrake, children's ice cream.

[WinterRose]

Mandrake, do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk... ice cream. Ice cream, Mandrake, children's ice cream.

Ever been to Utah? Ra-di-a-tion. Yes, indeed. You hear the most outrageous lies about it. Half-baked goggle-box do-gooders telling everybody it's bad for you. Pernicious nonsense. Everybody could stand a hundred chest X-rays a year. They ought to have them, too. When they canceled the project it almost did me in. One day my mind was full to bursting. The next day - nothing. Swept away. But I'll show them. I had a lobotomy in the end.

Friend of mine had one. Designer of the neutron bomb. You ever hear of the neutron bomb? Destroys people - leaves buildings standing. Fits in a suitcase. It's so small, no one knows it's there until - BLAMMO. Eyes melt, skin explodes, everybody dead. So immoral, working on the thing can drive you mad. That's what happened to this friend of mine. So he had a lobotomy. Now he's well again.

[PeterSparker]

Ever been to Utah? Ra-di-a-tion. Yes, indeed. You hear the most outrageous lies about it. Half-baked goggle-box do-gooders telling everybody it's bad for you. Pernicious nonsense. Everybody could stand a hundred chest X-rays a year. They ought to have them, too. When they canceled the project it almost did me in. One day my mind was full to bursting. The next day - nothing. Swept away. But I'll show them. I had a lobotomy in the end.

Friend of mine had one. Designer of the neutron bomb. You ever hear of the neutron bomb? Destroys people - leaves buildings standing. Fits in a suitcase. It's so small, no one knows it's there until - BLAMMO. Eyes melt, skin explodes, everybody dead. So immoral, working on the thing can drive you mad. That's what happened to this friend of mine. So he had a lobotomy. Now he's well again.


Check out the big brain on Brett!

[Changeling]

Check out the big brain on Brett!

When you're smart, people need you.

[PeterSparker]

When you're smart, people need you.

We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.

[Changeling]

We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together.

You are a closet heterosexual.

[PeterSparker]

You are a closet heterosexual.

You know how I know you're gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women any more.

[Changeling]

You know how I know you're gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women any more.

I'll mold you into a heterosexual with my bare hands.

[PimpSlapStick!]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop right there. Eating the bitch out and giving the bitch a foot massage ain't even the same fucking thing.

[PeterSparker]

I'll mold you into a heterosexual with my bare hands.

Look upon me! I'll show you the life of the mind!

[PimpSlapStick!]

Look upon me! I'll show you the life of the mind!

look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine, but you know, touchin' his wife's feet and sticking your tongue and the holiest of holies ain't "the same fucking ballpark." It ain't the same league, it ain't even the same fucking sport. Look, foot massages don't mean shit.

[Donal DeLay]

You're a bit slow for someone in the fast lane.

[PimpSlapStick!]

You're a bit slow for someone in the fast lane.

What does Marsellus Wallace look like?

[PimpSlapStick!]

Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!

[Changeling]

Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!

Listen pal, you're client's a scumbag, you're a scumbag, and scumbags see the judge on Monday morning

[changingshades]

Listen pal, you're client's a scumbag, you're a scumbag, and scumbags see the judge on Monday morning

You better shut that cunt up before I go over there and fuck start her head!

[WinterRose]

You better shut that cunt up before I go over there and fuck start her head!

Anything you put in my mouth you're gonna lose. ... All right. But you should know that sudden serious brain injury causes the victim to bite down hard. In fact, I hear the bite reflex is so strong they have to pry the victims jaws open with a crowbar.

[RegularJoe]

Anything you put in my mouth you're gonna lose. ... All right. But you should know that sudden serious brain injury causes the victim to bite down hard. In fact, I hear the bite reflex is so strong they have to pry the victims jaws open with a crowbar.

I'm gonna get some hardcore nigger down here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch.

[Marcdachamp]

I'm gonna get some hardcore nigger down here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch.

Fuck that! I'm doing this old school!

[WinterRose]

Oh no... I'm back in school... I can't believe I'm back in school!

