View Full Version : Fundamental Truths for the Young People of Today.

mike black
08-27-2007, 10:40 PM
(AKA The Consolidated Bill of What You Weren't Taught In School.)

The only people who ever snag threesomes have had VD at some point in their lives.

Everyone has a flag to wave. Deal with it.

Disagreement does not mean War. Civility is key in any situation where you expect respect and to be heard.

Yelling is for when you don't have a catchy opener. Eventually everyone covers their ears.

Despite what you may think, everyone who is telling you something about how you should live, doesn't know how to run their own lives (including this document!)

If you've thought of something strategic to say - you weren't really listening in the first place.

Darwinism isn't just for lifeforms. Politics, Economics, Religion, and Societies are also subject to these rules. Learn to adapt.

Smut is only degrading if you think it's real.

Shannon likes Noir because Bendis likes Noir.

If you're shocked by anything people in this world can do, you're behind the times.

People in the media always have something to say. People who have something to say, are often quiet. People who are always quiet are always watching the media.

I'm just as full of shit as you are.

The internet is mostly wrong.

Forming an argument without documentation of your claims is foolish and a waste of time. That's what citations are for. Every point you make must be as if it were a spoken essay. But much less boring.

(Come on! Add some of your own!)

Matt O'Keefe
08-27-2007, 10:43 PM
Shannon likes Noir because Bendis likes Noir.


Jason California
08-27-2007, 10:44 PM
Most people are dumb so don't expect more.

Farming was started in order to have alcohol always be available.

mike black
08-27-2007, 10:48 PM

I really wish I had "Mjoln-owned" available right now...

c. page
08-27-2007, 10:50 PM
You aren't entitled to anything. Anything worth having has to be earned.

In 10 years, you'll back at yourself, and ask, "What the fuck was I thinking"?

Beer is delicious and full of vitamins.

Smirnoff Ice, Mike's Hard Lemonade and other such drinks are not delicious, and are full of cancer and dead babies.

You aren't going to change the world.

If you talk long enough, people are going to start ignoring you. Brevity is your friend.

Stay off my lawn!

08-27-2007, 10:50 PM
Wear sunscreen.

Matt O'Keefe
08-27-2007, 10:52 PM
"Because you're right" or any variation of it is never an excuse to criticize people.

Jason California
08-27-2007, 10:54 PM
Life is to short to spend it bitching at people.

08-27-2007, 10:55 PM
Learn to choose your battles. Arguing all the time just pisses people off, but if you're mostly cool-headed, when you argue, people will actually listen.


08-27-2007, 10:55 PM
Take time to question your own opinions....regularly.


Matt O'Keefe
08-27-2007, 10:57 PM
People are inherently assholes, all of them.

Screw opposable thumbs, the power to choose is what seperates us from animals.

08-27-2007, 10:59 PM
Don't play your music at full volume all the time.


what'd you say?

Joe Kalicki
08-27-2007, 11:02 PM
Eat your greens.

It's always good to practice puking before you start drinking.

08-27-2007, 11:16 PM
Just because you think it sucks now doesn't mean you think it will suck in a few years.

08-27-2007, 11:50 PM
No one really and truly cares what you have to say... unless you have a gun. And even then it's mostly just the people in the immediate vicinity and the wonderful group of men in body armor outside.

Which reminds me, always have an alternate escape route... for everything. This includes such activities as: Robbing a bank. Robbing a liquor store. Soliciting a hooker. Bailing on a hooker without paying. Bailing on a hooker without paying and taking all her money for the night. Crashing a party. Crashing a wedding. Crashing a bachelor party. Crashing a honeymoon (mad points there). Sleeping with a random girl at a party. Sleeping with a random girl at a party... who was really your roommates girlfriend and you were too drunk to notice... or care. Sleeping with a chubby girl (they got a grip!!). Etc etc etc.

The internet is not the truth. If you ever find your rebuttal in any situation being "Well, I read on the internet..." stop right fucking there!! You've just lost this battle, lay down your arms and surrender peaceably.

Everyone dies alone, even if you're not.

Liquor before beer! Liquor before motherfucking beer goddammit!

If you're doing straight shots of anything, it might as well be Wild Turkey. And not that pussy 80 proof shit, go straight to the 101. There's two things that will happen here, you'll either get stupid drunk, or much harder as a man, or both.

Hard work and dedication will always pay off. The amount of time it takes for it to happen though is always in flux. Sometimes you get there early enough to enjoy the life you worked for, and sometimes you're too broken a body to really savor it once you do. It's just how the system works.

This country is run mostly by really old men who have no grasp on what's really going on in the society around them and will continue to fuck you and those around you over strictly out of ignorance and a solid layer of spite. And because it's how they stay where they've gotten to.

You can have all the skill and confidence in the world but sometimes blind, horrible luck will just fuck you in the ass. It happens. Deal with it.

Punk Rock and Roll will save your soul. Truth.

You can't find any sort of "meaningful relationship" material at a bar... but I'll be fucked if I know where you can find it because everywhere else I look all I see are happy couples or single assholes.

If a beer isn't at least 4% alcohol, it's not worth drinking. All it's doing is filling your stomach with excess foam and fluids.

And speaking of beer, pretty much all Yellow beers produced in this country are ass. If you want decent ones, you're going to have to go to Canada, sorry.

Male pattern baldness is the biggest cockblocker in the world. Trust me, I know. :-?

This is fun, I'll have to think of more after I finish these reviews.

08-27-2007, 11:57 PM
Expect to get slapped when you try and stick it in her ass.

08-28-2007, 12:00 AM
when you take a shower...MAKE SURE YOU TURN OFF THE FUCKING SHOWER HEAD. unless you like cold water spraying your back when you're adjusitng the water temperture for your shower.

Jason California
08-28-2007, 12:03 AM
Sunshine Wheat is some damn fine beer.

Oklahoma ONLY sells 3.2

Blandy vs Terrorism
08-28-2007, 12:22 AM
when you take a shower...MAKE SURE YOU TURN OFF THE FUCKING SHOWER HEAD. unless you like cold water spraying your back when you're adjusitng the water temperture for your shower.

Or, just turn it on before you get in, and make sure you know where to set it so it'll warm up to your liking. :p

08-28-2007, 12:27 AM
Or, just turn it on before you get in, and make sure you know where to set it so it'll warm up to your liking. :p

or...turn it off so the next person doesn't get sprayed on the back.

Sam Little
08-28-2007, 02:36 AM
Roasted garlic is the only thing that is good for you that actually tastes good. Eat it a lot. But not immediately before a date. Really, you should probably wait three days before trying to talk up any chicks after enjoying tasty roasted garlic. It's even tastier with a little feta cheese. Feta cheese isn't really good for you though, so go easy on the cheese, fatty.

Shannon Chenoweth
08-29-2007, 05:53 PM
Shannon likes Noir because Bendis likes Noir.

I have this love hate thing for you Mike. :)

mike black
08-29-2007, 06:03 PM
I have this love hate thing for you Mike. :)

We all need something. ;)

08-29-2007, 06:08 PM
you go where the search takes you.

08-29-2007, 06:09 PM
Don't drop the soap. Unless you mean it.

08-29-2007, 06:16 PM
you go where the search takes you.

You're so vain, you probably think this thread is about you?

08-29-2007, 06:19 PM


Enjoy life.

Don't worry about everyone else and just live your own damn life.

And leave me and mine alone.

08-29-2007, 06:22 PM
No matter how fucked up things may become for you, just remember that somewhere, someone is envious of you because his/her life is 10x much worse than your own.

Someone is always going to disagree with whatever you think. About anything. DEAL WITH IT.