View Full Version : My husband's "cat rant"

08-14-2007, 09:50 AM
...it struck me funny so I thought I'd share.

It's been a while since you've seen or heard about our two wonderful furry 'children'. So please, let me take this opportunity to reacquaint you.

First we have Mr. Stay Fluft. Sometimes referred to as "Fluffs", "Fluffy", or just "The Boy". Not really a fat cat, but he's a big 'un. There's fur all over the place, and he has that intimidating, "built" look about him. We like to call him fat and make fun of his "big butt" because the boy is quite lazy. He is usually seen laying on something. Anything. Always laying. Only walking to the food bowl. Finicky, too - very much a drama queen when he's hungry.

Currently, his favorite place to nest is a duffel bag we took on our cruise. After returning from our trip, we dropped the bag on the floor, and he's taken to using it as a bean bag chair. We evntually had to crack that thing open and replace our dirty laundry with towels just to make the boy happy. It's a black duffel, which is bad because it shows all of his cat hair. Every. Single. One.

One must be on his/her toes when walking past the dining room table, as he likes to claw your clothes as you walk by. When this isn't putting holes in your favorite Dead Head t-shirt, it is rather painful.

Oh, and he's fascinated by toilets. I kid you not. A few months back, he was climbing on the seat, and accidentally flushed the toilet. And he's been awestruck ever since. We're pretty sure he did it by accident, because he just warily circles the toilet, trying to make heads or tails of the strange device. Best not to leave the bathroom door open, or else he'll be in there to investigate while you're trying to read the sports page. An odd duck, that one.

And we also have a female feline named Zoe. You can tell who named her, as I would've gone with "Beelzebub", "Little Miss Satan", or "Yoko". Quite the opposite of her deadbeat brother, that's for sure. She learned balance at an early age, and has used it to her advantage for some time now. She is quick, nimble, and dare I say......devious. A fraction of her brother's size, she is definitely the runt of the litter. Hobbies include scaling the screen door, nesting atop our kitchen cabinets, and making sure I'm never comfortable.

This morning, she leapt onto the counter, then the microwave, the fridge, and finally to the top of the cabinets. It was there that she started frollicking and making her "look at me - I'm so cute" poses. Well, I wasn't helping her down this time. She needed to learn her lesson. After running outside for a second, I re-enter the house, and there she is on the kitchen floor, staring at me. I wasn't gone 30 seconds. How she did that, I haven't the foggiest. But she didn't wait too long to make her next move....in the time it took for me to maneuver myself into the house and close the door, she took a running leap and started scaling the screen door. Now, once she hits the mesh, she doesn't let go easily. Clings for dear life is more like it. Suffice it to say we have our share of punctures in the screen.

No more than a few minutes later, she was in our bedroom, perched on the laundry hamper next to the dresser. I've seen this before, so I knew what was coming. "Don't you do it!" I said. Sure enough, that little she-devil leapt from hamper on the TV sitting on the dresser. That's quite a distance. And she covered it like a pro......and then proceeded to make the cute poses. I tossed her out of the room and not two minutes later, she was up there again. Same innocent look on her face. Just doesn't get old, I guess.

It is also ill-advised to get comfy on the couch, as you are now in the way of getting to the window. So if you're in the middle of a crossword, be prepared for a cat to start climbing all over you. And when they get nervous, the claws come out. And that just ain't comfy.

So be advised, should you ever come and visit our lovely home, keep in mind that you are visiting them, not us.

But other than that, they're just the most wonderful set of "kids" one can ever expect to have. They just fill you so full of joy and love that you don't know what to do with yourself. Please also keep in mind, that if I don't say that, then the wife will be angry. Angry accountants are no picnic.

When they were little...and sweet