*wakes up from the nightmare to find he's being tortured with whips by Nazis.*

Oh thank god...

[Japhy Ryder]

What if I told you that what you saw last night was only a game? Merely staged?

[WinterRose]

What if I told you that what you saw last night was only a game? Merely staged?

I don't know. Is that the sort of thing you think you're likely to say?

[Marriedtoit]

I don't know. Is that the sort of thing you think you're likely to say?


"IS EVERYBODY GAY"?

[Japhy Ryder]

You're gay for saying that.

[Howlett]

"IS EVERYBODY GAY"?

*wakes up suddenly*

I didn't cum in you Pete, I swear...

:shock:

[WinterRose]

*wakes up suddenly*

I didn't cum in you Pete, I swear...

:shock:

Uh, no, Josie, the expression is "top of the morning." And it's just barely morning!

[changingshades]

As usual, I'm just presenting the grim facts. Colonel Secord doesn't seem to understand that the coffee tastes better when the latrines are dug downstream instead of upstream. How do you like *your* coffee, Colonel?

[Changeling]

As usual, I'm just presenting the grim facts. Colonel Secord doesn't seem to understand that the coffee tastes better when the latrines are dug downstream instead of upstream. How do you like *your* coffee, Colonel?

C'mon, make that coffee to go

[changingshades]

It's all in the grind, Sizemore. Can't be too fine. Can't be too coarse. This, my friend, is a science. I mean you're looking at the guy that believed all the commercials. You know. About the "be all you can be." I made *coffee* through Desert storm. I made *coffee* through Panama while everyone else got to fight. Got to be a Ranger. Now it's "Grimesy, black, one sugar" or "Grimesy, got a powdered anywhere?"

[Changeling]

It's all in the grind, Sizemore. Can't be too fine. Can't be too coarse. This, my friend, is a science. I mean you're looking at the guy that believed all the commercials. You know. About the "be all you can be." I made *coffee* through Desert storm. I made *coffee* through Panama while everyone else got to fight. Got to be a Ranger. Now it's "Grimesy, black, one sugar" or "Grimesy, got a powdered anywhere?"

Captain, we've run out of coffee!

[WinterRose]

Captain, we've run out of coffee!

Fellas, don't drink that coffee! You would never guess... there was a FISH in the percolator...

[Marcdachamp]

Fellas, don't drink that coffee! You would never guess... there was a FISH in the percolator...

I left the coffee pot on all night, didn't I?

[WinterRose]

I left the coffee pot on all night, didn't I?
Well, that's where you're right. But - and I am only saying that because I care - there's a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing

[PeterSparker]

Well, that's where you're right. But - and I am only saying that because I care - there's a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing


Put. That coffee. Down. - Coffee's for closers only.

[WinterRose]

Put. That coffee. Down. - Coffee's for closers only.

"Hey Plettschner! COFFEE BREAK!!"

[Changeling]

"Hey Plettschner! COFFEE BREAK!!"

Mmmm! Goddamn, Jimmie! This is some serious gourmet shit! Usually, me and Vince would be happy with some freeze-dried Taster's Choice right, but he springs this serious GOURMET shit on us! What flavor is this?

[Marcdachamp]

Mmmm! Goddamn, Jimmie! This is some serious gourmet shit! Usually, me and Vince would be happy with some freeze-dried Taster's Choice right, but he springs this serious GOURMET shit on us! What flavor is this?

I don't need you to tell me how fucking good my coffee is, okay? I'm the one who buys it. I know how good it is. When Bonnie goes shopping she buys SHIT. I buy the gourmet expensive stuff because when I drink it I want to taste it. But you know what's on my mind right now? It AIN'T the coffee in my kitchen, it's the dead n***er in my garage.

[Changeling]

I don't need you to tell me how fucking good my coffee is, okay? I'm the one who buys it. I know how good it is. When Bonnie goes shopping she buys SHIT. I buy the gourmet expensive stuff because when I drink it I want to taste it. But you know what's on my mind right now? It AIN'T the coffee in my kitchen, it's the dead n***er in my garage.

It is his fault he didn't lock the garage

[PeterSparker]

It is his fault he didn't lock the garage

No I didn't. Honest... I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD.

[GelfXIII]

No I didn't. Honest... I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD.

Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria.

[PeterSparker]

Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria.

God damn you Walter! You fuckin' asshole! Everything's a fuckin' travesty with you, man! And what was all that shit about Vietnam? What the FUCK, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about?

[GelfXIII]

God damn you Walter! You fuckin' asshole! Everything's a fuckin' travesty with you, man! And what was all that shit about Vietnam? What the FUCK, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the fuck are you talking about?

You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.

[PeterSparker]

You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.

All right, ya hayseeds, it's a stick-up! Everybody freeze. Everybody down on the ground.

[FredC]

All right, ya hayseeds, it's a stick-up! Everybody freeze. Everybody down on the ground.

Ya'll wanna be staring intently at your own belly buttons.

[Uther]

Ya'll wanna be staring intently at your own belly buttons.

What do you think? Feel that one. There's no crevice. Feel it.

[Changeling]

What do you think? Feel that one. There's no crevice. Feel it.

I guess I was wrong about you. You're not an asshole after all.

[Uther]

I guess I was wrong about you. You're not an asshole after all.

I like your boobs. They're very friendly and unpretentious.

[Marcdachamp]

I like your boobs. They're very friendly and unpretentious.

So Barry sucked on his first boobie last night.

[GelfXIII]

So Barry sucked on his first boobie last night.

Aw, don't listen to that jack-off. Look at those gazongas. You'll never get a better chance.

[WinterRose]

Aw, don't listen to that jack-off. Look at those gazongas. You'll never get a better chance.

What was that? This is not a chawade. Totaw concentwation is required. When you concentwate on the fingeww, you miss all the heavenly glooowy. Now. Again. With feeeewing.

[edwardmblake]

What was that? This is not a chawade. Totaw concentwation is required. When you concentwate on the fingeww, you miss all the heavenly glooowy. Now. Again. With feeeewing.

Snootchie Bootchies? Who the fuck talks like that? That is fucking baby talk.

[Changeling]

Snootchie Bootchies? Who the fuck talks like that? That is fucking baby talk.

It's K-K-K-Ken, c-c-c-coming to k-k-k-kill me! How are you going to c-c-c-catch me, K-K-K-Ken?

[edwardmblake]

It's K-K-K-Ken, c-c-c-coming to k-k-k-kill me! How are you going to c-c-c-catch me, K-K-K-Ken?

Ya motherfucker! I almost had him, I almost had him. Ya stuttering prick ya. Frankie, was he shaking? I wonder about you sometimes, Henry. You may fold under questioning.

[Changeling]

Ya motherfucker! I almost had him, I almost had him. Ya stuttering prick ya. Frankie, was he shaking? I wonder about you sometimes, Henry. You may fold under questioning.

Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?

[PeterSparker]

Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?

Hey D- D- Danny, who's your fr- fr- fr- fr- guest?

[Changeling]

Hey D- D- Danny, who's your fr- fr- fr- fr- guest?

My friend Rag, here, is multilingual. He's flipping you off in 45 languages.

[Marcdachamp]

Hey D- D- Danny, who's your fr- fr- fr- fr- guest?

'm not gonna go to the end of the fucking line, who the fuck are you? I have just as much of a right to be here as any of these little skanky girls. What, am I not skanky enough for you, you want me to hike up my fucking skirt? What the fuck is your problem? I'm not going anywhere, you're just some roided out freak with a fucking clipboard. And your stupid little fucking rope! You know what, you may have power now but you are not god. You're a doorman, okay. You're a doorman, doorman, doorman, doorman, doorman, so... Fuck You! You fucking fag with your fucking little faggy gloves.

[PeterSparker]

My friend Rag, here, is multilingual. He's flipping you off in 45 languages.

You assholes almost broke my pussy finger!

[edwardmblake]

You assholes almost broke my pussy finger!

Did you tell him about the Twinkie?

[PeterSparker]

Did you tell him about the Twinkie?

Leave the gun. Take the cannolis.

[Changeling]

Leave the gun. Take the cannolis.

Let me say it one more time: I have a gun, it's loaded, shut up, okay?

[edwardmblake]

Let me say it one more time: I have a gun, it's loaded, shut up, okay?

Hey hey hey! Listen, if we're going, shouldn't I have a gun?

[GelfXIII]

Let me say it one more time: I have a gun, it's loaded, shut up, okay?

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think? *











my first Serenity quote. Ahhhhh..... feels so good to let that one out. :D

[Marcdachamp]

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think? *











my first Serenity quote. Ahhhhh..... feels so good to let that one out. :D

Brick, where did you get a hand grenade?

[changingshades]

Brick, where did you get a hand grenade?

A Reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20:



Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

[PeterSparker]

A Reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20:



Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

You see the whole culture. Nazis, deodorant salesmen, wrestlers, beauty contests, a talk show. Can you imagine the level of a mind that watches wrestling? But the worst are the fundamentalist preachers. Third grade con men telling the poor suckers that watch them that they speak with Jesus, and to please send in money. Money, money, money! If Jesus came back and saw what's going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.

[WinterRose]

You see the whole culture. Nazis, deodorant salesmen, wrestlers, beauty contests, a talk show. Can you imagine the level of a mind that watches wrestling? But the worst are the fundamentalist preachers. Third grade con men telling the poor suckers that watch them that they speak with Jesus, and to please send in money. Money, money, money! If Jesus came back and saw what's going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing up.

I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's work, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad.

You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, Goddamnit! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

[Changeling]

I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's work, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad.

You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, Goddamnit! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"


O Captain, my Captain.

[PeterSparker]

O Captain, my Captain.

General Zod does not take orders. He gives them.

[WinterRose]

General Zod does not take orders. He gives them.

Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke.

[chazbot]

Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke.

No, my friend was jack..lacking.. He was jackalacking around to it.

[PeterSparker]

No, my friend was jack..lacking.. He was jackalacking around to it.

That's easy. Who's your favorite actor? Clint Eastwood. The Outlaw Josey Wales, man. The Man with No Name. He always doubles back for a friend.

[WinterRose]

That's easy. Who's your favorite actor? Clint Eastwood. The Outlaw Josey Wales, man. The Man with No Name. He always doubles back for a friend.

"GODDAMMIT! YA NEVER LEAVE A MAN BEHIND!!!"

[PeterSparker]

"GODDAMMIT! YA NEVER LEAVE A MAN BEHIND!!!"

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

[MAK15]

Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

that's not a woman...that's a man baby!

[PeterSparker]

that's not a woman...that's a man baby!

I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.

[Marcdachamp]

I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.

Come on, guys. I'm a respected member of the scientific community. I've been published in four journals.

[PeterSparker]

Come on, guys. I'm a respected member of the scientific community. I've been published in four journals.

My name is Richie Cunningham, and this is my lovely wife, Oprah

[Changeling]

My name is Richie Cunningham, and this is my lovely wife, Oprah

Baby, you make me wish I had three hands.

[Sam Little]

Baby, you make me wish I had three hands.

I never thought it could be like that.That was the most exciting sexual encounter - without actually having it - that I ever, almost had.

[PeterSparker]

I never thought it could be like that.That was the most exciting sexual encounter - without actually having it - that I ever, almost had.

My dear family, guess what. Today I found out what my special purpose is for. Gosh what a great time I had. I wish my whole family could have been here with me. Maybe some other time as I intend to do this a lot. Every chance I get. I think next week I'll be able to send some more money as I may have extra work. My friend Patty promised me a blow job. Your loving son, Navin.

[Changeling]

My dear family, guess what. Today I found out what my special purpose is for. Gosh what a great time I had. I wish my whole family could have been here with me. Maybe some other time as I intend to do this a lot. Every chance I get. I think next week I'll be able to send some more money as I may have extra work. My friend Patty promised me a blow job. Your loving son, Navin.

What if they took a shower together, Aunt Blanche and Nora? If I could walk in and see that, I would thank God and become a rabbi.

[PeterSparker]

What if they took a shower together, Aunt Blanche and Nora? If I could walk in and see that, I would thank God and become a rabbi.

Okay, so I had one guy fucking me from behind and two guys dressed as cops in my mouth and all I could think was, "I like acting. I wanna study."

[edwardmblake]

Okay, so I had one guy fucking me from behind and two guys dressed as cops in my mouth and all I could think was, "I like acting. I wanna study."

I'll have what she's having.

[Changeling]

I'll have what she's having.

No time for love, Dr. Jones.

[FredC]

Okay, so I had one guy fucking me from behind and two guys dressed as cops in my mouth and all I could think was, "I like acting. I wanna study."

"Prepare to be fucked by the long dick of the law."

[PeterSparker]

I'll have what she's having.

Dude, it's not a big deal that you like to fuck guys. I'm cool, I got friends who fuck guys... in jail.

[FredC]

No time for love, Dr. Jones.

Don't you see what I'm trying to tell you, I love you!

[WinterRose]

I'll have what she's having.

Bring me my stunt cock.

[Changeling]

Don't you see what I'm trying to tell you, I love you!

Once you have a man with no legs, you never go back, baby!

[FredC]

Once you have a man with no legs, you never go back, baby!

I have a dog with no nose.

[WinterRose]

I have a dog with no nose.

Nope. Not even holes. Think how disturbing that would be, AAAAHHH!!!

[FredC]

Nope. Not even holes. Think how disturbing that would be, AAAAHHH!!!

What kind of sin could a man commit in a single lifetime to bring this upon himself?

(Also::lol:)

[Changeling]

What kind of sin could a man commit in a single lifetime to bring this upon himself?

(Also::lol:)

No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater than central air.

[edwardmblake]

No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater than central air.

Here at Air America, what's considered psychotic behavior anywhere else is company policy.

[WinterRose]

Here at Air America, what's considered psychotic behavior anywhere else is company policy.

No, no. Psychopaths kill for no reason. I kill for *money*. It's a *job*. That didn't come out right.

[Changeling]

No, no. Psychopaths kill for no reason. I kill for *money*. It's a *job*. That didn't come out right.

You are jeopardizing your retirement benefits!

[PeterSparker]

You are jeopardizing your retirement benefits!

The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team.

[Changeling]

The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team.

Piss on you. I'm working for Mel Brooks!

[WinterRose]

Piss on you. I'm working for Mel Brooks!

LEAVE US ALONE, MEL BROOKS!

[GelfXIII]

LEAVE US ALONE, MEL BROOKS!

All right, you win. You win. I give. I'll say it. I'll say it. I'll say it. DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME! DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME!

[PeterSparker]

All right, you win. You win. I give. I'll say it. I'll say it. I'll say it. DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME! DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME!

By Grabthar's hammer, we live to tell the tale!

[WinterRose]

By Grabthar's hammer, we live to tell the tale!
'
Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?

[Changeling]

'
Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?

I was in the bath one day, when I realized why I was destined for greatness.

[edwardmblake]

I was in the bath one day, when I realized why I was destined for greatness.

I'm standing here with my dork in my hand!

[PeterSparker]

I'm standing here with my dork in my hand!

I'm looking forward to seeing you in action. Jack says you've got a great big cock.

[RegularJoe]

I'm looking forward to seeing you in action. Jack says you've got a great big cock.

I haven't been fucked like that since grade school.

[Changeling]

I haven't been fucked like that since grade school.

What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose tiger.

[RegularJoe]

What is it about good sex that makes me have to crap? You really jarred something loose tiger.

you're not gonna shit right for a week.

[GelfXIII]

you're not gonna shit right for a week.

Orange whip? Orange whip? 3 Orange whips.

[Changeling]

Orange whip? Orange whip? 3 Orange whips.

I am not complaining, but I usually don't like my filth this clean.

[PeterSparker]

I am not complaining, but I usually don't like my filth this clean.

Yo, you guys are gonna miss this shit! The big guy's gonna cornhole that ass! With his weiner!

[GelfXIII]

Yo, you guys are gonna miss this shit! The big guy's gonna cornhole that ass! With his weiner!

Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

[PeterSparker]

Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.

[Changeling]

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.

Larry Bird doesn't do as much ball-handling in one night as you do in an hour!

[Marcdachamp]

Larry Bird doesn't do as much ball-handling in one night as you do in an hour!

I can't believe you came on my Mom.

[Changeling]

I can't believe you came on my Mom.

I didn't do nothing, man. I was just washing her hair and it all came out.

[GelfXIII]

I can't believe you came on my Mom.

Do you think it's getting weird around here?

[PeterSparker]

Do you think it's getting weird around here?

Bazooko's Circus is what the whole hep world would be doing Saturday nights if the Nazis had won the war. This was the Sixth Reich.

[Changeling]

Do you think it's getting weird around here?

Where's your will to be weird?

[PeterSparker]

Where's your will to be weird?

You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bow staff.

[WinterRose]

You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bow staff.
Three civil brawls, bred of an airy word by thee, old Capulet, and you, Montague... if ever you disturb our streets again, your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peace.

[GelfXIII]

Three civil brawls, bred of an airy word by thee, old Capulet, and you, Montague... if ever you disturb our streets again, your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peace.

For over a thousand years, Roman conquerors returning from the wars enjoyed the honor of a triumph - a tumultuous parade. In the procession came trumpeters and musicians and strange animals from the conquered territories, together with carts laden with treasure and captured armaments. The conqueror rode in a triumphal chariot, the dazed prisoners walking in chains before him. Sometimes his children, robed in white, stood with him in the chariot, or rode the trace horses. A slave stood behind the conqueror, holding a golden crown, and whispering in his ear a warning: that all glory is fleeting.

[WinterRose]

For over a thousand years, Roman conquerors returning from the wars enjoyed the honor of a triumph - a tumultuous parade. In the procession came trumpeters and musicians and strange animals from the conquered territories, together with carts laden with treasure and captured armaments. The conqueror rode in a triumphal chariot, the dazed prisoners walking in chains before him. Sometimes his children, robed in white, stood with him in the chariot, or rode the trace horses. A slave stood behind the conqueror, holding a golden crown, and whispering in his ear a warning: that all glory is fleeting.

And now... a musical interlude.

[PSEUDOLUS]

Hail, Miles Gloriosus.
Welcome to Rome.
Your bride awaits you.

[MILES]

My bride...

My bride!
My bride!
I've come to claim my bride,
Come tenderly to crush her against my side.

Let haste be made!
I cannot be delayed:
There are lands to conquer, cities to loot and peoples to degrade.

[SOLDIERS]

Look at those arms!
Look at that chest!
Look at them!

[MILES]

Not to mention the rest.
Even I am impressed!

My bride!
My bride!
Come, bring to me my bride.

My lust for her no longer can be denied.
Convey the news!
I have no time to lose:
There are towns to plunder, temples to burn and women to abuse.

[SOLDIERS]

Look at that foot!
Look at that heel!
Mark the magnificent muscles of steel!

[MILES]

I am my ideal!
I, Miles Gloriosus,
I, slaughterer of thousands,
I, oppressor of the meek,
Subduer of the weak,
Degrader of the Greek,
Destroyer of the Turk,
Must hurry back to work.

[MILES & ROMANS:]

I/he, Miles Gloriosus,

[SOLDIERS]

A man among men!

[MILES & ROMANS:]

I/he, paragon of virtue,

[SOLDIERS]

With sword and with pen!

[MILES]

I, in war the most admired,
In wit the most inspired,
In love the most desired,
In dress the best displayed--
I am a parade!

[SOLDIERS]

Look at those eyes, cunning and keen,
Look at the size of those thighs, like a mighty machine!

[PSEUDOLUS]

Those are the mightiest thighs that I ever have theen!
I mean...

[MILES]

My bride!
My bride!
Inform my lucky bride:
The fabled arms of
Miles are open wide.

Make haste!
Make haste!
I have no time to waste:

There are shrines
I should be sacking,
Ribs I should be cracking,
Eyes to gouge and booty to divide.
Bring me my bride!

-"My Bride", from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

[GelfXIII]

And now... a musical interlude.

[PSEUDOLUS]
-"My Bride", from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum[/I]

Frederic.

Oh, is there not one maiden breast
Which does not feel the moral beauty
Of making worldly interest
Subordinate to sense of duty?
Who would not give up willingly
All matrimonial ambition,
To rescue such a one as I
From his unfortunate position?
From his position,
To rescue such a one as I
From his unfortunate position?

Chorus.

Alas! there’s not one maiden breast
Which seems to feel the moral beauty
Of making worldly interest
Subordinate to sense of duty!

[WinterRose]

There's a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. T'would be a pity to damage yours.

[Changeling]

There's a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. T'would be a pity to damage yours.

You want me to grab those, see if they're real again?

[PeterSparker]

You want me to grab those, see if they're real again?

What knockers!

[Changeling]

What knockers!

I'm not wearing any pants. Film at eleven.

[PeterSparker]

I'm not wearing any pants. Film at eleven.

All these assholes on the internet are calling us names because of this stupid fucking movie.

[Changeling]

All these assholes on the internet are calling us names because of this stupid fucking movie.

Our past histories speak for themselves. No one's going to think we're gay.

[PeterSparker]

Our past histories speak for themselves. No one's going to think we're gay.

Chicks dig me, because I rarely wear underwear and when I do it's usually something unusual. But now I know why I have always lost women to guys like you. I mean, it's not just the uniform. It's the stories that you tell. So much fun and imagination. [points to the soldier next to him] Lee Harvey, you are a madman. When you stole that cow, and your friend tried to make it with the cow. I want to party with you, cowboy.

[GelfXIII]

Chicks dig me, because I rarely wear underwear and when I do it's usually something unusual. But now I know why I have always lost women to guys like you. I mean, it's not just the uniform. It's the stories that you tell. So much fun and imagination. [points to the soldier next to him] Lee Harvey, you are a madman. When you stole that cow, and your friend tried to make it with the cow. I want to party with you, cowboy.

The Cowboys are finished, you understand? I see a red sash, I kill the man wearin' it!

[Changeling]

The Cowboys are finished, you understand? I see a red sash, I kill the man wearin' it!

You make murder sound so sexual.

[GelfXIII]

You make murder sound so sexual.

I've been trying to figure something in my head, and maybe you can help me out, yeah? When a person is insane, as you clearly are, do you know that you're insane? Maybe you're just sitting around, reading "Guns and Ammo", masturbating in your own feces, do you just stop and go, "Wow! It is amazing how fucking crazy I really am!"? Yeah. Do you guys do that?

[Changeling]

I've been trying to figure something in my head, and maybe you can help me out, yeah? When a person is insane, as you clearly are, do you know that you're insane? Maybe you're just sitting around, reading "Guns and Ammo", masturbating in your own feces, do you just stop and go, "Wow! It is amazing how fucking crazy I really am!"? Yeah. Do you guys do that?

Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

[PeterSparker]

Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. And you must be the Monopoly guy! [whispering] Thanks for the free parking.

[Changeling]

Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. And you must be the Monopoly guy! [whispering] Thanks for the free parking.

I get ten dollars for cars. I get twenty dollars for limos. What the Hell is this?!

[Marcdachamp]

I get ten dollars for cars. I get twenty dollars for limos. What the Hell is this?!

A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile.

[GelfXIII]

A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile.

It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?

[edwardmblake]

It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?

Ahh... the Mirth-Mobile...

[ZombieSpeedball]

Ahh... the Mirth-Mobile...

Where's your car, dude?

[GelfXIII]

Where's your car, dude?

Everyone remember where we parked.

[Changeling]

Everyone remember where we parked.

Your car is uglier than I am. Oops, that didn't come out right.